Ski and Ye Shall Receive

I've had a fear of skiing all my life. I once heard my parents say "If you fall down while skiing, you'll naturally break your leg. How could you not?" I believe they were watching the Wide World of Sports with the "agony of defeat" skiier that flies off the edge of the ramp. During college, I refused to go skiing with friends. I think my not-skiing was a deal breaker for some relationships.

I finally agreed to ski about 12 years ago. It was after I got married and we went on a trip to Vermont.  Some of us signed up for lessons. And, guess what? No legs were broken. I was ecastic! If I focused, I could do this properly. I was so elated from my skiing adventure, I decided to change careers. Seriously, if I could ski, I could be a programmer. Nothing else seemed as fearful any more. 

After that trip, there were few opportunities to ski, but I wasn't interested. After all, I did it once and proved it to myself. Besides, it's cold. Get me a cup of hot chocolate and spot by the fireplace instead.

My daughter had an opportunity to ski and I wanted to pick this up for her sake. We went last weekend to the mountains with friends. The kids were signed up for their lessons already. I was pretty set on skiing initially, but started to withdraw at the last minute. I had reasons not to go - not all my girlfriends were going, it was pretty cold, it seemed like too much effort. Somehow, one of the friends just pushed me a little and I said I'll do it.

There were 5 of us who signed up for the lessons. I was really impressed with Big Boulder's lesson program as they had 5 stations. You finished one task and then 'graduated' to the next station. I bring this up as one person dropped out at the 2nd station for climbing the slope. Another left after the 3rd station and too many tumbles. Now there were three and we stayed on. Instructors made us stay at station 4 for at least an hour (we were in queue for most of it). I could go down well, but then relaxed too much at the end of the slope and fell down. I would fall and would get up laughing. I said, "This is like my daughter's violin lessons. You have to keep practicing over and over until you get it right."

I finally moved on to Station 5 and we had to go downhill and change directions. I fell repeatedly. I crashed into the red fence there and heard onlookers "Oh!" I probably seemed like the 'agony of defeat' skiier at that time. I felt like it too.

I was getting more frustrated and trying to keep my eyes on the goal of where I wanted to go. The instructor seemed like a ex-hippie with a white scraggly beard. He came over to make sure I was ok and tried to remind me this was supposed to be fun. Now, I knew my daughter was watching and I had to get up again.

As I was prepared for my next attempt, he came up and told me a story. He asked if I liked wine. I replied, "Of course."

He said, "Pretend there is a grape under your ski and you have to turn your foot like this. We're making wine!" A kid in line piped up he doesn't drink wine.

"We're making grape juice!" He made me laugh and loosened up. I went down the slope so gracefully! Everyone on the sidelines cheered for me. I don't know how I did it.

After the lessons, I returned to the slope with my daughter and friends. She was awesome and had to keep looking back at me. I told her to keep moving forward without me.

Like my first experience skiing, I'm coming out of this one with a few life lessons.

1. The first realization was that this is only about me. It's up to me how I move up or down the slope. Instructors can only call out.. my friends can only watch lest they fall with me. I can stay at the bottom of the slope, or push myself up using whatever knowledge and skills I have. Or, I could walk away.

2. You do have to focus, but it's important to relax. We have to enjoy the climb and glide, which is why we were there.

3. Little eyes are watching you. It was important for my daughter to see me fall and get back up again.

4. Once you have started the momentum, it's important not to stop. I've started to plan our next ski day since I need to get back on quickly. If I wait another year, I'll be starting from the bottom.

 

Grateful

Since last night, I found 3 things to be grateful for and wanted to share.

1. As I was driving home, the headlights of a plow truck were coming towards me. This was one of those higher construction type vehicles so lights were poised higher. I had a flashback of a scene I had seen on the news of armored vehicles going into a town in Egypt. I am grateful that the only headlights I see are plows, not tanks. There are people in different parts of the world who wish they were looking at a plow truck. I am grateful for living in a peaceful corner of the world.

2. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my daughter's Epi-pen. The school nurses keep a set and had sent reminders that this was going to expire at the end of month. They are very strict about the expiration dates. I picked up the 2 set of epipens and paid $31. I asked the pharmacist if this was using the insurance. She said, "Yes. The actual price is $200. The insurance covered $169 of it." I said, "Ok, then!" and swiped my credit card. What if I did not have insurance? Would I have to make a a decision between my daughter's epipen and how to buy groceries for the month?  I am grateful that I have insurance and income.

3. My husband is travelling this week for business. He went away in December and I had to manage on my own for a month. It was tough and overwhelming at times because of work and school demands. However, last month he was with his family and this week he's staying at a Hilton. The major conflict for him would be dealing with airport delays. I thought of military wives whose husbands are in war zones. The fear and stress level must be so elevated! The stress of not knowing the security of your partner is just an enormous feeling. To add to the usual duties of balancing work/home commitments is unfathomable for me. My heart goes out to those families who have to function not knowing where or when their husband/wife will return home. I am grateful for those families and their sacrifices.

My Attitude is my choice

I once took one of those Facebook quizzes "Which Hero are you?" referencing the TV show "Heroes". This was my favorite show for about two-three seasons until it became way too complicated to comprehend. My answers led me to have powers like Peter Petrelli, who coincidentally was one of my favorite characters.

If you didn't watch the show, his character didn't have his own super powers - i.e., to fly, to start fire, to stop time. His were "empathic mimicry". If he was around a hero who had a certain power, he could exhibit those powers. On his own, he couldn't fly, start fire, etc.

I found this really intriguing because that is true about me. I sense others strengths and weaknesses and absorb them as my own. I've gone to Atlantic City with gamblers and non-gamblers. Guess when I was lucky? I've worked or been friends with ambitious people and non-ambitious people. Again, guess when I did well?

Last week this trait struck me at the gym. I was on the treadmill and there was an elderly woman adjacent to me. She was walking at 3mph or something. So, I ended up cruising around the same speed. She left after some time and a thirty-something year old guy came on. He's a regular at the gym and has a lean, runner's physique. He was running at 9.0mph (yeah.) Somehow I picked up speed and was running faster than I was, really pushing myself. No one told me to go slow or fast. I just pick up the mood around me and accelerate (or decelerate) to that level.

I get inspired very easily and happy I have people in my life with high standards about different aspects. On the other hand, there are people in my life who are very negative and unmotivated. This is where I have to find my own strength and push them away.

I saw an image online - "My attitude, my choice..and I'm chasing happy." That's where I need to be. Even Peter Petrilli had to find his own purpose.

Spin on Chinese Mothers

Amy Chua's essay in the Wall Street Journal has caused a buzz on new sites, discussion boards, Facebook, NPR, or wherever anyone wants to talk about Chinese Mothers. So, I had to add my two cents to this topi

Some of her comments are tongue-in-cheek, while others are not. It seems to be pretty hard for the western readers to swallow some of these statements she's made in this essay. There's a different cultural mindset with which most are not familiar, so it comes off harsh. It seemed a lot of people were shocked by the 'no play dates and no sleepovers' statement. The biggest worry on the boards seems to be socializing skills that the children are being deprived of and how they are becoming 'robots'.

First of all, this topic resonated with Chinese, Indian, Korean, Russian, and other immigrant communities quite strongly. The one similarity between these ethnic groups is their extreme competitiveness. Being just average is not acceptable. One has to stand out above the others not only to be successful, but to survive. The immigrant parents couldn't even make it to the US by being average or just coasting. This is what they know, and this is why they want their children to be successful. It's a matter of survival of the fittest. On one board, a commentator praised the American mothers of the 30's, 40's and 50's and their values. Well, they were women who came from the Depression and knew what it was like to struggle. And, they would instill the values of education and discipline so children would grow up able to survive.

However, little did the immigrant parents know their kids would be fascinated with proms, pop concerts and beach parties. There are countless hyphenated Americans who struggled pleasing the parents while seamlessly blending into American society. If you're from one of those communities, you didn't go to the prom, or if you did, Lord knows you didn't go to the after party at the shore.

There has to be a middle ground and that's the key. You can ease up on the homework and the 3 hour practice sessions. As a mom, I find myself cringing at the B's my daughter brings home. I know she can do an A job, but she's not focusing on it. I see the potential and don't want her to waste it and recognize the A's are her goal.

While Chua is talking about no playdates, we had a 'no dating policy' at my house. My parents were quite strict about this with no phone calls from boys and no parties with boys. It was rough and we hated it, argued and tried to convince them otherwise. Later, my sister and I were actually fine with their actions and appreciated it. This is one rule I'll probably carry over. Really, does a 13 year old need to have a boyfriend? There's only one time in your life you can be in drama club or on a varsity team. Take advantage of that in your free time. There's enough time for dating (I know a lot of people who feel they've been dating forever!). There's so much going on in high school that you don't need the hassles of relationships that don't really go anywhere. I don't know if I'll be as strict, though I believe my husband will be.

At my high school graduation, my family and I were surprised at the enthusiasm and achievement many Americans had toward the graduation milestone. This was it! Kids worked hard to graduate high school and they could be rewarded. What is all this fuss? How could you not graduate high school. It's not the final stop; there's more coming.

The pressure is intense - no doubt about this. My parents were lenient over those of my Indian peers. My parents acquiesed my junior year to allow me to get a liberal arts degree versus the business degree that would promise me a job after college. My father has a chemistry degree, and he is a writer. He said he saw himself in my eyes when I said I couldn't get out of Calculus. He had to let me go. My favorite party game  was "Guess my major?" Most Indians rattled off the usual - Engineering, biochemistry, pharma. After I'd announce I was an English major, I could see awe and surprise in their eyes. Then they'd confide how they wanted to be English/Sociology/Psychology themselves, but have to do engineer/biochemistry/pharma because of their family's expectations. It wasn't until I changed my major did I make the Dean's List.

This is part of the middle ground for parenting. It doesn't matter what your major is, but your focus in life and your values for personal development. I later completed my Masters, and my brother is now researching PhD programs (and he was the one that rarely brought home a decent report card!).

I was surprised in this essay that there is a lack of demonstration between parent and child. As an Indian (and Gujarati to boot!), we grew up with lots of love and affection. Adults have no problem being affectionate with children. It's PDA between couples that's absent since love is expressed differently.

Anyway, Chua is harsh in her essay and some points seem extreme, but the core points are there. this is like the saying - Aim your arrow for the sky. Even if you don't hit it, you'll be higher than you would be if you were aiming at the ground.

Word Masala Poetry Anthology

A great way to start the new year!

I have two poems included in the Word Masala Poetry Anthology. It is published in the UK and was edited by Yogesh Patel. I haven't gotten my copy yet, but recognize some of the poets on board and know their reputations as writers. So, please support the publisher.

Directions for 2011

For 2010, I had come back from India and resolved to lead a life of more simplicity. I shouldn't complicate my life with more tasks and more material items. Looking back at this year, I haven't achieved the simplicity that I imagined, but taken smaller steps. As of now, we only have one activity on the weekends, and we're not trekking to dance lessons we don't enjoy. On the career forefront, it hasn't become any simpler.

If there was one word for 2010, I'd have to say "Family". We had a big family wedding and got to see lots of cousins and reconnected after so many years. There really is a common bond that links us all together even if we are separated. There was a powerful moment this year when my cousins came over and mentioned it was my aunt's death anniversary. I had no idea and suggested we go to our local temple. We stood there in a temple in PA remembering my aunt - her daughter from Canada, her daughter and son from India with their spouses, and her sister (my mom) from NJ. All of us were drawn together that day.

I was reading O magazine, and came across 3 words "Joy, Honesty and Meaning". That's what I want for the 2011.

I want to find joy in all I do. Being with my family and close friends, we can find joy. It's always there if we open our eyes.

I want the honesty to be with myself and with others. There's such a masquerade of emotions and attitudes. At this point, I'm ready to call people out on their actions.

Our lives need to have meaning. Of course this often means one needs to make changes and know exactly what they want in order for it to be meaningful.

It's not about the destination, but the journey.

Book Review 2010

All year I've been reading books and have been dying to write reviews for my site. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to carve out that time. Therefore, here's everything in one post.

The Disobedient Girl by Ru Freeman. I had just come back from India in January and Ru's book helped me sustain the beauty of the Subcontinent for a bit longer. Her story takes place in Sri Lanka and is so beautifully written. She captures the simplicity of life in India, which was what I missed upon my return; her book illustrated that life so well. "Disobedient Girl" has two stories that run in parallel, but then merge at the end so well. I didn't expect to cry so fiercely at the end! Dammit, I cried for days just thinking of one critical scene because I fell in love with the characters. I was frustrated with the unfairness of life and fate. No, this is not one of your 'oppressed third-world women" books. It's a book about women who are friends, mothers, and daughters. It's about finding your own path when you've been dealt a hand without a choice. It's about secrets that control you.

It's been a year now since I read it, but it's so unexpected and I missed the characters when I closed the book. That's when you know they've truly come alive.

The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz - It took me some time to get to this book, though I was listening to every Junot Diaz interview on NPR. I was definitely intrigued when he talked about his immigrant experience coming to the US when he was 6 and not understanding English. He applied that experience to the novel - forcing the reader not to understand what was being spoken in Spanish. When I read it, I got it! There was a scene where the daughter said the last thing she heard was the mother say XYZ. Unless you know Spanish, you don't know what happened.

Not  only is the story brillant and characters so real, I have a connection with Junot Diaz. He was spot on with his description of Rutgers University campus and lifestyle from late 80's/early 90's. I had to research and learned he was an English major at Rutgers the same time I was. Therefore, we could have taken a class together! (OK, fine, it may have been the Shakespeare with 200 people in it). As a reader, I connected to this book beyond the main story, and admired his writing even more. I actually got frustrated because I couldn't visualize Douglass library, though I practically lived there.

Downhome Anthology edited by Susie Mee - This is an amazing collection of short stories written by southern American women. I had pulled this collection off the library shelves because I didn't know what I wanted to read. This book has known writers such as Flannery O'Conner, Zora Neal Hurston, Dorothy Allison and other writers that were new to me. The book is sectioned out and deals with issues such as family, marriage, relationships. Stories are so honest and real, talking about the good and the difficult parts of the southern memory - race, gender, economical status.

I've actually wondered if I was a southern woman in my past life. I'm absolutely fascinated by the south and find the culture so exotic, but familiar. I once wrote a short story in the voice of white southern characters, which is crazy since I'm an Indian-American from northeastern US! Aren't you supposed to write about what you know?

Waiter Rant by Steve Dublanica - I had heard about this website and found the book on the clearance table. The first page grabbed me because it said waiters don't just bring food to your table - they have to be food allergy specialists, sommeliers, amateur chefs, etc. I've never been a waitress, though I have done a short gig at McDonald's as my first job. Then I decided I would never work in food industry again. Ever.

His writing is not that polished and at times I was a bit suprise an editor let him get away with awkward phrases. He's a blogger who kept an anonymous account of life as a waiter, which led him to a book deal.

However, it's great book just to give you an insight into the restaurant business. It's interesting to read about the expectations we have of our own dining experiences.

Doing Fine at Nine

Indulge me, oh dear blog readers. This blog has turned out to be a vehicle to document special moments with my daughter. I started writing when she was 4 and now she's 9, and every day is still a delight. It's great to see her turn into a tween with a stream of questions and her own answers. Tonight she asked me about when I had my first date ever and my first glass of wine. I told her that my first glass was with my father, and my husband said that she should have her first glass with him too. She's cute enough to say she wants both of us.

• She's announced she wants to travel the world and live in hotels. However, she's asked I keep her room though. She wants to definitely see Paris. (Drat that Madeline!)
• She's really into the "spy" thing these days. I got her a Pink Spy kit from Scholastic books and she has a lot of fun with her friends, talking about invisible ink and reading stories about famous spies. So, she announced she wants to be an FBI agent. "It's perfect..I get to travel around the world, do different things. The only thing is that I would first design the outfits for the FBI agent." Yes, FBI agents are lacking the sparkle.
• She watches toy commercials and says, "It's amazing how many cool things they have now that they didn't when I was little."
• We recently got stopped at the mall by two modelling agencies scouting for children. Mine happened to be wearing a sequined beret, layered peace sign shirt and jeans with sparkle low-tops. She was so excited when the person said the director of their agency will call in a few days. Somehow, the only word that stuck is "director" and she assumed a movie director is going to call her and she'll be famous. (Drat that youtube generation!!)

She talked nonstop into the next stores about how she'll be famous, become friends with Selena Gomez.

"Do I need an agent?" No, it's ok right now.

"Do we have to tell Daddy." Uh yes.

"That's right, he'll see me on the magazine cover and know." While I would love to have her dreams of celebrity come true, I'm not committed to this (getting pictures, taking her to auditions in NYC which means skipping school). She's got a magnetic personality -- I'm always shocked at how many people know her (adults and children). I fly under the radar, while she jumps into it. There's big stuff in store for her anyway.

She's gone through different names for me - Mom, Mummy, Mother. Nowadays, it's back to "Mommy", but she's so full of energy, it comes out as "M'y". In a way it's kinda nice because as an only child, I am only hers.

In a few short months she'll be 10. Same age as Harry Potter was when he joined Hogwarts. And, remember how the other wizards said "Has it really been ten years?" Yes, that's how I feel.

Anti-Bullying Intervention

I've wanted to write about this topic for sometime, but haven't had the chance. Oddly enough, by waiting I have a different angle and more material about this.

There's been a heightened state of attention on bullying in the media, due to the suicides that came about from bullying across the country.

I've been very pleased with my daughter's elementary school for strongly promoting an anti-bullying agenda starting with KG. They used to make posters, learn about different words they could use to battle the offenders (e.g., "when you say that, I feel hurt") and how to take recourse. They recognize the bullying as not just physical, but verbal. The 3rd graders had "lunch bunch" in which a small group of students had lunch with the guidance counselor and they discussed friendships and relationships. The school encouraged us to continue the conversation at home.

Recently there was an incident with a girl C. She is fairly new to the school as she joined the spring of last year. Now, she's in my daughter's class and she started circulating a sign up list for an "Annika X" club against my daughter. My daughter told me that all her good friends said no and they told her about it. One of her friends said she'll join as a 'spy' and take the information back to the guidance counselor. Annika is a confident, independent and social girl. So, she was initially comfortable with this because her friends supported her.

I stepped in and told her I'm going to contact her teacher and guidance counselor and her friends should stay out. I pointed out that today C has a list against her. However, tomorrow she could create a list against another friend (I named a really sweet and shy girl). All of a sudden, Annika understood that this could happen to someone else for no reason. Something kicked in and she was after me to send that note immediately.

I sent an email to the teacher and guidance counselor; the teacher was upset this had happened on his watch. The student C was taken to principal, and the guidance counselor talked to Annika. C was obviously upset and crying. The teacher "isolated" her in the classroom that day.

However, rather than creating resentment between the girls, the school is encouraging them to be friends. They are back at the same table. Annika told me that C's mom wants her to be friends also. This is still early in the year and hopefully things can smooth over.

People always talk about how mean girls are to each other. It obviously comes from jealousy and insecurities. I once watched MTV's "If You Really Knew Me" series ("The Breakfast Club" meets reality tv) and one of the girls bragged how she was "the mean girl". To me, I saw a girl that is hurting inside, which is why she was so negative and abrasive. When she opened up, she revealed a broken home and feelings of loss. The meanness and tough attitude is just a symptom of deeper problems within. Girls don't have to be mean by nature. They have to be helped.

As I said, C just joined the school last spring and she doesn't have the existing relationships the other kids have since KG. She was probably jealous and needed to make her own stand in the social structure. I'm glad that we really have to step up and intervene early. In 4th grade, they can just pass around a list like this. In a few years in 6th or 7th grade, they could post a list like this on Facebook or Myspace.


Maybe all this early "anti-bullying campaign" will work or maybe it won't. There are probably deeper problems kids have that can't be resolved so easily. However, i do think it's something worth trying to create the group effort not to accept certain behaviors.

What happens in Vegas.. gets blogged

I recently had my first trip to Las Vegas and it was definitely interesting! I've been wanting to go for so long and never had the opportunity. My husband has to go there frequently for business, so he doesn't see it as a vacation spot. Since it was an elusive destination for me, it obviously becomes more enticing. My husband once read a quiz to me: "What is your dream vacation? A. an island retreat B. European tour C. weekend in Las Vegas". He was surprised when I said Las Vegas. Of course I would've said Europe, but I pointed out Las Vegas because I hadn't been there yet!

The first surprise to me was the airport is adjacent to the main strip. Most cities are built first and then they had to squeeze in an airport somewhere outside of the city. Given the Las Vegas location in the middle of nowhere in the desert, there was plenty of space for an airport. Airport itself is ordinary, but I wanted to stay in the baggage claim area of airport and just people watch! What a diversity of people congregating here. There was a man and his son wearing slick cowboy hats and they had a special hat case carrier . I reminded myself i was in the southwest now, not northeast, where cowboy hats are haute couture. But, lo and behold! There are a couple of Staten Island guys sporting the gelled and sprayed "Jersey Shore" hair and talking on their cell phones. (Note: I did see a Snookie lookalike at one of the hotels) There were Europeans and American families, each can be distinguished by their fashion sense.

Las Vegas is like a magnet that draws people from all over the world. Everyone there is essentially a tourist. That's why everything can stay there because people will just go away and back to their normal lives wherever they live. It's a bit bizarre to realize the whole downtown city functions for one reason - tourism.

I was excited to see the hotels and architecture there. I remember my husband telling me about New York, New York and how they recreated the Statue of Liberty and other buildings. I've seen pictures of the Venetian with its bridges. A colleague has night shots of The Excalibur hotel as his screensaver.

However, when I went there, I felt like it was cardboard. Nothing seemed solid. I've seen all these places in real life and it seemed too artificial to me. Folks say you have to see attention to detail, and I agree that is incredible. I loved the Luxor's pyramid and was absolutely blown away by the interior with its unfathomably high ceilings and Egyptian details. I did fantasize for a minute with the idea of being a casino designer. I could definitely improve on Trump's Taj in Atlantic City with its cheezy New Delhi Deli.

Couple of my tips:
Ask, and ye shall receive, else you don't: I indulged in The Bathhouse spa at THE hotel. I have to point out I had been scoping out different spas and looking for good deals. After chatting with one of the employees, he had told me about a 'buy one get one 1/2 off" on their services. Awesome! The next day I came for my services and received the bill for the full price on two. I questioned it and got it adjusted. So, this "deal" is only available if you know about it. It wasn't an automatic discount you received, so all the other women who were there that day paid full price. (Caveat Emptor!)

Don't let appearances fool you: So, we were getting really hungry for lunch after walking around a bit. We finally settled on a burger type joint with outdoor seating. We got really lame and ordinary sandwiches for $13 (fries would've been $4 extra had we not been health conscious). We've had better sandwiches at the convenient store. Fortified with a little bit of food, we ventured to the Bellagio. We saw the posh cafes inside the old European settings. Sandwiches were $10-13 each and actually appetizing on fresh bread and gourmet ingredients. We assumed the hotels would be expensive, but if the roadside joints are selling for the same price, might as wll go upscale.

Don't let appeareances fool you (Part II) : We saw a few shows - Lifehouse, Criss Angel & The Divas (female impersonators of celebrities). We had gotten the tickets for the Divas from someone and when we went to the casino, we were turned off. It was older casino and had smell of smoke and mustiness. The crowd there was not the Bellagio crowd. We had our concerns about going there later, but decided to go. We even dressed down because we figured our clothes would stink. However, the show was a lot of fun. The dancers were extremely good and the performers were memorable. For an hour or so, we just enjoyed the impersonators who brought the celebrities to us.


It's Disney World for grownups: Yes, Vegas is the new family hotspot, but I'd be hestitant about bringing children there. Hotels such as the Mandalay Bay are ideal - huge pool area, and "Lion King" and Colby Caillat performances. At some point, one is going to have to leave the hotel to go to neat attractions such as Bellagio's fountains and Mirage's volcano. However, you're going to walk down "the Strip" and see billboards for adult shows, alcohol promotions and Mexicans workers handing out flyers for call girls. You could plan to be strategic, but I'm not sure how much fun it would be for adults or the children.

And, then we left the city and headed out to Hoover Dam. I haven't been to American southwest before so it's just exciting to see mountains of boulders. I'm used to Pennsylvania's rolling green hills. To see these jagged dry rocks was amazing. It is awesome because of the little geology that I know, the earth's pallettes shift and when they come together, mountains and canyons are created. I felt as if there was a lot of energy released from the earth, but it was simply forgotten. We thought of going to the Grand Canyon, but time didn't permit us to.

We ended my trip with drinks atop The Mixx, a rooftop restaurant/bar on the 62nd floor of the hotel. We looked out over the city with its lights and contstant movement. I do hope to return there one day!

Picture Books - Long May You Reign!

The New York Times had an article recently about the waning interest in picture books for children as parents push their children to read chapter books. I've written about my experience with reading with my daughter.

I was surprised by this article that it had impacted the publishing industry. However, I can certainly relate to this article because I've seen the subtle push for kids to read chapter books early. It's not demanded by the school or other teachers, but it's been a social pressure. Sure, Indian and Asian parents are notorious for pushing their children into advanced levels of all academic activities (spelling bee, anyone?). And, they have a certain way of saying these things. "My son is always reading. I keep telling him to go play video games, but no, he just wants to read "The Chronicles of Narnia". His kindergarten teacher doesn't know what to do with him."

It's to those parents that I want to say "Let it go!" I've always been concerned when children under 7 have read the entire Harry Potter series. I've enjoyed the series and there are actually a lot of themes and messages that I think would simply go over their head. They'll have to reread them 10 years from now anyway.

Yes, once kids learn to ready, kids can read anything. However, do they need to read those books now?

My daughter has always been an avid and excited reader. I started feeling a little pressure when she said her 1st grade friends were reading chapter books, but she still brought home picture books from the library. The books she selected had beautiful artwork and absolutely great stories. There was one, "Anook the Snow Princess" that we read together and it sounded very familiar to me - it was based on Shakespeare's King Lear. She picked up non traditional Princess stories like "Falling for Rapunzel" or one about Indian princess Narangi (she turns into an orange during the day and girl at night). We loved "Uncle Peter's Amazing Chinese Wedding" and other stories about other cultures and immigrant children in the US. She her whole life ahead to read Harry Potter and other series. It's just when she was young can she read these books that would inspire and root value in her.

For awhile, I got nervous because the chapter books she kept selecting were "Tiara Club" (an academy to be a real princess that looked a lot like Hogwarts, but no real plots) and Fairy chapter books. I pulled in "Little House on Prairie" chapter books that I had found online. I would emphasize the sections where Laura and Mary had just ONE old rag doll to play with and they didn't need a whole lot of others. She was super excited and got the regular book from the library. I think that overwhelmed her and now she's not interested in those at all. I know she was reading Junie B. Jones at least into 2nd grade, while other kids had finished those in KG.

She's in fourth grade now and I have to write about about her latest obsession - Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan. We watched the movie, which is centered on Greek mythology. I've always had an interest in Greek myths since I was young so I've been enthusiastic about it. She said she learned about Greek myths through Poptropica website (created by Family Education Network/FunBrain). The players have to go to an island and perform series of tasks and challenges with a Greek mythology theme. So, the seemingly endless hours on Poptropica did have some benefit. After seeing the movie, she snatched up the books. She's reading the books now and we talk about Greek gods like old friends. I've also gotten an iPhone app for her on Greek figures so we could do quick queries.

As with everything with raising a child, it will all come in time. In their time. And, when they are children, they should dream and read as children do.

Questions and Answers

These days there's no reason not to have the answers. Google for it.. find it online. Parties take on a whole new direction - "Who was that guy in the movie?" "Well, I have an IMDB app on my phone, so I'll check it out."

Whenever anyone has a question, we can get an answer. Even at work, that's my job. If I don't have an answer, I'll find a way to get that answer.

Recently my daughter had a stomach problem. First we figured it was bad food at a catered event or maybe it was 2-day stomach virus. She was fine for a few days, but then woke up with strong stomach pains. It was a surprise! We ran out of explanations. I didn't know what the problem was and it was frustrating. My mind rushed through every situation and imagining the worst. We were able to see the doctor the same morning and learned that she simply needed to make some dietary changes.

However, this incident made me realize how frustrating it is not to have the answers. As a parent, we think we should have all the answers. Our children look to us for that information. Actually the highest expectation come from ourselves. However, I can't know everything or do everything. I never got a medical degree before I became a mother (nor the degrees for teaching music, math, Hindi, nutrition, classical dance and child psychiatry to name a few missing skills). For the few hours between the stomach pains and the doctor's appointment, I had to tell myself to be patient.

But, it's not so much as to being patient, but having the trust and faith that the answers will come. This idea can be applied to any situation where we feel frustrated and feel the pressure on us.  I see this at work all the time where the loudest and most frustrated people are the ones without the information. Once they know what's going to happen, they feel more in control and can manage what they need to do. Most of the pressure comes from what we do to ourselves, not the external entity. We really have to let go of the pressure and just float for a little while, untethered to our worries. Of course this is easier said than done. I suppose if we practice a little bit every day we would be better able to handle these situations.

"Where the Wild Things Are" Review

Spoiler Alert.


When I first heard about this movie, I was intrigued and blogged about it. My daughter and I watched it last night and I think I want to watch it again. Just to make sure I understand this movie.

Stylistically, I liked the way it was shot. Very casual, handheld camera movements, light hits seemingly arbritarily, but it's intentional. The beginning of the movie had a 70's feel to it, so it instantly reminded me of my childhood. I actually questioned the timeline until we see the mother working on a computer. Actually, it was an older desktop she had. So, now it could appeal more to someone who grew up in 90's.

It opens up with a day in Max's life. He's wrestling the dog and seems more animal than boy. You see everything from his point of view and can empathize with him. Watching him argue with his mother in the famous scene, he seems like a lost and frustrated boy. You understand his situation from his point of view, as well as his family's.

When he escapes to "where the wild things are," his adventures begin. The Wild Things are essentially large muppets with excellent facial expressions. I loved how they all had normal voices and names - Carrol, KW, Judith. Nobody had a fanciful name or funny voices. They sounded and acted like average humans. They just had the impulse to eat Max, every now and then.

At home, Max has no control over his circumstances. With the Wild Things, he does. Yet, with power comes great responsibilities. They have their adventures and there's no sense of time in this new world. There's no sense of baths either as his costume gets dirtier. When problems rise and he's forced to be the "grownup", he quietly reflects. There are lots of power dynamics between the other creatures and their own relationships with each other, as well as what it takes to make an ideal society. The whole movie is rather quiet and low.

So, the book is written for young readers - 5-7 years old. It's perfect for kids. There's a bit of rebellion, lots of dreams. When I was young, I didn't like Max because he was a rude boy. I loved the Wild Things with their fun spirit.

I watched this movie with my 9-year-old, and I think that's a good age to really absorb this movie. Anyone younger will quickly be turned off by the quiet nature of this movie. Also, I'm intrigued by my daughter's reaction to this movie. When I was young, I was offended by "I'll eat you up" threat from Max. My daughter was shocked when Max bit his mother in anger. That stayed with her all evening as his most brazen act - you don't attack your mother. She was also upset by the way he had wrestled the dog and was surprised the dog took it. She and I talked about Max and his handling of anger, since I don't want her to imitate him and think she could get away with it. By the way, she asked me what would I do if she ran away. I told her I'd go find her and she could never go away from me. I have to laugh thinking of my sister and I threatening my mom that we'd run away. She'd laugh at us and say, "Oh yeah, go right ahead. The world is ready for you, right? Come here, we've been waiting for you!"

The end was surprisingly quite moving. Max's farewell to his friends and his reunion home.

I definitely want to see it again and understand it better. And turn up the volume more so I could hear it.

Keep Your Church Out of My State

All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.
Dalai Lama

At my office, when some someone is frustrated with their situation, they will blame the managers for not attending to them. Managers believe they are helping the employees by focusing on long term solutions, not immediate fixes.

Take this to the national level. People are frustrated with their economic situation and turn their anger to the leaders and government for not fixing it now.

News commentator Glenn Beck recently led a rally in Washington DC. The New York Times said, "Mr. Beck told the crowd, in what was part religious revival and part history lecture. “America today begins to turn back to God.”" While the Tea Party movement doesn't specify religion as their platform, it invariably arises in their speeches. They're bringing out the "forefathers" and their original intentions. They claim our freedoms are at stake because the government is involved.

I wish more Americans could visit a country where they truly lack freedoms. If they are able to hold rallies and public congregations without police action, arrest and detentions, they are obviously enjoying American freedoms. If women are allowed to have their own income, own name, and own control of her body, we have freedoms the government cannot take away. I find it intriguing that immigrants are not engaged in this movement. Based on my experience, immigrants tend to have a different mentality and perspective than those who have been American for generations.

I had to laugh at the NY Times article where a woman states: "Becky Benson, 56, traveled from Orlando, Florida, because, she said, “we believe in Jesus Christ,” and Jesus, she said, would not have agreed with the economic stimulus package, bank bailouts and welfare. “You cannot sit and expect someone to hand out to you,” she said. “You don’t spend your way out of debt.”

Really? Jesus Christ does not support helping the sick and poor and believed in capitalism?

However, that raises the whole other point about religion. A growing number of Americans think that President Obama is Muslim. Is it because he plays golf on Sundays instead of going to church? He doesn't make a big display of his religion so he is not seen as a valid Christian politician, and not one of "them"? Yes, he was born Barack Hussain, but Christianity is a religion that encourages conversions. How are these people forgetting this? George W. Bush was known for his substance abuse with alcohol before he found religion. So, that's been cleared from his record. I hope that President Obama will stay true to himself and not parade his religion now to assure the ignorant Americans he is not one of "them". However, this is American history repeating itself as Lincoln and Roosevelt's religions were also subject to criticism.

Honestly, I don't want my President to be religious. He (or she!) will be representing millions of Americans. Some believe in the same God and some do not believe in anything. I don't want their religion influencing legislation. First of all, we do not have the same religion. A quote from John Locke English philosopher, "If each of them [state and Church] would contain itself within its own bounds, the one attending to the worldly welfare of the Commonwealth, the other to the salvation of souls, 'tis impossible any discord should ever have happened between them."We don't have a uniform religious code and shouldn't. We simply need to turn outward and see other countries with religious agenda in politics.

A lot of the controversies these days could have been squashed had the media not been involved. The media wants to show they are "balanced" by showing different points of views. This is only effective if it's true. They show askewed angles. It's like giving a blind man an elephant's trunk or tail and asking him to describe the elephant.

The problem with our society is the need to have everything now. Journalists need to kick out articles for the web instaneously; time to research is an obsolete concept. The media churns news like cotton candy -- sweet and alluring fluff, no substance.

Last year, we had Obama's spirit of change sweeping across the country. It didn't happen fast enough, people say. This reminds me of a server at work that needs to be replaced. It's about to die and if it dies, we're goners. Replacement is there and it could be stood up in a week. But, if we're going to do it right, it may take longer. It's been 6 months now and it's partially stood up. This is ONE server in ONE building for ONE company. Let's multiply this by millions of Americans and the government bureaucracy. Yeah.

Abracadabra

While at a magic show at a recent birthday party, I started mulling over the concept of magic.

This magician was tall, moustached and average looking. I'm sure he has a regular job as reliable citizen of society. On weekends, he breaks out his red vest and tie and becomes a Magician. He captures the attention of children and excites them by bringing them into the spotlight as assistants. He tells corny jokes and charms the audience with his sleight of hand tricks.

Magic is intriguing because it is an act that engages performer and audience. If audience doesn't believe, performer has no reason to be there. He's got little eyes upon him who believe and follow his lead, gulping down each action as factual.The ball disappears and turns into a bird. That's obvious and true.

For adults, we watch a trick for the first time and think "Wow, that's so cool! He really did that!"

He does something again, and we think "Ok, now how did he do that?" You look for a fist hiding something or try to peer into the bag and check for double pockets.

And, let's say you do realize how he's doing his trick, you're suddenly bored. You've lost that belief in him that he is doing the Impossible and remember he's just regular guy who has a reliable day job.

Therefore, in order to truly enjoy magic, we have to suspend our criticism and analytical way of looking, and stop trying to figure everything out. We really have to look at it as factual as opposed to a problem that must be solved.

By the way, this magic show was exceptionally difficult as I had left my phone across the room. I fought hard against getting up play with it during the show. In the end, I just waited and tried to live in the moment.

They Came for Them

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
- Martin Niemöller

There's a lot of coverage in the media about the Park51controversy - aka "Ground Zero Mosque" about which Sarah Palin, Newt Gringrich and other extremist opinion leaders are buzzing. The building being constructed is neither a mosque nor at Ground Zero. It's not being built atop the rubble; it's an existing building that has been used for interfaith prayers and is being renovated to capture more functions. There are mosques that already exist in lower Manhattan. Here are some pictures of the area and it's definitely not the "hallowed ground" as it's being promoted. As soon as you enter NYC, it's obvious that it's the most multicultural city in the US. You hear different languages and you can see vast diversity in people.

The extremist opinion leaders need "a theme" to spoon feed fear to public. It could be Obama's birth certificate or death panels. It's unfortunate because the people who accept this probably do not know Muslims or New Yorkers. Rather than extinguishing these flames, CNN and other media outlets pour kerosene upon it by highlighting this as a controversy, rather than xenophobia. Bloggers are saying it's not "American" to have mosque built because it will promote violence and jihadism, and it will disrespect the memory of those who died on 9/11. It would be important to remember that people of all religions and races died in those buildings --  Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, Catholics, Protestants to name a few. When the buildings fell that day, my thoughts turned to all the folks running those newstands and Dunkin Donuts on the lower level.

I was shocked to hear a caller on the radio say that Muslims would instill sharia law in the US and not follow the Constitution. Why, this is just the first step on that road to craziness! We'll be donning burkas and Taliban will set up shop on Pennsylvania Avenue. After all, our President's name is Hussain and we don't know where his birth certificate is.

If these people had talked to a Muslim in the US, they would see that they want to be recognized as Americans. They're in the US because they believe in the American dream. It's a shame that some Americans don't realize how fortunate they are, but allow themselves to perceive themselves as victims. 

Had the terror attacks been performed by the Irish Republican Army (IRA) and the Irish wanted to build an Irish Catholic community center a few blocks from the site, would this be an issue? If a Hindu lunatic conducts an act of terror, should the rest of the Hindu community not be allowed to convene? This is why we have to speak now.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Sorry -- one final comment about Palin:
“If the purpose of this mosque, as we are lead to believe, is to create this tolerant environment, to avoid anything like a 9/11 ever repeating, you have to ask why didn't one of those 100 [existing] mosques already accomplish such a thing,” Palin said.

That's so funny.. I've wondered if she had raised her children with such "traditional strong family values," how did her daughter get pregnant in high school and have a boyfriend who has become become a talk show boy toy? The 'abstinance only' church sermons didn't accomplish such a thing did it? Hmm.

Patience - It's All About You

One of my greatest assets is my patience. My colleagues are always impressed with how calm and focused I am. I don't like drama at all and dubbed myself the 'anti-drama queen'. Really, what is the purpose? When you create drama, you bring the spotlight to yourself. This drains everyone's energy, including yours since you have to sustain this attention-sucking disorder. I'm patient at home with my husband and child. This is not to say I don't do my fair share of freaking out at 8:30 before the school bus comes or during violin practices when my daughter doesn't focus. I probably should be less patient with some colleagues, but I understand their position.I'm probably the most hardest on myself than others. By the way, because I am so patient, it often gets misconstrued that I don't care about a situation. Ironically, it is because I do care and have a strong belief in it that I can be patient.

The key is to keep everything in perspective when unexpected situations arise. How important is this issue when you zoom outwards? What would be the worst thing if you are 5 minutes late standing in line? Is it really that awful?

When I find myself being angry and impatient, I ask "why" until I can whittle down the answers.
      "Why am I angry at her for eating breakfast so slowly?"
       Because we are running late.
      "Why are we running late?"
       Because we should have woken up 15 minutes earlier.
      "Why didn't we wake up early?"
By drilling down, I realize my anger is not at her for eating slow, but at me for not waking up early.

The important thing about patience is to lose our judgement of others. It's so easy to blame others - the 'moron' driving slow in the left lane, technology for failing, clients not providing full and timely requirements. It's everyone else's fault, but our own.

Why do we judge others so harshly? We expect perfection and absolute stellar performance each and every time. And, when that fails, we become impatient and angry.

When you're angry and impatient, it's because you feel out of control. This is all a choice. You can choose to be angry or choose to let go. If people realized this little fact and implemented this as a mindset, it would change everything.

I've taken the perspective to look at delays as something important. A friend commented on her FB status that she sat in the doctor's office for 1.5 hours. However, she finally learned to use her iPhone. This is really the way the universe forces us to slow down. We were recently stuck in traffic en route to a family event. We were anxious in the car thinking it was badly planned construction traffic flow. However, there was nothing we could do but sit. When we moved up more, we saw that it was an tractor trailer accident. Obviously this was unintentional and unplanned. We said our prayers for those involved. We reached our event and learned everyone was behind schedule! Stewing in the car for 30 minutes would not have helped. Also, people don't remember what time we rushed in, but that we were present and participated in the event.
By the way, by accepting these delays, we are taking control of our situation. We are not allowing the traffic or the doctor to control our temperment, but ourselves.

I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and various scenarios that are too lengthy to detail. In the end, it is all about you and how you choose to accept or reject a situation.

Wanted: Muse Who Can Water Ski

Sign of a bad blogger: clicking on my own website and being surprised by the template change I did a few weeks ago!

I suppose the vibrant colors feed the need for energy in my life. With my subdued colors, I was looking for peace. I've been consumed by a lot of activity in my real life the past few months, which caused me to suppress my creative writing and blogging. I read a good quote on writer's block that it only seems to inflict writers who have day jobs. True, if my income subsisted on my productivity of my writing, I'm sure I'd find a way to overcome it.

I've always been happy not blending my professional career with my writing, as it extends the leash for creativity. It's like being on water skiis. One foot on the creative platform while another is technology/management. Unfortunately, it's been hard to maintain balance with work taking more of the effort - leaving me to balance on one foot without the the creative outlet to sustain me on the other side. All the while, I hold onto the rope/boat, which represents my family - never letting go.

I tried all the tricks of the experts - keep writing jibberish, pick random words, go out and do something else, etc. I tried to read other poets and exceptional writers to be inspired. Instead, I felt more depressed that it was so easy for them to be so talented. Maybe I've been fooling myself all along thinking I was a writer. Then I would read some of my own work and be surprised.

What worked for me was talking to other people, engaging in discussions for topics that were outside my normal scope of work/home. It was as if someone cranked up the gears in my brain and it started ticking again. Very slowly.

What I needed to do was use my peripheral vision. I was focused on what was exactly straight in front of me. Writers and artists need to look at what is to their sides and find what others are missing. So, rather than writing exercises, I should have been doing eye exercises!

Vampires, vampires everywhere and not a drop of blood to drink..

The vampiremania is just too much for me to handle. Firstly, I have to say I am a vampire fan. Back in late 90’s, I was right there with Anne Rice and LeStat, the lean rockin’ vampire. I was a vampire for Halloween my senior year of college. I loved Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” and craved prequels and sequels to the classic story. I tried to fall for Keanu as Jonathan Harker and Tom Cruise as LeStat, but I prefer my men real and vampires literary.

Secondly, I must state that I have not fallen victim to the current wild trend of vampire stories. Haven’t read “Twilight” and feel less inclined to do so after seeing the movie. I've wanted to get engaged with "True Blood", but I missed the beginning and now I believe it might be difficult to join midstream.

My real problem with the cinematic vampires is the whole blood thing since I'm not into gore. Somehow it's easier to accept reading a vampire saying "I have to feed" than actually watching him feed and come back all bloody or hanging over a dead body. That was the cool thing about Rice's vampires - some were happy with small animals.

With so many choices these days, I decided not to make a choice. I pulled "Dracula" off my shelf and decided to reread. I had read this years ago, some time after college. I had read "Frankenstein" for a number of English lit classes and loved it. Shelley's book is a beautiful story about relationships, responsibilities, desires and emptiness. There are underlying themes of parenting. So, when I landed upon Bram Stoker's book, I simply figured it'd be similar. Sure, why not?

Well once I started reading this, I was quite surprised! What the bloody hell -- people are dying? Ok, I'm really creeped out by this vampire that changes forms and climbs the walls outside window. I was genuinely surprised by the fear evoked by this story.

When I read this again, I had to laugh at my notes in the margins, which were obviously leftover from my English major days. For example, there is a scene where a female vampire kidnaps a child and laughs wickedly and luredly at Jonathan. I wrote "antithesis of motherhood... excessive sexuality is animal.." (Oh wow.. I totally missed that link.. glad I wrote that note! Didn't realize I was so astute!)

Stoker's "Dracula" is one of my favorite books for its use of narrative. Every chapter is either a diary or a letter of sorts. It did seem funny that Lucy had the blood sucked out of her, yet she managed to scribble her encounter on paper.

Nonetheless, the feminist themes in this book are quite evident. I loved how the men remarked that Mina was a woman with a man's brain. She's probably the most practical person in the mix, and rather than a straight forward compliment, it has to be in context with her gender. Sexual politics and desires are also evident in this book (e.g., women are proper ladies, until they are defiled by the vampire and become sexually aggressive).I don't want to turn this blog into one of my old term papers from 19th century English lit. But there's definitely lots of material in this book.

By the way, I also found the xenophobia intriguing. Dracula is from Translyvania creeping into English society. On the other hand, Quincy & Van Helsing are American and Dutch, respectively. Van Helsing's "foreignness" is important because he has knowledge of other cultures and practices.
The most exciting part of reading "Dracula" is remembering this is where it began. In 1897, the idea of an un-dead man sleeping in a coffin was new.  Today, it seems obvious to us that is where all vampires are found. All the traits of a vampire - lack of reflection, fear of sunlight, the elongated canine teeth - are identified in this book. I don't know if Stoker took these from folklore or took artistic license to invent them.

Of course, vampyric folklore has always been around. There was evidence of vampire stories circulating in the regions. Theyv've even discovered vampires in Indian folktales. What ties these together is the innate human fear of the dead stealing life from the living. There is the fear of untimely death. This fear embeds itself into different cultures.

What I find fascinating about my interest in vampires is that I don't believe in them. I don't read ghost stories or alien encounters because I do believe in them. With vampires, it's so far off that it's unfathomable. Hence, it feeds my imagination even more. If I were to write a vampire story, I know the first task is to create "rules of engagement."

Regret Factor

I know someone who spends a significant time and energy on regrets. After making a decision, he will think of 10 other things he could have, should have, would have done. He tends to look at all options and consider all viewpoints. However, the more viewpoints you have, the harder it is to gain a solid perspective. When you have regrets, you can't move forward. Anger and frustration at oneself sets in.

I once had a friend who questioned her own judgement and it led to fear and paralysis of action in the greater schema of her life. The incident that I recall clearly is when we were ordering lunch. Once she placed her order, she questioned herself and regretted not ordering another item. I had reminded her this was one meal. There would be another meal in a few hours. Not every decision is critical to warrant the worries and stress.

I'm not here to declare I don't have regrets in life. Definitely there were some decisions made that I did not agree with, but I didn't have much control. For those decisions that are under my control, I always reminded myself that when I take an action, it's based on the information I had at the time. If you know a Stock A and Stock B are certain values, you buy Stock A with the best intentions. You don't know that 4 months from now there's going to be 15 minute DOW dive that will happen and your stocks are going to plunge. You can't regret not buying Stock B, which was untouched.

There will always be opportunities that seem better than what we have in hand. However, we have to remember why we made certain decisions and need to stand by them. Of course, if we're given the opportunity to steer into another direction, we should. We have to look at the decisions we make and see how they fit into a larger picture. You have to ask yourself what's the long term impact. A friend told me that you shouldn't make long-term decisions based on short-term situations. People make decisions based on their children ("kids are so young"), forgetting that kids grow up.

So having regrets is definitely tied into the decision making process and the ability to have confidence in yourself. And, if it doesn't work out, we have to learn how to deal with it better. Anger and frustration are a fiesty pair that lead you down a tumultuous path. You're better off not inviting them into your lives.