Diwali at Home - Laddoos & Cookies

Happy Diwali!!  Wishing everyone a happy and healthy new year! Here are some links on Diwali and the background. 

Growing up, Diwali did not make much sense. It was inconsistent, no one else celebrated it and it could not compare with Halloween and Christmas. Mom would make a special dinner, turn on lights around the house and have special pujas/ceremonies. Everyone would call to wish Sal Mubarak for the new year. All the jewelery would be taken from the bank and blessed - thanking Lakshmi and showing appreciation for the wealth we have. It was definitely acknowledged in our house, but not given enough encouragement I believe. 

 For my husband, who grew up in India, this is Christmas. Lots of traditions from special foods to lighting fire crackers to family and friends getting together. Plus per the Hindu calendar, he was born on the first day of Diwali. So, everyone always remembers his Indian birthday. (My daughter is born on Valentines' Day. The only memorable event I have for mine, June 30, is that it's the last day of the fiscal year). 

Anyway, for my daughter is a different world than it was for me. Sesame Street talks about Diwali. Elementary schools have Diwali displays. Employees are taking off on Diwali as a "religious holiday". There's more awareness and pride in this holiday. With my daughter, we're going to light candles around the house. 

We went to a party on Saturday and friends had sparklers and firecrackers which we lit in the yard. It was fun - and was my first time seeing firecrackers without a simultaneous radio or TV broadcast. Annika was a bit scared at first, but quickly got over her fears. 

I found a book about Diwali at the library and Annika and her daddy read it together. It was great later during the firecrackers and I asked (to no one in particular) what was going on when they were trying to light a firecracker. She said "Mom, this is just like the book. That's what they're doing," rolling her eyes and her voice in exasperation. Sorry. I missed the reading. A few friends and I decided to join forces and prepare some homemade treats at each other's houses - chuklis, besan laddoo, karanji. 

To get my daughter involved, we baked toll-house chocolate chip cookies - why not?. She helped me with the tray of goodies to bring to our friends' house - laddoos, pistachio sweets with silver foil and chocolate chip cookies. 

 While it's important to maintain one's heritage, it's exciting to begin new traditions. That's what being American is all about, isn't it?

The F Word - Feminism

This week we watched the documentary on PBS "Makers: Women Who Make America" and the videos can be found online. It's about 3 hours and I think I only caught part of it, so I'm excited the rest are online. My daughter did not watch it with me, but I'll have her watch this.

For me, I had a feminist awakening in college with my women's studies classes, which clearly defined situations. While watching this documentary, I remembered all these women from history, as well as the history we lived. I loved seeing Pat Schroeder's biography and miss her voice from the political arena today. It was inspiring to see this video because it reminds us of how recent the women's movement is in historical terms and the advancements that happened quickly. Once one  door was opened, others could follow through swiftly.

I'm proud to be a feminist and it comes down to a single idea: Feminism is giving women the choice to do what they want with their lives and not as it is decreed for them by society. If they'd like to be full time homemaker/stay at home mother, go for it. If they want to run a company or start their own business, they can. If they'd like to join the military and fly fighter jets, they should. It's their choice of how they want to live their life. That's it.

I'm dismayed by the next generation of young women who say "I'm not a feminism, but.." and they live their life enjoying the benefits of feminist movement. Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo!, says she's not a feminist. It's ironic when she's the female engineer and corporate executive. The early feminist movement fought hard for women to be accepted into science programs (there were limited quotas for women's admission). Plus, it was a challenge to be acknowledged seriously in the workplace. I don't know where she comes up with the "militant" feminists and "chip on shoulder" statement. Seriously, I'm not sure where she's seeing that - maybe there was an overly aggressive Women's Studies student in her dorm? I think we were all overly enthusiastic when we finally understood. By making this kind of statement, she's playing into the stereotype that feminists are militant and she's distancing herself from "those type of women". This is a crucial move on her part because it's doesn't threaten men. Maybe it's her own survival technique.

Frankly, "well behaved women seldom made history." Women had to be stronger and louder to be heard. Of course that made them "militant" and "lesbians" and "sluts" and any other name men could use to denegrate women to their "role."

When the next generation of women say they don't believe in feminism or think the world is just for all, they need to pick themselves up and walk over to another part of the world. Wait a second. Actually, sexism is still alive and well in the US. We saw that on the night of the Oscars with Seth MacFarlane's jokes about women's bodies and sexuality; there are a ton of articles out there but here is link to one that talks about "sexism fatigue"and how we don't even notice it. It was unacceptable and offensive, especially for a show. Unfortunately people thought he was funny because he had that charming smile on his face. (We were extremely offended by the 'boob song' when we have a 12 year old daughter watching the show. I thought Oscars were supposed to be family friendly?)

One of the sites/organizations that I follow regularly is Miss Representation. The film itself is astounding and enlightening (I saw this on OWN, but it's a must-see for all, men and women). I saw  films in college about portrayal of women's bodies in the media, and I believe I did a paper or two about this topic. However, this film made me realize that it hasn't changed much in 20 years and has potentially gotten worse. Now, as a parent, it's more alarming to see the sexism and "sexuality for sale" in the media.

Even though we're progressing socially, professionally, and academically, there are still reminders around us that we're still being considered "the other" and not part of the whole.

In one breath we can say we've come a long way, but the struggle is not over. Women are still held hostage by religion, by economic conditions and by political strife in different parts of the world. Like Hillary Clinton said, "women's rights are human rights" and should be treated as such.
 

Name It

With Quvenzhane Wallis coming into the spotlight, she brought her complex name into the media spotlight. There's been some discussions about media dubbing her "Little Q" to her directly. This shouldn't be a big thing when Jennifer Lawrence is now J Law, and you have Brangelina. On the other hand, here's one article about the importance of your name and owning it.The author brings forth this quote:

“Give your daughters difficult names,” Warsan Shire wrote. “Give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right … Give your children difficult names, so the world may learn how to unfurl its tongue in the direction of our stolen languages.”

Well, I'm one daughter who received a difficult name. Growing up in the US, when the substitute or new teacher paused while reading the attendance, I knew it was my name. It's fairly easy once you've understood how it's pronounced. Ye, I've heard all sorts of variations - Ashoni, Ashina, Ashanti, Sheena. When people asked if I had a nickname, I always said no. "Ash" reminded me of a plate of dirty cigarette ashes. In the digital age, I've accepted the nickname Ash or Ashi since it's easier to type.

Indians tend to call me Ashwini, since Ashini is so unique. So, my first comment is "no W". It's a fine name, but just not mine. So, they're just as confused with my name and usually call me Ashwini anyway.

Professionally, I haven't had any noticeable issues with my name. When I introduce myself on calls, I usually say "I'm Ashini, etc." I've learned to take a pause because some people thought it was Mashini. Recently I acknowledged a client who said my name perfectly out of the gate. He joked that he noticed one of the other team members calling me all sorts of variations on my name. When that happens, I take it as a flaw on the person's side - not mine. I have no problems saying my name.

With that said, I've had fake names in my back pocket if I don't feel like spelling or explaining my name to the hostess at the restaurant who just needs to put my name down or the barrista who has to write on a cup. I used to use "Ashley" or "Jeeni" (off my maiden name Jani). When I got married, I hijacked my husband's nickname of "Sandy" since I know I've started acknowledging that one when the hostess calls us.

Last week, I noticed something unusual for me. I was travelling for work and was asked by the Starbucks barrista holding a cup and marker, "Can I have your name?" I responded "AJ" and that worked. I loved it! I don't know where it came from. Those are my initials for about 3/4 my life, so it makes sense. However, it was buried and just came out when I was away from home and alone.

So, thanks for allowing me to indulge in my own name for a bit. But I think that's my response to 'give your daughter's difficult names". You may give her the name, but how she chooses to wear it will be up to her.

On that note, I love that Annika has been specific about the pronounciation of her name since she was little. She's Annika - rhymes with Monica and Hannukah. She's been called Ann-ika or A-nika, which are common pronounciations. Then, she surprised us by using "Nikki" as a avatar names.
 

Dignity Lost - Addendum

I forgot to add to my other post. There's a great quote by Gold Meir that's been coming to mind a lot recently.

“Once in cabinet we had to deal with the fact that there had been an outbreak of assaults on women at night. One minister …suggested a curfew; women should stay home after dark. I said, “But it’s the men who are attacking the women. If there’s to be a curfew, let the men stay at home, not the women…”
- Israeli Prime Minister, Golda Meir

This says it all. Why are all women being punished due to the actions of a few men?

It's like the attitude that is rising now after - Don't tell women how not to get raped. Tell men not to rape. Understand where the root cause is and work on that. All we're doing is a putting a band aids on the wounds, but we need to take away the knives that are hurting.

I also was disturbed this week by an article written by a father of young girls. He's brought more issues to light and more fears, acknowledging the culture has changed for this generation. Technology has made it too easy and anonymous. The pop culture now has more open sexuality and graphic lyrics. (New post coming!)

However, reading this, my thoughts are "Where are the boys' parents in this?" Why are their alarms of conscience not ringing that this isn't right and girls should not be treated this way?  You can work on preventive measures for the girls, but you also need to take preventive measures by working with the boys from the time they're young. They're succumbing to peer pressures and losing their own moral compass.

One of the key judges of a character is what someone does when they think no one is watching. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should do it. If you know you're better than that, you should act like it.

By the way, there's a brilliant video floating around from Modern Primate blog that is honest and real talk about the rape culture and young men. (Start at 2:00 to get to his real argument). I found it refreshing to hear a man just speak plainly about this.

 

Dignity Lost

There have been so many different news stories and issues that I wanted to address, I've been keeping drafts of blogs until I had time to write. This one seems "old" to me already, though it's less than 2 weeks old.

It's been heartbreaking to read the traumatic story of young woman in Delhi who was brutally assaulted and died from her injuries. This experience is what we don't wish on another human being. I'm so proud of Indian men and women who are speaking against violence against women and the misogynistic attitudes that reign in the streets. It's not going to change over night and will take some time. However,acknowledgment of the issue is the first step.

I was listening to human rights activist talking about violence against women in all parts of the world. A caller pointed out how Indian society added to the humiliation of the crime. The couple that was thrown off the bus was naked on the street and overlooked by passerbys. They were gawked by police and didn't receive medical attention until family stepped in. What kind of people do that?

The activist agreed this was shameful, but she said in her mind, this was the same type of humiliation that the young student in Steubenville, OH felt. There are videotapes and photographs of her rape and the rapists who participated. These photos were downloaded and viewed online by many people. Isn't that public humiliation? Where is the semblance of humanity in that action? What kind of people do that?

Here's another article that draws this parallel.

It's 2013 and as much progress we think we're making, we're not. To know that one person is still suffering misogynistic actions, we should all be ashamed for the lack of progress in the world. I read Hillary Clinton's farewell speech yesterday and gender equality was not forgotten:

And that is the final lever that I want to highlight briefly. Because the jury is in, the evidence is absolutely indisputable: If women and girls everywhere were treated as equal to men in rights, dignity, and opportunity, we would see political and economic progress everywhere. So this is not only a moral issue, which, of course, it is. It is an economic issue and a security issue, and it is the unfinished business of the 21st century. It therefore must be central to U.S. foreign policy.
I hope that John Kerry will not lose the momentum and focus the State Department has gained under Clinton's leadership. It is In the US, the "War on Women" was alive and well with 2012 political games. The Republican party has totally lost their footing on being rational. For example,  birth control became a questionable need for insurance coverage. I'm sure no one questioned the need for Viagara. Women's health is considered an afterthought and health clinics are used as political chess pieces, as I mentioned elsewhere. They shut women down to make 'problems' go away.

There is a great organization, The Girl Effect, that promoted this video. I think this says so much. If we want to progress as a global society, we start by helping the smallest members.

 

Keep it Real, Gun Owners

Recently, NRA and media have started talking about this incident that occurred in Georgia. A woman was at home with her children when an intruder with a crowbar came into their home. She locked the children and called her husband. He talked her through using the handgun to shoot the intruder, just as she had been trained. She shot the man until he was down and escaped the house with her children.

I'm happy this situation turned out well for her. She had her wits about her, she had been trained and she had a handgun.

That's where I think the national conversation goes astray. The discussion at hand is not confiscation of guns, but of regulation. No one is repealing the 2nd Amendment or diminishing the right to bear arms.

I have been reading articles on both sides of the debate, and I have yet to see someone eloquently explain why a civilian should own a military weapons.

The 2nd Amendment says I'm allowed to have whatever I want.

The first Amendment protects the right to free speech. But, Justice Oliver Wendall Holmes said: "The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man in falsely shouting fire in a theatre and causing a panic."  The 2nd Amendment doesn't allow you to bring a machine gun into a theatre. As a society there has be some mutual acknowledgment of boundaries.

I need to protect myself against tyrannical government

If we had a dictatorship in this country and the government was plowing down buildings, as they are in Syria, there'd be a justification for it. If we had government controlled media and access to basic resources that lead to crimes against humanity, as is the case in North Korea, I'd understand.

It's a shame that there are Americans who feel so stifled by the government and any laws. I do agree against overbearing government laws. I don't want the government to define whether adults can get married or not. I don't want the government to dictate medical procedures and constraints around decisions that should be between the individual and the physician. I'm extremely horrified that some states require doctors to perform ultrasounds to women who will be terminating pregnancies. And, I'm extremely saddened that women's healthcare centers are considered political chess pieces.

King George III is gone. In today's society, the best way to combat tryannical government is through education and cohesive action at the community level - not with guns.

Good gun owners don't kill. It's the mentally ill and illegally obtained weapons.

That's brilliant of Republicans to come up with this argument. Who is paying for the psychiatric healthcare required? What about the expensive drugs required for treatment? What's the role of pharmaceuticals in this debate? If they want to go down this path, they better be ready to support everything with it.

Give teachers guns, get rid of the 'gun free zones'.

The argument is to put up a sign on your house "gun free zone". Would you do that? It's like welcoming someone to come get you.

However, I heard an interesting argument yesterday by Michael Moore. If you have someone who is deranged and ready for a mass shooting spree, if you tell them there is an armed guard there, they would love it. This is a challenge for them. So, it's not necessarily protection, but an invitation.

Also, teachers don't need to handle guns. God knows their jobs are difficult, they're underpaid and underappreciated. Hire an armed guard. Sure, cities like Detroit and Philadelphia are shutting schools down due to lack of funding. They don't have money for books, which is a school's primary function. Who is paying for guards? Teachers do not need guns. End of discussion.

By the way, President Reagan was surrounded by high security guards, yet he was still attacked by a gunman in 1981.

The Open Dialogue

The gun control dialogue has surged. I'm excited that people are talking about this, and extremely happy that Obama Administration has taken command of this and set regulations in place. (See the slideshow)

By the way, for those who feel Obama overreaching liberties (bordering on tyranny) to pass these laws, remember that President Bush had slipped into the Patriot Act the right to wiretap into suspected terrorists. This seems right agains the 4th Amendment which guards against unreasonable searches and seizures, along with requiring any warrant to be judicialy sanctioned and supported by probable cause.


 "One failed attempt at a shoe bomb, and we all take off our shoes at the airport. Thirty One school shootings since Columbine and no change in our regulation of guns" - John Oliver.


 

Run With It (Addendum)

After I wrote that last post on Sunday, I went to my first cardio kickboxing class at the gym. The last time I took kickboxing was about 1999, when the craze started at gyms. I was overwhelmed and pretty much wrote it off. I took lots of other classes, but stayed away from kickboxing.
Now, I can't be as picky and need to look for classes that fit my schedule. This one did. The teacher was great and was aware of the newbies like myself in the class. She was looking at me when she told the class it was ok if anyone felt the need to stop if they felt like throwing up or something.

Anyway, since I had just writtent he post about not giving up, I stayed on track with the workout. My challenge with the workout is the sequence of moves and remembering right jab, left hook, touch the floor, kick it left, roundhouse right, and do it again double time. I felt like I need some memory exercises as well!

So, I kept in mind my favorite line from "The Odd Life of Timothy Green." In the movie, the boy performed extremely badly at soccer and his coach reamed him for it. He smiled and said, "I can only get better."

As I did my kicks, feeling as if my leg was going to snap from the hip like Barbie's, I kept thinking "I can only get better" and smiled. Just a bit of positive thoughts really helped. There were 100 negative thoughts I could've entertained myself with (e.g., the instructor probably had 1% body fat in her muscular self while I have.. cough.. more than that.. even the Asian grandma next to me is getting into the groove better than me.

So, I walked out of their remindimg myself I have "opportunities for improvement." Looking forward to next Sunday!

By the way, it took me 3 days to recover from the class and be able to move without pain. It was just in time for my zumba class tonight. My instructor had no bones in her body; she moved like she was made of springs.

Run with It!

Disclaimer: South African Oscar Pistorius is not a marathon runner. However, he's the most inspiring image for this post. 

 We've all heard the phrase - Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Marathon means running and endurance. Our life is not to just subsist and exist every day, but to get stronger and make progress. The sprinter needs to get to their short term goal quickly. Marathoners can take their time. And, they don't always make it or they may get broken along the way, physically or spiritually. The ones who break through the end have that look of incredulous pride as they're running with that ribbon stuck on their chest.

Everyone's running a marathon. I'm not referring to a physical running marathon a la "Chariots of Fire." We've got our own variations of marathons. We all have our paths in life. We have personal goals whether it's to lose 20 pounds or come up with the next Facebook concept or have a cupcake shop or just get into the corner office. Everyone's fired up this part of early January. Making changes in diet, exercise, careers to name a few. I do have a friend who is keeping his goals achievable by claiming his resolution is to try and drink scotch. 

1. First Step: I always joke that the hardest part about working out is tying sneakers. Really, once you get the shoes on, you can move forward with your intentions. When you've identified what your first step needs to be, it's bloody hard to do it. Sometimes it catches you off guard that you're being pushed into your first step. All you can do is take a deep breath and keep moving.

2. Stumbles: It's frustrating when you do feel like you're losing steam and not even sure why you're doing this. Somehow there's always something positive - perhaps very small - that happens that encourages you to stay on your path. These are the cups of cool water that are passed to marathoners. Runners drink or pour the water on their heads and keep going. Those are the little positive perks that remind you that you're not in it alone.

3. Are We There Yet?:  I'm in the middle of my own marathon right now - trying to keep my eye on the goal. It's frustrating because changes are not happening as quickly as I want. However, I've been encouraged recently that seeds I planted earlier are blossoming now. We have to go through this leg to learn patience and endurance.

4. Take a Look Back: Sometimes you don't know how far you've come, until you look behind you to see where you started. There needs to be an introspection and a time to congratulate and acknowledge your progress. You could be upset you've only lost 1lb after a week of hard work and have more to go. However, that 1 lb is 4 sticks of butter. That's amazing!

5: Finish Line: I'm not sure if there is a finish line. We are always realigning ourselves to new goals and achievements. If we don't, then there's no point in living.

I've seen many people who have lost that fire for their personal marathons. Their dullness and negativity is overwhelming. They just exist. It's awful because life is a gift that we've been given. We wake up every morning. There are many people did not do that today. You don't just take it for granted and live day to day in sameness, letting apathy rule.

This post is to encourage those who are setting personal goals and working towards them. Last phrase that I love: Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

Keep your chin up and not down. 

As The World Ends.. (Again and Again)

 To go long with the failed Doomsday prophecies blog post, here's a graphic a reader sent me.
Seems that historically there have always been folks worried about the end of the world. It's as if you could enjoy life, but you still must live in fear of it suddenly being snatched from you. And, once that fear overcomes you, that's become a new goal. So, it's a bizarre cycle - the need to have a goal which happens to be the end. The best part of these naysayers is that the morning after the failed prophecy, they just dust off and realign their deadline to a new schedule. I wonder if anyone ever used MS Project for this?

Source: OnlinePsychologyDegree.net

Fear and Consumption

The news has been saturated with violence, like bacteria that starts from within and turns into a plague. I feel like I've just been crying watching the news from the shootings of innocents in the US to mourning the little sister who was brutally raped and murdered in Delhi. I could dive into discussions on both topics, but I'll steer straight onto the situation in the US with violence.

They've been broadcasting "Bowling for Columbine" on TV since the Newtown, CT school shooting. It's amazing that this documentary was done in 2002 and all the observations are relevant, only the statistics would have changed. I saw this film years ago and ironically, since the gun control debates have kicked up, I was actually seeking BFC information. What exactly was the reason for increased gun violence in US, while Canada touts more hunters and they watch the same TV shows and video games?

In my mind, the answer comes from an unlikely source, Marilyn Manson. Here is the quote:

"... I think that's really ironic, that nobody said 'well maybe the President had an influence on this violent behavior' Because that's not the way the media wants to take it and spin it, and turn it into fear, because then you're watching television, you're watching the news, you're being pumped full of fear, there's floods, there's AIDS, there's murder, cut to commercial, buy the Acura, buy the Colgate, if you have bad breath they're not going to talk to you, if you have pimples, the girl's not going to fuck you, and it's just this campaign of fear, and consumption, and that's what I think it's all based on, the whole idea of 'keep everyone afraid, and they'll consume."

We've spent the 2012 being afraid. If Obama wins, the world will end as we know it and all of our freedoms and liberties will be plucked from us. If we hit December 21st, there will be an apocalyptic end to the world. And, oh good Lord, let's not forget the Fiscal Cliff we'll go over at midnight.
There's such a fear permeated through the media.

Marilyn is right about the commercials. They start off asking "are you victim of .." - being fat, having ear wax and using q-tips, having to chop vegetables by hand, etc. It starts at this level and then it goes to the news broadcasts. "Do you know what germs are lurking in your food?"

The common response by gun owners is that they have a gun to protect themselves. Why do they need the guns? They've been fed a steady diet of fear. This is the part I do not understand. If the US were under siege by its own government, as is the case in Syria, one should definitely have a gun. The rebels are defending their homes and families any way they can. In Yemen and other middle eastern countries, there's urgent situations and every day violence. I'm not seeing how or why middle-America with a Subway and Dunkin Donuts needs to have guns to protect themselves.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the
right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

As for the 2nd amendment, I've been doing some more reading into the history of the right to bear arms. Historically, people needed to protect themselves against the tyrannical rulers of the day. There would be a citizen's army versus the royal army. Also, the colonialists had British soldiers raiding their homes and again, it was a need of protection. The country was full of rebels breaking from the current regime.

In the gun debate with the 2nd amendment umbrella, it's important to note that in 18th century, they were using muskets. A skilled musketeer could possibly reload twice in a minute. We're not talking about the 21st century military weapons that make it possible to kill so many people so quickly.

Yes there are wackos and could come after innocent people with knives and axes. However, the difference is the survival rates are higher for a weapon, other than a gun. A gun's intention is to kill.

I don't believe stringent gun laws will be the immediate remedy. Right now, it's critical to get the guns off the streets. I hear reports regularly on the radio about inner city Philadelphia crimes - drive by shootings where bystanders are shot in their homes. We could talk about preventive measures, but the disease has already been spread and needs to be cured.

Circling back to my primary argument about the Fear and Consumption mentality of this country, it does make sense. Jon Stewart has made a career out of dissecting Fox News propaganda of fear. He did a whole show about the War against Christmas. Shouldn't there be an actual news story on the news? If they don't find a fear propagating story, they may lose their raison d'etre.

"After a Hurricane, there's a rainbow" - Katy Perry

What a week it has been! I keep thinking of how normal life was one week ago. Yes, there were news of impending storm, but we had Irene last year and made out ok. I can easily say, this was unexpected beyond imagination!

We are in PA so our area suffered slightly compared to others in NY and NJ. We have uprooted trees and power outages throughout the area. The uprooted trees that always stun me are the thick trunk ones with the roots that have gone deep into the earth.We were fortunate to have electricity (even though there was a tree branch precariously on a wire), and we could host friends seeking warmth, phone chargers and homemade corn soup.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning and just cried with relief that we were all safe. Monday night was rough listening to the winds and we woke up all night to make sure our power was still on. If we lost power, we'd lose our sump pump, which was running all day to extract water from our basement. With the howling high winds, we decided to stay away from windows and get blankets to sleep in the basement together. For me, social media was important - I kept checking all day to see updates from friends on weather conditions as well as their own power situations. A friend's husband was stuck out of state and she had to managing a midnight power outage and starting up the generator on her own. She and I were texting at wee hours of the morning.

Everyone has stories and this week has changed people. Before and during the storm, we ended good byes to friends with "Stay safe" message. Afterwards, when we meet each other, the first thing we say is "How did you make out from the storm? Is everyone ok?"

I have colleagues in NY & NJ who were hit pretty hard and we haven't heard too much except due to their limited power. Yesterday, a colleague in Staten Island was emailing me while waiting in line for gas. He said my emails kept up the spirits of "tired and frustrated man". He sent a note at 6pm saying that 8 hours waiting for gas and nothing. He has to try again tomorrow.

I'm reaching out to my network today to see how we could help (donate supplies or food). I'm in PA, but I'm a New Yorker and a Jersey Girl at heart. The fact that my FB news feed still has posts from friends without electricity and hot water and are displaced is disheartening.

With a Purpose

I recently finished Paulo Coehlo's "Aleph". I'm a fan of Coehlo and subscribe to him on Facebook, so I receive a daily inspiring quote. Some people may find him too preachy or too "all iz vell". But I respect him and enjoy his writing.

"Aleph" was a surprise because unlike the magical realism of "The Alchemist," this was all his personal experience. I enjoyed it on one level because it was a glimpse into the life of a writer - dealing with global publishers and fan following.

This book addresses past life connections and how they intertwine into the current life. It was interesting how he said he realized he had transgressions against 7 women from a past life and he interacted with few of them already. He realized that he had to engage with them in this life to resolve the pain carried over from each cycle.

I found this interesting and actually quite helpful perspective. We have such a notion of "one soul mate". I know someone who had gone to a psychic who said her then-husband had been in her past lives too. However, it was a tumultuous connection and they would keep meeting, but they are not resolved. Unfortunately, the marriage dissolved very quickly and they've parted ways completely. He wasn't her absolute soul mate, but they were souls that pulled toward each other.

There's another person close to me who had a committed girlfriend for a few years. This was exciting because she had a positive influence on him. He didn't have a direction in his life, and she really encouraged him to travel independently, continue his studies and find his dreams. During that time, he learned more about himself and gained more momentum. It was a delight to see them together because she received strength from him as well. There was such peace around the two of them.

However, they broke up. They parted amicably as they chose their own paths in different directions. Geographically they did not belong together, but for those few years, they were in the same city. Now, they were being pulled in separate directions (literally, across the country). The romantics in us thought he should've chased her down and proposed, or they both should've at least compromised and looked for alternatives. They are still apart, but quite amicable. Actually, we were all hurt by the break up because it seemed so right.

After reading "Aleph", I feel they were soul mates, but that they had a temporary purpose. They were drawn to each other for a specific period. They needed to help each other and this relationship set the foundation for their future relationships. There isn't one soul mate, but multiple souls becoming entwined. I do feel better about the break up since I know they will both find someone else at a later time.

I think of others who came into my life at various periods, and then they disappeared. At the time, everything fell into place, but then the universe pulls them away just as quickly.

Fields of Energy

"Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space"

Oprah has this quote posted in her makeup room. I've thought about posting this on my office door. However, how could we send out this message to people when we're not in a physical space, but our own space?

I blogged once about how I'm quite sensitive to the energy around me - if you're motivated and inspired, I will be too. If you're bringing negativity, I will feel it too.

Our personal challenge is how do we deal with the persons that are constantly negative. It's easy to say that we just cut them out of our lives. But, it may not be that simple as you may be into forced situations such as work or social settings.

We recently had an interaction with someone who is extremely negative and teeters on obnoxious (well, sometimes, falls over). We're in a situation with her that we can't extricate ourselves due to social entanglements. Therefore, it's a struggle to maintain our own positive energy while being subjected to pellets of negativity. We could clearly see the effect she has on people around her, and they look beaten down.

I suppose one has to put up a force field. I'm thinking of Violet from The Incredibles who finds this energy inside of her to put around herself and her family when being attacked. Go ahead, hit me with your insecurities, it won't penetrate us!

However, force fields can only be sustained while the superhero is focused on it. If we let down our guard just to breathe for a moment, we could get attacked. It's exhausting to repel the negative energy. And, my force field cannot be there to protect every one at every minute. This is like my previous blog about controlling situations. I can adjust my sails and step away.

An alternative approach would be to spread the positive. However, I've seen that people live via negative channels have put up a wall, not just a force field. They don't have to even focus on it - it's already built and protects them. You could keep sending forth positive messages, but they won't hear them. They may bring down a brick or two if they see that the coast is clear.

The fact that I'm even writing about this proves that I've been affected by this. If I truly repelled them, I wouldn't feel the urge to even write! By the way, I don't think it's necessary to bad-mouth people. I've seen that negative and incompetent people do their own advertising. It's quite obvious to other people, so you might as well save your breath.

There was a situation at work with someone who is notoriously negative and I say his project management methodology is "bullying." There was an incident where he broke me and I was deeply hurt. My colleagues rallied around me. The second time he attacked me, I had put up my force field and just stepped away to look at him. It was 9 a.m. on Monday morning and he was already fired up. He must have some baggage that I'm not aware of that is causing him to be so irrational so quickly. My colleagues were angry at his behavior, but I told them I felt sorry for him. We don't know what burdens everyone is carrying. His anger didn't change the situation, and actually hurt how the team worked with him.

I had read years ago that you should be the type of person you want to attract. If you want to attract depressing and miserable people, just send out the message you're one of them. If you want to attract more spirited and positive people, send out the message you're one of them.

I'm just frustrated that even if I want to be around positive people - and there truly are lots of amazing positive and vibrant people in my life - the Negative and Insecure still manage to weave themselves into the framework. I suppose that's part of life. Keeps us aware of who we are and where we want to be. Actually, I'm going to reach out to some of my positive friends today in order to "cleanse" myself of this negativity.

Adjusting Sails

"You can't control the wind, but you can adjust the sails"

This has been my mantra for the last two weeks. We've started some home renovation projects after doing so much research for months. We had flooring samples from different vendors, did the research online and with consumer ratings. We interviewed friends and designers for their suggestions on paint colors and did sample patches. We found contractors based on personal references, and followed up with others. We were in fortunate and unusual position of having 2 good contractors and needed to make a decision based on schedule, not price or competency.

They ripped apart our carpeting and vinyl to prepare for the hard wood floors. However, once they opened the boxes of wood, they brought to our attention the quality of wood. It was really inconsistent and poor. This led to a frustrating weekend for us, and lots of split decisions as our house was upside down and we had to make sense of it all. In addition to the wood, we had some issues with bathrooms, new appliance and a leaking basement ceiling.

Anyway, I don't want to go into details-- there are plenty of DIY sites out there. I'm focusing on the DIY inside. This was very stressful for us mentally and physically, and for my husband, it became spiritually exhausting feeling the collapse of a year of hard work.

Control Issues

I needed to point out that we controlled every factor that we could - the contractor, the wood selection, special situations that needed to be addressed, coordination of simultaneous installations/delivery of other components. All of that was done impeccably. However, we could not control what happened when those boxes were packed at the factory. Was the machine out of sorts? Were these returns? Did someone not understand how this worked? Did they mix up the boxes and send the wrong ones out?



This is when we need to adjust our sails. We could easily wallow in self-pity and blamed it on "bad luck" or "mercury retrograde" or even the Evil Eye or beat ourselves up for being plain old stupid.  However, all we could do is really clear our minds and work logically through the chaos.

To adjust your sails is to take control, but a different way.

One of my gifts in life is to be the calm in the center of the storm. This is not to say I don't become the eye of the storm every now and then! However, generally, I like Rudyard Kipling's If that begins  "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs.." That's when I usually step up to the plate - ease the energy.
Since I work in IT, this is a skill that used quiet frequently as there are stressful and uncontrollable situations constantly.

Part of being calm and rational is to be able to look at the situation and the options at hand. We had to make some decisions very quickly. You make decisions with the information you have on hand a that moment. You don't know the future so you can only predict based on what you know. At that moment, we had to make decisions based on current conditions. Now we look back and wonder what we could've done differently. But hindsight is 20/20, of course. It's easier to say "we should've done xyz" but at that moment we didn't know that at the time. 

I believe I blogged about this before, but it's not having control over situations that makes us anxious. When you're in the middle of chaos, you have to find some way to control what is in your power.

Deep Breaths
With regard to our house, we've decided to take a break for a bit and have scheduled some help on this. We've let go of the anxiety of deadlines and schedules, and opening up to whatever may be as long as the results are desirable.

I had a friend who said "Never make long term decisions on short term circumstances." Look at the big picture and you see where this fits in.

Nora Ephron Quotes

“I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
― Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

How great is that? 

A Tale of Two Helens and One Nora.

As I near my birthday, I realize another year has gone by and I become wistful..
pensive..
exasperated..
frustrated..
depressed.

I start realizing my own mortality and how the years have escaped me. And, the road ahead seems shorter than it used to look when I was 30. Where's my legacy, my notable career achievements, my great novel, or at least a considerable following for my blog. (While I love having 8 followers of my blog.. it's just 8. I've seen really lame blogs have hundreds of followers.. what am I doing wrong, aside from not posting enough?). I was supposed to have the svelte figure, Michelle Obama arms, and the ability to run a half marathon (it seems everyone is doing that on Facebook. I didn't even know some of these people owned sneakers let alone could hold their own in a race!) So, recently I've been wallowing in my despair and allowing these dreams to fall like deflated balloons. It feels like the road ahead is a lot shorter than the road behind me. Yeah even if you live to 100, but you're not really doing too much at that point. Physically your body craps out and you can't do anything but worry about your hip and not falling down.

Then Nora Ephron died this week. They've been playing her interviews and she was speaking on NPR:

"You do get to a certain point in life where you have to realistically, I think, understand that the days are getting shorter, and you can't put things off thinking you'll get to them someday," she says. "If you really want to do them, you better do them. There are simply too many people getting sick, and sooner or later you will. So I'm very much a believer in knowing what it is that you love doing so you can do a great deal of it."

For Ephron, there was a moment that helped bring that realization vividly home. She was with friends, playing a round of "What would your last meal be?" (Her pick, by the way: a Nate & Al's hot dog.)

"But (my friend) Judy was dying of throat cancer, and she said, 'I can't even have my last meal.' And that's what you have to know is, if you're serious about it, have it now," Ephron says. "Have it tonight, have it all the time, so that when you're lying on your deathbed you're not thinking, 'Oh I should have had more Nate & Al's hot dogs.'"

 NPR calls these "driveway moments." This is when you sit in the car and can't get out because you're engrossed with the radio story. So you sit in the driveway until the story is completed. I had my "parking lot moment" with Ephron. Yes, I need to do it now. There's no more waiting until tomorrow or next week or next month. I need to move the clutter in my life and do the things I love. (Hence, the blog post at midnight)

My second epiphany came during my art class on Wednesdays. I've been taking art class since Sept (shoot, I haven't even blogged about it and it's been life changing for me! I owe a blog about that one!). So, Jenn is my instructor and she said 2 ladies from her senior citizens class would attend the evening class this summer. So, I've met two lovely ladies named Helen. I remembered them from Jenn's story about the two Helen's painting each others work because it was signed "Helen". These two ladies are full of stories, opinions and light-hearted banter.

Helen #1 is early 70's, thick, light brown hair cut short and a ready smile. She's elegant and has a face full of soft wrinkles, but a strong body. Since the art class uses on of the dance studios, Helen went to the ballet barre and showed us the 5 positions and included a plie. Then she swung her leg over the barre! Helen #2 teased her by calling her a 'show off'.  Helen keeps extremely busy - she's active as a Township Supervisor, a number of quilting and arts group, has her swimming club and will be leaving for Okinowa to see her granddaughter have a baby in few weeks. She offered to buy her grandson a ticket provided he join her, and they plan to stay in hostels and eat local food.She's also going to be riding in a car for the July 4th parade representing the township.

In those soft lines on her face, I see so much enthusiasm for life. Aging gracefully doesn't mean you don't have lines on your face. It means you accept the life you're leading and continue looking for new adventures.

Helen #2 is probably the same age and is a larger African American woman. She's a retired nurse and her husband died and he was in police force, I believe. She's got white hair cropped short and an animated facial expressions. Her arms and bosom are big and you know those are the best kind for hugging grandbabies! (yes, I've seen pictures and the little girl has her nose). Physically, she has trouble moving but she's busy with her senior groups and cooking for potlucks. (Helen #1 said she was bringing a 5 cheese lasagna and then confessed it was Stauffers'. Hey, you don't have to do it ALL!.)

 She's a perfectionist in her art and gets frustrated so easily. She showed us her album of artwork she's done and I was stunned. Painting after painting was done beautifully. There must have been over 10 paintings in her album, and I'm sure there have been more that weren't in there. My one acrylic 10x8 takes me 4 classes to finish. These are large canvas paintings that must take hours. I thought "wow, she had time to work on these and make them so perfect." That's when I saw how many years ahead I had, and saw that Helen was taking advantage of what years she did have.

All my panic about running out of time faded. The Helens reminded me there is a lot that can be done in the time that remains. But I need to do it and not dwell on it. And like Nora reminded me, you need to enjoy every day because life is so short.

Must See TV We Saw

While flipping channels the other day, I stopped upon "Designing Women" rerun. It reminded me of the period in late 80's and early 90's, when I was in high school and college. At that time, there were some strong television shows that I think shaped a lot of my opinions and potentially, my lifestyle today. While we feel children are vulnerable audience to images on television, so are young 20-somethings.

Here are some shows that hold strong memories for me.Maybe there are shows like these out there today but they're drowned out by reality shows and vocal/dance competitions.

Designing Women: This show had funny and likeable characters, but also addressed big issues like sexism, racism, homophobia and AIDS. The episode I caught last week was about Mary Jo's significant other losing his job and she has to be sole supporter. It was a discussion on men and women's roles and how she couldn't handle that burden. Each of the characters voiced a different opinion on the issue, but with humor. You had Suzanne's "Southern old-fashioned" ideas parallel Julia's progressive ideas. I loved Dixie Carter! Elegant, composed, witty and charming. Actually, I liked all the women on the show.


Murphy Brown: Candace Bergen rocked! Murphy gave Republicans something to talk about when she had a baby as a single mother. She was strong, smart and fragile at the same time. I loved Faith Ford's character who played the optimistic, pretty young anchor and you could see her change over the 10 years.Murphy is a nod to Mary Tyler Moore - another show we loved in the 70's. Again, an independent female journalist facing a male dominated and opinionated forum. Murphy Brown was produced by the same team as Designing Women, so they weren't going to back down from controversial topics. Did I ever mention that journalism was my path not taken? I was grooming myself for it in high school, then cowed away from it in college. I have such admiration for all journalists.
 

Moonlighting: This was one of my favorite shows and probably the only time I really liked Bruce Willis (until "The Sixth Sense"). I wasn't that thrilled with Maddie Hayes as a role model nor with her shoulder pads. However, I liked her spunk. I remember it being really well-written and the dialogue was sharp. They were also one of the shows that addressed the camera directly, acknowledging the audience. That's always really cool writing style. Thanks to the age of Youtube, Maddie and David are still arguing. My all time favorite was their version of Taming of the Shrew where they wore Shakespearean costumes and paralleled their lives. Don't know why Bruce Willis went the path of action movies, when he could really act and we loved the quirky smirk.

Thirtysomething: This was on 1987 to 1991, and then played in reruns the years after I graduated from college. My friends and I loved this show and we were so upset when Gary died! I started watching this show when I heard that the two leads were in advertising. Did I ever mention that advertising was my other path not taken? I groomed myself for it in college with an internship, but never got a job in the industry. Anyway, they were a small circle of friends in the suburbs trying to raise kids, sustain relationships and career. Again, it was well-written and very realistic.I fell for the characters since I could identify with each of them - the moms, the single women, the artists, the career women, the friends. I'd love to watch this show now, 20 years later and see how my perspective has changed with this.

At the time I was watching all these shows, I was not sure where I wanted to be in my life. I could not think 20 years forward to where I am now -- juggling family with a demanding career and artistic pursuits. I definitely never imagined myself working in a predominantly male field of IT. My early paths were working side by side with strong females, so I know I have a right to be heard when I'm the only woman at the meeting table. Murphy Brown and Mary Tyler Moore did it, and Julia Sugarbaker taught me to remember to do with class. I learned from Hope Steadman and Nancy Weston that your children and family come first. I learned from Eliot and Michael that I don't really like what they're doing in advertising after all and I need to follow opportunities that reveal themselves to me.

It'd be great if there were shows like this today to show young people that you don't need people to judge or vote for you to be a success in your own life. We've redefined what success means (a viral youtube video seems to be the route to celebritydom).

Advice

Just when I thought I've opined on everything, I remember I haven't shared my thoughts on giving advice.

If you have ever worked with me, chances are you've spent some time in my cubicle.. pulling up a chair and talking to me about whatever is on your mind. I've been praised for being such a good listener. (Of course, this is a curse at times and for the past six months, I've removed the chair from my cubicle so I could actually do work and not have people yammering at my desk!)

I once heard a phrase that people ask for advice because they already know what to do. They're looking for validation or permission to do what they know they should. "Should I break up with my boyfriend?" Well, if he was that great, you wouldn't consider it, would you? "Should I go back to the store now and return the money I received accidentally?" Of course you should!

This is where the listening skills come in. Let the person talk it out and sooner or later, they'll hear themselves reveal the answer and the truth of what needs to be done. 

On the other hand, sometimes people are looking for true suggestions because they don't know what else to do. "How do I handle this situation?" And, chances are that someone else has faced something similar. There's nothing new under the sun.

I remember a great quote from Mrs. Carol Brady (the ultimate listener/advice bestower): Times change, but people don't change. So let's say there's a problematic situation such as someone has posted a video on YouTube and sent the link to everyone, and you are horribly embarrassed. This is not so much a situation of retracting emails and suspending videos. It's an issue of trust and communication. The hurt one feels is the betrayal of the original poster. Therefore, the core problem is how to handle the relationship and reconcile the feelings.

I'm the eldest in my family, but I tend to be the 'big sister' to a lot of my friends. I know others in my shoes would've been stronger advisers and would direct or guide my family on their decisions. However, I take more of the backseat approach and let them know what they need to do. However, ultimately it's up to them.

Much like my parenting style where it's important to lead by example. Sometimes I think people are so consumed by emotion that they do not always hear and/or register words that are spoken to them. Yet, they can see one's actions.

Faces Behind Facebook

So, Facebook killed my blog. You can see how the number of posts I've done has dwindled over the last two years. A quick status update or two with what's on my mind is much quicker than my whole blog post, over which I typically agonize and edit to death. So, now my blog can take revenge on FB!

It's How You Say It
Facebook's strength and success is not in its easy-to-use-and-so-consistent-interface (note the extreme sarcasm). It's really in the verbiage and labels it uses for different actions.

Example 1: You post something and few minutes later, you see "John Likes This". Now you think "Wow, that's so cool.. I'm so glad he liked it. John's a great guy and I'm glad I made him feel happy. Glad I posted it." This occurs continuously through the day.

What really occurs is the "Like" function hones in on people's need to please. You post something, your high school friend likes it.. you post again.. your college friend likes it. So by continuously posting and "liking", we're feeding our own egos and others' egos. It feels great to have someone agree and like what you did or said. Definitely come back later.

Example 2: "John Accepted Friend Request".
Wow. You're accepted. Isn't that what we all want in life? We send requests, we accept requests with nary a thought about what we're doing. Just riding the high of feeling connected to people who you really didn't connect with (or so you thought) last time you met, but now they've accepted you. All is good among you and your 1503 close friends. 


Take My Good Side


Everyone's status updates and profiles are what they want to show - photos where they look fabulous and younger, kids look adorable and their achievements abound, vacations are glamorous, etc. There are some posts I see that make me envious - such as friends on international book tours, recognition for prestigious career accomplishments, people who take off on Fridays in the summer. But, this is just a glimpse that people want you to see.So you always have to take things in stride and remember these posts are not representative of the whole picture. 

I was kind of surprised today when I read a high school friend's post. I haven't seen her in more than 20 years, but over the last two years, her FB posts have updated me on where she is in her life and we have a new connection. She's proud and excited mom of two teenagers, she sends warm shout outs to her husband on birthdays and anniversaries, she lost her father after a long battle with cancer, and she's developed a strong sense of her faith. So, I was surprised to see her post about her marital troubles and asking for prayers to rebuild their marriage. It saddened me to think of her in this situation. My first thought was "I had no idea!". But, how would anyone know? Why should anyone know? This is her business, no need to broadcast on FB that her husband left until she needed to tell everyone. She's been just showing the good side.

Yes, there are others who don't want to show the good side. I cried seeing another high school friend's announcement of her breast cancer and tried to reach out to her directly. She was one person (Most Likely to Succeed) that I've been trying to find through Google for the last 10 years. We were fortunate to meet last year and yes, she did succeed greatly!

By the way, it's painful to see I have friends who make FB updates about their cancer treatments.They have amazing attitudes and again, this is a side that we wouldn't know about.

You've Got a Friend..
 When I look at my list of FB friends with whom I communicate regularly (at least through status updates and posts), I'm quite surprised. There were some that I was reluctant to accept because I recall a bland parting or barely remember them. I casually accepted a request from someone who was a college friend of my best friend from high school. I may have met him a total of 3-4 times back in college and she always talked about him and said "Oh you'll like him because he's all artsy." Fast forward 20 years and I accept his FB request out of courtesy. Now, it's crazy to think that he's one of my active followers and commentators. Meanwhile, my best friend is MIA from FB.

And like a rosebush needs to be trimmed every now and then, so does the FB Friend list. I'll end here because I could add more about the generational gap, the need for privacy (or not), and just overall dependencies on the updates. I'll save it for another blog post. It'll force me to come back.


Enjoy the Beatles.. This song reminds me of one night my freshman year in college when my friend John strummed his guitar and sang this song to us in an empty dining hall.

John now posts pictures and videos of his musical adventures on FB so we're all connected again.

Folding Away 2011

It seems this blog compels me to do the year in review post and publicly declare what I promise for next year. In a way, it's great that it's documented.

I've been feeling that 2011 was just awash - didn't accomplish the goals that I needed to complete this year. There have been a lot of unexpected waves, and I've just been trying to surf on those. I recognize though that it doesn't have to be that hard. We've had challenges, but the power is in our hands. I know some people have challenges that are out of their control (debilitating illness, natural disasters). So, I'm fortunate to see the ones we're facing are controllable and that's frustrating if we're not taking actions. No one to blame, but ourselves.

Since I do document my vision for the new year, I see that 2011 had simple goals - "find joy, meaning and honesty." In that sense, I did experience joy this year. We welcomed a new baby, we had my mother-in-law visit and it was a true vacation for her, and we had another large family wedding and another one pending, a vacation to Mexico with friends and family, ski trips and beach trips. 

Personally and creatively, I found joy and meaning in my artistic voice. For me, art and writing have been my passions since I was young. I've always sketched in pencils or painted watercolors. It was a way I could just unwind and lose myself. In 2000 or so, I decided to focus on my writing instead of art. Once my writing takes off, I'll come back to art. I did let go of the art, but it never let go of me. It would come out in doodles on meeting notes, designs on cards and gifts. This September, there was an art class being offered during my daughter's dance class. It's a class on experimenting in series of mediums (charcoal, pastels, watercolor, acrylic). There's only 3 of us, including the instructor so it becomes a relaxing time to unwind and learn at the same time. My instructor often tells me to not be afraid to use color or be stronger handed in my lines. I didn't realize I would feel so shaky about this - what if it's not right? how do I know what to do? Suddenly a white sheet of paper is intimidating. However, I know this is part of me and need to trust my artistic instincts.

I've posted my art projects on Facebook and find it so fascinating that the friends I've made since 2000 are completely surprised by my art, since they know me only as a writer. My older friends know or probably possess some sketch I've given them years ago. I love to give away my art. There's always more where it comes from.

Anyway, art was the joy and meaning for the year. In the middle of an absolutely frustrating and hectic work day, I'll suddenly smile knowing it's Wednesday and I have art class. It's one hour that I have for me - sorry I'm not picking up my phone when my hands are covered in blue and green colors!

For 2012, I'd like things to move in a different direction. I'll definitely sustain the art, but I've let my writing falter. A book project that was in the works too a different direction and I don't know what will happen with that. However, I've received an invitation to participate in a poetry reading in February. I've taken this as a sign that my writing needs attention.

I've also done the unmentionable by telling someone about an unfinished story. My father said a true artist doesn't reveal the work until it's complete. There was another quote I read that said if you tell the story before you write it, you've killed it. Anyway, in telling this synopsis, I've got an eager reader.

I've got the basic resolutions for health and career - find that work life balance. And, in terms of my career, I need to grab it by the reins and control it. No more riding the waves - I need to get my own boat and start paddling. I've learned that people at work won't necessarily  recognize or remember how hard you worked on a project, sacrificing your family time. However, your family will remember when you were late or on the phone checking emails. I've grabbed a few books from the library about organizing my time better.

As for health, I've given myself a resolution to come up with a plan by next week. Then, I'll break it down into subcategories with dates on there.

There's so much more we could be doing and hoping 2012 will bring a lot of excitement and change.