The Devil Wears Prada

I saw this movie last night with my girlfriend and it was so much fun. We kept whispering and pointing out the shoes, outfits and jewelry we liked.

Side note: Does anyone know how we can get knock offs of these clothes?? We want them! My friend and I loved, loved, loved her white shirt with black off-the-shoulder sweater and the Chanel necklaces. This is something we could wear to work so we want that black sweater. Is there some site or something that will tell plebians how to achieve high-fashion for merely hundreds of dollars instead of thousands? Where do we get a hat like that?

Anyway, I had read the book last year or so and enjoyed it. Definitely a fun book and the movie followed it well. They changed a few things, but that was more to streamline the film.

I related to Andrea's character on so many levels and watching this movie, memories came rushing. When I graduated college, I wanted to be in advertising. So, when I was 21 I had an internship with a small advertising shop in NYC. Most of my time was spent on the NY Times Crossword puzzle because they didn't have work for me. The artists and business managers would tease me about not having any work. They paid me $60 a week to cover my transportation, that was it.

Other days were exciting. They were doing an ad campaign for Riveria sunglasses so they needed models with versatile looks to handle all the glasses. So, we went to a few 'go-see' (model auditions) with the art director and photographer. The task for each male and female candidate was to try on variety of sunglasses and see if they had a versatile face.

They're rather ordinary, decent looking people that you see all over NYC. However, the director would say "Her nose didn't align properly." or "Her butt is too wide for a swimsuit." So, if you were a model, what do you do? Change your nose? It's a business where they want you or don't. Not much you can do about it, but keep trying.

By the way, I dressed like a total dork on those days, much like Andrea in the movie. Really, I was part of the creative side, not fashion. However, I'm quite fashion-challenged anyway, so I don't know what I would've done. I remember one nice model who chatted with me and was fascinated with my life as a college student and intern. I'm thinking, "You were on the cover of an Italian fashion magazine when you were 17! What the hell!"

Anyway, we also had to do a spread for children's clothing. All these little kids and mothers came for the photo shoot at this studio. As the intern, I got to tote around some toddlers (who knew my summer as a camp counselor would come in handy?) They had one shot with the girls in "country" outfits and they thought it'd be cute if one had a straw hat, carried a fishing pole and toy fish showing what she caught. Oh, we should send the intern on a search in a random part of NYC to go find a straw hat and a plastic fish.

So, I wandered and found a toy store specializing in aquatics (only in NYC!). The straw hat was $50 (only in NYC!). They didn't like the hat because it was too fancy and we'd be over budget for a $50 prop. So I had to return it.

One more resemblance to Andrea was the name. In the story, her boss calls her by other names, not her own. The art director called me "Sweetie" "Honey" and all sorts of words like that. I cringed a bit, but didn't say anything. I noticed that when he introduced me, he never said my name. So, the more I repeated my name, he *got* the pronounciation down. Once he got my name, he totally stopped using those substitutions.

Anyway, instead of advertising, I fell into nonprofit and eventually software. It's ironic that my client now is a large ad agency in NYC. I went there for a meeting recently and was blown away by their sleek office and the coffee bar in the reception area. I felt like a country bumpkin walking in (all we have is a water cooler to offer our visitors). Anyway, I don't think I could work there any more - at least at this stage in my life. All we do now at work is complain about "marketing people."

So, "The Devil Wears Prada" is definitely a fun movie and if I had a clue about fashion world, I'd probably recognize more people in it.

ABCDLady Articles

Just wanted to share some news that I'll be contributing to the Parenting section of ABCD Lady. Here's my first article, "Making the Most of Summer with Your Kids."

If you have suggestions for future topics, please let me know. I'd like to continue this tone of being informative without being preachy and realistic without whining.

Alice Walker Poem

Because
you rubbed
my shoulder
last night
a poem
traveled down
my arm.

~*~

Living
this year
in
disaster:
How
is
it different?

~*~

No one
has
escaped
a blessing.

~*~

Every time
you
die
you live
differently.

~*~

You cannot
eat
money
and
if you could
it would
make
you
sick.

~*~

Removing
the
boulder
reveals
the
message
underneath.

~*~

Buddha
helps
us up
while
lying
down.

~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~

I love Alice Walker's poetry for her simplicity and the beauty of her words and ideas. I have a few of her poetry books and they're like little treasures. The poem above is printed on multiple pages in her book "A Poem Traveled Down My Arm." So, it's as if there's a nugget of gold on each page - letting you marvel and relish the words and feelings.

Mid-Year Resolutions

Now that it's mid-year and it's also my birthday, I think it's a good time to make resolutions. I started a few things in the past week or two that should be incorporated all the time. The collision of my birthday just creates the sense of urgency (i.e., not getting younger, etc.). Also, writing these "resolutions" will make them more tangible for me.

- Pamper my body and skin better. I don't have a skin care "regimen" except for my morning cleansing and moisturizing, and occasional face mask. However, my sister and friends are proponents of proper skin care and my sister used an analogy that hit home. If you have osteoporosis, you don't start drinking milk. You drink milk to prevent it in the first place. So, with skin care, don't start with the wrinkle creams when you see a wrinkle. Take care early on so you don't need it. So, I'm promising to add a nightly skincare ritual.

- Use the "nice" things . I have so many "nice" pieces of jewelry, perfume and lingerie that sits in boxes and drawers. I pulled out a beautiful diamond ring the other day for a party - white gold with diamonds in the shape of a flower. This was a gift from my husband from his trip to India, where he chose and designed it. I decided I'm going to wear this ring more often, enjoy its beauty and elegance. I cleaned out my lingerie drawer and found so many beautiful purchases that I pushed in the back. I vowed to either use it or throw it out. I also treated myself to new ones and cut all the tags before I change my mind.

- Keep up my writing efforts. I've created a strategy and a process in April and I want to make sure I don't lose the momentum. I have to keep firing at my targets and something will hit; all this time I was firing randomly and not hitting.

-Recognize each moment with my daughter. I think I am doing this already, but I want to make sure I recognize each moment with her. She's growing up so fast and changing in many ways - physically, verbally, emotionally. I've never had anyone like this in my life, definitely growing into a funny and unpredictable person. Not to sound cliche, she is like a flower. She blossoms into one type of flower and then you see the petals changing and she becomes another type of flower. I want to hold onto each of the petals because they are special pieces of her.

On another note, having had my birthday yesterday I felt touched my many people. Emails, phone calls and personal greetings and expressions from all over the world. Last week I was terribly down and overwhelmed by work and personal responsibilities that have been accruing for the past two months. There was one day that I felt I was slipping into a state of invisibility, especially at work (only my client could clearly see me and keep bothering me!) I felt like I was carrying everyone's weight and had to put mine behind me.

So, having the support and recognition of 'my day' was great -- like a refreshing splash of water on your face.

(Hope I wasn't too Oprah-ish!)

On Being Five: Giving Back to Mommy

Last week I was really overwhelmed. I have a lot of stress at work and there are some personal issues going on. I was really sad, and sat on the deck for some quiet space.

Annika noticed. She came up and asked me "Why are you sad?"
I just shook my head.

She said, "Where's that smile?" in that tone that teachers must use.

I had to smile.


~*~*~*~

Today is my birthday and I told her that. I guess birthdays are important in general, but Mommy's Birthday is the best. Earlier in the week, she was jumping and hugging me because my birthday was coming.

Today she asked me if I could take her to Starbucks for hot chocolate after school. Normally, she goes with her daddy, but today she wanted to me. This would be our special treat.

I gave her a hug this morning. And, the only way I could think to describe it is the scene in "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas." At the end, the mean old Grinch's heart starts to pump and grow. It grows and becomes overwhelming that it pushes out of his chest. That's what I felt like hugging her this morning. My heart was expanding more than I knew it could.

Verdi Cries

Verdi Cries

-10,000 Maniacs "Blind Man's Zoo"

The man in 119 takes his tea all alone.
Mornings we all rise to wireless Verdi cries.
I'm hearing opera through the door.
The souls of men and women, impassioned all.
Their voices climb and fall; battle trumpets call.
I fill the bath and climb inside, singing.

He will not touch their pastry
but every day they bring him more.
Gold from the breakfast tray, I steal them all away
and then go and eat them on the shore.

I draw a jackal-headed woman in the sand,
sing of a lover's fate sealed by jealous hate
then wash my hand in the sea.
With just three days more I'd have just about learned the entire score to Aida.

Holidays must end as you know.
All is memory taken home with me:
the opera, the stolen tea, the sand drawing, the verging sea, all years ago.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I loved the 10,000 Maniacs like anything back in the day, and this song is absolutely beautiful. I loved the simplicity of the music and the story in the lyrics. It's a short song, but it says so so much. There's a viola at the end of it, which is exquisite. I was writing earlier this morning, and this song just popped in my head. So, I wanted to share this.

Cinematic Potpourri for $200

We've seen a bunch of movies recently and I don't have enough comments to dedicate a whole post to each one.

The Producers: Great movie, lots of fun. Just wish we had seen this on Broadway. Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick are so talented and funny, that I can imagine live would have been wonderful experience. However, they pointed out in the Behind-The-Scenes interviews that they took advantage of the cinematic aspects versus the limitations on stage. Therefore, they were able to create the feel of those old Hollywood dance numbers. I liked Uma Thurman too ("Ulla dance now.")

Munich: I'm mixed about this movie. While the setting is 1970's, the theme is current. The idea of eliminating the terrorist masterminds to seek avengence for a horrible event, a task which is unending as there will always be successors. More deaths are incurred and the battle continues without an end in sight. Sadly 30 years later, the Israel and Palestinian arguments are still relevant. There's a lot of suspense, explosions and gun violence. Being the wimp that I am, I had my laptop and was doing some other things at those moments. It was actually quite long, which surprised us and then the ending is just there in its ambivalence.

By the way, I was reading other reviews about this, and most are giving this movie a positive rating; it was nominated for Best Picture. However, I found this succinct quote: You cannot make a convincing case against terrorism by showing one graphic scene after another of cold-blooded murder. (Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat)

Maybe that's the real hesitation on my part to warm up to this movie. Violence breeds more violence.

Matchpoint and Melinda, Melinda: We've always snatched up every Woody Allen movie we can find. With his new movies, I guess we think like a lot of people do - we are trying to look for the old Woody Allen in an updated overcoat. The only reason I'm putting these two movies together is because they have the same director and they both have a one-line thesis.

The thesis for "Matchpoint" is one must be lucky in life, everything else will fall into place. It's a serious movie, much like "Crimes & Misdemeanors." However, it turns eerie and unbelievable, yet very believable. The acting is excellent, and there are two pairs of the most sensual lips in the world - Scarlett Johannson & Jonathan Rhys Meyers. When Jonathon is on screen, he owns it. Not so much his character, but him. (Remember him as the coach in "Bend It Like Beckham"?)

The thesis for "Melinda, Melinda" is that one incident in life can be interpreted as a tragedy or a comedy. Allen took this concept and ran with it. A group of intellectual artists discuss this at a restaurant. They throw out a scenario of a woman appearing at the door and interrupting a dinner party. So, the story plays out simultaneously with brief introductions from the artists/chorus. (Actually - it just hit me they were like the Chorus! Remember the Chorus "Mighty Aphrodite"? Nice tool to have in films). So, there are back-to-back scenes of the stories and it is pretty consistent. I liked how certain elements would show up in each depiction (i.e., a certain dark French restaurant, a rusty genie lamp).

Anyway, who would have thought Will Farrell would be in a Woody Allen movie? We were shocked. However, his character was in the comedic interpretation of the scenario and he becomes the neurotic, quick-witted Woody Allen archetype that's always present. He follows the steps of Jason Biggs and Kenneth Branagh who had similar roles in Allen's movies. I saw Amanda Peet as more of the Diane Keaton type of his movies - sexy, charming and slightly insecure.

Apologies on Formatting

Sorry about the lopsided format of this site. I've been playing with the template provided by Blogger and wanted my content to be wider and reduce the dark margins. Got it perfect the other day! That was in Firefox.

Go to work and open IE and it's way off! So, tweak tweak the pixel counts.. looks good.

Come home to Firefox and it's messed up.

C'est la vie. You're not here to check my formatting anyway, right? (I hope!)

Poetry: Margaret Atwood

Variation on the Word Sleep

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descent,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*
I liked this poem because of the playfulness of the words in the first paragraph, where the narrator moves from just being a spectator to being the participant, the Dreamer. There is an intimacy, but there's also a request for permission to dream. And the dream becomes an active process between the two (walking, leading).

The sentence is so powerful. It is as if the narrator had requested permission and now just wants to be there in any form - a necessary form.

I'm a fan of Margaret Atwood's and love her stories, novels and poetry. I don't know how she does it, but every word is carefully placed. I had listened to "Alias Grace" on audiotape and while it was so pleasant to the ear, I kept wishing I had the book in front of me because she's so poetic. (I was listening to her while driving to work, so book wasn't a logical option).

When I read "The Handmaid's Tale" years ago, I couldn't sleep at night because I felt the character's anxieties. I think fiction and dreams blended.

And, if that's not enough Atwood for you, here's more: Gertrude Talks Back giving a voice to Hamlet's mother.

Wow.

On the Job Training: Motherhood Part 14 - Neighbors

We live in an untraditional neighborhood. Our development has 8 houses. There are two long driveways from the main road that lead to our houses - 3 on one side, 5 on the other. It's great because our development is so multicultural - Black, White, Indians (2), Chinese (2), and Russian.

We don't have sidewalks so you have to cross yards or go to the main road. I'm on the side with 3 houses and my immediate neighbors' kids are in middle/high school. The girls used to come over when Annika was a baby to play with her, but then they got busier. The other side has at least 8 kids in Annika's age group.

When she was younger, I used to take her to see the other kids, dragging a tricycle across the yards. It was kinda painful because I ended up having to hang out, chat a bit with the parents. They're all nice, but you run out of things to talk about.

Two weeks ago we saw the kids playing outside and Annika wanted to go play with them. I took her over and introduced her to them (they had met at least 2 yrs ago, so they don't remember each other). The kids jumped on the swingsets and were off. I was really happy because I could walk away now. They're old enough to play with minimal supervision.

Initially, when I walked away, Annika came running home. She thought she had to come back because I left. I told her she could play and we were still outside so we could see her. She was hesitant to go, but we made her go back by herself. She stopped to pick weeds and found excuses, but she went slowly on her own.

Yesterday she was running back and forth on her own bringing the kids back with her.

I finally felt a bit of joy for Annika too. I grew up in Queens, NY and had a bunch of neighborhood friends, a nice mix of American & Keralite kids. We were out and about pretty much all the time. We ran around to each other's houses and had two swingsets among everyone.

By the way, if you look at our backyards, every house has a swingset. I really want one for her, but our ground is too sloped to accomodate it. So, I feel better that she can run across the yards to play and share a swingset with others, the way it's supposed to be.

One of the mother's pointed out to me that it's safer for them to run across the backyards than having to deal with main roads. I didn't realize that. So, I feel better about that too!

We're so used to scheduled playdates that it's refreshing to have the spontaneity of neighborhood kids. And, for parents, to be able to walk over and bring them back.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Side note: I had the most fabulous Saturday afternoon yesterday. Most of my day was hectic since I went into work for a few hours plus afternoon of running errands. Later on, my husband went to play golf with the guys. Annika was in the yard with the neighbor kids. I sat on my deck under the awning with a cup of coffee and my laptop. It was a beautiful afternoon and very peaceful. I loved it. I wrote a bit so I don't think it could've been more perfect. I really treasure quiet time, alone time, whatever you want to call it. I'm quite social, but I have always needed my private space as far as I can remember.

On Being Five - Part 3

There was a notice on the classroom wall that it was career week. During the week, she had asked what we did, and to be honest, I'm not sure how to explain what I do in simplistic terms to anyone. "We work with computers."

Amidst the morning rush, Annika was saying something about computers. I asked her to wait, and in the meantime she ran to her father. “Daddy, I need to bring your laptop to school.” He waved her off.

We pulled up in front of the school and she said, “Mommy, I need to bring something from your work. I need a computer.”

I wasn’t going to give up my laptop to a five-year-old. I rummaged through my bag and found a business card, a floppy disk and a key chain with my company logo on there. She was so excited!

She walked in feeling so important holding the three items. I was happy for once that I hadn’t cleaned out my bag and I didn’t give up my laptop.

Water and 15 Park Avenue

Deepa Mehta's Water and Aparna Sen's "15 Park Avenue" are two brilliant movies directed by Indian women that approach taboo topics. The topics are delicate and the directors handle them with love and sensitivity. These topics are glass. If handled roughly, they would shatter. When handled properly, they could be a prism, reflecting the colors and the lights that we don't see.

"Water" is Mehta's third movie in her trilogy with "Fire" and "Earth." This movie has been fraught with controversy and was ultimately filmed in Sri Lanka.

For many Indians, the treatment of widows is a hurtful and embarrassing scar from the past. Most of the anger in the Indian community is "Why do you need to show that to western audiences?" I personally think it is important to know and remember your history as you build your future. While widows may not live in the same harsh conditions depicted in the movie, widows are still regarded differently to a degree and the biases are more subtle.

In an interview, Deepa Mehta stated: "Water can flow or water can be stagnant. I set the film in the 1930s, but the people in the film live their lives as it was prescribed by a religious text more than 2,000 years old. Even today, people follow these texts, which is one reason why there continue to be millions of widows. To me, that is a kind of stagnant water. I think traditions shouldn't be that rigid. They should flow like the replenishing kind of water."

Cinema is a powerful medium transforming faceless widows into real and recognizable people. There was an elderly widow who craved laddoos and sweets. Don't we all? How would your needs for small pleasures in life disappear suddenly? The confidence and esteem of these women is beaten down. And, they beat down on each other, knowing they cannot rise.

John Abraham's role is wonderful in its symbolism. A flute-playing, Gandhian named Narayan (another name for Lord Vishnu) becomes an image of Krishna, a savior to the women. Lisa Ray is exquisite as the beautiful widow who is forced to prostitute by the ashram matriarch. I've seen Lisa and John in Bollywood movies, so it was refreshing to see them in such serious roles, which they fulfilled beautifully.

The character of Chuyia, the child widow, is so important. Mehta shows how her youthfulness is oppressed by the burden of widowhood. I just read that young Sarala, who plays Chuyia the child widow, does not speak Hindi and learnt her lines phonetically. Right there is one challenge as an actor.

The other movie that slipped in quietly was "15 Park Avenue." I enjoyed Aparna Sen's "Mr. & Mrs. Iyer" so I knew this would be as stimulating. I thought this was well-developed story, though it used some cliched story-telling techniques. Overall it was done well. The actors - Shabana Azmi & Konkana Sen - are absolutely talented. People were thrilled with Rani Mukherjee in "Black." However, Sen captures the true spirit and complexity required to play a schizophrenic girl. She wasn't afraid to 'get ugly' and work hard to play this role without resorting to stereotypes.

What I liked about the movie as a whole as that each character has a story and they reveal themselves in their own way. For example, Joydeep's wife is a peripheral character, but the audience sees she is just as complicated and brings in her own feelings as a main character.

The ending was interesting -- abrupt & dreamlike. It didn't flow with the rest of the movie, which seemed realistic. This could be a turn-off for some audiences.

I'm really happy we're able to see these movies now, either on DVD or in the theater.

My Own Elizabethtown

I remember there were a lot previews for this movie, but it simply disappeared. It was a good movie with a lot of soul, but no body. There was something missing and I’m still not sure what. Kirsten Dunst is always good, and there’s Orlando. Orlando, Orlando.

As usual, there are movies reviews elsewhere online, but I write about what hits me.

After his father’s sudden death, Orlando’s character, Drew, comes to his father’s Kentucky hometown. Drew is a “citified” kind of guy with a hotshot lifestyle and only his sister and mother in Oregon. When he enters Elizabethtown, he’s amazed that strangers know who he is and why he’s there. He enters a house and everyone jumps on top of him with hugs and recognition as “Mitch’s boy.” Drew is amazed at the lack of formality and openness. There’s an aunt (Paula Dean) who holds the family history with words, photographs, and food. Traditions and beliefs have long roots in their home.

I recognized myself in Drew at that moment. I’ve felt that way visiting India. My first trip was when I was eleven and we had gone to my father’s small town Rajpipla. People came out of everywhere to introduce themselves as an aunt, uncle, cousin, or a neighbor who held my father on his knee. First cousins I didn’t know I had jumped to greet us at the bus depot. I didn’t have to prove myself or earn their hugs and affection. They knew who I was and we were family.

I remember going to a community event with a friend, and we were talking to a woman. She needed to identify me and asked whose daughter I was. My parents’ names did not ring a bell for her, since we didn’t live there. I mentioned my aunt’s name and our address (“opposite the post office”). She said, “Oh, are you the America-walli?” She had heard.

One line out of the movie that echoed for me was when a random cousin says to Drew, “Everyone says we look alike. Wow. It’s like looking in a mirror.” Bit of a joke, since he does not look like Orlando (no one looks like Orlando). When I went to India a few years ago, people kept telling my cousin Sheetal and I that we looked alike now. The comparisons were a bit tiresome. When Sheetal and I were reunited, we faced each other, holding the other’s shoulders. We studied each other’s face, and I said, “Wow. We look alike.” She said, “I feel like I’m looking in a mirror.” We laughed hysterically because we didn’t.

Since our visits have been few and far between, it is more of an introduction than a reunion. We don’t have too many memories together and need to find links and common grounds. For example, it was exciting to learn first cousins on my father’s side also have creative talents. We knew we got our artistic talents from father, but we didn’t think beyond our immediate family. It was amazing to have an innate connection to others.

The openness and lack of formality in India is like being wrapped up in a warm fleece blanket. Definitely feels wonderful when you’ve been in the cold. Of course, even if it’s 100-degrees outside, that blanket is still there. Indian relations believe they have the right to interrogate you about your weight, pimples, eyebrows, eyeglass prescription, etc. Not only will they ask, they will offer unsolicited advice and solutions to things you didn’t know were a problem. It’s not just immediate relations, but anyone who feels they have a connection. So, it’ll be that neighbor’s sister-in-law’s friend who will make recommendations about your complexion. That’s when the American in me needs to shake off that blanket and retreat into a world of privacy.

"Elizabethtown" invoked these memories of being an outsider who actually belongs. (Here's one more picture of Orlando for the road!)

Review: The Squid and the Whale

I had heard a lot about this movie through NPR interviews with writer/director Noah Baumbach. I thought it was going to be an intense, serious movie about a breakup of a marriage and family. It was definitely serious, but it had something else that made it so realistic and familiar.

Laura Linney is absolutely fabulous as an actress. There's one scene where she's talking to Jeff Daniels and her face runs a gamut of emotions - first cold and hard talking to her estranged husband, then her face is lit up talking about her son's achievement and suddenly she's on the brink of tears as she realizes what is happening to their family. All within a few minutes on a doorstep conversation.

By the way, seeing Jeff Daniels as a professor in a relationship with a student reminded me of his role in "Terms of Endearment."

There are plenty of reviews on line, so I wanted to pull out another interesting point in this movie. The oldest son plagiarizes in order to win his father's approval. He has no problem reiterating what his father says without having the substance to back it up. Anna Paquin's character also confesses to plagiarizing.

Now, this brings me back to our enfant terrible, Kaavya Vishwanathan. I said in my previous blog that she was an example of an overachiever for whom success was more important than substance. I think at 17 you feel like you know more than everyone else and can do anything you want. I thought it was interesting that a similar plot line developed in this movie. So, Kaavya is probably not the first and definitely not the last.

By the way, at the end of the movie, I was left a bit exhausted by the enormity of parenting. It's a phenomenal task to guide and build a human being. Every action and expression from the parents registers in the children and it affects them in many ways. If there's one takeaway from it, it was the need to create memories because who knows what the future holds.

The ending was good as we saw the older boy learning to reject his father's life, which he had adopted and start building his.

The DVD has a nice interview with Noah Baumbach and he talks about the themes of the story (e.g., the boys have different reactions to acknowledging their parents as sexual beings, parents need to know where boundaries). Also, this movie was born from his own experiences going through his parents' divorce, so the details are there. For example, how do you have joint custody of a cat?

Definitely think we will see the two boys in more movies in the future, and hope to see more from Noah Baumbach too.

Renewing with Libraries

Helen Keller's autobiography was the first book on my first library card. I was six, I believe, at the Queens Borough Public Library. The book had the Braille alphabet on the back. A few years later I was lucky enough to get a copy of it, maybe through RIF.

Anyway, I loved going to the library throughout my childhood. My friends and I would return home with stacks of books and aching arms. We would nourish ourselves with chocolate bars bought en route.

When we moved to NJ, I was 13 and did not ask the librarian where the teen books were. I saw the children's section and the adult's books. So, I coolly wandered through the adult sections and picked up classics, contemporary fiction and nonfiction. The things I read! I didn't really understand a lot of it until I was older. I think by the time I found the few shelves of teen novels, I didn't care for them by then.

In college, I lived at the library like everyone else. However, it drove me nuts to have read my assignments instead of all the great books on the shelves. I would dream for the day when I would have nothing to do, but sit and read there. Actually, I remember studying for calculus and my eyes wandered to a shelf. There was "The Hobbit." A beautifully illustrated version, and I had never read it before. Of course, let's read this instead of studying calculus!

Actually, in college, books like "The Hobbit" were like chocolate bars. I just break off one piece at a time and savor it. Put the rest away for later.

My first "real" job was in the development office of a major city library. I loved walking into the grand hall every morning, after I passed the homeless people who slept on the steps. I didn't particularly like the librarians. They were very possessive about books and knowledge in general; this assessment was later confirmed to me by someone who was trading in his MLS for an MBA in a less cutthroat environment. Our office was tight and not glamorous at all. My pay was meager and tasks were endless. But, I loved walking down the grand staircase or being in the Rare Books Department for a special events and hovering around authors. I was in an elevator with Chaim Potok and was totally starstruck and tongue-tied.

Then I feel like I lost my libraries. I got busy with my life. Found some local libraries that sufficed for the time being. My town actually does not have a library of its own. So, like others, I was lured by the mega-bookstores that offered overpriced cappucinos and biscottis. I could get the latest and greatest, as well as a clearance rack that offered treasures. I pulled out my credit card as books called to me.

Now, a neighboring town has a new library and it's just lovely. It's a new building and the shelves are still bare. However, the collection is new and diverse offering. I loved finding old friends like Seth, Divakaruni, Rushdie and Selvadurai on the shelves. The best part is that it's free. Just the idea of "here's a book for you. Just read it and give it back" is so refreshing.

I'll buy books that I want to keep. My weakness is South Asian and Asian writers. I think for so long it was rare to find any books, that I snatched them up. Now, I can't keep up.

Anyway, that's my walk through the libraries. A few more stories came to mind when I was writing, but I think I'll save those. By the way, I was such a geeky bookworm when I was little, I used to pretend my 10 books at home were my library and I'd sign books in and out. Interesting though - I never wanted to be a librarian.

On the Job Training - Motherhood 13: Secrets

Part of gaining independence is stepping away from parents and having a life outside of the parents. This is when they form secrets.

In the past, she had a little box and put one of my necklaces in there. She said it was a "Surprise! Don't look!" I knew what it was and didn't care.

Last week she went to a birthday party where they painted jewelry boxes. I admired her box and I listened with half an ear when she told me the lid was glued and didn't open. Later I checked the box and saw it did. I noticed the little things in there, but didn't care (a princess hair brush, hair accessories, shiny stones).

The other night, she wanted to brush her hair and made me close my eyes while she went into her box. She didn't say where the brush was, but I obviously knew.

Anyway, I don't think I will go into her box. As a girl I always had special boxes. There were 2-3 shoeboxes, which held movie stubs, notes, programs, pretty ribbons, and shells. I have them in my basement now. I know what it's like to want to capture special moments - either through material objects or on paper. I had my first diary when I was eleven and I kept journals on and off through the years.

I know my sister and I struggled with our mother to keep our secrets in tact. We begged her not to touch our "stuff" and we could sense when she had. I don't think she ever read a diary - I was hiding it especially from my sister's prying eyes. From my mother's point of view, she was just going in our rooms to clean up and if we did it ourselves, she wouldn't have to come. Also, she wanted to make sure we were not doing anything disagreeable (on drugs, on birth control, talking to boys, failing exams).

However, I am now on the other side. I'm the party being barricaded. I know that in order for me to build a trust with my daughter, I have to pass many tests. I'll be tested to see if I can be trusted to hold certain secrets, not go forth to others with it, and respect the boundaries.

I still remember key conversations with my mother that shut windows of communication between us. Ordinary, everyday conversations about school and friends that happened when I was thirteen to seventeen.

I also see her saying something casually and then when I ask her, she will quickly say "Nothing!" and make up something else. I try not to be judgmental when she's telling me things.

Another mom told me this a few years ago - every night before bed, she would ask her daughter to tell her a secret and she would tell her a secret in return. The secrets were nothing big, though important to the girl. However, it was part of the building the relationship. Her daughter was eight or nine at the time, and I don't know when she started. I hope that this would set her knowing there was one parent she could confide in when she needed to.

Since Annika does not have siblings, I feel I need to be that confidante for her. However, I'm still the "mom" and when she says "Nothing!" to me that shows she knows my authority, which is good. So, now I need to give her space.

My favorite quote about motherhood: "A mother is not a person to lean on but person to make leaning unnecessary." (Dorothy Fisher)

By the way, this is a Mother's Day picture Annika drew of us. She's the one with long, straight black hair and I am the one with light brown hair with pink streaks and orange tufts. In reality, she has short curly/wavy dark brown hair and I have dark brown hair with reddish brown highlights (not orange!!). I thought it was kinda cute because we're almost the same height. I don't know if she considers me as her equal or she is my equal. I love the butterflies though.

On the Job Training - Motherhood 12: Our Mothers

This month's O magazine has activities that I never do - I usually mull over them for a bit, but I never write them down. This time I will.

1. List 5 things you do instinctively that your mother did.
- When I get my daughter ready in the morning, I find myself putting the same hairstyles on my daughter that my mom did. I thought they looked boring at the time. Now I see it's cute and practical.

- After I do her hair, I put some moisturizer on her cheeks and then kiss her face.

- I wake Annika up with kisses & hugs.

- Calling her 'gandi' (crazy girl) affectionately.

- Telling her how much she means to me and how tiny she used to be. I never understood it when my mom said that to me. I usually thought, "Yeah, Ok. Get over it now."

2. List 5 things you have chosen to do differently.

- I almost invited extra friends to her birthday party because I talk to the mothers; she is not necessarily very good friends with the girls. My sister warned me this is how we ended up with the extensive wedding list of people I didn't know, but with whom my mom was friends. Birthday guest list was shortened.

- Controlling my temper and trying to choose my words wisely. I know now they will be remembered.

- Let food be central part of the house, but not spend unbelievable amount of energy cooking. That way I have more energy & time for friends and family.

- I don't sing when waking up Annika. I don't sing when her friends are around. I don't sing period.

- I go out with my girlfriends for my book clubs, writing groups, and nights out on the town. My husband pursues his social life & hobbies, which are independent of our activities as a couple and family. We have given each other space to grow. My mother, as many Indian women of her generation, believes that she should mold herself to her husband. A wife should always accompany and be accompanied by her husband. His interests would be hers. That is a difficult choice. But, it is a choice and the rules of propriety are not the same.

Now as a mother, I let my daughter see how mommies and daddies can step away from each other and come back together.

Actually - a big kudos to the men for giving women the freedom to do this. Men now are more capable and confident about child care and household duties than they were in my father's generation.

Casablanca

"Casablanca" was playing on Turner Classics tonight and I paused. That's about it. The first time I saw the movie, I was in college. My roommate Ellen & I had gone to the student center one Friday night to see it. It was ok. We both walked out of it confused, not sure what the hype was about.

In the meantime, I watch people cry, quote, misquote and praise this movie ad nauseam, and I've been declaring it was overrated.

A few years ago, it was on TV and my husband told me I had to watch this from the beginning. Fair enough. Let's do it. I pretty much forced myself to watch it after a certain point. I don't really like Bogart, but I told myself, "Just finish it." I was so into it that I got up to do the dishes at one point.

Then, came the final scene:
Ilsa: You're saying this only to make me go.
Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you.
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.

All of a sudden, I got it! Tears started flowing. I've heard this speech over and over, and I finally understood the context and what it meant for Rick to say that to her. She felt caught between the past and the present, and he was letting her go. Now I get that "here's looking at you kid."

They say a classic is something that endures time by remaining fresh and real. Something that always lets you see something you missed before. So, this is what a classic is? This is how a story, script and actors blend together to create timeless event.

With that said, I've seen it once and had an emotional rapturous experience. However, I don't think I can sit through the whole movie again though. Sorry Rick & Ilsa.

By the way, I love old Hollywood. When I was young, I used to get library books about child actors, Hollywood of the 30-50's. I used to borrow the same books over and over. I loved looking at my father's Life magazine collection of 50 years of Hollywood. I feel intimate with many of the actors and stars, though I may not have seen their movies. I think I'll have to do separate blogs for some of my favorite stars like Katherine, Cary and Audrey.

Kaavya, Kaavya, Sigh..

This has been a hot topic this week all over the South Asian online circuit, NPR and even one of the ballet moms brought it up. I don't want to dwell on it too much, but many people have asked for my opinion, as an aspiring writer.

First admission - I was deeply jealous when I first heard about her success ($500,000 + Dreamworks option) for a 19-year-old Finance major. I've wanted to be a writer since I was 8 and am still struggling to get it together. I was curious why this book and not the dozen other desi chick-lit books out there. Dumb luck perhaps? I saw excerpts of the book, though I haven't read it, and I didn't think it was well-written. Hey, that's the teen genre, I guess. Figured I'd wait for the movie and see who the desi Lindsay Lohan would be.

Then the controversy of the plagiarism spurred this week and everything has come out in the open. However, I've learned a lot about the publishing and packaging industry, so I don't believe Kaavya has plagiarized herself. I recall reading that she said her original story was "dark" and they lightened it for her to make it appealing for mainstream audience.

Inside 17th Street
“A packager basically serves as both the writer and editor of a book,” Skurnick said in a phone interview. “The advantage for a publishing house is they don’t have to do anything — they don’t have to design the book, they don’t have to think about a concept…. They can just say, ‘Here’s $80,000 for twelve of these books.’ They don’t have to do any of the work.”

“In my case, I was a former editor at the [17th Street] office where books are farmed out to. But there’s a whole network of writers who mostly do this kind of book,” Skurnick said, referring to scribes who churn out new installments long after a series’ original author has dropped out of the picture. As “work-for-hire” employees with usually no royalty or copyright claims on their output, many of these writers labor with the hopes of gaining the connections that might land them a project of their own."

Other articles:

Will the Real Plagiarist Please Stand Up
Did Opal Author Plagiarize — or Was It Her Handlers?


So, Kaavya is in a precarious situation where options are 1) to admit she plagiarized and ruin her career 2) to admit, "I had ghostwriters, but I took full credit and $500K for the book."

What are aspiring writers supposed to do to protect themselves? Kaavya did have an agent who commandeered this for her.

My other issue with this is the model of the Indian overachiever. The girl could not write her college essay and her parents hired a consultant. How the heck does she get a bigger book deal than the other qualified writers.? By qualified, I'm referring to a list on SAWNET.org's BookShelf. There are dozens and dozens of South Asian women writers who have a lot more writing experience. So, it's not as if there is a drought of Indian talent out there.

Anyone who has grown up in the Asian immigrant community knows the pressure to succeed (education, career, marriage, family, etc.). Though I don't agree wholly with the author of this blog, he's got some good points about the pressure to succeed at any cost: Gawker

I'm hoping Kaavya will take a lesson from "The Martha Stewart School of Damaged Image Recovery" and kick out another book about this whole experience.

For me, this reassures me that slow and steady will win the race. By the way, for clarification purposes, I do not want a huge publishing contract or movie options (though it would be nice not to go to work). I want an interview with Terry Gross from Fresh Air. That's it. That's all I want.

Getting Out of Bollywood: Being Cyrus & Iqbal Reviews

Indian cinema is truly taking off with force now. When you let the filmmakers loose, it’s amazing what they can do.

Iqbal
I know nothing about cricket. When the movie was three-quarters completed, I asked my husband "When the little thing falls off the sticks, is it a strike?" (Yes).

We really enjoyed this movie for all the other elements it offers. Iqbal is a boy with a talent for cricket, who faces many challenges to achieve his dream – his deafness, his father’s intolerance toward the sport, social prejudices, and unethical dealings in the sport.

Having worked with the deaf community years ago, I am drawn toward such stories. I was impressed with the sign language skills of the actors; it’s often easily faked in movies. On the DVD interviews, Director Nagesh Kukunoor mentions that this was important to him. His challenge was to find an actor who could act, play cricket and sign, which he did.

By the way, I’m a fan of Kukunoor’s “Teen Dewaar” (Three Walls). The story was tight, the film moved quickly and we didn’t expect the outcome. No one seemed to have seen “Bollywood Calling,” a movie that I enjoyed a lot for it's peek into the "filmy" world.

His stories are real and very well-written.

Being Cyrus

Was this movie made in India? Did Saif Ali Khan go through an entire movie without a song? This was a well-written and directed movie, but definitely not a movie for everyone.

The first point where it stands out is that the film is in English, focusing on Parsi characters. The film follows a narrative led by Cyrus, recapping recent events. The audience believes what he says, but there are many things that he doesn’t say. There are continuous flashbacks and hallucinations. These can be disturbing and confusing, to say the least.

There is a twist at the end – actually, it’s more than a twist, it’s a braid. So at the end, I wanted to watch it again and look for all the clues that I missed. Cyrus has a lot of angst and it is at the end it all makes sense. It’s a dark movie, and there is violence – though thankfully not as graphic as it could be.

I though Saif did a great job, but I think the director Homi Adajania was outstanding.

Naseerudin Shah gives a wonderful performance as a stoned sculptor. He was in “Iqbal” as well, as an ex-cricketer turned coach and supporter for Iqbal. And, Dimple is so exciting to watch these days, playing real people.

The one line repeated three times was at the end of a chess game, “the king and pawn go back into the same box.” Yes, that’s a nice line. There was another line that was powerful. Dinshaw (Shah) points to white flowers that are growing inside a well. He said “God is in the details.” Katy (Dimple) responds, “If God is in the details, who is looking at the big picture.” (Not exact quote, apologies to Adajania)

That’s what this movie is about – the details. Follow the details and only at the end can you see the big picture.

Another thought about this movie is the name. “Being Cyrus”has an obvious echo to "Being John Malkovitch,” which I loved. "Being John Malkovitch" was about puppetry, controlling another person’s thoughts and actions. At the highest level, "Being Cyrus" has the same theme.