Morsels of Poetry: At Least

At Least - Raymond Carver
I want to get up early on more morning,
before sunrise. Before the birds, even.
I want to throw cold water on my face
and be at my work table
when the sky lightens and smoke
begins to rise from the chimneys
of the other houses.
I want to see the waves break
on this rocky beach, not just hear them
break as I did all night in my sleep.
I want to see again the ships
that pass through the Strait from every
seafaring country in the world...
I want to spend the day watching this happen
and reach my own conclusions.
I hate to seem greedy -- I have so much
to be thankful for already.
But I want to get up early one more morning at least.
And go to my place with some coffee and wait.
Just wait, to see what's going to happen.
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This poem speaks to me in so many ways. I love to wake up early to seek my quiet time; ironically I also like to stay awake late because it gives me a chance not to be alone.

Two years ago, we went beach-camping with friends in Massachussetts. We put the kids to bed in the tents and walked along the shore. We grabbed our wine glasses and sat in the moonlight to talk. It was July 4th weekend, so we looked for stray fireworks and enjoyed the silence that comes afterwards.

Anyway, I woke up at 5 a.m. I slept on top of rock (though I'm no princess, this was no pea!) Also, the sunlight shot through our tent. I felt like the elements were pulling me to get up.

I want to see the waves break
on this rocky beach, not just hear them
break as I did all night in my sleep.

I love to walk along any beach. This one was different, as there was a walking path along the campgrounds. And, I passed all the campers, silent with sleep. I was fascinated by the campsites and how people added their own little homelike touches (e.g., windchimes). This was a different experience than walking on an island beach. This was definitely inhabited, but the inhabitants were still in their trees.

when the sky lightens and smoke
begins to rise from the chimneys
of the other houses.

I still remember the beauty of that morning - the sun, the chill in the air, the stiffness of my body releasing itself.

While I enjoy being with my friends and family, I desperately seek my space to reflect and be me. And, sometimes I do feel selfish for wanting this. It's also a cultural anamoly for Indians - they don't understand the concept of wanting to be alone, have privacy. Fortunately, those who know me, do understand eventually.

But then, am I asking for so much?

I hate to seem greedy -- I have so much

to be thankful for already.
But I want to get up early one more morning at least.
And go to my place with some coffee and wait.
Just wait, to see what's going to happen.