Angel in the Passenger Side

This may sound really absurd to people, but I really think that every time I get into a car, I have an "angel" watching over it. Ok, I'm Hindu and we don't really have angels.

However, I've been driving since I was 16 and have never had an accident, though a number of near misses. And, even when I had a flat tire years ago and was stranded on Route 295 at 10pm, a friendly girl and her friends stopped to help us. I really feel someone's looking out for me in the car.

But, this week has been unbelievably shaky for me and my guardian is working overtime.

Saturday night: we're returning home from dinner and were driving down a residential area. Suddenly, there was a deer in front of us, frozen in place. Normally they're running across, but this one was right in the middle of the road. Fortunately, my husband deftly swerved around the deer in time. Afterwards, he said a prayer, my daughter laughed thinking this was part of the fun and I was shaking and on the verge of tears, truly grateful.

Friday afternoon: Picked up my daughter and her friend from school. A woman was coming out of shopping center lot (on my left) to make a left turn. I was going straight and I could see this woman inching forward. I kept thinking she'll stop once she see me since there were some other cars making a right into the same driveway. She started moving forward at a good speed and I honked, and swerved into the opposite lane! Thankfully no cars. Her car was so close to my side window! I shouted "You bitch!" and then remembered I had 2 little ones in the back. I quickly said, "That witch! I can't believe it!" (Next question was how did I know she was a witch)

Saturday night: we're returning home from dinner and we stopped at a red light. When it turned green, a car from the opposite direction was making a left turn INTO the oncoming traffic. We just saw white lights right near our car! Fortunately, the man stopped in time but just long enough for my husband to shout obscenities to him (then I nudged him to watch his language!)

I can't believe where these near-misses are coming from. I'm a very good driver, by the way. I'm steady and consistent - allowing my passengers to relax and repose and enjoy the drive! But, sometimes things are out of your control.

When Cup of Honesty Overflows

"Tell the truth!" "Let it out, you'll feel better" is what you hear.

But, is it always the best approach? Sometimes I think the truth is something that is best left served in measured doses.

The truth can be hurtful when said directly. I always wonder whether some things are better left unsaid and buried away. It's like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" when the ark was open. Prepare for chaos!

Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress.
- Mohandas K. Gandhi

A friend of mine had a confrontation with her father. She had to take some things off her chest about him and she did. However, he ended up avoiding her for some time. It was as if she took these heavy issues off her chest and gave it to him to carry. Instead of feeling lighter, she felt even more weighed down.

Another thing I have yet to see any good results is in the letter or email. "I wrote her a letter telling her exactly how I feel and what she's done to me." Yes, you feel great afterwards. Of course, the recipient gets the letter and is usually in shock and will never speak to you again. My suggestion for those folks is to write the letter, but do not mail it!

I just heard about someone who left this long, patronizing voice mail for someone. If you have something to say, don't let it be a monologue, but a conversation.

You don't have to avoid confrontations and conflicts, but do it with the intent not to hurt.

I believe in the power of words. I don't believe there is a shortage of words in the English language and if you take a moment to think before speaking, you can convey your point effectively. Sometimes it's better to say less.

I came across this last quote recently and it didn't really hit me until this week. I always had a problem with the notion of "forgive and forget." People think they've forgiven once it's been forgotten. And, one doesn't have to be a saint to let go of ill will.

To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid
knowledge that the one that must be loved is not a friend.
- Mohandas K. Gandhi

Camille Claudel

I watched the French film "Camille Claudel" this week and was amazed at the story. First of all, the film with gorgeous Isabel Adjani and Gerard Depardieu is intense and alive with romance and emotions. What these people do with clay makes the steamy pottery wheel scene in "Ghost" seem like a day at Color Me Mine!

The movie definitely drove me to learn more about the Camille Claudel, the artist. I love Rodin's work and will blog separately about him.

Camille Claudel (1865-1943) was an artist and a student and lover of Auguste Rodin. It was her entanglement with Rodin that caused her to suffer professionally and emotionally. She was overcome by paranoia, alcoholism and eventually, ended her days in an insane asylum. Interestingly enough, the asylum wanted to release her, but her brother and mother did not want her home. The movie showed she had a strong father behind her, which was not always the case in an era where women were not encouraged to pursue interests beyond the scope of marriage. He truly believed in her and pushed her to make her own name, independent of Rodin. There's some controversy on whether Rodin shaped her work or she his since their styles run similar designs.

To read more about her life, check this site for important events.
Here's another overview of her work at the Rodin Museum in Paris. (There's no need for me to reinvent the internet, is there?)

This is called "The Prayer" and it looks like it must have been an intense pleasure to sculpt. There's chaos and roughness around the face, which is surprisingly calm and composed. We have to wonder if that was how she felt -- her interior and exterior worlds in such opposition.

Another piece, called "The Gossips" led to an appropriate comment in the film.. There was a scene where she had her artwork showcased at a Salon and the patrons said the Gossips is so small, "it's like a secret that you can carry in your hand." One of the websites noted that Camille had stayed away from smaller more "feminine" sculptures and chosen the larger ones since they are more commanding and would put her on the same playing field as men.

I think I've been more taken by Camille Claudel because I love French art from that period. I've been to the Rodin museum in Paris and know her name. However, this movie brought forth the woman behind the art and she was just as fascinating and full of stories as her own work. I love Rodin's work, but I'm more than slightly annoyed at the man for what he did to her.

Anyway, I glanced through my Paris photo album looking for pictures or postcards of Rodin and/or Camille Claudel. I was surprised to find I had surreptitiously taken a photograph of Claudel's "The Waltz." I loved the movement, the strength in the arms and the entwined bodies. Quelle bonne chance!

Zen to Me (Part II)

So, after I had written the previous blog, I went to dinner at Romano's Macaroni Grill with colleagues.

The waitress was serving drinks to the table behind us. A glass of red wine slipped from her hands. It hit the table and splashed onto the man, who was wearing a white shirt, of course.
(of course.)

She apologized profusely and tried to clean up the mess, as the wine had fallen into the food. The man was in bit of shock at that moment and shook his head. She ran for towels and another waitress helped her. The man got up and walked to the front to get a manager.

He was a tall guy, late 20's/early 30's and he had on white shirt with a pair of perfectly faded jeans. He was there with a woman and a boy. He strode back to the table shaking his head.

When the manager came to his table, he bellowed, "Look what she did! I want all this comped! My whole night is ruined!"

The waitress was actually scared to return as long as the man and his party were still there. Other servers brought out the food for other tables. We ended up waiting quite a bit. My colleague who was facing that table whispered updates as to what the man was doing, since our backs were to him. Once that table left, the waitress came back and apologized to each table. Everyone at 3-4 tables just nodded and said they understood.

OK.. my Zen moment.

While no one particularly enjoys having red wine splashed over them (at least not in public!), was there a real reason to get that upset? She did not come to the table with the intention "Oh look at that guy! he needs to cool off a bit." Accidents happen.

Of course, like I said you don't know the baggage people are carrying - was he with a new girlfriend? were they planning to go somewhere else afterwards? will they be late now that he has to go to the mall to buy a new shirt or go back home?

Instead of receiving sympathy from other patrons, his negative energy made 4 tables and the waitstaff feel uncomfortable. If he had maintained his cool and calmly asked for the complimentary dinner, they would have definitely complied.

It's how you handle such situations that speaks volumes about you. I always remember a particular incident after college graduation. My friend Monika and I had gone to a Thai restaurant with her brother and his then-girlfriend in DC area. I was immediately impressed with the girlfriend because she had such an elegant and mature air about her, while I still had that fresh-from-the-dorm look about me.

At the restaurant, she noticed a bug in her food. She didn't scream. No "eeeewwwww!" She didn't make a fuss. She didn't call the health department to shut them down.

She said "Oh, no" quietly and showed it to her boyfriend for a second opinion. He confirmed it was so. She waved the waiter over.

"Excuse me, can you please bring me another dish. There's a bug in this one." and pointed to the plate. The waiter was shocked and immediately replaced it. She continued the conversation as normal.

She handled the situation so gracefully. I wish I could remember her name, but I remember her actions more. That's what I mean about leaving an impression.


By the way, I've gotten notes about the quotes in the previous blog. We have a corporate website that has a daily quote. Whenever I like the quote, I copy/paste it into my Quotes.txt file. So, it's great to have a handy collection that has grown over the years.

Zen to Me

I read this article by Hope Davis describing her husband as the "Zen Master" and it resonated with me.

The symbol of Yin Yang represents me and my husband well. He's the fire and energy, while I'm the cool and calm. We're similar because we're both quite energetic Pitta types. I definitely look for balance in my life between work and home obligations, friends and family, physical and mental.

Patient. That's a popular word to describe me. I really believe in choosing my battles. There's enough stress in life that you don't have to create extra. I tease a number of people around me for being "drama queens." Is it really worth that much anger or anxiety? What is the worst that could happen? What is the best? Get upset about tragic injustices, not having to stand in the longer line.

By the way, I do get angry. Recently I had an all out shouting match with a painting contractor agent. She raised her voice at me and walked out of my house. I shouted, cursed and told her never to come back. I haven't been that loud and explosive in ages! Ironically, my husband was cool at that moment and said he had a back up contractor in line.

You'll break the worry habit the day you decide you can meet and master the worse that can happen to you.

- Arnold H. Glasow, author

I've been told my blog is too positive, but I think that's me. I am quite optimistic, but then it's probably because I'm actually a pessimist. I do know the worst can happen, but I will hope for the best. I'm always *expecting* the worst and so I'm terribly excited when it doesn't happen and am grateful for every moment.

You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
- German Proverb

If I can change a situation, I will try. If I can't change a person or a situation, then I believe I must make the changes I can -- starting with myself.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle

– Plato, philosopher

This relates to the Hope Davis article. When you meet someone, they are not coming to you with empty hands, ready to embrace you. They are carrying baggage. You can either take it from them or else hand them your baggage.

Actually the baggage metaphor is quite important. I think as people get older, we learn we have to drop those extra bags and be able to swing our arms freely.

Recently, I was extremely irritated by someone who I felt was not fulfilling an obligation. I just learned today there was a technological problem that was prohibiting this person, who was doing what was expected all along! So, I'm grateful I didn't say or do anything too drastic under anger. Until you know the whole story, you can't get angry or judge someone.

Life is full of choices.. our personal results, including happiness, depends on those choices.

(Now, I know some of you are probably saying "Get that Oprah magazine out of her hands!!" :-)

Metamorphosis

I came across an article about Beatles fans protesting the use of their songs in commercials.

One can be a purist and be offended. It’s as if someone is using the talent and genius of John and Paul as a coaster for a Starbucks mocha toffee latte. There’s also the personal connection people have to the Beatles. The song that meant so much to you during a heartbreak is now trivialized to sell diapers. It becomes a personal affront.

Mixing art and money is disturbing to some people, but I think that's been the history of art anyway. You think Michelangelo created work for free? Wasn't a lot of the art done at the request of the religious fractions done to promote religion or morals of the time?

On the other hand, one can just enjoy the metamorphosis of art and ride the wave. The other day, I saw an interviewer ask director John Waters what he thought of the new movie version of “Hairspray.” He cheered for it and said this was how art changes and grows. It’s gone from his cult movie to a Broadway show to Hollywood.

So, how is it different for "Hello Goodbye" becoming "Hello Goodbuy" for Target?

I agree with that since an artist creates the art and offers it to the world. Then, someone else is inspired by it and creates another piece of art. This is what I call “Art begets art” in another post, where my poetry was inspired by others' paintings.

I guess in order to appreciate the new versions, you have to let go of the older or else let them both enjoy the space. For example, you have Gwen Stefani’s version of Talk Talk’s “It’s My Life.” Then there are songs like Juice Newton’s woeful ballad “Angel of the Morning,” which was trampled upon by Shaggy. However, that's my preference, but it was how Shaggy was inspired to transform it.

It’s not limited to western music and art. Bollywood is on a mission to remake classic movies from the 70’s and DJ’s are constantly remixing songs from the 60’s with modern beats. Again, the purists flock forward and say, “How can you remake “Don” without Amitabh? Shahrukh Khan? Give me a break!” Then, you watch it and see the spirit of the original is there, but contemporary.

The other benefit of these remakes is the rebirth. It lives on in a different capacity. If it weren't for 2001 Space Odyssey, would today's generation recognize Beethoven's 9th Symphony?

True art evolves, doesn’t it?

Indigo Girls Lyrics

This song gives me chills.

The lyrics are powerful, but it's the soul in her voice that hits me deeply.

Georgia O'Keeffe's Red Canna seems to perfectly visualize the emotions this song evokes - external passions, inner glows, softness and vulnerablity, but strength and anger.

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Artist Name: Indigo Girls
Song Name: Blood and Fire

I have spent nights with matches and knives,
Leaning over ledges, only two flights up.
Cutting my heart, burning my soul.
Nothing left to hold,
Nothing left but, blood and fire.

You have spent nights, thinking of me,
Missing my arms, but you needed to leave.
Leaving my cuts, leaving my burns,
Hoping I'd learn.
Blood and fire

Are too much for these restless arms to hold.
And my nights of desire are calling me,
Back to your fold.

And I am calling you, calling you from 10,000 miles away
Won't you wet my fire with your love, babe?

I am looking for someone, who can take as much as I give,
Give back as much as I need,
And still have the will to live.

I am intense, I am in need,
I am in pain, I am in love.
I feel forsaken, like the things I gave away.

Blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold.
And my nights of desire are calling me,
Back to your fold.

And I am calling you, calling you from 10,000 miles away
Won't you wet my fire with your love, babe?

I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love.
I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love.
I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love.

Blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold.
And my nights of desire are calling me,
Back to your fold.

And I am calling you, calling you from 10,000 miles away
Won't you wet my fire with your love, babe?

Review: Science of Sleep

We liked Michael Gondry's “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” I’m loving Gael Garcia Bernal in "Y Tu Mama Tambien" and "Motorcycle Diaries."

So, what happened here? Honestly, I went to sleep.

Parallel Synchronized Randomness (PSR). Bernal’s character Stephane lives in a world of wake and sleep. He believes his neighbor Stephanie is picking up parts of his dreams, which is the PSR concept. The movie starts well, but then gets weirder. Some parts are fun, but bringing the story together is difficult. One site called it a romantic comedy, but I felt it was more about rejection - act of wanting and rejecting and hoping.

And if you’re like me and woke up in the middle of the movie, it’s confusing whether you’re dreaming or Stephane is dreaming or awake.

I liked Charlotte Gainsbourg who was in "Jane Eyre” with William Hurt. There’s something odd, appealing and endearing about her. I don't think anyone else would have been better suited for such a complex character. We really see only what Stephane sees/dreams about Stephanie.

I watched the DVD features on the making of this movie and it confused me even more. There is so much work involved in making a movie. There were intricate animated scenes that were shot separately and merged into the story. It was apparent these demanded extensive work to create and film.

The reviews on Rotten Tomatoes are pretty good for this movie, so we have to wonder what we don't get. I remember my dreams pretty well, so maybe that's why I was confused? Mine make more sense? Can someone make a movie about mine next?

Maybe we're thinking too hard and should just let our subconscious roll with it.

Baam!

Food TV, Disney and Travel are our default channels. If only Raven or Hannah Montana cooked up meals in 30 minutes on a boat in Indonesia, we could consolidate into one default! We also watch a lot of the offbeat shows like “The Manic Organic” (a new one I just caught the other day), Anthony Bourdain’s travels and this Zimmerman guy who eats anything that had a face (bugs, iguanas, cow skin).

We liked Emeril before he became “Emeril Live!” That program is so over the top because of the audience and the band. However, I have to chuckle when he puts “extra garlic” or “let’s add some more butter and olive oil.” The audience goes nuts! They start cheering! I don’t get that. It’s as if he’s giving them permission to enjoy the foods that are banned. Butter is bad for you, oil is bad for you, garlic keeps away vampires, chocolate is bad for you, etc. And, the way he says "Oh yeah, baby" is so seductive, too.

I have to wonder what my paternal grandmother, Sushila Ba, would have said if she were here. She was a simple woman from a small town in Gujarat. She was married in her early teens to a good Brahmin family that owned land. Her husband was a farmer and she raised six children, though she had more pregnancies.

Though she wore a widow’s white sari when I knew her, she figuratively wore the pants in the family! She ruled the house and her word was final, even her husband knew. My father said she had a sharp memory and an equally sharp tongue. Had she lived and been educated today, she would’ve been very successful in corporate litigation.

Anyway, I remember when she came to visit when I was 13. She would watch American TV, though she didn’t understand English. She would laugh at the commercials.

“How can they eat plain rice” as she watched Uncle Ben’s commercial.

During the Campbell’s Soup commercials she’d say, “Watch him. He’ll take a bite. Now he’ll show his teeth! Haha.. What’s there to get so excited about? That useless dummy!”

The Gujarati phrase, “show his teeth” was a favorite phrase of hers to say someone is smiling. She had the small town dialect, which added to it.

Anyway, food is very important in the Gujarati household. We show love through food, we show hospitality through food, we find comfort and camaraderie through food. Gujaratis are known for having the most sensually indulgent food – fried, sweet, spicy, and creative – there’s a perfect food for every occasion and time. Plus, overabundance and a varied selection are the foundation of the Gujarati meal.

(Note: to prove how much love there is in our homes, diabetes is rampant in both family lines!)

So, if Sushila Ba was watching Emeril, she would yell back at him. I know it.

“What spice? How can you do that? You simply put garlic. Is that it? Arre oh, Bhai-sahib, at least put some ginger and mirchi in. What is this?”

She would probably turn to me and say, “This food won’t have any swaad. How can it? He added nothing to it.”

Then she would probably break into a story about what they ate at the last wedding party and how many Brahmins they had to serve for good luck. And, how far guests travelled to come. Then, she would turn back to the TV and continue her critique.

“Why does he keep dancing? What’s wrong with these people? Just sitting there watching him cook? Then clapping? Useless people.”


BAAAM!!

Review: The Tiger and the Snow

We watched Roberto Benigni's 2005 film "The Tiger and the Snow" and have mixed reactions to this. He tried to use elements of "Life is Beautiful" set against the Holocaust back drop with the Iraq war. It's set in March 2003, right before the US invasion of Baghdad.

The romantic story is just wonderful. Do Italians and French filmmakers have the patent on capturing romance? Benigni plays Attilio, a professor of poetry. His lines about poetry (albeit in translation) and the importance of finding perfect words is beautiful and deeply resonated with me. The love of his life Vittoria (Nicoletta Braschi) is so gorgeous and alluring, but mysterious.

Vittoria goes to Baghdad and gets hurt, just as the city is being bombed. Attilo is called there by Faud (French actor Jean Reno), an Iraqi colleague. After that, I don't really understand what happened to the movie.

There's a lot of goofy incidents, such as riding on a camel. There were some Charlie Chaplin-esque scenes such as the one where he accidentally ends up in a mine field and doesn't understand what people are telling him. He ends up dancing his way out of the field. There's Attilo on a motorcycle strapped with Red Cross medicines and being mistaken for a suicide bomber by check point soldiers. There's Attilo getting caught in a detention camp. There was a lot of crazy incidents that were unnecessary and unbelievable. Unbelievable in the sense that it can happen, yes..but to one man, not really.

The idea is that he's so light hearted and infatuated that he doesn't notice all this. This was a similar element to "Life is Beautiful". There are a few dream sequences and the scene at the end is confusing whether it is real or not.

One nice quote was "You have to lie down to see the sky," which he told his class and literally lay down on the floor to demonstrate.

So, the romantic story is great, but we had to fast forward through the goofier parts of the Iraq sequences.

Fourth of July Fireworks

Happy Fourth of July!

As an second generation Indian-American, I am really proud and appreciative of life in the US and all the freedoms offered. I get angry at Americans who take the benefits of our lives for granted. You just have to pause to think of how many people all over the world are struggling, dreaming and working hard to come to the US. So many risk their lives to step upon American ground.

As a nation of immigrants, there is something definitely different in the American vein - more risk-takers, more dreamers who actually climb over the walls that confine. This has lead to our success as a country of entrepreneurs, industrialists and artists, just to name a few.

Today, however, I'm feeling more than saddened by the Bush administration. The corruption, secrecy, lack of integrity and value of basic human rights is rampant. Bush is ignoring the checks and balances that are the foundation of this government. Yesterday's clemency toward Scooter Libby just infuriated me. I don't know when history has seen such a man blatantly abuse the powers of his office.

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I've removed the actual text I had previously posted and just linking to Declaration of Independence here.

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When You're Off Broadway..

We had an absolutely agenda-free day in NYC to do whatever we wanted. We considered going to a Broadway show since it's been so long. However, getting knocked over by long-weekend tourists in Times Square and standing in line at TKTS did not seem so desirable on a hot day. Plus, ticket prices are so exorbitant that there's no real discount(at least in our mind) for all the hassle.

Instead, with an open mind, a Village Voice and a cell phone, we planned our evening. We sat comfortably on a park bench near a fountain. After considering jazz and comedy clubs, I spotted "The House of Bernarda Alba" under theater listing.

I was immediately excited because I had a seen this performance on PBS a few years ago. It was gripping and well-written story by Federico Garcia Lorca.

The Manhattan Theatre Source in Greenwich Village is a small theatre organization run by volunteers. We were able to get tickets for $18 and nabbed the first row. This meant the "stage" was actually the floor in front of us. (If any of the first row folks stretched their legs, they would've tripped an actor and turned it into an interactive performance!). The theater was cold, which was surprising and the audience was quite snug as it was sold-out final performance. The set design was simple, but gave the air of authenticity of a Spanish house.

Here's a great review of the show and here's an analysis of the story itself. So it seems almost futile for me to even write about it! (I liked the wiki one actually because it discusses the themes and symbols of the story).

I will say that when Joy Franz, who played the dictatorial matriarch, was standing in front of us, we felt her power. You didn't want her to see you because you feared her! Everyone acted phenomenally, bringing each character forth in her own individuality. With the final scene, I was on the verge of tears. Then, Bernardo shouts "Silencio!" and the lights fall. I was still stunned.

We were in awe of the talent of these actors. It's a difficult art and one must have that natural ability and passion to do it. I've worked with actors on a film project years ago and I was impressed with the skills required. These were aspiring actors and they were incredible. So, I can only imagine what it must be like to see De Niro or Streep work!

Anyway, we were so happy we went off the beaten path and found something so enjoyable. Then, we needed a great dinner in the city of restaurants.

We were walking around, reading menus in the windows and not sure what we wanted. While we were walking, we noticed Ciao Stella on Sullivan Street. An older Italian woman who saw us read the menu told us we should come in. She was with a customer who encouraged us as well.

"They have a singer," he said pointing to a tall, young Asian woman on a cell phone. She smiled back at us while listening to her phone.

"She's on break now. She plays jazz." they told us. "Piano and sings, too" when we asked further.

We said, "OK, we're just walking now. We'll come back."

Two elderly men sitting at the outdoor table with their wine glasses nodded to us. "Is good. You should come," rolled one man in an Italian accent. They probably planted themselves there every Saturday night. We just smiled and nodded back.

I peeked inside and saw the rustic European style walls. Shadows flickered from the candles. It reminded me of the set design of the play. Huh. Interesting.

They have live jazz.

Four strangers told us we should go in. How many more signs do we need to know we should go?

So, we did. And, we had a good and simple Italian dinner with a good Merlot. The menu was pretty standard, nothing fancy. We're not at Iron Chef Mario Batali's or anything. Yet, it was flavorful and satisfying. It was a great experience in an intimate setting -- the singer joking and taking our requests; talking to patrons across the tables; our waiter was a bello Italiano, too!

By the way, I found a review of Ciao Stella and it seems they chime with me!

It's definitely easier to follow the general path of Broadway show and dinner in the theater district. But, staying open and subject to change is great once in a while.

Thanksgiving in June

Why must we wait until November to be thankful for the blessings in our lives?

1. My life: My birthday is this weekend and I'm very happy to be healthy and blessed. I have two years until my 40th birthday (and my tattoo!).

We lost two friends this year who just crossed their 40th birthdays. It's important not to take our health - physical and mental - for granted. I'm motivated and determined to stay in better shape and am receiving positive support. I also promise to take better care of myself by scheduling my visits to the doctors and dentist as well.

2. My family: I'm grateful for the love and support of my husband and daughter. Our house is noisy and crazy, and as often as I yell "Quiet!" I know it would not be the same without them. My parents are wonderful and loving (and they're available to babysit as long as it doesn't interfere with the SaReGaMa broadcast this Sat!) I'm also proud of my younger sister and brother and their accomplishments. They've come along way and are definitely on the road to success. I know the road ahead is not easy, but they'll do really well.

3. My girlfriends: My wonderful girlfriends are always there. There are some who are an email away; we support and advise each other through our daily grind.

Then, I have a band of great local girlfriends. I'm known to be the Organizer - always coordinating our girls' outings and showers, setting up e-vite and excel sheets. I think it's so important for us to step away from our roles as mothers and wives to have some time time to be "girls" again.

This evening, they organized themselves to give me a surprise birthday dinner! I know it's hard for everyone to take a break from their family obligations (a cell phone still rings through dinner about a crying child).

So, it's even more special to be appreciated by friends. I've gone through different phases of my life with friendships and am happy to have such close and open relationships now. And, I can still hit my friend M who thinks I'm years younger than her even though we are born 23 days apart.

4. My career: I'm so grateful for the direction my job has taken this year. Last year at this time, I was overwhelmed and crying at my desk because I felt abandoned by so many people and my company. This year, there's been changes and positive momentum building. I'm amazed at the visibility and recognition I've received and how many doors are opening for me. It's amazing what a difference a year makes.

5. My Writing: Ok, this is the most incredible news for the evening! My poem "Tanzania" has been published in Thema literary book! I received this acceptance in the past, but I considered it like others I've received. I am hestitant to believe it until I see it.

Now, I see it and I still can't believe! I actually started jumping up and down in the kitchen when I saw my name on the book. My daughter laughed, "Mommy's jumping up and down!"

While "Tanzania" is not the best poem, it's a simple poem, written to describe a moment. I remember I had stopped at a coffee shop somewhere after a job interview on a rainy day.

I saw the book when I came home from work. I was actually reading while driving somewhere and it just filled me up with emotion. It seemed so different, and I could appreciate this from a distance. Seeing it in print, in a book made me feel removed from it. I'm used to seeing it in Tahoma 10pt font, all on one page. Not holding it in a book.

By the way, not everything is perfect. There are some major issues happening now, but I think it's important to accentuate the positive. Life will never be smooth. It's like the story of the man who stood in front of the ocean. Someone asked him, "Why aren't you going in?" He said, "I'm waiting for the waves to stop."

The waves won't stop, but you can still enjoy the warm sunshine, the fresh salty air and the grains of sand between your toes.

Bubbles (My Poems): Pottery Barn Days

Pottery Barn Days

These precious people live in homes with soft creamy linen slipped sofas
and clear glass cylinders brimming with white seashells
on the Espresso end tables.

The Ivory and Havana Dark Weave furniture enjoy the
clean ocean breezes, immune to the rage of elements.

They eat heartily at clambakes. Tables set
with colanders in a nautical blues and reds,
plump lemons for the lobsters and white pails to collect the shells,
and bottles of Pinot Grigio knotted with sand-dollars.

The catalog says it brings family back together.

On The Job Training- Motherhood: Tooth Update

The tooth fell out this week!

If you wiggle it enough and keep showing it off to your friends, it will come out. The teacher said there was a bit of excitement since some other kids have not lost a tooth yet and everyone wanted to see. They put the tooth in a ziploc bag, wrote "Annika's tooth" and put it in her cubby.

However, when I came to pick her up, it was not there. (My sister's theory is an enterprising classmate must have pocketed it hoping to get some money from the tooth fairy).

Annika was disappointed about that and I said we'll draw a picture of the tooth and place it in her toothfairy box.

In the meantime, she's happy to show off the "window in her mouth" to anyone and everyone!

By the way, I was planning to tuck quarters in the box. Now, I've heard the going rate is in dollars!

Michael Buble Lyrics

I love Michael Buble's version of "Feeling Good" from his "Caught in the Act" CD and DVD. The horns and percussion in the back plus his style make this song absolutely sultry and steamy.
(watch the video)


Feeling Good

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

*********************************
This is another beautiful song and I'm always moved by the lyrics because I think of people who are away from loved ones - whether it is due to immigration, employment or military deployment. I love the lines: And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you...Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough. My words were cold and flat, And you deserve more than that.

(watch the video)

Home

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby, how are you?
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

Conundrums

We know the chicken crossed the road, but is there a reason for geese to cross the road when they can fly across the street?
PA is covered by wild geese this time of year. We watch their goslings waddle behind them in May and by summer's end, they're stronger birds. It is charming to see the parent geese lead the family across the street: first, an adult goose sticks his neck out, scopes the scene. It looks clear. Another adult will follow behind cautiously, but a little more casually than the first adult. The flock of youngesters will come behind them.

However, when this occurs on two-way road leading into a major shopping center, it can be a problem. Traffic is halted, cars are sweering, motorists are confused because geese don't understand horns. Then, other drivers believe they know what the geese are thinking and try to go around them. It is sad to see a hapless and lifeless victim along side the road. I haven't seen any this year, so may be they are learning the local traffic laws.

My neighbor piles high her garbage. She has boxes, broken furniture and 2-3 large containers overflowing with junk, as if they're cleaning out the basement or garage. But, every week?!!
We're just amazed at how much garbage she has every week. She has an older house and her children are all young adults. Are the children bringing home junk from elsewhere? Our bigger issue is not her contributions to the landfills, but the placement of the overflowing cans. They place them at the corner of our shared road to comply with the garbage company's request. However, to make a left turn, one has to edge forward to see the road because the garbage blocks the view. If you can't see properly, you can either knock over the garbage or get knocked over by another vehicle you didn't see.

We just don't get it why they have excessive trash.

My daughter doesn't look like me, I look like her!
Since she was born, my daughter looks like my husband. Even with your eyes closed, you can tell she looks like him. But, every now and then, when I make certain facial expressions in the mirror, I am reminded of her. I think it's in the eyes. She does have my eyes, though hers are more almond shaped. I don't see myself in her, but I see her in me. Maybe this is one of those unusual side effects of parenthood - you absorb your child's traits.

On the Job Training: Motherhood -- Kindergarten Graduation

Yes, she is a Kindergarten Graduate! Her school had a small ceremony the other night. I was surprised to see the children had blue and gold caps and gowns! It was absolutely adorable. They sang a few songs, and then names were announced to receive their "diploma." Grandparents and parents all gathered around, armed with video cameras, digital cameras, and cell phones to record the moments. Lemonade and cookies were served and Annika took pictures with all her best friends and teacher. Her teachers gave a small box with a note: "Do Not Open Until High School Graduation - 2019 - No Peeking" I put it away in the basement. Someone remind me 12 years from now.

It's been a tough year for us with KG. She goes to public school KG in the morning and other school for afternoon KG. In December, the teacher at the other school left after many years. (They bought a house, and I knew no one would commute an hour to teach KG.)

The new teacher was older and experienced in teaching in private schools from preschool to 2nd grade. She had high expectations for educational skills and interpersonal skills. She kept a routine of reading/writing in the morning and math in the afternoon.

However, because of the part time status of majority children, this was unbalanced. As an afternoon KG student, she missed reading/writing activities, but had math every day. Annika was crying because she hated math. Seriously, doing math every day after lunch would make ME cry. So, she would be bored, not do her work and the teacher would complain to me.

I wasn't sure what to do. I'm working with Annika at home and trying to build a bit of enthusiasm about math. Seriously, if she's this against KG math, how will we survive until high school? However, I told her she had to deal with the teacher. She's going to have lots of teachers that she doesn't like, but has to get used to it.

Fortunately, this teacher left in May. The new teacher is a recent college graduate, so she's very eager and open. And, now KG is over.

I still have some issues with Annika's development - extreme lack of attention and focus. I'm torn because I do like these traits -- she's creative, logical, curious, can draw conclusions and is very smart. However, she's on another planet when classwork is being done. I've seen this in her violin class where the other children are sitting quietly, and she's squirming, picking at her bow, fussing with her hair. She misses the instructions and doesn't know what to do.

It's frustrating as a parent because I know she can do it. I know she knows her math, her reading, her violin. I've seen her ace these things, so I'm not pressuring her to do something outside of her skillset. All we want her to do is pay attention. Oh, meals take 30+ minutes to consume because she's talking or just dreaming.

My friends with older kids are telling me to chill out and see what happens in first grade. Apparently there's a leap kids take between KG and 1st. If she takes a hop in the right direction, I'll be happy.

Pan's Labyrinth - Addendum

I had browsed the Message Board at the website for this movie last week, but am just now able to follow up with some thoughts.

As an English literature major, a film student and art enthusiast, I love to look for symbols and meanings in art. What I love most is that the artist gives forth his/her work intending one meaning, but many more can be gleaned from it.

Also, artists are not solitary creatures - they are inspired by critical elements in our world, such as history, politics, literature, mythology.

On the message board, people pointed out different symbols in this movie. I don't know how many were purposefully composed by the filmmaker and how many were brought forth by the viewers.

Alice in Wonderland: Ofelia's new dress was reminiscent of Alice's dress in the stories. As she climbed into the tree, one expected a drop down the rabbit hole. Someone also pointed out the Faun is like the Cheshire Cat - leading in a quizzical manner and sudden (dis)appearances. I'm not too keen to agree on this one. I don't the Cheshire Cat had as much power or knowledge as the Faun does.

Greek Mythology: The Pale Man is much like the Gray Witches (the Graeae), who had one tooth and one eye between them. If you remember your "Clash of the Titans," Perseus had held the eye hostage until they told him what he needed to know.

Also, Persephone was snatched by Hades and taken to the Underworld. Part of the 'contract for her release' was that she should not have eaten anything. Unfortunately, she had eaten pomegranete seeds. So, she was able to return home for few months and then return. (It is during her duration in Hades the world falls into Winter because Demeter is in mourning for her daughter).

So, Ofelia was told not to eat anything from the Pale Man's table, but she ate some grapes, which unleashed danger.

Grimm's Tales: The Pale Man's table, laden with scrumptious food, is enticing to children as the witch's house in "Hansel and Gretel."

Spirited Away: I have only seen Miyazaki's "Spirited Away", and the opening scene where Ofelia finds an ancient mossy statue in the forest reminded me of that movie. Now, on the message board, someone explains Guillermo Del Toro is a fan of Miyazaki and this was a nod to him.

If you've seen this movie and have more insights to offer, please do!

Review: Pan's Labyrinth

A long time ago, in the underground realm, where there are no lies or pain, there lived a Princess who dreamed of the human world. She dreamed of blue skies, soft breeze, and sunshine. One day, eluding her keepers, the Princess escaped. Once outside, the brightness blinded her and erased every trace of the past from her memory. She forgot who she was and where she came from. Her body suffered cold, sickness, and pain. Eventually, she died. However, her father, the King, always knew that the Princess' soul would return, perhaps in another body, in another place, at another time.

And he would wait for her, until he drew his last breath, until the world stopped turning...

I watched Pan's Labyrinth knowing only that it won multiple Oscars (Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction and Best Make Up). And, that it was not a kid's movie and would be scary.

This movie was absolutely beautiful and its elements churned in our minds all night. I wish it were a book I had read first, since I find it easier to digest dark topics of fantasy and violence on page than on screen.

The story is elegantly made as it juxtaposes Facist Spain in 1944 with an escapist world of fairies and fauns. It is definitely violent and I shall admit to the blogosphere that I had the blanket over my head during some torture scenes and begged my husband to fast forward. Yet, it was the violence of the human world that was more horrifying than the mystical creatures. The true monsters were not imagined.

Ofelia, played by Ivana Baquero, was captivating. Her character was to be simple, but wise beyond her years. And, the young actress really brought this forth.

I loved Maribel Verdu who had played Luisa in "Y Tu Mama Tambien" (my review) and she was so powerful in this film.

I had heard comedians asking what's up with the imagery of genitalia in the poster. After seeing the movie, there is a strong current of birth, death, and rebirth. All of these symbols tie together and they come in different ways. So, yes, it is quite obvious motif as she walks through channels, holes and other symbols of birthing.

There's another theme of trust in a time of war and fantasies. Who do you trust? Do you trust a mother to always be there for you? A husband? A doctor? A faun? Can you trust a Princess to follow directions and not her natural impulses?

This movie takes magical elements "Harry Potter", the dark danger of "LOTR" and douses them with "The Diary of Anne Frank."