Inspirations for Work

My horoscope said the other day that for the last few months I've been throwing myself into my work and performing feats no other "ordinary" person could do. I totally believe that. I haven't thrown myself willingly. I've had a few inspirational quotes in the back of my mind, which have motivated and helped me stay focused through two major projects.

"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

These projects were enormous and at times, overwhelming. Thinking about the tasks was paralyzing. However, the only way we could get through it was one step at time. It's easier to look at what is on the plate and needs to be done immediately.

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."

This is a quote by Randy Pausch that really sunk in towards the end. There was a problem that caused me to work late on New Year's Eve and even pop in on New Year's Day to resolve it. Definitely not what I wanted. However, when we were at a critical point, and I had colleagues and clients waiting for my results, I knew exactly what I needed to do - I had the experience!

"No one trips over mountains. It's the pebbles in our way. Remove the pebbles, you can climb the mountain."

There are lots of problems and set backs that occur along the way. One can't turn around or give up because there are too many pebbles in the path. This is a bit like the first one mantra, where you have to take it one step at a time. Also, it's important not to focus on the pebbles - they are pebbles after all.

"Winners do what losers don't want to."

I have had this one taped to my monitor for a number of years. It really sinks in for me. Nobody wants to do anything. Everyone would rather sit and chill out and watch YouTube all day. But, the difference is that winners know they have to move whether they want to or not.

New Anthology Publication!

I just received a copy of the "Labor Pains and Birth Stories" (edited by Jessica Powers). My essay "On The Day You Were Born, The Angels Got Together" describes the events and emotions related to my daughter's birth. I've actually waited 7 years for this book to be published!

I had taken my journal to the hospital, and had written details post-delivery. I written and submitted this story a few years ago. It was accepted quite easily, but the editor had a lot of challenges over the last few years. She ended up establishing her own publishing company. I'm really grateful for her perservance and passion for this book.

I read my story this morning and I was quite surprised to read certain details that I had forgotten. The most substantial part are the "new parent" anxieties that seem so foreign to me now. But, I'm happy these are documented down.

I received $50 for this story, which is the highest amount I've received for my writing. (Fine, I still need my day job!).

The anthology has various birth stories and I'm dying to read them. The book is available on Amazon, so check it out if you can. This will definitely appeal to new parents, old parents, wannabe parents.

Ice skating in Bryant Park

Annika & I got a chance to skate in Bryant Park, NYC this weekend. She’s always wanted to skate in Rockefeller Center, but she conceded when she saw the lines and the crowd. When we stumbled onto the rink in Bryant Park, we decided to go for it. She’s skated a handful of times; I’ve thought about lessons for her, but it was hard to fit in our schedule.

I’m not a great skater after all these years (still not sure of how to stop without colliding into others). Now, attach 45 lbs on wobbly skates to my hip, and it’s a challenge. Because she was unsure I had to make sure I could hold her up. Remember in Superman where Lois Lane says to Superman “If you’ve got me, who’s got you?” Well, in this case, I’m no Superman or Kristi Yamaguchi and I have to hold onto the wall.

I’ve always thought the way a person learned to ice skate revealed their character. Years ago, my sister, cousin and I went to the rink. He’s an “engin-nerd” so he had his head down, analyzing how the skate moves, the degree and impact of each movement of the foot. My sister made her way right to the middle of the rink. She was unsteady, but she knew that’s where she had to go and would figure it out on the way. I stayed close to the wall. I don’t hug the wall, but skate away from it. However, I want to know I can fall back onto it if I need to. My husband is an excellent skater and goes for the speed around the rink, and you can't hold him back.

I loved Annika’s spirit – no fear, lots of enthusiasm. “Mommy, let’s get away from the wall. Let’s go to the middle. Step away from the wall, ok?” She fell a number of times, but I always had her hand. My right wrist was actually sore while we were skating because I had to hold her up so much. As much as I want to be there to support her, I can tell I'm holding her back where her spirit wants to go (even though her feet are going the other way).

After a few rounds, I was hot, exhausted and my feet hurt from the skates and right arm hurt from the extra 45 lbs. I sang along to the Tom Jones songs in the background, which I loved when I was her age. She said she was trying to glide to the music too.

However, I’m so happy we got to do this and she’ll remember it well.

P.S. I will look into the lessons this winter.

Opening Doors

At my office, there is a door separating the hallway and lunchroom. This door is security-enabled and a key card is required, which is not a big deal if you have one with you. This door has a fairly large portrait window so one can see who is on the other side up to the shoulder level.

I always have a cup of tea in the afternoon to give me a jolt through the last hour or so. I had my oversized mug of hot tea (Stash Chai Spice brewed with milk, filled to the top) and I was holding a notepad and pen in my other hand. I was walking towards the door, very steadily holding my cup in front of me. Two associates, “Jim” and “Mark,” appeared on the other side of the door. I waited a few steps away from the door, anticipating they would open the door for me. However, they were waiting for me to open the door so they could enter without using a key card. When I realized they were waiting, I decided I would go first. I managed to precariously open the door, keeping the mug in front of me, trying not to spill. They saw me with my hands full and said, “Oh!” Jim held the door open for me, allowing me to pass and we all said thanks to each other.

Ok, now you’ve read this far and are thinking, “Yeah, so what? You didn’t even spill the tea. What kind of blog is this?”

Stay with me on this one.

This incident reminded me of how we deal with others and our expectations. We can see each other through the window, but only half way. We can’t see the whole picture. They don’t know if I have a hot cup of tea in hand. I don’t know if they even have their key cards with them. Yet, we wait for the other person to make the first move, wanting them to accommodate our needs.

I could have stood there and refused to move with my hands full of my current responsibilities (i.e., hot tea, notepad), while Jim and Mark may not even have the capability to accommodate me (i.e., no key card). On the other side of the door, Jim and Mark probably are baffled by my slowness and it isn’t until I open the door do they see the whole picture on my side. If we all waited until the other moved, it would have led to frustration and unnecessary delays.

When dealing with others, we do have to make the first move sometimes. It isn’t until we open the door can we see exactly what the situation is on the other side.

- To N & R

Keeping up Pretenses

After 8 teeth, the Tooth Fairy is exhausted.

She's missed putting in the money, but Mr. Toothfairy stepped in with a nice dollar bill. But, he forgot to take the tooth, so Ms. Toothfairy came back with an extra dollar and a nice note. More recently, Ms. Toothfairy forgot again, but Mr. Toothfairy wasn't around. However, we determined the Toothfairy box was placed in a different spot, which confused her. So, the next night the box was placed in the correct spot, and two dollars appeared the next morning. Let's not talk about the time Ms.Toothfairy didn't have any singles in her wallet and had to dig around the house and car.

Ms. Toothfairy also has to hide the evidence of her contraband so there's a little tooth box to hold it. With 1-2, it was cute. Now, it's grisly.

When is the Ms. Toothfairy allowed to step down? She doesn't have to shell out for the molars too? Wisdom teeth?

I'm walking on eggshells around Santa. I think this may be the last year we have Santa. She's been asking too many questions. "Is Rudolf a real story? Did this really happen?" I almost blurted that it's not real, but then I caught myself. "Well, no one really knows what happened but this is what we think happens."

The challenge for me is that I want to give her straight answers. My husband is constantly teasing her. He will say one thing and she will turn and asks, "Is that true, Mommy?" And, I tell her the truth. Once we were in NYC when she was younger, and I made a comment about the rats in the subway. She asked if there were rats. Not wanting to cause concern, I said, "No, I was just kidding." She replied, "But you never kid." So, she's knows exactly when I'm kidding and when I'm giving her a correct answer.

Before I had a child, I thought the whole Santa experience was a terrible adult conspiracy against children, playing upon their innocence. Once I had a child, I jumped into the conspiracy whole-heartedly! I've always taken her to see Santa Claus at the mall, and she doesn't write letters because she figures she'll just tell him directly. After seeing "Polar Express", I found a jingle-bell on a string and I told her Santa left this. On Christmas morning, I actually knock over a few decorations to make it look like someone was there. I'll walk in, hands on my hips and say, "Can you believe it? Santa Claus made a mess!"

When she was three, she remarked on the wrapping paper. I quickly told her that Santa uses our wrapping paper, that seemed reasonable.

By the way, she and I decorated the house this year together and she was amazing. She came up with ideas that made sense and actually decorated the fireplace mantle by herself. I came back to straighten it, but it was great! A bow fell on the floor yesterday and my husband asked, "Where does this bow go?" and she replied, "On the bathroom door." We were amazed. My prediction is in less than 5 years I will not be decorating for Christmas, but she will. I was in wonder by the things she remembered about the ornaments and decorations - who gave it, I made it, did we always have it?

The excitement kids have about Santa and the Toothfairy is really amazing, and worth the effort. So, I guess I'll try to stay on my toes for just a little bit longer.

I do believe in Santa Clause and Fairies, I do, I do.

Motherhood Milestone

December 7, 2008 will be a day that lives on forever.

Annika ate peas - willingly!

I offered her a salad, and she dug into it. She avoided any lettuce with a hint of dressing, and started scooping up the "beans." She gobbled them up and went back to her pizza. She asked what kind of beans they were and I said "sweet peas." And, then she had a story about teachers planting sweet peas at her daycare years ago.

Here's the timeline of events:

0-7 years: cried, gagged (!), protested, negotiated and segregated green peas.

3 years: introduced her to raw sugar snap peas and that went well (sans dressing/dips).

5 years: introduced her to edamame with extra salt. I get the edamame in the pod and I steam/salt them. It's more rewarding to eat the bean after one has worked at it.

5-6 years: introduced frozen snap peas and it wasn't welcomed.

7 years: she ate the frozen snap peas without protest.

7 years: she ate the peas from my salad. These were frozen peas, which I microwaved for 1 minute and tossed in salad.

I'm really excited because it proves

1. You have to keep trying, even if it takes years.

2. Children eat what parents eat. Why should a child eat vegetables if parents do not?

3. Food marketing works. Two key words have been "sugar" and "sweet," which helped promote this vegetable.

Disney Hangover

So, my sister, daughter and I went to Disney over the Thanksgiving weekend. Our first trip was around my daughter's 3rd birthday and she loved it. She wore her princess t-shirts, chatted with all the princesses and cowered from the villians. She did have a wild breakdown during the fireworks and dark theaters, leaving both of us traumatized for years.

Now she's 7 and perfect for Disney experience. She definitely enjoyed the weekend.

My sister and I indulged her at the Bippidi Bobbidi Boutique. Yep, we splurged for the make up and the princess gown, and she worked it! She strolled and twirled through Disney in her red Belle dress. We figured this is a once in a lifetime experience. She was thrilled with the hair extensions they gave her. I haven't been too thrilled with the excess glitter that is still on her scalp, 4 shampoos later! (Note to others: If you do this, you can make a reservation, but they do accept people at the door, though you may need to wait. Also be sure to bring your own costumes. And, if you'd like an alternative experience, just do the hair, make up and glitter at your hotel and let the girl parade around all glammed up. I was really surprised how comfortable she was in that costume all day.)

Annika had a blast collecting autographs from "celebrities" like the Princesses, Mickey, Minnie, Stitch. She was thrilled out of her mind to bump into Aladdin and Jasmine in Epcot's Morocco exhibit. On the way out of the room, she went back up to Jasmine and told her "You're my favorite princess." The "princess" looked really touched and said "Aww! Thank you."

In the meantime, the whole Disney experience is overwhelming and surreal at times. People are genuinely nice, happy and polite. No one cuts in line for a ride or pushes to meet a character. Someone accidently bumped into me and my backpack, and he apologized profusely with a big smile on his face. I looked at him perplexed. Was he sincere? Why did he bump into my bag? Is this a scam?

One also has to step away for a minute and take a wide angle look at the Disney World. It seemed rather cultish at times with grown people walking around in mouse ears. And, it's not so much the mouse ears, but the way you can express yourself with the variety of mouse ears. One can be a princess, pirate, snowman, Goofy, Dumbo, whatever and still have ears.

It goes without saying everything is overpriced in the park. I couldn't find Annika a simple keychain under $6. (We reminded her that the costume/make over was her souvenir!) And, do not even get me started on the overpriced tickets! It's really sad that they've overpriced themselves out of the reach of average families. For a family of four, the non-resident, 3-day multi-park tickets would be over $1000. Have to ask if this is what Walt Disney anticipated?

So, it seems the Cult of Disney is "give us your money, we'll give you a tiara or ears." Anyway, we were ready to join the cult.

We enjoyed ourselves in Epcot's world countries by indulging in nachos in Mexico, Presseco and a rich red wine in Italy, and finishing off with a cafe au lait and pastries in France.

Couple of hints for future Disney recruits - skip a parade or the fireworks exhibit, and run to the rides. We jumped into "The Pirates of Carribean" with no lines! The best experience at Epcot was "Soarin", but the key is to get there early or grab a fast-pass for it. We waited 1 hour, but heard it can be up to 3 hours.

The Cinderella castle was absolutely breathtaking with the Christmas lights and decorations. I really felt as if I could stand there and just look at it all day. I've never seen anything like this before and it was incredible. There is something about this place that merges childhood fantasies and stories, allowing an escape into those corners of our minds and actually making them real.

While my daughter dreams of being a princess, I'm dreaming of a nice job at Disney. Running the "Small World" ride seems so much fun - just smile, wave to the people and say "Step out to the left. Step out to the left."

On Our Own

My husband is on an extended trip, a mix of business and personal. In the meantime, I'm in "single mom mode," holding down the fort. I start by alerting everyone at work that I'm leaving promptly every day, cannot come onsite over the weekend, etc. Family and friends extend warm invitations to come over and call if I need anything. However, she and I are better off with our daily straight forward routine.

After this weekend, I'm exhausted. People think that my chores and household duties must've lessened with my husband away. In fact, they haven't. I have my daughter's lessons and social calendar to attend to on weekends. Then, I try to sneak my errands in between her activities, since I've pretty much lost my lunch hour these days due to workload. So, now I'm driving all over town. I also have the usual managing the household activities, maintaining the same level of effort, if not more. Work is demanding as well, and I often need to work at night. Plus, we're leaving on vacation so I'm shopping, packing and booking.

I had a few thoughts about women who are truly single mothers, not a temporary state like myself. First of all, people should realize that women won't call for help - unless the house is truly or potentially on fire. When you're working towards being self-sufficient, you won't think to sway and you may not have time or want to impose. If someone else comes to you first, you may welcome it.

Having a support network would be the most important. On a day like today, I needed to be in two places at the same time. This would've been an instance where I would've asked my husband to do the drop off and I could do a pick up.

The key to managing on your own is managing your priorities and maintaining a routine. Once the routine is interrupted, it's difficult to get back on track.

I've been watching "Real Housewives of Atlanta," and I'm jelaous. No, not of the diamonds, the designer shoes, clothes and boobs. I'm jealous of the women with a house staff - personal chef, household managers! That's divine.

Soundtrack to Life

I've already talked about how much I love my iPhone, but here's one more reason: Pandora.com.

Pandora is an internet radio site, which allows you to customize your music. I used to listen to Yahoo music, but it was annoying with the commercials and the pleas to pay to join. I came across this and really enjoyed the selections and voting functions. Since my office has a firewall against streaming audio, I can't use it at work. This is where the iPhone comes in, since it's a free App I can download to my phone. I don't have any songs downloaded on my phone; it's all on Pandora.

I typically listen to NPR all day at work. Now, I've been turning on the music on my phone (what an odd sentence?).

It's actually been emotionally uplifting. I've been entwined in a lot of stressful situations at work for the past few months. I realized that just turning on Dido or Sarah helps me so much. My favorite now is Suzanne Vega.

When I was in college, I had a Suzanne Vega cassette that a friend made for me. I listened to this cassette continuously, and I remember lying down with my headphones and listening to her soothing voice. It cleared my head of the stress I was feeling.

All of sudden, I hear "Undertow" or "Marlene on the Wall" and I'm pulled back almost 20 years. For a minute or two, I turn away from my laptop. I smile at memories, sing a few lines softly, just being true to myself. And, in the whirl of a day filled with conference calls, dodging culpabilities, putting out fires and handholding clients, it's refreshing to remember who I am. For about two minutes, I'm the girl who used to wear hats and fell into the dreamy words of Suzanne Vega's poetry and mellow voice.

By the way, I've mentioned one of Vega's songs on my blog before, The Queen and the Soldier. The other cool part about Pandora is that I'm exposed to new artists and songs. Check out these lyrics to Vega's song "(If You Were) In My Movie" and New York is a Woman (Launch the player on the site to hear it). I love the line that "she'll make you cry And to her you're just another guy." Very poignant and precise.

So, now my colleagues know that I have my music on my phone, and I do get requests from the adjacent cubicle. We do 80's Day (hear the best of Flock of Seagulls and Duran Duran), Michael Buble Big Band Day or go flamenco with Gipsy Kings.

By the time I drive to work in the morning at 9 am, I've already 2 hours of hectic activity and I'm trying to get myself mentally ready for work. The best thing for me to listen to is a good Bollywood song. Come on, nothing can beat a bit of "Mauja Mauja" from Jab We Met. The other day traffic was backed up and rather than being frustrated, I was bopping. I actually feel a bit sorry for my American colleagues who don't have Bollywood music in their lives. I'm sure many of our stress levels could be reduced if we played Bollywood songs in the background. I can create a bizarre visual of all my colleagues singing the ensemble song from "Om Shanti Om"!

It's such a small thing to play music during the workday, but the impact is so great.

OBAMA ELECTED 44TH PRESIDENT

Someone asked me today about what we're expecting from Obama, why are we so excited.

I know the troops won't come home in six months and Iraq will still have suicide bombers. My IT team can't get a new server stood up in six months, how is a country going to stand up? This war is going to stretch out for ten more years.

I'm excited for the administration that ruled the last 8 years to step down. This country really lost its face in the global arena. Lies, secrets, conspiracies became the norm. The basic values of the Constitution and individual freedoms were compromised and up for interpretation. The country was spoon fed fear and performed dances of knee-jerk reactions. Diplomacy was mocked, and military might was the "only" option. Words like "liberty", "democracy", and "freedom" lost their value.

I want a president who is composed, thoughtful and willing to sit at the table with the world leaders. And, the most refreshing part about President-Elect Obama (!!) is that he's not afraid to call something what it is - we saw that in the debates. He really is going to escort the US back to global forefront, and he's going to revive this country!

We do need to recognize that this victory was very close, so there is still a large population that strongly supported McCain. It is definitely a tough road to bridge this country. However, there are many people who do believe.

New Blog Site

As an FYI, I've created a new blog site extracting my poetry and writing-centric blogs from this one. You'll still find everything on "Indigo Bubbles", but now you have "Dancing Leaves."

GO PHILLIES!!

The last time they won the World Series was 1980.. 28 years. Think about it.
This is city needed it! Woo hoo!

The Waitress - Review

This is one of my new 'comfort' chick movies. You know, the one that's always on cable and as soon as it comes on, you settle down and watch it, reciting the lines along with the characters. I love the colorful characters of movies like "Where the Heart Is" and "Steel Magnolias," where "laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." I have no idea why an Indian girl from Jersey has such a penchant for movies about southerners. I find the southern culture more exotic than any other!

I never watched Kerri Russell before, so I was really impressed with her flawless and truthful portrayal of Jenna, a waitress stuck in a miserable marriage. She finds pie baking to be a creative release of her emotions, as well as her love. There's a bit of food having special powers as in "Like Water for Chocolate" where the "Fall in Love" pie actually works. It's not a traditional romantic comedy because the plot is quite unusual, but that's what makes it stand out.

The one scene I do not like is the last one. Jenna dances out of her diner with her little girl, skipping down the lane so carefree. I'm sorry, but a working mother of a toddler does not skip. She will have at least two to three bags strapped upon her while navigating a stroller because the child may walk only 10 feet before crying and whining she's tired. The ending just wrapped up too cute too quickly.

Of course, I had to research the cute doctor in this movie - Nathan Fillion. (He reminds me a bit of Jason Bateman)

The shocking and unfortunate aspect of this movie is the murder of Adrienne Shelly. She was the writer and director of this movie, as well as an actor (played the goofy, big hearted waitress Dawn). It was a random act of violence, and very tragic to know such a talent died so young.

If you've seen this movie and have this massive craving for some "Falling in Love Chocolate Mousse Pie" or "Baby Screamin’ Its Head Off In The Middle of the Night & Ruinin’ My Life Pie" or "I Can’t Have No Affair Because It’s Wrong & I Don’t Want Earl to Kill Me Pie" (with or without the banana!), here are Jenna's pie recipes. (Actually that chocolate mousse pie looks good!)

Poem for Barack Obama

I haven't blogged too much about the election, since I've been discussing everywhere else. If you know me and/or my blog, I've been an enthusiastic Hillary supporter. We saw Bill Clinton last spring at a rally promoting Hillary's campaign. When she stepped down in June, we were heartbroken. Her "18 million cracks" speech still gives me chills. Even her speech at Democratic Convention was inspiring, and my friend and I were texting each other in tears.

I've said to others that I feel like I'm in an arranged marriage with Obama: Other people like him and believe he's the One. I, on the other hand, prefer to with the person I feel passionate about. My primary doubt about Obama was his experience with Washington, as I felt Clinton could bring more to the domestic and global affairs.

Anyway, I'm admiring Obama more and more for who he is as a person. He has the ability to be cool and steady in the midst of chaos -- one of my personal strengths. After the VP debate, I was impressed with Joseph Biden, which confirmed that Obama knows the right type of people he needs to surround himself with. After understanding his resume, while he may not have the Washington or "executive" experience, he has incredible instincts and ability to be a positive influence on others.

Between the economy, war and all that has gone downhill the last 8 years, the world is looking for a change. Yes, the world. This election belongs to more than Americans.

That's a lot of weight for one man. So, I'm dedicating this poem to him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

IF
by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! !

Second Grade Observations

One great thing about blogging is that I'm capturing moments with my daughter more vividly than a photograph can. She's in 2nd grade this year and I see more changes happening.

First Day of School
She would not call herself a 2nd grader until she went to school. "No, I'm still in first grade." I was wondering why she was resistent. She came home from school and proudly announced, "I was a first grader when I went into school. Then I started learning and now I'm a second grader!"

Adios Dora!
Dora's been out for the past year. It was kinda sad to see Dora go. I liked her going on adventure to Abuelas' house and her closing dance. (I admit, I've sang the "We did it! We did it!" dance in my head a few times at work!) And, my gosh, the girl and her monkey listened to kids.

We've had Hannah Montana, High School Musical and the Cheetah Girls as a strong presence in the house. We did the Hannah Montana birthday party this year (we had a dance floor in the basement). The Cheetah Girl's going to India just solidified their presence (I never understand what they were about anyway). Annika is all about the songs, dancing and clothes.

Princesses and fairies are still good though. We haven't fully traded in the paraphenalia we've collected.

Mother!
Since she was young, she's always called me "Mommy." She's had fun with me when she was four or five by calling me "Molly," which is cute. She's teased me with "Ashini Auntie" when she's with friends.

For the past few weeks, she does this "Mother" thing.. it's "Oh Mo-ther-rr." When she does that I reply with "Yes, Daughter."

She did ask me recently why she can't call me Ashini because everyone else does. I flip to my stock answer for this (my former boss Cathy had related this story and I saved it). "Everyone in the whole world can call me Ashini. But, there's only 1 person who's allowed to call me Mommy and that's you."

Stepping Away
I'm taking her need for independence in stride. She's closing her door now when she gets ready in the morning. She wants a sign that says "Open" or "Close." On the other hand, she has no problem welcoming me when she's still undressed and has no idea what to wear. As soon as I help her, she replies, "Ok, you go out now!!" Geez.

I definitely feel like she's trying to take her own steps, but still stepping back and clutching my legs for support.

Experiments and Hypothesis
I did have a happy moment at Back To School Night, when I read her writing journals. I was really surprised to see how many references she had to me, especially related to art. She overheard me telling someone how I loved both art and writing (I put art on hold until I got my writing established, and hope to get back into it in the future.). Annika was thrilled to share this common skill with me. (I am seriously impressed with her work - her attention to details is so precise).

Her first grade teachers were raving about her creative writing skills. I was kinda stunned. Well, we are a family of writers on my side, but I'm surprised to hear about this so early. Personally, I hope she does maintain her writing skills to help her through life, but not want to become a published writer.

She's also got her father's technical side as she's asked me to sign her up for Science Explorers Club again this year. There's a session where they do some "pop" and "fizz" experiements. She has such a natural curiosity about everything.

I suppose raising children is like a science experiment. You can have all the inputs, set the conditions, create your hypothesis -- but until it's all combined, you don't know what the outcome will be.

You may be right or be totally off base. We'll have the results in another 10 years!

Butterfly On My Leg

Butterfly On My Leg

It was when I sat in the darkness
of my own anger at my loss
that I suddenly noticed the soft and subtle flickers.
White wings came together like an angel's hands in a greeting.
The black eyes studied me.
She moved with steady steps on my calf.
Could I not feel anymore?

I did not move as I looked down. I could feel each footstep.
The wings were translucent, shimmering with
silken fibers. Yet they were opaque.
I wanted to see.
I wanted to feel.
I need to hear.
I strained and did hear the little one's words to me.
Fly with me.
I explained I couldn't.
I must remain to guard my losses.
Her voice beat consistently.
Fly with me.
I told her I could not.

She flew higher and floated to my ears.
She told me of succulent lavendar and heathers,
the inebriating scents of the green grass,
and being quenched by the dew warmed by the rising sun.

She said she understood. She knew.
It was only when she left her cocoon
was she able to savor the lushness of life.
The dark confines were cozy and safe.
But, hunger raged. The fatigue.
The desire to break out, stretch her wings and senses.

She began with a tiny punch.


*~*~*~*~*~*~
This was a writing prompt in my poetry journal - "Imagine a butterlfy lands on your leg."

Tribute to The Handsomest Drowned Man In The World

I've been reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez lately, and it's impossible not to be inspired and in love with his stories. Here is my interpretation of his short story "The Handsomest Drowned Man"

Entangled in Seaweed

Somehow, in the course of their normal days

without anyone realizing, they lost their

dreams. They were simply tossed

over the cliffs

with all the other loved and spent objects.

It was so uneventful. They didn't even know it.

They slept hard sleep, awakening to remember

only what was not done.

The women lost their softness,

while the men packed away their strengths

like wool blankets found in June.

Their bodies blurred into continuous days.

When the dreams happened to wash onto the shore,

the children did not know how to greet them,

as they had never been introduced.

Though the dreams lay entangled in scales and seaweed,

everyone took a risk to welcome an Unknown,

but possibly familiar.

They revived embers that barely glowed

and gave them a place to nestle, breathing into the fire.

A light of brilliance,

of all things enormous, wondrous and lustrous,

shone upon them. They wallowed

and followed in a sensuous and ethereal world,

that promised a Tomorrow.

They held their new found dreams above their heads,

allowing themselves to be lifted.

Their feet no longer touched the ground.

Me, Myself and iPhone

I resisted. I don't need it. Get me a Blackberry so I can check my work emails when I'm not at my desk. All the managers have Blackberries. All the techies have their Blackberries. What else is there?

Oh, the iPhone 3G.

So, I waited in line for an hour and half at the Apple store. There were only 5 people in line, so we were quite stunned by the wait. The store associates definitely could've stepped up productivity! I did get to chat with folks in line, and learned from one disgruntled geek that he dropped his iPhone from 18 inches and it cracked. We asked him if he was getting it fixed, and he said no. He just came over to complain to us. Anyway, we split up and learned the AT&T store had no line, and plenty of phones.

When we brought it home, I thought we should've put it on a silk pillow or something. No one was allowed to touch it. We went on Ebay and got leather case for it. I like the flip leather case since my other phones were flip phones. So, I can feel like I'm talking on a phone, not on my iPod.

So, three weeks later, I'm already spoiled. Yes, I am getting my work email on it (new attribute of the 3G is the Microsoft Exchange Server push technology). I don't have to keep logging into my PC or laptop to check the emails. The text feature as a conversation is very cool. I'm amazed by the quality of the photos for a phone. Annika loves the ability to watch Princess songs or the puppet singing Bollywood songs on YouTube. It actually came in handy at work when a colleague posted his embarrassing tourist video and we all got to check it out, since our firewall prohibits YouTube. My friends and family's pictures pop up when they call. It's fun to get an email from a friend with the link of the restaurant we're going to for dinner, peruse the menu all the while I'm running some other stuff at work.

I'm trying to organize my life so I'm noting my appointments and tasks with the calendars. I need to buy books for her music class? Let me punch it in. When am I working out anyway? Let me log my workout activities.

I haven't synched up my iPod, nor have I downloaded anything from Apps store.
(Psst - what is the login info it's asking for?)

Downside:
1. Not designed for driving and dialing!
2. The passcode enforced by my company takes away the spontaniety of taking pictures
3. My boss, managers, and other colleagues know how to find me on weekends.
4. Just because I make notes and appointments doesn't mean I'll keep them or actually do them.
The definite upside is the "wow factor" and showing off part. I have some key features part of my demo: show a sample youtube, do the maps zone, and zoom in and out of the photos, display a text conversation.

The funniest part of this new phone is the impact that it has on my daughter. Her generation will not know about phones that were stuck to the wall and all you could do was talk while sitting next to it.

Rhythms of India: Nandalal Bose Exhibit

The Philadelphia Art Museum had an exhibit of Indian artist Nandalal Bose, which combined paintings from San Diego and New Delhi.

This was my first exposure to this period of Indian artwork. Bose benefitted from the artistic cultivation from Tagore's school Santiniketan. He strove to build the Indian cultural identity in art by drawing inspiration from Hindu mythology and local villagers and tribes.

For a sampling of the artwork presented, check this slideshow. There were many paintings, which were absolutely beautiful. I was pleasantly surprised to see the influence of Chinese and Japanese painting techniques in the artwork. I never realized there was such a mesh.

By the way, this was my daughter's first visit to the art museum. She was excited to see the Indian art and recognized Bose's religious images of Lakshmi, Shiva and Krishna. She questioned why they looked different, so I tried to explain "artistic interpretations" to her.

Both of us were fascinated by this painting, "Annapurna." The side description explained this was Bose's comment on a 1943 famine in Bengal. Annapurna as Shiva's wife (Parvati) represents nourishment and abundance of food. In this painting, she has the bowls of rice that she's offering. Shiva is dancing, which represents destruction. However, this Shiva has a skeletal appearance, which emphasizes death. And, he has an outstretched hand.


The museum had a short film on the history of Santiniketan and how students were encouraged to look at the world around them for inspiration.

It was nice to see black and white images in this film of students, teachers and also the tribal villagers. This painting shows girls walking through the woods, and I could almost touch them. The landscapes of Bengal are so distinct in all these paintings - rolling hills, waves from the ocean and the trees that stand straight.

It was exciting to learn that Bose was a man who was touched by Rabindranath Tagore and M.K. Gandhi - the two men who uphold India's torch in the light world history. Tagore guided Bose, while Gandhi encouraged Bose's contribution to preserving Indian artistic and cultural heritage.

Children Need to Play

This piece on Children and Play was on NBC Today Show yesterday and it's interesting to me on many levels. First of all, my daughter and I participated in this exact study the Temple University Infant Lab. I ended up on their mailing list and they would periodically call when there was a study for her age group. So, she was about 3 or 4 when we went to the lab for this one. We read a normal Dora book and then we read an electronic Dora book, as we were filmed. I received a note this was going to be on TV, so I definitely watched. It's great to see this study come to fruition.

The other reason I was engaged in this story was because I am trying to figure out activities for my daughter in this fall. I only do weekend classes, never a weeknight due to work and school. I'd rather run around Saturday morning because we need that time at home during the week. We hardly have that much time to do homework, dinner and relax. So, I say no to playdates during the week, too.

We already have violin lessons (to supplement the school lessons). She'll have her Indian classes on Sunday afternoon, which requires time and homework. Do I put her in singing/dancing class again?What about focusing on singing lessons? (I can't tell you how many people have been pushing me for that once they hear her belt out Miley Cyrus song.) But, she wants the singing/dancing. What about ice skating? She enjoyed skating that last winter, but they didn't have classes available. Just a few weeks of lessons will help her get some confidence on the ice. She's not in any competitive sports or activities? Should she be? My husband keeps talking about Kumon classes (that's a blog by itself!)

I watched this episode. Breathe, baby, breathe.

I haven't made any decisions yet. I need to think about this some more. The benefits to these activities is there. She has friends at these classes and she's got a bit of pride. "I play violin!" "I was in a show!" She still talks about knowing karate from a free month we did at a karate school 2 or 3 years ago. I will admit, the language classes are the only she has a problem with, but that's a separate issue.

The only decision I can make now is that we need to talk as a family on what we want to do.