New Articles online

I wanted to mention I have two reviews up on Desijournal.com:

"Mixed", a review of an anthology by multiracial authors

"Dor", a review of this film, which I had previously posted on my blog.

I've told my friends about my reviews.I was pleasantly surprised that one of my friends said he ordered the anthology from his library after reading my review. His library did not have it and will be getting it. By the way, I have a friend who always read the latest South Asian writers. I would ask him, "Where did you even find it?"

He replied, "I just go to the library and ask for it. Then they'll get it. They need to build up the multicultural collections, so they're happy to get it."

I love my library because it's so full of books by South Asian writers. It's crazy that I can't find David Sedaris, but Shyam Selvadurai and Monica Ali are right there.

Anyway, I'm happy these reviews are working and getting people inspired to read!

Words from Teachers

Recently, I went to a short story lecture led by Gunter David, a gentlemen and a writer with insight into literature and life. While discussing character development, he made a comment: People don't change. They may change their behavior, but they stay the same.

This echoed my grandfather's words to me the summer before I started college. He said, "You can't change people, but must accept them as they are." This has helped me a lot in life, especially when I was single and faced a lot of pressure to get married. My mom rolled her eyes and said I was "picky." Well, I was picky because I knew I couldn't change whoever I married. I would have to accept them as they were.

I heard a funny saying once: Men marry women hoping they won't change, and women marry men hoping they will change. So, it's about expectations. I didn't expect anyone to change, but have found we have. It's only natural that we start adopting traits of our partners -- he's become more calmer, while I've become more outspoken.

To take my grandfather's advice and couple it with Mr. David's advice, it makes sense. We are who we are and always will be. Yet, we've changed our behavior to work better together.

Another favorite quote:
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have of trying to change others.
- Jacob M. Braude, author

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Last night, I saw a Hallmark commerical about a woman visiting her former professor and telling how important he had been to her. People always talk about the "one" teacher that was so important to them, and I could pick out a few teachers I liked. I didn't find my important teacher until my first graduate class at Penn State in 1999.

Dr. S had experience in hospital administration and really enjoyed teaching. The dynamics among the students in our class was strong - everyone looked forward to being there and enthusiastically participated. He started the class by putting up silly slides for a game - for example, a picture of a computer had a tissue box and stuffy nose (answer: Computer virus). He had one guy keep score and at the end of the semester, gave out a prize. Yes, I won. I got a small Penn State photo frame.

The first day, he held up a picture of a waterfall. He said to visualize this waterfall cascading and how everything has a cascading consequence. It can go in so many directions. He would ask, "What is in the news?" Let's say, "There was 2" of snow and a 2-hour delay at the schools" Cascading consequences are: Some parents may have to go to work and leave their kids alone for 2 hours. Some parents might go to work late. If they go to work late, they might lose 2 hours worth of pay. If there is a delay 4x in one month, they could lose 8 hours worth of pay. One day income is lost within a month due to snow. What is the impact on employer? This can go on and on.

We would do these types of analysis on various issues. We also did role playing once where I had to be a hospital administrator and he played the complaining employee. So, I had to put on a managerial hat and handle the real-life situation he was throwing at me. It was unusual for me because for about 30 seconds, I fell into character -- I started reacting as if it were real. It was a bit of high (now I see what Meryl and Gwyneth mean about characters becoming alive). I was impressed with myself for thinking fast and combatting his quick come-backs.

Anyway, there were many other things I took away from his class. He talked about office politics and corporate power plays. He illustrated Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs by giving us examples from his own experiences. We think of a teacher talking to a class, but a teacher should also listen. He always listened and was receptive to our ideas and suggestions.

I took a break in 2001 from graduate classes to have a baby and then returned later in the year. In 2003, I was chatting with classmates at lunch about Dr. S and one said, "Isn't he the one that died?" I stopped and asked more.

It turned out that Dr. S was attacked by his son, who was deemed psychotic and delusional. I found news articles and it was upsetting to read about his last moments, My sympathies go to his wife for her ordeal. He was only 63.

The impact of Dr. S's death on me is realizing how noble teaching is. Teachers have a greater influence on society than we acknowledge. The cascading consequences of what we learn in a classroom are immeasurable. As long as all of his students carry what he taught, practice it and teach it to others, he will always be alive. How powerful is that?

If I had a Million Dollars

I love the simple essence of this song. It reminds me of being a kid and lying on the grass in a friend's yard and just talking about what we'd do if we were rich, old, famous, or Olivia Newton-John.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If I had a Million Dollars
by Barenaked Ladies
Listen

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had million dollars
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had million dollars
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things

They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame 'em
Uh, yeah

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would eat Kraft Dinner
Of course we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That’s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!
Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey)

If I had a million dollars
I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars
I'd be rich

Haikus in the Sky with Diamonds

After I got the taste of haikus, I started playing with some more words. I wrote these on the plane to CA last month, so you can see my inspirations. And, Henri Matisse's "Icarus" fits perfectly with the poem!

A mile-high sunset
scorches the horizon and
with a hint of green.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Had Icarus flown
at night, the stars would have bowed
and the moon cheered.

Favorite New Products

Here are some new products I’ve come across recently that I’ve been excited about (I’m blogging about food, so it has to be nutty).

- Snapple White Tea – Green Apple: This is so fresh, light and tart with green apple flavor. I nuked it for 30 seconds and it tastes delicious warm. Reminds me of hot apple cider. Best part is that it’s low in sugar.

- Kashi’s TLC bars Dark Chocolate and Cherry: Wow! I love the tangy cherry with dark chocolate, and I’m not a cherry person. Not too sweet, either.

- Altoids Dark Chocolate and Cinnamon – ok, is it a dark chocolate candy or is it a cinnamon Altoid? I love all things cinnamon, I love all things chocolate. So, I bought this hesitatingly, but it was quite nice and just melts.

Me-zuki, Su-zuki

We’re doing Suzuki violin lessons!

I’ve been looking for a musical avenue for Annika since she has an aptitude for music and singing. When she was three, she was humming a song to herself. Then she tried singing the same song in different octaves – going higher and lower. She can listen to a song once and repeat the melody. Both of our families have an ability for music -- my husband and his family sing and my mother’s side sings, while I took after my father’s side for music appreciation. Therefore, the grandmothers and relatives have been pushing me, “You have to get her into music.”

My response was, “Can she turn 5 at least?”

I looked into piano lessons, which are expensive (average $30/half hour). Plus you eventually have to invest in a piano. At this age, who knows what the commitment level will be. When I read her public school offered Suzuki Violin with only violin rental fee, I jumped. I played viola in high school, so I should be in a better position to coach her than in piano, which I don’t play.

The key for success in Suzuki violin is for the parents to be the “home teachers.” Therefore, parents must attend all lessons for the first 2-3 years. The classes will be 12-12:30 on Mon and Thurs – perfect, I can go during lunch, I thought. I do not like to schedule any activities on weeknights.

After I signed up, I learned that the music teacher goes to two schools, so Monday’s it’s at Annika’s home school. On Thursdays, I have to cut out of weekly meeting early to pick up Annika from her school, drive to the other school, have the lesson, drop her to afternoon kindergarten school and return to work. Maybe one of us will eat lunch.

For the first month, only parents attend so I do not need to do the extra chauffeuring. I reason with myself that I only have to do this until June because next year it will all be in one school. We’ll get through it.

The Suzuki Method

"I want to make good citizens.

If a child hears fine music from the day of is birth

and learns to play it himself, he develops sensitivity, discipline and endurance. He gets a beautiful heart.”

—Shin'ichi Suzuki

Currently, we’ve been learning the philosophy of the program. Dr. Suzuki taught in post-World War II Japan, and his intent was for children to be sensitive and caring individuals. He felt this could be done through music. His intent was not for a fleet of musicians.

The Suzuki method of learning music is much different than traditional music lessons. To give an analogy, children learn a language by listening, babbling, and then speaking. They begin with a few words and then can say sentences. They don’t learn to read until a few years after they’ve been speaking.

Suzuki method of musical instruction is the same way. Children will learn to listen and play music right now, and then learn to read music in 2nd grade. This way, their ears and memories are sharper and they learn discipline of practicing. We have a CD that is to be listened all the time so the music is drilled into their head.

The school offers suggestions and games on getting them to practice. You cannot force them to a rigid 30 minutes of practice. It should be an enjoyable experience for you and your child, so practice lasts while your child is happy to do it. If they get distracted or irritable, stop. One of the key things about practicing is that it should be your time with your child – let it be a time the child looks forward with you.

The philosophy is that it should be a nurturing environment. The teacher said, "Remember how you taught your child their first word. You repeated it slowly and often. And, when they said it, you made a big fuss and encouraged them to say more words. Same thing with music." The teacher assures us it works.

Me and my Viola
I started playing the viola in 8th grade when we moved to NJ. I joined the district orchestra by 10th grade, but I had to play with younger students. I think I was good for where I was, but it was hard since other orchestra students had more experience. I think there was only 2-3 orchestra members from my high school (Band was huge!) so I missed having that comradery.

Anyway, once I turned in my viola as a high school senior, I have not touched an instrument. I often missed not having a musical creative outlet. I’ve exposed Annika to western classical music since she was young since she sleeps with music. Not because I believed in Mozart Effect or anything. It was really to adhere to a routine. She would hear certain songs and know it was time to sleep. Hopefully, she'll stay awake during violin!

Anyway, I flipped through Annika’s music book and I panicked a little. I could not remember how to read music! Couldn't remember the strings on the viola, which are slightly different from the violin. In class this week, Ms. Anderson reviewed the music and the strings. All of sudden, I felt as if a switch was turned on and it all started coming back to me, 20 years later! I could slowly recognize notes again.

Regardless of my own viola experience, I'm starting clean with the Suzuki lessons. Just go with the flow and do whatever Ms. Anderson says.

By the way, Ms Anderson has a tendency to talk to parents like children too. We had to do a bow and stand correctly. First time, she went around and adjusted our poses. She asked us to get into our poses again and we all did it correctly. She clapped and raved! My goodness! But, I'll tell ya, all of us 30-something and 40-something people felt really proud of ourselves.. can't imagine how our 5 year olds will feel.

I would love to hear from any other Suzuki parents that are out there.

Wonder Women!

A post to commemorate another First Female milestone in our government - Nancy Pelosi was sworn in an Speaker of the House.

For me, I always remember Tip O'Neill and Newt Gingrich as Speakers, so this will change a lot of perceptions people have about women in government. I've finished Hillary Clinton's "Living History," and am really impressed by her talents and grace as a legal mind, a diplomat and a working mother. I don't know what her chances are as President, but politics is her lifeblood.

I've experienced a lot of 'first woman' and 'first Indian' milestones in my life. These are a handful that have made an indelieble mark - Sandra Day O'Conner as Supreme Court Justice, Madeline Albright as Secretary of State, Sally Ride as NASA astronaut and Kalpana Chawla as NASA Astronaut of Indian descent.

It'll be interesting to see what type of perceptions our daughters will have about women's roles in the world, if any. As a child of the '70's, I had read a book called "You Can Be What You Want." (something like that). I remember it said girls can be anything they want and had pictures of Indira Gandhi and Margaret Thatcher, and female doctors, construction workers, etc. We grew up watching and playing "Wonder Woman," "Bionic Woman" and "Charlie's Angels."

Nowadays, we don't think twice about being a woman and entering a different field. I have a lot of female friends who are in wonderful professions as surgery, dentistry, veterinary and the legal system. I've always pointed to my daughter that it's not just the 'boys fly rockets', but Indian "girls", too (Kalpana Chawla and Sunita Williams)

This is not to say that the glass ceiling does not exist, since it is at a higher levels. My friend had pointed out how a male doctor who was less experienced than her was offered a higher salary. The hospital did a song and dance to explain. She's since left that hospital and received picking up the pieces of our then-shabby company and polishing it. We do see a fair share of men, women and minorities in top roles. My team was great because the technical director and network administrator were women and ran the show.

When I changed careers from nonprofit to IT, it was a shock to work with many men, since nonprofit was led by more women. I worked for a top global consulting company and leadership was only white men. I didn't feel ethnicity was an issue since there were many Asians and South Asians in other IT positions. However, I would be in a conference room and count the number of men to women. It would be 10 men and 3 women. I always felt I had to work harder to be taken seriously and to be heard because I was a woman.

A friend who is now a father of a daughter said he can't believe how smart girls are. My thoughts exactly as I watch girls and boys develop. He was wondering why there aren't more women at the top and actually running the world. I pointed out that while doors are open and women have the knowledge and capability, not many women walk through them. Rather, they choose not to walk through them. Many step aside for a break to raise children or prefer comfortable and less demanding career roles.

We definitely want our daughters to think freely and not feel their brothers will excel while they can't. That reminds me of the idea of Shakespeare's sister from Virginia Woolf. Women were not encouraged to write at that time. What if Shakespeare had a sister who was equally or more talented than he was? Her voice was stifled. Actually, India's own Rabindranath Tagore had a sister, Swarna Kumari Devi, who was also a writer and activist. The world doesn't know her name, though her work was published and probably influenced her younger brother's works.

Like the women before us, we need to keep giving our daughters a voice and a forum -- we'll be amazed by what they can say to the world.

Firecrackers - 2007

The firecrackers are not only for rejoicing in the new year, but for different issues churning in the world that fire me up.


I'm Dreaming of a White January: First of all, I hate snow. I'm not a snow person - only thing I like about snow is padding around the house in wool socks and drinking hot chocolate as it quietly falls outside. Don't want to go out, don't want to ski or do anything. I'm all about summer and sun.

Where is the snow? I know Denver and Buffalo have already faced enough snow, but did they get our snow too? I live in the northeast and it is January 1st and we have not seen snow. I need to see the snow as an assurance everything in the world is ok. Forgive me for this blunt comparison, but it's like a menstrual period. It's not exactly fun, but it's an assurance that your body is working and is normal. If you don't get it, then you have to pay attention. Right now, I don't feel like Mother Nature's cycle is regular.

• "An Inconvenient Truth" - we watched this movie last week and it is shocking and surprising to learn the effects of the climate crisis. I'm really angry at the US for being in denial and not joining the world in its efforts to combat the climate crisis. As for individuals, check out this list of tips on small changes you can make to your lifestyle to help save the planet.
  

• Arctic Ice Shelf Breaks - The Alyes Ice Shelf in the Canadian Arctic collapsed and floated for 30 miles until it froze. It was 41 square miles and the tremors were picked up by earthquake monitors 155 miles away. Let's just think a second about the enormity of this. Manhattan Island is 20 square miles. Ice shelf bigger than Manhattan breaking off and floating. Changing the natural geography of the arctic. Yes, the earth has always been alive and changing and resculpting herself. Yet, not at this pace. What will be the impact when the spring thaw comes?
• Excerpt from article: "It is consistent with climate change," Vincent said, adding that the remaining ice shelves are 90 percent smaller than when they were first discovered in 1906."
  

• Polar Bears Becoming Endangered Due to Climate Change -- I'm not an animal activist, nor do I have Sierra Club calendars. However, we have to be alert to these issues. The bears can't find food, they're drowning because they have to swim longer distances between ice and land and becoming victims to the changes humans have accelerated to make.
  
• Excerpt from article: "We are not going to lose the polar bears," said Terry Root, an ecologist at Stanford University in Palo Alto, California.

  "We will always have individuals around in zoos and places like that, but we are going to lose the natural behavior of polar bears," she said.
  "We are so strongly affecting their habitat, their way of life, that they are going to have to basically become very similar to raccoons [which rely heavily on humans for survival], in the sense they are not going to be able to feed the way they have fed before, on seals and off the ice."

• Climate Crisis vs Global Warming - What's in a name? Everything! For years, it's been called global warming and frankly, that sounds nice. (Yeah, Boston is little chilly and could use a little Florida sun). Yet, it's not about everyone becoming warm. It'll be about a total climate change.

Has the US and the Media Lost Sense of Humanity: I made a comment the other night about Saddam Hussein's death after I read it online. In the morning, we watched CNN and they showed his last moments. We were shocked! The reporter says, "This is what Iraqis saw on TV this morning." Excuse me, this is what Americans are seeing on TV. Philadelphia Inquirer had full page of pictures. What is this?

These photos are not required. Tell me he was executed. Don't show me the rope being put around his neck. I thought we were a "civilized society" that did not participate in public executions. My friend pointed out that this is no better than those murderers who have been executing hostages and posting them on the internet. It's propagating the same behavior.

The Bush administration obviously orchestrated this even though they can say the Iraqi Tribunal who decreed this. Interesting time, huh? The Americans are tired of a war they don't understand and feel betrayed by their leaders. Republicans are demoted. They need to show the Americans, "Yeah remember big bad Saddam? We got him, you know? We know what we're doing. (gulp)"

The acceleration of Saddam's execution is unbelievable. How come Milosevic rotted in jail for genocide and war crimes? What about Idi Amin who had slaughtered so many people in Uganda? Augusto Pinochet lived to a nice ripe old age. No public hanging for them? I don't know what the criteria is for removing and executing tyrannical dictators. Phantom WMDs?

Is it 2007 yet?

What a year 2006 has been!

For my immediate family, it has been stressful year on the home, career and marriage fronts. It's been tough, but isn't that what life is? We're not all living the good life of a Paris Hilton and frankly, I'd rather not be. It's all been a blur since last May when everything started falling apart. However the stars began to shift in the last quarter, and we can see better now. This is the time to pick up the fallen debris and make our choices -- either toss it or use it to rebuild or find another one.

There have been many exciting and positive events in the year especially related to children and friends. We've built stronger bonds with our friends -- learning that their laughter indicates deep-rooted strengths we all should have. When you're down-to-earth, everything falls into place.

This year, we've watched in amazement as a child was born, while others took their first steps into kindergarten, high school, or just up the stairs. My parents hit a few health related road bumps this year, but were able to recover nicely and move on to their next adventures.

My writing efforts started off with a bang and reveleation this year, but then had to take second stage with other events in my life. So, hopefully, I'll be able to steer that back on track this year.

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By the way, my sister, friends and I have been superstitious about deaths coming in 3's. When James Brown died early this week, I wondered if there would be 2 more. They would have to be "legends." Then came the news of Gerald Ford, and I was a saddened. I was extremely surprised by his interview with Bob Woodward, which he asked to release after his death. I've always been impressed when people ask for such things to be witheld until a death. In a way, it brings a certain diplomacy to Ford's name that he did not want to give his opinion publicly. No doubt that his words and opinions would have ricocheted off the political walls.

Anyway, I just read Saddam Hussein has been executed. This seems more surreal than anything.

This makes it the 3 legends this week.

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This is a photo of a sunrise as seen in my backyard. The backside of the house faces east and we can see a beautiful sunrise from any window facing that side - bedroom, bath, kitchen.

We can also see the moonrise and an on full moon nights, our house is flooded with a glowing blue light from the moon. As the moon moves, there would be silvery light in our foyer at 3 am.

Just a reminder that every sunset guarantees a sunrise.

Happy New Year!

Christmas Songs

These are my top 3 popular Christmas songs:

1. "Do They Know it's Christmas" by Band Aid
Lyric-wise, this is lame. However, it was 1984 and I was in love with Simon LeBon. There was Paul Young, Boy George, Sting, Bono -- singers whose pictures I carefully clipped from Teen Beat to grace my bedroom walls. This song was played continuously and I mean continuously since the proceeds would help Africa.

And, we watched the video continuously as well, waiting for that glimpse of Simon LeBon followed by squeals.

2. "Last Christmas" by George Michael
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Wow.
Is there anything more heartwrenching than a true love betrayed? The line about this year shows he's moved on, has a plan, but is still looking over his shoulder.

3. "Christmas Wrapping" by the The Waitresses.

Raise your hand if you remember "I Know What Boys Like" and "Square Pegs"! I used to watch "Square Pegs" and if you can squint at oh-so-smooth Sarah Jessica Parker, you can still see a skinny geek with glasses and frizzy hair.

I love this song for its movement of the lyrics. It starts as a frustrated song with "Bah Humbag," but then moves through a year's worth of encounters with this guy. I love it because at the end she does get to be with the guy for Christmas. That's the kinda Christmas magic some people need.

Even though I'm thirty-something and married to a romantic and loving person, I still remember what it's like to be twenty-something and angst-ridden about relationships or lack of a relationship. Single people think married people were simply born married. They forget that we have been alone, sat by the phone, not sure whether to call or wait or deciding how to hang up! We've looked around a restaurant to see if there was someone better to hang out with than our date. Or, sitting on a train after a horrible date and wishing you were in a Meg Ryan movie and the right guy would simply sit next to you.

So, when I hear a song like this, it reminds me of all those moments of anxiety when my family used to sit around and wonder how are we going to get Ashini married. They used to complain to the nosey aunties, "But she's so picky!" There is an unbelievable amount of pressure to marry in the Indian community. As if being in an unsuccessful relationship wasn't tough enough, you add your own guilt to the unsuccess.

And, at the end of the song, she does get her guy. (Interestingly enough, my husband's family thought he'd never get married either because he is really "picky"!)

So, it's that same Sarah Jessica Parker-Square Pegs phenomena. If I squint hard, I can see a girl who can't believe she's married with a beautiful family -- she's still giddy that a guy kissed her.

Happy Holidays!

On the Job Training:Motherhood - Bratz, Barbies and Girlhood

A friend pointed me to this article by Meg Talbot, printed in the New Yorker: Little Hotties. I found absolutely realistic since I'm living this strange phenomena and the article is riveting because it dives into the history of popular dolls and how the marketers have controlled a generation of girls and parents.

First of all, I hate the Bratz. They're little tramps. They wear too much make up. They look like they got stung by a bee on their lips and are having an allergic reaction. They have no nose. Their eyes are just too alluring ("meet me in the bedroom"). They don't do anything except party and shop. What the hell are they all about? The article pointed out, "With Bratz, the company is selling the notion that divahood is something for girls to aspire to, with or without a talent to go with it." And, why do I want that for my daughter?

Annika started asking for these dolls when she was 4 and I said, "Not until you're six." She was cool with that and would tell her friends. Well, six is around the corner and I'm going to have to do a quick step now. I was hoping they would die down in 2 years, but these little hos have gotten stronger! She knows I don't like them, but I'm worried that my forbidding them will make them more enticing. However, I know where I stand on this and I can't allow or accept them. (I am publicly declaring that if she receives them as a gift, we will return them.)

She loves her dolls -- a few ballerina Barbies, a Princess Jasmine doll, a nice Madeline doll and she'll be getting some wholesome Wee Friends dolls. By the way, Holly Hobbie is back -- it's the granddaughter of the original Holly Hobbie! Nickelodeon has revived her and I think she's really cute. I have no problem with little girls playing with 'teen' dolls, as long as their belly buttons are covered.

On the other side of the doll spectrum are the American Girl dolls. I'm not a big fan of American Girl dolls either. Mostly due to the obscene marketing techniques. You buy the $100 doll. Buy the doll $50 pajamas, and then another $50 to buy another set of pajamas for your daughter to match the doll's. They do cool things like customize your doll - so we could get a "tan" doll with dark curls that looks like her. But why? I'm not a totally mean mom - I let Annika browse through the American Girl catalog and we did take her to the American Girl store on Fifth Avenue. We just look, we don't buy anything.

I think that article pointed it out succinctly:"American Girl dolls -- expensive, innocent-looking, and old-fashioned -- are on one side of a class and cultural divide. Judging from the families you see shopping at American Girl Place, the dolls appeal disproportionately to well-off white parents willing to spend whatever it takes to help prolong their daughters’ childhood. Bratz and My Scene Barbies, by contrast, are peddling the toy world’s version of gangsta chic."

Most of the women I've talked to whose daughters have American Girl point out it was a gift from a grandmother and now they're looped into getting the accessories. However, I did see a mom sit and circle items in the catalog, which she gave to her mother-in-law as a Christmas wish list for her daughter.

By the way, I loved playing with dolls myself. I actually played until I was 11, believe it or not. For me it was creating my own stories or enacting a story I had read. I loved to look for little objects throughout the house and turn them into items for the dolls. I remember specifically playing right before bed and first thing in the morning. My mom used to get so annoyed because I wouldn't do anything else.

By the way, I find myself in a weird position when I'm scolding Annika to get ready for school and she wants to play with her dolls. It's like those weird out-of-body moments when people are floating and looking at themselves. But, now I'm in my mom's place and Annika is begging for just a "little bit longer"!

Annika has a small dollhouse and at the time, she was too young to take care of the furniture and accessories. So, I had put away all the extra pieces. She still plays actively with the house and her miniature dolls, but she uses her imagination. For example, she has a shell collection from the beach and the large shells have become as beds for her miniature dolls. She picked up an old lipstick holder to use as a bed and mirror. She has Disney Princesses mix with a half-naked Mowgli and a tiny blue-haired Trollz . She narrates and plays all the roles. I know I had to nudge and show her how to play when she was younger, but she really took off with this. I love watching her play and be creative.

Isn't that what doll play is -- imagining and creating a world of your own. It's not the pumped up Diva or matching pajama or customized doll bullshit.

Little Women

Last night, I watched 1949 "Little Women" on cable. It has June Allyson as Jo, Janet Leigh as Meg, blonde Elizabeth Taylor as Amy and Margaret O'Brien as Beth. At that time, these were huge stars, even Margaret O'Brien was known child actress. The 1994 version with Susan Sarandon, Winona Ryder, Kirsten Dunst, and Christian Bale is also a fabulous movie.

I loved Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women" series when I was young. I remember hunting for "Little Men" and "Jo's Boys" at the library.

To those who are not familiar with the story, it's about a family of four sisters in New England in 1860's. The father has gone to fight in the Civil War and the mother, Marmie, holds the family together.

The central character is Jo, whom Louisa May Alcott based on herself. Jo is a self-assured tomboy and a creative writer. Meg softer and longs for pretty things, but bears the weight of being the eldest in the family. Beth is kind, generous and musically inclined. And, Amy is the youngest, free spirit and self-absorbed.

This is a great story of relationships within a family and outside. Yes, things are rosy sometimes and more often than not, they aren't. Also, the sibling relationship is so unique where brothers/sisters are close to each other to hurt them, but then also forgive and move on.

When I read these books I identified with Jo's passion for writing and storytelling. In the movie, June Allyson's Jo is telling Laurie why it's important for her to write and he doesn't get it. She writes in the garrett of their house, seeking her private space.

I also identified with Meg since I was the oldest in my family and you forever have to be "responsible" for others and set an example.

As for Amy, she makes me so mad. If anyone in literature deserved a slapping it would be Amy March for throwing Jo's manuscripts into the fire in a spoiled tantrum. Actually, there are many moments when selfish Amy should've been disciplined. (Come on, Marmee, wake up!)

Beth.. yes, dear kind Beth. My favorite scene about Beth is on "Friends" believe it or not.
Joey is reading "Little Women." He's enjoying the book and Rachel asks, "Did you get to the part where Beth dies yet?" He stops. He chokes, "Beth dies? How could Beth die!?" Then Rachel comforts him and takes the book and puts it in the freezer. Everyone loves Beth.

By the way, I tried to read "Little Women" again about 6-7 years ago. Somehow, I couldn't get through it. It didn't flow and seemed forced. However, it's probably because these characters are already embedded in my consciousness, I couldn't reintroduce myself to them if I tried.

We're all like Laurie - watching the March family from a window and wanting to be part of them.

On the Job Training - Motherhood : The Grandmother

When we went to CA, we left our daughter with my parents. They get to spend time bonding and we get a chance to be on our own. Total win-win situation!

Anyway, I was unpacking the bags since we had taken at least 4-5 bags for my daughter to take there filled with clothes, books, dolls, shoes and whatever she needed for a few days. I was unpacking her bag and figured I'd toss everything into the laundry.

Lo and behold, mom did her laundry! I was so happy to find washed and folded clothes in her bag.

Then, there a small bag of gumdrops and candy in there. Annika was delighted with the treat.

I looked further and found a small necklace and earrings that my mom had given to Annika. When I showed it to Annika, she said there should be one more flower earring.

I felt good and thought this is what going to your grandmother's is all about. I didn't have a chance to build a relationship with my grandmothers since they lived in India and died by the time I was 14. I feel closer to my grandfather with whom I kept up an airmail correspondence when I was in high school until his death when I was 18. So, in my opinion, I value the grandparent and grandchild relationship because it's something I did not know. Even though my mother-in-law is in India, Annika will have a stronger relationship with her through pictures, emails, phone cards and frequent flier miles.

Anyway, I felt all warm and fuzzy and called my mom to thank her. She said not to mention it because they are thrilled when Annika comes to visit.

Then, I got a 10-minute verbal lashing about "neglecting" my daughter's health! How she's "malnourished", smaller than other American kids, I need to feed her banana & egg milkshakes every day, give cod liver oil vitamins and if I sell Annika the idea she can grow tall and healthy, she'll agree to do everything I ask her.

Ugh.

Yes, she had good suggestions and I asked her what foods Annika actually ate there. It takes this 5 year old at least 1 hour to eat a cheese sandwich. She just loves to talk, but also likes certain foods only. I'm not worried about her right now - just the wasted time that goes into every meal reminding her to eat.

I think she'll eventually eat everything. I refused to eat tomatoes until I was 11. Healthwise, she has her growth spurts so I know she's growing well.

AND I know my mom is telling me this for our own good -- really, if your mom doesn't tell you something, who else in the world will care to? BUT, you can't help but feel your mom doesn't think you're a good mother. My father, on the other hand, gave me compliments on the way Annika is being raised and he could see certain things that I've taught her.

I think it's that whole mother-daughter communication gap. One says something and the other hears something totally different.

San Francisco Postcards from Home

We're back on the east coast and I wanted to share some more of our adventures. By the way, this is only my second time to CA (San Francisco both times).I would like to go to LA and San Diego next. I like San Francisco and CA as nice places to visit, but I don't think I could live there. There's something about the city that I can't connect to, though I know many people who swoon over it. When I visited cities like NYC, Paris, Venice, Montreal, and even New Hope, PA (which is a big village, not a city), I think, "Yeah I could live here." But with SF, I'm not feeling it. There's a latent lure to the west coast due to the career opportunities there. However, the funky landscape coupled with high cost of living makes our decision clear. We like the green rolling hills of PA and its quirky northeastern culture.

"Will Sell Husband for Wine" Country

My husband pointed to a t-shirt in a shop and made a glib comment that this might be something I would do. I paused to consider.

Last time we came, we did the Napa Valley wine tasting trip. We drove around, randomly stopping at small and large Disneyland type wineries, where you dodge the tour buses for parking and try not to trip over families on picnics. I was also pregnant last time I was there and kinda just stood around a lot since I couldn't partake in the tastings. I vowed this time would be different.

So, on Sunday, we decided to try Sonoma County wineries. We loved the open spaces, the quiet landscapes, you could see the olive trees all over and smell rosemary in the air. We definitely enjoyed this more than Napa.

Here are my picks from the wineries we visited:
Gundlach Bundschu - Chardonnay Sangiocomo Ranch : You take it as artistic license when wineries start describe their wines with "Complex aromas of granny smith apple, meyer lemon, pineapple and toast". However, this was on target - the crisp apple flavor was right there! This vineyard was beautiful and they offered a tour of their cave, which was interesting.

Cline Cellars - Marsanne Roussanne :This was the first one we visited and enjoyed the experience - it definitely looked like a beautiful place in the summer. I liked this wine for its fruity flavor and smoothness.

Cline Cellars - Zinfindal: We had tasted this at the winery and then found it at a "world market" downtown. We enjoyed this wine with Afghani dinner at Salang Pass. The guys loved this with the grilled kabobs and it went well with my vegetarian dishes. (By the way, the bolani at the Afghani restaurant was awesome - square aloo paratha!)

Gloria Ferrer - Blanc de Blancs : Ah, a sparkling wine! I had a yen for some bubbly when I had seen our hotel serving mimosas for a brunch. This was nice, dry and not very sweet. This winery offered an excellent view, though we could barely stand out there for 10 minutes before we ducked inside to warm up.

The Mystery Spot

We were told to go here. So we did. Kinda knowing what to expect, but not really.

Here's the deal with the Mystery Spot: there's something funky happening with the gravitational pull in that 150 meters. (I got a B in Physics in high school, so I don't really understand any of the magentic and gravitational explanations or lack thereof). Alls I know is the ball rolled up the plank! We thought we were standing straight but we were leaning about 40 degrees! I did a handstand on the wall and my husband was doing backbends (you have to take a picture when your husband finally bends over backward!!)

I felt really dizzy in the funhouse and felt like I was drunk - I held onto the railing. Gravity pulling the wrong way disturbs your equilibrium and I felt lightheaded for at least an hour.
We were annoyed that there were no signs warning you about this. If we were healthy people and felt dizzy, what about people with blood pressure issues, heart conditions or pregnancy?

There are no birds or animals in that area and the trees grow in bizarre formations - branches on one side only or one tree was corkscrew. See, nature knows when something is wrong and doesn't need a compass.

Check out the slideshow on the site and I can attest that all those pictures really happen. I wish I had more pictures to share, but our rechargeable batteries died in the middle (we were told the magnetic forces screw up batteries and cameras). We had to go get new ones. Here's a picture of our guide standing "straight" on a table.

Postcard from San Francisco!

I'm in San Francisco this weekend on a long overdue vacation. We're having a good time, although it is raining on and off. That stinks because it cuts short the walking, which is the most important part of sight-seeing in SF. We're struggling with our itinerary, trying to make the best of the non-rain weather (sunshine was shortlived). We saw the Golden Gate Bridge in cloudy, windy weather, from the distance with the sunlight breaking through and another in rain, which was not fun!

Anyway, the fun points have been unplanned. We ran into a parade of 100 or so "Santa Clauses" on Fisherman's Wharf. Apparently it's a pub-crawl "conference' but people were dressed (or undressed!!) in various Santa outfits. It was great and we took some pictures with them.

We did the pilgrimage to Ghiradelli Square and had super-rich hot chocolate. They should put a warning on the sugar/chocolate levels before you order a large. In Sausalito, we went to the No Name Bar and had fun chatting with Ilse the owner. (If you see her, tell her we said hi -- we're the group with the guy who couldn't drink beer because he was hungover from the hot chocolate).

We went to Chinatown via Lombard Street -- I held my breath and prayed on this roller coaster through the city because it was dark, rainy and we didn't know where we were going! How do you live in a street that is at a 45 degree angle??

Our friends had told us to go the Stinking Rose, so we checked it out. The food was alright, but atmosphere is fun. We had the garlic ice cream, which was like eating vanilla ice cream with a dirty spoon.

We asked the girls at the restaurant where to go since it was soggy and rainy. One suggested City Lights Bookstore.

We went to the bookstore and got lost in it. I used to say Farley's Bookstore in New Hope, PA was my favorite, but this wins! We were jumping up and down in the Third World Fiction room. We wrote down names of authors and books that we want to read. There were books that I had not seen on bookshelves - Amitav Ghosh's "Calcutta Chromosome", Samrat Uphadhyay, Nedjima, Anita Nair. There were anthologies of Modern Indian Literature. Plus, Orhan Pamuk and Naguib Mahfouz. I couldn't believe this collection because there were some obscure South Asian books that I have on MY bookshelf and did not get the popularity that Lahiri and Rushdie get, such as "The Dancing Girl" by Hasan Shah.

I was thrilled with the collection of literary journals. I'm always sending my poems and stories to journals and don't see these available at Barnes & Noble. So, I spent some time reading poems.

The poetry room was inspiring -- a whole shelf of Neruda! There was a lot about Allen Ginsberg and the Beat Generation. However, this morning I just read more about City Lights and learned they had published "The Howl" in 1956. They were right on the website -- this is a literary mecca!

So, we went into this bookstore to get out of the rain and it ended up being a worthwhile find.

Anyway, the sun is peeking in and out. Let's see where we end up today!

Firecrackers!

If "Bubbles" are my soothing expressions, then Firecrackers are my bursts of energy. Some people call these sections "random musings" but mine are not so random as I have thought about it.


1. Iraq Study Group
In a time where we have Task Forces and Czars as names of goverment committes, what is with the Study Group? This sounds like a group of people, cloistered in a library, surrounded by tomes and papers about Iraqi history. It's a soft word that reminds you of a Bible Study Group or a Math Study Group. I suppose giving them a softer name brings down the sense of urgency and the critical work they are doing. So if you're called a SWAT Team, chances are you're not doing much?


2. At the Gym
I go the gym pretty regularly and always like people watching. If I had my own gym I'd have some rules.

• Cell phone reception should be cut in the cardio area. How can you work on a treadmill and still be chatting? What does the other person hear: "Hey..puff..pant..yeah.. I'm at the gym..puff.. pant..no, it's ok..go ahead.."

• People should have novels removed from the cardio area. Again, how can you read "Da Vinci Code" while on the treadmill? People who are reading are also working at a really slow pace. Their heartrate is probably higher when they're sitting in front of a computer. So, you're not respecting your body by giving it a full attention work out. Also, you're not respecting the book because you're distracted and not giving it full attention either.

• People who have excessive amounts of make up, have a genetic propensity for svelteness and/or just come to socialize should have a separate area. They hog up the equipment by just sitting there and chatting or parading. Again, another unworthy distraction.
  

• Another rule is the dress code. I've seen a 65+ year old man wear a half-cut shirt with cut off jeans. He was in good shape for his age, so you have to applaud him. But, does fashion wisdom not come with age? I've also seen men who think Fruit-of-the-Loom shirts are appropriate work out weare and they're not. They're underwear. Muffin tops on biker shorts is also a no-no. Lastly, don't get me started on the dark socks with sneakers!! (I would hand out free white socks if I could).

3. Why do bands like Black Eyed Peas come on the scene with songs like "Where is the Love" and "Let's Get it Started" and then switch to raunchy numbers like "London Bridge"?

Haiku This!

So, among the many calls for submissions I receive, there was a recent one for haikus. Specifically, there should be haiku about wine (red and white).

The last haiku I wrote was in 4th grade:

Lonely boy and girl
on a rainy Saturday
Soon the sun comes out.

It was published in our 4th grade class magazine and I also provided illustration (a dismal looking boy and girl, peering through a window with their tears mixing with the raindrops).

Since then, I haven't written haiku, so I took some time to browse haiku books at Barnes & Noble. I remember haikus being about nature, trees, cherry blossoms and such. Those topics don't interest me, so I stayed away from the haiku. I was pleasantly surprised to find modern American haiku writers that took the Japanese style of 17 syllables and ran with it.

Here are some online samples.

Creative Haiku
Erotic Haiku
Ocean Haiku

Reading through these sites, I can see the seriousness of the art of haiku. I've been doing free verse for so long, it was hard to restrain myself. However, it was fun trying to force myself to think within certain guidelines. While poetry is all about selecting the right words, the syllable constraint made it tougher to choose the right word.

Here are my haikus. Even if they don't win and appear on wine labels, at least they made my site.

1. Red

So the Merlot turned
a pirouette, tossing
a bouquet in the air.

2. White

The Sauvignon Blanc
smiles and sparkles a bit
of summer in a glass.

Thanksgiving

My family doesn't have a fixed tradition for Thanksgiving; we're huge Christmas enthusiasts though.

When we were young, we didn't celebrate Thanksgiving really. It was all about turkey and my mother was vegetarian. So, we didn't have to celebrate it. There was one year where we didn't have plans and expected to go out for dinner. We were shocked to find all the restaurants were closed. So, we came home and mom whipped up something.

Somewhere in my teens we started meeting family friends, who served American and Indian food. You had roast turkey and apple pies next to shrikand and puri. It was funny how we used to love the American food, until we went to college. After that, we'd just go for the Indian food that we missed so much in the dining halls.

As kids we started our own customs. No one was allowed to eat until we went in a circle and said what we were thankful for. We snapped at newcomers who started eating. It started off as "I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for this food. I'm thankful for my friends." and over the years, people added "I'm thankful for getting into the college of my choice" "I'm thankful for my husband-to-be."

When the families started moving away for school, marriage, and retirement, the group dissolved. I think it has to be at least 10 years since the group met. After that, we've done Thanksgiving with my family or with friends. We haven't had a fixed tradition. The most we can call a tradition is sitting around with Black Friday circulars and planning our route. This year we're celebrating the holiday weekend with lots of friends.

Last year, we met my sister in Florida for the long weekend. It was great because she did a fabulous job going over the top with her china and elaborate fusion recipes. She "desified" the turkey and mash potatoes by adding masalas and we had an apple kheer. (I will have to post this recipe - it's to die for!).

This year, we're unable to meet her, and it's a tough time for her to be away from family and friends. However, I think it's the expectation of the holiday that make it tough. It's not about how big a turkey you can make or the stuffing or general concerns of American gluttony.

It's not about how many relatives you can fit under a roof. There have been psychologist and "experts" on radio and TV advising people how to handle stressful situations with relatives. I know someone else who was grumbling about going to meet her family for the long weekend. (If it's such a chore, why do it?) I know what it's like to have relatives that make everyone uncomfortable. Fortunately, two of them have become ex-relations to everyone's delight.

So, Thanksgiving is a lot like New Year's Eve. It gets so built up, and then if nothing spectacular or Hallmark happens, it leaves you deflated.

It's about being thankful for what you have in your life and who you have. It's one day where we have to put the brakes on and look around us. "Hey, I don't have X, but you know, I have Y and Z. That's not bad." We have family in India who are in our thoughts all the time. My family lives in other states. My college friends are scattered all over the country. So, while we're not sitting together and passing the stuffing, we know they are part of our lives. And they keep us strong and keep us going.

Thank you!

On the Job Training: Motherhood - Behind the Wheel

There's a soccer mom in a driving an unwieldy minivan, SUV or H3 - get out of the way!

True, lots of families are opting for the bigger vehicles to accomodate their family load. Car seats are the biggest instigator towards the need for room. Once you have 2 car seats in a sedan, it's impossible to get another passenger in there, unless they're Lilliputian.

Anyway, we've managed to stay clear of the minivan, though I always wanted an SUV. However, I test drove a few and felt they were too big for me. I'm only 5'2" and felt overpowered by this. machine behind me. My friend who is barely 5' loves her van and says that it makes her feel more powerful. Interesting.

By the way, we have a sexy silver station wagon now. The station wagon is our vehicle of choice because you get the space in the back and comfort of driving a car. I can call our wagon 'sexy' because Angelina Jolie drove it in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." So, yes, I often get mistaken for Angelina when I'm driving it. (not!)

~ Behind the Wheel of a Large Automobile ~
I had learned to drive in my father's ugly green station wagon. He bought it used for a steal and we kept it as a 3rd car. He said, "Learn to drive in this and you'll be able to drive anything." True. Just because I can, doesn't mean I like driving everything.

When I was in college, my mom's friend asked me to drop her to the Trenton (NJ) train station in her minivan and just take it home. Sounded easy enough. However, she took me to the station by an unfamiliar route and once I got there, I was disoriented. I started going the wrong way and ended up in the 'not-so-nice' area of downtown Trenton. The problem with "not-so-nice" areas is you don't know who to ask, where to stop or what to do. So, I kept driving around until I found streets that I recognized. Driving a huge vehicle I had never driven before made being lost more stressful.

By the way, just because someone owns a large vehicle does not mean they know how to drive it. Minivans and SUV's are parked haphazardly or they are driven too slowly or too fast. We had friends who traded their Toyota Sienna for a Camry. He said, "This was to make it safer for the people in our town." Apparently, his wife had banged way too many cars trying to park the monstrosity! I congratulate them for acknowledging that big cars are not for everyone.

~Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Yeah! ~
I have an excellent driving record. I received one speeding ticket when we were on our college road trip (my friends were great and all split the costs because they knew they egged me on to speed). I've been stopped a few times, but have been fortunate to avoid tickets.

~ Parallel Universes ~
I'll publicly admit I had to take my driver's exam twice. The first time I failed and cried uncontrollably. My father assured me that it was fine and he and my mom had failed the first time. "So, it runs in the family!?" I wailed.

The examiner said I did not stop at the sign (bullsh*t!!) and I messed up parallel parking (so I almost knocked over a cone, it didn't fall did it?). My father and I worked on parallel parking in the big green station wagon. Second time I tested, I sailed through it. I made sure the examiner felt it when I stopped.

At my daughter's daycare, they had a circular driveway for drop off and a parking lot on the side. With small children, you want to park close to the front door. So, you had cars, minivans and SUV's moving in and out of the circular driveway. This is where I truly learned to parallel park! It's cold, rainy, and there's just one spot in front of the door, in between two vans. I would suck it up and park, for my daughter's sake. Now, when I find myself gliding into available parking spots without thinking about it. So the protective instincts of motherhood helped me park!

Now, my daughter takes the bus to KG. We have a long driveway, almost like a private road that leads into our development of 4 houses. The school bus comes at the end of the driveway. She and I will walk or drive, depending on the weather. After she leaves, I'll drive in reverse and back into my first neighbor's driveway, and turn so I could drive forward to my house. I realized my reverse driving skills are improving and now I'm backing into parking spaces, which I always thought was too painful to do.

Again, motherhood is helping my driving skills! So, hopefully some of the misdirected minivan drivers will improve over time.

Dor - Review

We watched Nagesh Kukunoor's latest film last night and it's absolutely wonderful. It's as if you're watching a beautifully laid book on the screen - each page turns another wonderfully scripted scene.

The film starts in the lovely mountains of Himachal Pradesh, focusing on an endearing couple, Amir and Zeenat. He is a soft romantic and she is a harder than nails type of woman. She knows exactly what needs to be done, including how to win people over. The other couple is a traditional Rajput couple, Shankar and Meera. Their love and affection is so touching and charming.

Their paths cross when Zeenat embarks on a journey to seek Meera, a woman she's never met nor knows how to find. Yet she must try because she has everything to lose if she doesn't. En route, she finds Behroopiya, a struggling and comical actor, as a companion and conartist to help her.

The last character in this movie is India. The film takes you to where the clouds greet the lush mountains and you can feel the chilly morning air. You become envious of the villagers who live a simple life because what more do you need in life than those mountains? Then, the film sweeps us to the vast open deserts of Rajasthan. You could feel the dryness of the sand on your face and the heat of it beneath your feet. Again, the simple life of the Rajasthanis is also appealing.

The diversity of India is not only in her people, but in the landscapse. One country -- a fraction of the size of the US -- has Himalayas on the top, golden deserts in the middle and lush tropics and beaches in the south.

Gul Panag is absolutely riveting - you can't take your eyes off her intense ones. I've seen Ayesha Takia in bollywood films, like "Socha Na Tha," so her acting in this film shows her true potential. And, Marathi boy Shreyas Talpade is a lot of fun. I loved him in Kukunoor's "Iqbal" as a talented deaf cricket player. He's got a charming face and very open eyes.

This movie deals with sensitive topics such as treatment of women and widows in India. I think I wept through most of this movie anyway. At the same time, it's very beautiful and uplifting. I'm really grateful to the filmmakers for bringing the real women of India so up close and personal to us. The woman whose face is under a dupatta has a personality, a love and fire within her, which is more often suppressed by society.

I love Nagesh Kukunoor's films such as "Iqbal" and "Tein Deewar," which was so well written. (Here is my post about "Iqbal"). Actually, Kukunoor is a personal hero of mine as he was an engineer in the US and gave it up for his true passion in filmmaking. By the way, Kukunoor pulls a Shyamalan by playing a bit part in the movie. Eh, these guys need to just hire actors.

Bubbles (My Poems): A Mid-Autumn Night's Dream

A Mid-Autumn Night's Dream

A friend beckoned me to Cabo San Lucas. I wasn't sure.
"Come and see it. Then decide if you want to go."

There were islands there now. We could hop to each
by wading through crystalline waters.
Total wade time was six minutes.

There were warm breezes awakening the palms.
The edges of the brown sand melted into blue-green ocean.
My toes broke into the shimmer of the sand,
leaving an imprint to be washed away momentarily.
The air lifted and lightened everyone.

"I will stay!" I decided.
Yet, I only have the clothes on my back.
I'm not ready for swimsuit season.
My daughter is dressed only in an orange swimsuit.
What about food? Everyone else brought bhel-puri.
My husband and I now have to help construct
the underground passage to the islands.
A menage of friends, parents and Disney princesses
came to my side. It would be fine.
Think of the six minute wad.

So, I stayed until I awakened.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As a side note, this dream obviously indicates how much I long for a vacation! I'm happy to announce I'm slowly stepping out of my writing funk. (Thanks for putting up with the simple poem above!)

• Reading Hillary R Clinton's autobiography is a good mental palette cleanser. Historical and political Americana is always good for encouraging creativity. I don't find myself comparing my own writing to hers.
  

• Colored my hair one rich mahogany color. It was kinda uneven with some touch ups in the middle, plus natural summer highlights. Only two people noticed and they are really good friends. :-)

• Speaking of hair, I plan to grow out my bangs. Last summer, I ran into a hair stylist I used to go to in college. He said, "Are you growing out your bangs?" I told him no and gave my standard instructions for my bangs. He made a face. I asked, "Wait, why did you make that face?" He thought I should grow them. Well, fine, but not today. I have a big party tonight. So, against his better judgement, he cut them and gave me a fabulous hair cut (got lots of compliments!). Anyway, now I'm going to take his suggestion. I've had bangs since I was in college. No wonder people say "You look the same!" to me. If it doesn't look right, then off with them. It's only hair.
  

• I'm taking Monday off. My plans are to work on 2 articles and go to Marshall's to look for a new purse. There has been something especially freeing to tell people at work, "I'm going to be out on Monday." In reality, it's 8 hours. However, with my job the impact of missing 1 day could be actually 2 days worth. But, they'll survive.

• The Democrats have taken over the House and Senate, Nancy Pelosi is the first female Speaker of the House (in line for Presidency right after Dick Cheney!), Rick Sentorum is officially not representing me, my values or my state and Rumsfeld is gone! Britney came to her senses and kicked out the dead weight. Astrologers have been predicting November to be a critical month for positive changes. I think these changes on the national level give me assurance about upcoming changes on the personal level.
  

Block and Write

How ironic my 101th post should be about writer's block.

I usually tell people there's no such thing as writer's block. It's all self-imposed. Truckers don't have truckers' block. They just keep on truckin'. Writers have to keep on writing.

Since last Spring there's been a lot of things in my life on the homefront, family and work. I feel I've had to shoulder a lot of emotional and sometimes, physical burdens. I have had to be strong for a lot of people. Some of it has gotten better and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Others are still open and all we can do is hope for the best, knowing it will all come together in time. Nothing in life is permanent. Bad times end like good times end.

I feel that my creativity has been a victim of this unexpected stress. It's been sucked out. I've lost passion for writing and tapping into my creative Spirit. It sounds very Oprah-esque, but I really do believe in my creative Spirit.

When I write poetry, I close my eyes and type. I listen to my thoughts, not editing or correcting, just listening and writing. Oftentimes I open my eyes and am amazed by what I've written. I've found old poems and do not remember writing them, though it's definitely me. (Ok, now my faithful readers are saying "chick's gone psycho from the stress." Maybe.). I would write a few poems a week - sitting in a weekly meeting, waiting for a file to unzip or process. Whenever and wherever it struck me to write, I wrote.

Last April, I got organized about my writing and tapped into my project management skills. Organizing my poems was an overwhelming task. I have them on disks, on work laptop, home PC, work notebook, pieces of paper in the kitchen and wherever I was when the creative spirit moved me. My other problem was I would come across Calls for Submissions and would miss the deadlines.

I estimated I had 16 hours of poetry compilation into one master document. I don't have 16 hours to spare in my life. However, I do have 1-2 hours over 8 days so I could handle that. I created a Word document table to track submissions, highlighting upcoming dates, contact info and recording what work I sent (filename, date, etc.) I was quite on top of this and saw immediate successes to being organized. I started categorizing and indexing my 200 poems.

Now, it's Fall and the stress of this summer has zapped me. I was bringing working on spreadsheets rather than my creative efforts. I've had to write "Missed Deadline" on my tracking form.

I need to get back into my creative efforts, but lately my work has been book reviews, articles and blogs. I don't know if anyone has noticed by I'm posting other people's poems and not my own anymore. I preferred to redesign my blogsite rather than write when I had a quiet evening to myself. I picked up an anthology of poetry off my bookshelf and was so disinterested. I'm actually reading Hilary Clinton's book right now. (I've had my head in Rohinton Mistry, anthologies by Indian, British writers and multiracial writers for the last few months. I need to clear my palette).

I'm not sure what I need to do to kick start and wake up my creative Spirit. I've trying doing a Yahoo Search on "Writer's Block" and found some "ok" websites that tell you basic things. I searched "find passion" and ended up with personal classified listings (oops! wrong search words!).

I used to write about this stuff and give advice to others. I have a few books for writers. My favorites are Gail Sher, "One Continuous Mistake: Four Noble Truths for Writers" and Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird".

However, I don't know if that's enough. I need to find that spark, a fire, ma raison d'etre for writing. I think I need to do something different in my life - take a trip, take a risk or step away from the uncomfortable rut.

On the Job Training: Motherhood - Halloween Badmash 3

Shortly after I posted my last blog, she announced to me, "Next year I want to be a rock star."

I asked her if she knew what that was and she said yes.

"I just want the make up and the colored hair. You can spray it. I think it comes out. I'll ask Ashley. So I want to be Mermaidia and a Rock Star."

On the Job Training: Motherhood - Halloween Badmash (Part 2)

I had posted the comic below because it reminded me of Halloween when I was 5 or 6. My parents were working-class Indian immigrants and didn't really understand the importance of Halloween to a child. My mom took me trick-or-treating in a chanya-choli, as an "Indian girl." I wanted the Cinderella mask and costume but that was an unnecessary expense in her eyes.

In later years, my siblings and I were creative and made our own costumes from household items - hobos, gypsies, clowns and even a Greek goddess (I was a mythology fanatic when I was 12). We've always loved dressing up for Halloween and even did it in college. My friends and I trick-or-treated in the dorm and ended up with half a bag of chips and beer.

Anyway, we're having fun with my daughter, Bubli, who loves to dress up no matter what. (It's Saturday 2:30 p.m., time to put on a poofy dress.) So, just about every Halloween, she ends up with 2-3 costumes such as a princess, a cat, or Minnie Mouse.

This year, we talked about being a fairy and a Barbie princess. When we bought her the doll last year for Christmas, they gave a free costume, which I hid it until now. The dress was identical to the doll's, so she was thrilled. Her eyes widened when I showed it to her it was reversible.

For her fairy costume, she has a lovely dress from her ballet recital. It's olive green, small flowers and embroidery on the bodice and a soft skirt. It reminded me of a wood nymph or a fairy if she wore wings, which she already has. I mentioned the idea to other ballet moms and they said, "Wow. You're right. It does look like a fairy dress!" I had bought a Dollar Store a wand, so it would be something new. This probably won't fit her again so she should wear it this year. I'm done with my costume planning. Or so I thought.

Well, she wore her Princess dress to the Halloween party/parades at her morning and afternoon KG schools.

On Monday morning before school, we talked about her Fairy costume for trick or treating. However, she refused to wear the ballet dress.

"It's green. I'm not going to be the green fairy. I'm not going to be the yellow fairy. I'm not going to be the blue fairy. I want to be pink fairy!"

I pulled out the wings she had. "Those are butterfly wings! They're not fairy wings." (Oh, I had no idea.) I suggested we decorate the wings with glitter and gems. She paused. Then continued.

I showed her the wand. "Fairies don't have wands. Only Tinkerbell does." (Oh, so they just do magic without a wand?)

So, I suggested she be Tinkerbell! She has a green dress, a wand and I can put her hair up. "She's ugly. Fairytopia has long pink hair."

She proceeded with a meltdown and I was really mad now. I told her she would have to be "Indian Girl" if she didn't stop this behavior. I'm not going to buy a whole costume, but just wings if she wears the green dress. She was really mad at me and didn't even say good bye to me when she got on the bus.

Just a disclaimer here - in spite of the tantrums, Bubli is really a good girl. She's not a whiny or overindulged child, though she has her moments. However, she is a very strong and independent girl. Since she was 2 years old, the daycare had told me that Bubli knows exactly what she wants. I thought it was average stubborn toddler behavior, but they told me she has a different personality. She definitely has to want to do something, you can't force her. This applies to eating, taking a bath or getting dressed.

Anyway, I was asking a five-year-old to make compromises. I should have managed her expectations earlier - she had told everyone she would be Fairytopia and figured it was a store-bought costume when I never intended it to be.

I went to Target at lunchtime just to check this Fairy business. I saw she was right. Fairytopia wings are different. However, I wasn't going to spend $25 (sale price, $35 orig) on a costume she would wear at night. For the record, the green ballet dress cost me $40 and was better quality.

So, I found another pair of fairy wings and some cute tights she could wear again. Fairy wings, by the way, have glitter and flowers and butterfly wings don't. My friend suggested I give her the wings by acknowledging positive behavior rather than the tantrum. For example, "You were very good this evening by listening to mommy and daddy."

That evening, we did not talk about the costumes and continued our routine as usual. I was cooking while she played her Reader Rabbit games on the computer.

As we were getting ready for bed, I asked her if she still wanted to be the fairy or just be Princess for trick-or-treating.

"Mommy, I'm not going to wear the green dress," she said quietly. "I'm going to wear an old pink dress and we can decorate it." This was one of my earlier suggestions.

I was surprised at how calmly she stated her position. She knew what she wanted and defined her stance. She would compromise on the pink dress, but was not going to bend on the green. I felt like I learned something about the art of negotiation from her.

"That's a great idea. I'll give you fairy wings and something special for your hair." I had some purple and pink hair extensions from a Dollar Store once. Again, I had tucked it away and took it out for the big reveal. She was in awe. We picked out special glittery tattoos.

So, Tuesday was Halloween. My work encouraged people to wear costumes for our Halloween party. I don't care to wear costumes to work, so I wore black turtleneck and pants. I asked Bubli if I should wear her butterfly wings. She was thrilled.

"Here let me help you. You helped me get ready. Now I can help you," she said holding the wings for me. "Oh, you look pretty!" (Really? Is the power of wings that strong to turn ordinary working mom into a magical butterfly? Does the cosmetic industry know about this?)

That night we got ready to go trick-or-treating with friends. I showed her the wings and she loved them. I suggested two pink party dresses and she chose the best one. It was white silk bodice with pink silk skirt and tulle overlay. There was a flower at the waist that matched the flower on the wings. I always thought it looked like a Princess dress. Now, it was a fairy dress.

I put the pink and purple thing in her hair, glitter on her face, gave her rosy cheeks and lips. She looked gorgeous! Running through the neighborhood, she looked like a little fairy. She is also a little charmer and chatted with the hosts at every house. She showed off her wings and glitter.

Anyway, it all ended well, but it was a day of anxiety for me, especially when she didn't say good bye to me on the bus. I suppose there will be many, many more power struggles ahead.

I was happier that she got into the spirit of creating your own look. By the way, she mentioned that next year she wants to be Mermaidia (Apparently, the fairies in Fairytopia turn into Mermaids.) I am checking the clearance tables now!

Side note: The pictures of the Fairies in this blog are by Cicely M. Barker. We have her pictures from a Flower Fairy Alphabet and listen to the CD as bedtime music. For me, I enjoy the poetry and for Bubli, it sets the perfect music for dreams.