Sickest Generation?

I saw this article last week, "Are Our Kids the Sickest Generation", and I've been bothered by this a lot. My daughter has a peanut allergy, one nephew has asthma and food allergies, another nephew has a nut allergy, other friends have kids with eczema and food allergies, a colleague's son has ADHD, and a friend's toddler now has autism.

What is going on?

The only person I ever knew with a peanut allergy was my friend Jim in college. Now, my daughter has 4 kids in the 1st grade who sit at the Peanut Allergy table at lunch. My sister had eczema when she was a child, but it took years to diagnose it and she felt ostracized by it. Now, I've seen many children with patches of eczema and mothers concerned about giving medicated creams to their toddlers.

I'm not sure what's going on. It makes me angry because I know as parents, we did everything "right" during pregnancy. We stayed away from alcohol, second-hand smoke, caffeine, tuna fish, and brie. Peanut butter was a good source of protein for vegetarians. We drank milk for the protein and calcium to help our babies grow. Now our babies have milk allergies and need to have rice and soy milk.

At first I felt this is an era of better diagnosis. Adults are happy to realize they've been lactose intolerant all these years. However, the incidence level is alarming.

I don't know why this is happening, but it angers and hurts me. And, maybe there's guilt too because our foremost instinct is protect our children first. Our children are suffering because of this. There have been cases of death from allergic reactions because of hidden allergens. I read an article from Today Show and now I wonder what's wrong with me for not carrying the epi-pen with me every time we go to the mall. My vigilance for my daughter is extra high this time of year as we have to monitor all candy (Reese's and Snickers are out! Peanut M&M's scare me the most because they can be mixed in a bowl with regular ones). My daughter is attentive herself and has been questioning candy/snacks since she was 3 years old. As parents, we have to take the extra step and question restaurants whether they use peanut oil in their cooking. I learned Chik-Fil-A and Cheeburger Cheeburger use peanut oil for frying.

We don't live near toxic waste plants. Maybe there are power lines that are too close? I've read theories about ultrasounds disrupting fetus development. There is also mention of the environmental chemical overload and even microwaves. Friends and family who have children in India do not have any of these issues.

Obviously, we will all learn to deal with these physical and mental health concerns on a day to day basis. I can only hope we can stop or isolate the cause.

So Simple

"How does one become a butterfly" she pensively asked.

"You must want to fly so much that you're willing to give up being a caterpillar"

- Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers

What a wonderful quote! It's a simple concept, but so strong. It forces one to look at the options:

1) stay in a safe cocoon as a fuzzy gray caterpillar

2) fly and float through the air, enjoying freedom and the beauty of the world.

It's also compelling that it's part of nature, a lifecycle. Everyone has to make this change

On the Job Training: Motherhood - When Bad Lunches Happen to Good People

Now that my daughter is in school, she has the option to buy lunch or bring it from home. We read the menu the night before and decide what to do. For lunch, I've done the deli slices on bread or tortillas, chicken quesedellas, and chicken nugget sandwiches.

It's only October and she's telling me she's bored. I started looking online for options and found a colorful sandwich slideshow on Parents.com and article on Chef Todd English, who preps his son's roast chicken with basil and parsley lunch the night before. (Well, yeah, if I had 17 restaurants, I'm sure I'd have a few tricks up my sleeve.)

So, I was inspired after checking these sites. I had brown sugar-flavored cream cheese, which could go with grated carrots from a salad mix. I lightly toasted a tortilla and spread the cheese. I thought the combo tasted pretty good. A bit sweet, but still healthy.

She asked me what was for lunch and I told her, "Brown sugar cream cheese rolled up with carrots." She agreed to it. (Yeah! 1 point right there!)

In the evening, I asked her if she liked her lunch.

"No, I didn't like it. What was in it?" Apparently, there was some lettuce leaves stuck to the grated carrots and the green threw her off.

I panicked. Was she hungry all day because I didn't test-drive this sandwich first? (Bad Mom Moment ahead!)

"No, I ate some of it. But, don't ever give that to me again." she requested nicely.

"Ok, fine. I won't do it. I was trying to be creative." I replied.

"No, don't do this creative again. All I want is a bagel and cream cheese from the cold food line at school." she said determinedly.

Done. Of course, she only repeated this for another 5 minutes how she doesn't like it, don't give it EVER EVER again, etc.

I don't want her to end up eating hot dogs, bagels, nuggets and pizzas from school. So, I'm open to (nut free!) lunch ideas suitable for a picky eater -- easy to pick up, unwrap and eat.

Be A Kid Again

This is one of those lists that get forwarded all over the internet, but I liked this one because it made me pause. How much of these things do I do now, or rather could I do now? If I can't or don't, who is stopping me from doing it now? The answer is usually one of the indicators of adulthood - it might be dirty or dangerous or inconvenient or interferes with getting bills paid.

Be A Kid Again

Do a cartwheel.

* We finally finished renovating our basement after a year of work. The paint, spackle, and drywall dust were gone. The carpets were new, the walls were delicious and smooth and there were open spacious rooms. I can't tell you how much effort and work we put into it. It was a mentally and physically challenging endeavor. It was a cartwheel moment.

Walk barefoot in wet grass.

*Is there anything better!?

Play a song you like really loud, over and over.
*When Duran Duran comes on the radio, for some reason the volume just needs
to be really, really high.

Read the funnies. Throw the rest of the paper away.
*Actually, if you get the Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer, that's what you end up doing anyway.

Dot all your “i”’s with smiley faces.

Sing into your hairbrush.

Dunk your cookies.
*I used to dunk chocolate chip cookies in milk and pull out the chips. I'd make a tidy little pile of chips. Then,enjoy a big bite of the chocolate. (Now, I eat low fat ginger snaps)

Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.

Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.

Change into some play clothes.
*If I had my way, I'd never have to change into play clothes because I'd always be wearing them!

Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich.
*Anyone want a veggie chicken sandwich on one slice of flaxseed bread? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Eat ice cream for breakfast.
*Ok, this is my plan. Eat flaxseed bread now so I can eat ice cream for breakfast when I'm an old woman. My plan is to make life easy for myself. I'll simply tie a spoon around my neck so I don't have to bother anyone whenever I want breakfast.

Kiss a frog, just in case.
*I'm digging the Geico gecko these days. That British accent on a green lizard makes me laugh uncontrollably!

Blow the wrapper off a straw.

Have someone read you a story.

Find some pretty stones and save them.
*I do that now. I toss them into candlescapes.

Wear your favorite shirt with you favorite pants even if they don’t match.

*Ok, my family of fashionistas will probably claim that I do this already!

Take a running jump over a big puddle.

Get someone to buy you something you really don’t need.

Hide your vegetables under your napkin.

Stay up past your bedtime.

Eat dessert first.

*On hot summer days, my colleagues and I have gone to Dairy Queen for lunch and ordered awesome sundaes. Also, one of my favorite restaurants in Philadelphia is the Rose Tattoo Cafe. Their mushroom soup and desserts are awesome. There would be a group of ten of us from work, and everyone had mushroom soup. Finally we decided to go for soup and dessert only, skip the meal. I remember we confused some new people who were ordering entrees.

Fuss a little, then take a nap.

Wear red gym shoes.

Put way too much sugar on your cereal.

Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.

Giggle a lot for no reason.

Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.

*I like that idea! So much that we do goes unrecognized, not necessarily by others, but by ourselves. We get bogged down by the 10% that didn't go right, we missed appreciating the 90% that did. A former boss commented once, "You turn on the light switch every day. You only notice when the lightbulb doesn't work." I think that's so true. We don't acknowledge ourselves or the people around us for 'lighting' up when they do.

On the Job Training: Motherhood - The Ugly Duckling

I'm finding a new sense of maturity in this 6-year-old. She tends to question and evaluate more, so I know I need to be ready with my age-appropriate answers.

I was reading "The Ugly Duckling" to my daughter, which we've read dozens of times before. It's always a pretty hard story to read in my opinion because the other animals and humans are quite mean to the "ugly duckling." Everyone is so mean that baby swan that he has to go live away from the rest of society. The mother duck tried to protect her "baby", but she really couldn't be there all the time. It's only after the long and lonely winter does he come out on his own.

I read aloud, "So the ugly duckling was sad because he had no friends."

Annika stopped me, and asked, "Why does it say he has no friends? He has his mother. So he has one friend. "

I had to smile because I felt so assured about our close relationship. I was happy to see her confidence in knowing that she always has me in her corner. I told her she was right.

Happy Heart

Last weekend, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things since I had friends coming over in the evening and a kid’s birthday party prior to that. I was shopping with my daughter, which is so stressful to me. It’s not because she’s constantly pestering to buy products conveniently located at her eye level. She's actually quite good. I’m just a super paranoid mother at the grocery store making sure she doesn’t get snatched or hurt by grocery carts. (I once read about a boy who fell from the cart and suffered head injuries and I’ve considered it a death trap since).

Anyway, this woman was carting around me and she leaned over to ask, “Excuse me, what perfume are you wearing?”

I paused and stunned because it was so unexpected. If she reprimanded me for not controlling my daughter who was running with the grocery cart I was ready. For this, I thought for a second.

“It’s Clinique Happy Heart,” I replied.

“Oh! it smells so good!” she gushed. I thanked her and she left.

I was surprised, but not really. I first received a sample of Happy Heart from my sister and wasn’t too impressed with it. Yet, I tried it and was surprised to receive many compliments. So, I eventually indulged in the full bottle. My husband says that is the fragrance that reminds him of me. I still don’t agree with it because I think Prescriptives Calyx or Lauder's Pleasures (Intense) is more like me. However, the positive responses make me continue using Happy Heart.

I casually mentioned this incident to my friend and she commented that it’s part of the positive energy that’s happening in my life.

I have always said that the way you present yourself and the energy you emit predicts the kind of people and energy you attract. Be the kind of person you want to be with. If you’re going to be grumpy and bitchy, you’re only going to attract negativity in your life.

So, what’s there to be positive about? A helluva lot!

My girlfriends and I were comparing where we were one year ago at this time and how far we’ve come with our personal and professional lives and goals. Last year, I was extremely fatigued as I was bombarded with stress and demands on the work and home fronts. I felt burdened with everyone’s problems, even that of my clients and corporation! So much of it was beyond my control. I could see the toll on my health, as well.

This year, so much has changed and things have picked up enormously. As my horoscope said, I’m on an “upward spiral.”

I haven’t won the lottery or anything. It is really smaller things that keep building on each other and building such a platform . Most of all, I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. Life is too short to think you can get a do over. But, it’s too long to hold on to the small things. That might be my mantra for 2007.

So, like my Happy Heart perfume, I’m hoping to emit some of the positive energy I feel these days.

For those who think I’m just full of it and want to keep bitching and moaning, I do have one other inspiration that my friends and I keep in mind on those days that we just want to give up.

“Nobody trips over mountains. It is the pebbles we stumble over.”

We can let little things deter us and just bring us down. And, give up. But, if we recognize them as pebbles, we just have kick them out of our shoes and move on. It’s so easy to let one problem overwhelm us.

But, I've heard the view from the top of the mountain is spectacular.

That Wierd 70's Flashback.

I'm on the treadmill at the gym. I've got "Pure Disco" playlist on my iPod, which includes classics like "The Hustle", "Fly Robin Fly," and "I Will Survive."

Looking up at the TV screen, Dorothy Hamill is chatting with Larry King about her book.

I had a weird 70's flashback. I'm 8 years old again.

Remember the Dorothy Hamill bob? It was fun, alive and easy to maintain. How easy? Why, it morphed seamlessly into the Princess Diana hair do in 1980.

Reason and Consequences

People like to say "Everything happens for a reason." Yes, I think so too, but now what? What is the reason? What are you going to do about it?

I think if life didn't kick us in the butt sometimes, we'd continue to sit happily on our fat arses. There are times when I thought my life was going down the tubes. For example, when I was 25 and had my first "real" job for two years, my director suggested I should look elsewhere for a job. They wanted to redefine my position and bring in an experienced professional. I hated her. Was mad at my boss. And, I hated myself for doing a bad job. I was used to leaving jobs on my own terms, not someone else's.

So, what was the reason that happened? I ended up at a great job in NYC, which I continued for 3 years and left on my own terms. That second job set the foundation for a career change and brought me to the career I excel in today.

If I didn't get that kick in the pants back then, I don't know what would've happened. Would I have stayed there and just waited for my boss to get promoted so I could get her job? How great was that job anyway? Where was the growth potential?

Sometimes when jobs or marriages end or health takes a downturn, it's like life putting on the brakes for you. Take a look around you. Is this where you want to go? We always have to remember we are driving our own cars. We can take it off cruise control and stop going around the block. We can move forward.. if we choose to do so.

So, some disruptive events lead us to introspection of our choices. Then, there are other events that happen and explanations are not as easy, such as death of a spouse or child or a terminal illness. Are there lessons? It's hard to say. There's a lot we don't understand and I think the reasons may not be apparent at the time. While we would love for someone to hand us the definition, it may take time to evolve and for us to grow to recognize it.

I chose the waterfall picture because my professor used to call it "Cascading Consequences." The source of the water is one. It starts in one stream, flowing in the same directions. Then, as it goes over the edge, the rocks and earth take it into different directions.

One event may happen and it will lead to multiple streams and flows. As it goes over the edges, it reaches out and touches more rocks and plant life than it would have had it gone straight.

So, when certain events happen and there's no logical reason for it, it's really a cascading consequence - something we can't see but know it's going in many directions.

Notes to Myself

Back in college, we were told to be "active readers." We underlined special phrases, check marked certain paragraphs while we read. When we discussed the work, we still remained active readers. We jotted notes in margins "Empowerment" "Fidelity" "societal ideal" " Oppressive marriage" Once I deflowered a book by reading it, it becomes a special possession.

One such book is "When I am an Old Woman" anthology. I bought this book when I was just out of college and loved the poetry, prose and photography. This book is expressions by women regarding the experience of aging, enduring life events such as death of a spouse or parent or just living on a fixed income. It's beautifully written, though it is not the most uplifting book. The publishers had issued additional anthologies by Sandra Martz, which I have ("I Am Becoming the Woman I've Wanted", "If I Had My Life to Live over I Would Pick More Daisies and "If I Had a Hammer: Women's Work in Poetry, Fiction, and Photographs.") I found the first one to be definitely the best one.

I was organizing my bookshelf a few weeks ago and I flipped through this book. I was really surprised reading the sections I had asterisked and checked.

In a way, it was the 30-something me was looking at a note from 20-something me. Poetry is so personal and it grabs one at the right moment. Seeing the notes confirms that I had felt some connection or recognition when I read it.

Looking over the notations on selected works, I sense her uncertainty and her skepticism about relationships, but she's still a romantic. I'm pleased to see her confidence and acceptance of an aging body, and the appreciation of the wisdom of elders.

There's a poem by Michele Wolf called "For my Mother" and it begins "I sharpen more and more to your likeness every year, your mirror.."

There are no marks on the page. More than likely, 20-something me never read it. No..she read the whole book. There's an obvious denial of any resemblance to my mother. Actually, that resistance is still there. However, if she had read it all the way through, she would've seen the graceful shift in the poem where she fights it and wants to turn it around, to avoid repeating the same history. And, she wants to help her mother change both of their fates. That's the major difference between me then and now. Today, I realize my mother has a point of view, especially as I am a mother and I have a definitive point of view.

I like these little notes that fall out of books. It shows me how much I've changed, and how much I haven't.

*The above image is called Young Woman Writing a Letter (detail), Encre Marquet, 1892. Image courtesy Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division.

Frida Kahlo

"I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best."
- Frida Kahlo (1907-1954 )

I watched a 2005 documentary on Frida Kahlo the other night and like always, I'm inspired by her spirit and in awe of her art. Because Kahlo is such a personal painter, knowing the backstory helps one understand and appreciate the complexities she's expressed through her art.

She's become part of pop-culture, which is a double-edged sword. She becomes the "that lady with the unibrow" to some. Then, hopefully she piques the curiosity of other. So rather than being forgotten, her story and her art lives on (albeit on a mug).

I was introduced to her years ago in my "Third World Artists" class in college. (Note: It was the oddest class I ever took because the professor complained westerners did not appreciate third-world artists and recognized the European Renaissance as the only artistic renaissance that ever existed. Yet, all he did was show art documentaries and leave. We didn't even discuss anything! All the students congregated in the hallways afterwards to discuss what we saw.)


The documentary spurred my interest in her and I'm sharing two paintings I found online.

The Love-Embrace of the Universe, (1949) This is intriguing because she's infantilized her husband, Diego Rivera. It's ironic because they had a significant age difference and she married him in her early 20's. He called her his "child." Along the way, her maturation and growth surpassed his. I like how she recognizes her place in the universe, knowing that there are higher beings and ancestors who have cradled and nurtured before. She nestles herself and Diego into this lap, showing the balance of moon and the sun. This is also a tribute to her Latin American heritage, which acknowledges the power of a female deity in nature. I know Latin American cultures have strong images of fertility goddesses in their artwork. (Note: my final project for my Third World Artists class was the comparison of ancient Mexican fertility art forms to a modern Israeli artist who depicted childbirth in metal sculptures).

Thinking of Death (1943) is a self-portrait and its significance is quite apparent with such a title. Kahlo suffered greatly in a bus accident in her 20's and spent years hospitalized for reconstructive surgeries. Also, she was hospitalized for lost pregnancies though childbirth would have resulted in her death. In this picture, she paints herself among the lush greenery, while death is always on her mind.

I think one thing misleading about her paintings is the serious look she has. After seeing Salma Hayek in Julie Taymor's "Frida," I felt her true personality was revealed. She was an artist, a charismatic and alluring woman who enjoyed life. She loved her country and her people. Her relationship with Diego was tough due to his infidelity. However, she had affairs with men and women, which indicates a separation from the traditional role of a Mexican wife. Even as an artist, she tried to mimic her husband's style and ambitions, but she couldn't. She had to be true to her own creative leanings.

Even in this biography,they showed a film clip of her tucking flowers in her hair, making that famous band of flowers across her head. I just loved that image of her, being herself and creating herself.

In a way, for all the pain her body and heart had sustained, she was fortunate to have the a creative outlet. She had the passion to express her emotions and thoughts, most of which did not make sense to her or others. But,it did what it was supposed to do.

Books, Books, Books

So, I don't normally post these "meme" type things on my blog. There's enough about me on here anyway. So, Sir RibbonFarms publicly tagged me and I have to do the honorable thing and respond.

~ Book that changed your life – Gandhi An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments With Truth (yes, as corny as it may sound, it helped lead me onto the road of vegetarianism).

~ Book you've read more than once – Jane Eyre I have read it and watched the films at different points in my life and have found myself relating to different aspects of it each time. Also, listened to "Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now" by Maya Angelou. My father had commented that the life lessons in this book were more inspiring than listening to lectures by some religious leaders.

~ Book you'd take to a deserted island - I'm going to steal Toni Morrison's response to this question. When asked this question, she replied she would want paper to write her own book. I feel the same way. I'd have to create my own book. And, if I were on a deserted island then I would have the peace and quiet that I so need in my life to net all those stories in my head onto paper!!

~ Book that made you laugh – David Sedaris "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim". I sat in the waiting room at ballet with my mouth covered because I wanted to laugh out loud, especially about the Christmas traditions in Holland.

~ Book that made you cry – "A Fine Balance" by Rohinton Mistry, "Nectar in a Sieve" by Kamala Markandaya and "The Joy Luck Club" by Amy Tan (the mama leaving the twins behind on the side of the road so she wouldn't curse them with her dead body.. oh my god..just thinking about it is overwhelming!)

~ Book you wish you had written – "The Namesake" or "Interpreter of Maladies" because they ain't all that. (Let me know if anyone can give me a lift to that deserted island)

~ Book you wish had never been written – This is a tough question for me because I believe every book that exists should have been written. The only one that comes to mind is that OJ Simpson tell-all book.

~ Book(s) you're currently reading – Just finished "The Brick" journal, which had various short stories and interviews. I was especially taken by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

~ Book you've been meaning to read – 3 Salman Rushdie, 2 Amitav Ghosh and 1 Kiran Desai books on my bookshelf.

~ Book you've been meaning to finish – "Fury" by Rushdie, "The Fellowship of the Rings" by Tolkien. Both books have such intense language and meaning, and require focus.


So, now I will tag bloggers Zen-Denizen, TAAMommy, Appletina, Phoenix, Jane, and Disha to continue their list!

Movie Review: The Blue Umbrella

We watched this film by Vishal Bharadwaj, which was based on a children's short story by Ruskin Bond.

While this film is dubbed a children's film, it's really made for adults. There is a lot of singing and dancing by kids in the beginning, and then the story takes a slower pace. I'm not sure if today's children can sit through the slower scenes. Even the grown up children in the room wanted it to move a little bit more. But, the topic and story is ideal for a patient and reflective child.

It's a simple and uncomplicated story, set in a small village in Himachal Pradesh. A little girl chances upon a blue umbrella and makes a valuable trade for it. She receives lots of attention from the villagers. Actor Pankaj Kapur plays a stodgy storeowner who sets about to procure it and receive the same accolades and attention.

The messages in the story are important. We saw the umbrella as just an umbrella. The villagers saw this as something more - so it's challenging for us to change perspective and try to empathize with the characters.

There's also the grander message about ego and pride, and the risks involved when ethics are abandoned to attain fame. I would add that this movie showed the power of one little girl, which illustrates how critically woven lives are.

The movie is visually appealing with backdrop of beautiful mountains and the snow. Now that I think about it, the pace of the movie is reflective of the life of the characters. Things move slowly. Seasons move quickly, but people's attitudes and customs do not change.

This film relies on lots of quiet scenes and cute snapshots, as if the viewer were tourists in this village. For filmmakers, I don't know if it's more challenging creatively to adapt a large novel (e.g., Harry Potter V-VII) or to take a short story ("Brokeback Mountain" "Cat in the Hat") and pull it into a full feature length film.

It does have a happy ending, a moral and peaceful resolution - promoting the abandonment of material and embracing humans.

Parenting Articles

Here are quick links to parenting articles that I've published on the South Asian e-zine ABCDLady.com. I don't feel the concerns of my generation of Indian-Americans in the role of parents has been addressed anywhere. Not only are we balancing homes, family, career, but traditions and culture. Also, we have to balance the expectations from our family, our friends and ourselves. It's not easy, is it?

Making the Most of Summer, July 2006
Television's Impact on Our Children, Aug 2006
ABC's of Being a Class Parent, Sept 2006
It's About Time (Management), Oct 2006
Making Time for Yourself, Nov 2006
Celebrating Holidays, Dec 2006
Indulge Me!, Jan 2007
It's Your Birthday! We're Gonna Party! Mar 2007
Exploring Preschools, April 2007
Advice to a New Mother, May 2007
Summertime Fun and Vacation with Kids, June 2007
Accommodating Food Allergies, July 2007
Parenting Q&A on Behaviors, Aug 2007

Due to the e-zine format, I wasn't able to generate dialogs or receive comments from readers. I hope you'll share your thoughts here!

Chihuly at Phipps Conservatory, Pittsburgh

We've been fans of Dale Chihuly's works for a number of years. We've admired his chandeliers at casinos and other random places. We've seen small pieces at various art shows and shops. The innate need to possess beauty and grace grips us, and we vow we will buy one. Yes, what the heck! Let's do it! Then we notice the price tag and we just step away..very..very..carefully.. (don't break it or we'll have to buy it!).

Addendum: Check out Artsy.com's section on Dale Chihuly's work and find the next shows.

I watched a documentary on his work in Venice once and was amazed by the effort involved. He has a team of artisans and glassblowers, working with fire and tools. They use the simple time-tested tools, but the styles definitely beckon a new age. The program noted that it takes two glassblowers to make each of the elongated glass "reeds" with one person holding while the other stretches and shapes. I couldn't even begin to count how many of these dotted the exhibition.

We went to Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh where a Chihuly exhibit was integrated into the botanical gardens. Walking into every room was a delight -- there was a flash of color, vibrancy and life that went beyond the natural beauty, but at the same time it seemed part of it.

I mentioned to our friends that the artwork is making this a delightful tour because you never know what you'd find in the next room. One of my friend felt the opposite - more affinity toward the plants and trees. I decided I probably felt more excitement for the art because I have been to Longwood Gardens in PA a few times and found it more impressive.




Check out this "lotus" chandelier and the glass flowers blooming in the pond.














This was stunning -- a canoe filled with glass balls. The positioning of this under the skylight was breathtaking. The glass balls appear to float.

This is called the Fiori Sun and was set in the butterfly room. The line leading up to this piece was long and slow. We thought people were watching the butterflies, and then we saw this after the bend. After this piece, the line just disappeared! This design is what most of his chandeliers look like - wild flames of light.








This was in the Thailand Room, and I loved it for the integration of glass into the natural decor. Why shouldn't there be cobalt blue plants?










We had walked through a Desert, a Japanese Garden and an English Room. Then I walked into the East Room, I felt wonderful. I felt as if I could just sit here and relax. The colors were soothing.. the water was trickling to its own gentle rhythm.. the sunlight was hitting everything just perfectly. I don't know what it is, but I was quite surprised.


These are just a few of the pictures we took, but check out the main website for Phipps Exhibit to see more crazy sculptures.

Basking in Masking

I think each of us possess three personas.
1. The person we truly are.
2. The person we’d like others to see us as.
3. The person others see.

I always find it fascinating when someone describes himself with “I’m really such an easy going person” as he spends five minutes telling a waiter how his order should be prepared, practically rewriting the menu. And, the person who claims “I really have simple tastes” as she doles out her platinum credit card for a D&G handbag.

How often do we tell other people things so we believe it ourselves? Do we repeat it hoping to convince ourselves of the truth?

Sometimes repeating the wrong thing can be powerful. For example, someone believes they can’t do something or don’t have it in them to do something, the repetition only drives it in further. “I’m not good enough to make it.” If you repeat it enough, you do believe it and become it.

Watching a talented person put himself or herself down is just as frustrating as watching the ‘simple’ D&G girl prattle. So, who really sees or knows the real person?

Maybe the skeptic in us pries through the layers to find the core persona. The woman who is bitter and bitchy all the time is really alone and the hardness only protects her. We look to our personas as a survival mechanism. These bright faces are put on in the morning so we can protect and leave the soft wrinkled one behind.

That's why the best photographs of people are when they are caught off guard. They drop their plastic smiles and for an instant, the camera captures a person -- the real person, whose face and expressions may be unrecognizable to the owner.

This topic has been on my mind with recent interactions. I wish some people close to me could see themselves the way I see them. It would probably be revitalizing to drop the facades.

Then again, they probably wish the same of me.

Leaves of a Majestic Tree

In the Baemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsible or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person has done in his lifetime. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. The tribal ceremony often lasts several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe.
- Alice Walker

Isn't that so profound? Instead of using violence, kindness is used. It shows that people resort to violence when they lack love and respect - they don't know how to receive or give it. This tribe is just returning what the person had lost. I also liked this because it shows how connected we all are. Each person has touched someone in the community. Even though we think we are alone, we're really not. A lot of people and experiences have made us who we are. Sometimes we have to remember the people and the positive contributions we have made to each other's lives. (It's like watching those sit coms that do "flashbacks" episodes!)

This story reminded me of something from a book ("Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict ") about relationships. I'm not a big self-help book reader, but I had bought this when I first got married. The author had said when you're angry with your partner, you should just hug them for a few minutes. It's like calming a child with a hug. You just need to be reminded you are loved. Why is letting go of others and being emotionally independent a sign of "adulthood"?

In the South African film Tsotsi, a hardened gang member takes his victim's infant. As someone who lacks "decency" as his fellow gang member say, he learns it through the child. He learns what it means to be responsible and discovers a renewal of life in a way through a child. By the end, people are able to reach out to him through words of kindness, not violence.

Actually, on a tangent, a few friends have lost parents and partners this year and are going through the mourning and healing process. I don't think you can ever let go of that person. They've been connected to you so closely and they contributed to you being the person you are today. We can't just "erase" them or "get over it" because it's like erasing a physical part of yourself.

Another good quote I read was in Sun Magazine's Sy Safransky's Notebook:
"When a tree falls in the forest, do the other trees murmur, It was such a young tree. It had so much to live for."

It's a gentle way to say that life will continue - blossom and fade and blossom again.

My final quote is from Gandhi:
We are all leaves of a majestic tree whose trunk cannot be shaken off its roots.

On the Job Training - Motherhood: When Your Elementary Schooler Wants To Be in a High School Musical

For those of you who don't know Zac Efron or believe Sharpay is just a breed of a dog, see this first: High School Musical.

Now, I get this movie. It's the "Grease" for this generation of tweens. Gabriella is smart and sweet dark-haired beauty and Troy has to cross clique barriers to be with her. And, there's lots of Kool-Aid flavored, Disney Channel singing and dancing. With the first one, Disney expected this to be just another made-for-TV movie. They did not foresee the live stadium tour, ice tour, book series, documentary, awards, and overall international success. (Side note: Director Kenny Ortega was the choreographer for "Dirty Dancing" and "Footloose")

Anyway, I do not have a tween. I have a 6-year-old.

I know my daughter knew about the music and we had burned a CD of the songs awhile back. But she hardly listened to it, and I don't know if she even watched the movie in full. Yet, she knew who Gabriella was and wanted to "be" her when acting and singing.

Her BFF Allison comes over for a play date and I had proposed watching one of the Barbie movies ("Fairytopia", "Mermaidia", etc.). Instead, they were so excited because Allison brought along her HSM DVD. The girls danced and sang along to the movie. I watched a bit until I got bored with the bad acting and just took pictures of the two girls who were wearing tiaras and tutus.

So, last weekend HSM2 premiered and we watched it together. I checked with our friends and they all had HSM2 viewing parties/sleep overs. We had friends visiting and the girls watched it together.

Anyway, it was definitely cute and you can tell Disney execs put more effort into making this movie transferable to the stage.

Now, Annika cannot stop talking about HSM! On Sunday, I thought she was watching "Annie" on cable, which is one of her favorite movies. She later told me she was watching HSM again. We went to dinner with friends and her only contributions to the discussion were about HSM. I told her I did not want to hear this and would take off points if she spoke about this anymore. (Yes, I'm adopting Hogwarts point system - arbitrarily declaring the addition and subtraction of points, maintained on a magical invisible scorecard)

On Monday, the camp teachers said the kids were singing and dancing to HSM. Of course.

I'm mixed on this whole thing because I was 8 or 9 during the whole "Grease" hysteria. My sister remembers being 5 and in love with John Travolta. Now when I watch the movie, I see all the double entrendres and innuendos. However, majority of that went over our heads at that age. So, in one way, the Disney movie is a lot simpler and cleaner. Plus, Troy Bolton in his gym shorts is no match for Danny Zuko in his black leather!

I do want "Annie" and "Barbie" to stay in the picture right now. I want to take her to see Disney shows this fall and am torn between HSM on Ice, Doodlebops and Playhouse Disney -- she enjoys all three right now, but I can only tolerate one show.

Yes, this is the start of something new..

What Not To Say #1.

Rule #1. Do not ask a woman if she is pregnant.

If a woman is pregnant, she will tell you or it will come up in conversation.

Do not say, "So, when are you due?" or "Congratulations, Mama!" And, don't even think of patting her stomach.

If her water breaks on your Manolo Blahniks, then it might be an excusable question.

Also, if you definitely know a woman is pregnant, pay attention. Do not ask her "What's your due date?" after she has returned from maternity leave.

(For P., S., R., A., N., M., U. and countless others)

When Desi Aunties Rule..

This was born in an email exchange with friends. I'm taking it up a notch.

Welcome to the home of a Desi Aunty.
You will find the following:

- Complete set of swans, and ceramic items greeting you on the doorsteps.

- Bunches of silk flowers thriving in Mikasa vases (or Mikasa lookalike)

- Candles of all shapes, sizes and scents are set about the house. They are never lit.

- Cream-colored ceramic hearts that read "Raj & Jyoti's wedding 2001" or a Dollar Store baby frame with "Pinky's baby shower 1999" inserted instead of a photograph. It doesn't matter who these people are. Their favors have a home.

- There is a closet or armoir filled with vases, frames, candleholders and all-occasion cards. One enters this sacred realm only when you need to give a gift to someone.

- set of Corningware circa 1987 (white with cornflower blue designs)

- Niagara Falls magnets holdup Christmas card photos of babies and kids that you don't recognize (Maybe Pinky's??).

- If you're in my mom's house, there will be calendars of gods, goddesses, gurus and swamis. Again, you do not recognize them.

- If you do go into the master bedroom, you'll notice the dressing table. There is a glass or mirrored tray with perfumes, cosmetics and Ponds and Nivea creams lined up. There will be the Cover Girl products next to the Clinique ones, which were obvious gifts.

Apologies to the desi aunties (and my mom) who recognize themselves. It's all in good fun!

On the Job Training - Motherhood: Ear Piercings

I was reminded of my daughter's ear piercing moments.

It's customary in India to have a girl's ears pierced as a baby. I've heard of piercing the ears within 2 months. The belief is that it hurts less at that time. My sister and I have had my ears pierced since then. We wore 18K gold hoops forever and were not allowed to change them or remove them. I had to take them off during gym in 8th grade and I was so anxious! Hopefully, it would be just as easy.

I waited until she was a year old and asked the pediatrician to do it. I had to select between the one diamond or one gold pair he had on hand for selection. Within the first month, her post earring got caught in her pacifier ring in her crib. The earring came out and there was a tiny bit of blood. I was home alone and really freaked out, and called my friend for advice. I tried to put the earring back and she wouldn't let me - screaming at the top of her lungs! I felt like an abusive mother! Horrible. Horrible.

So, Annika walked around with 1 earring. Then 2 months after that, we had bought a new carseat. This one had straps that came down over the head. Seemed very secure, why not? So, I had placed her in the carseat and she was squirming around. As I brought the belt down, her earring got caught again. More blood-curdling screams. (Oh, yes, she cried too!) I promptly returned the carseat.

Both she and I were traumatized now. My mom, aunt and everyone who saw her said, "Why don't you get her ears pierced?" I pushed them off.

Finally I was overcome by all the nagging, and I think she was 2 when I finally consented. Mom and I took her to the mall. Actually, it makes more sense to have the Piercing Pagoda do it because that's what they do. They were hygienic, provided a care kit and more of a selection than the Dr had. I remember the girl saying, "Oh, she's such a happy baby! I hate to do happy babies because they start crying!"

She cried for a second, but they had lollipops ready and she quickly forgot. I felt much relieved.

Annika actually has lost a lot of earrings. We used to put the gold ones, but she lost them. We gave up and got deluxe sets from Claire's for $5. I have gold-plated hoops for her now, but they're not as expensive so the loss wouldn't be so regretful. I don't understand how I ended up having 1 set for life (or so it seemed at the time) and she's gone through dozens already!

There's no moral or parental revelation to this story. Just funny in retrospect to think of how anxious I used to be!