I start realizing my own mortality and how the years have escaped me. And, the road ahead seems shorter than it used to look when I was 30. Where's my legacy, my notable career achievements, my great novel, or at least a considerable following for my blog. (While I love having 8 followers of my blog.. it's just 8. I've seen really lame blogs have hundreds of followers.. what am I doing wrong, aside from not posting enough?). I was supposed to have the svelte figure, Michelle Obama arms, and the ability to run a half marathon (it seems everyone is doing that on Facebook. I didn't even know some of these people owned sneakers let alone could hold their own in a race!) So, recently I've been wallowing in my despair and allowing these dreams to fall like deflated balloons. It feels like the road ahead is a lot shorter than the road behind me. Yeah even if you live to 100, but you're not really doing too much at that point. Physically your body craps out and you can't do anything but worry about your hip and not falling down.
Then Nora Ephron died this week. They've been playing her interviews and she was speaking on NPR:
"But (my friend) Judy was dying of throat cancer, and she said, 'I can't even have my last meal.' And that's what you have to know is, if you're serious about it, have it now," Ephron says. "Have it tonight, have it all the time, so that when you're lying on your deathbed you're not thinking, 'Oh I should have had more Nate & Al's hot dogs.'"
She's a perfectionist in her art and gets frustrated so easily. She showed us her album of artwork she's done and I was stunned. Painting after painting was done beautifully. There must have been over 10 paintings in her album, and I'm sure there have been more that weren't in there. My one acrylic 10x8 takes me 4 classes to finish. These are large canvas paintings that must take hours. I thought "wow, she had time to work on these and make them so perfect." That's when I saw how many years ahead I had, and saw that Helen was taking advantage of what years she did have.