Memorial Day

The Big Parade

- 10,000 Maniacs

Detroit to D.C. night train, Capitol, parts East.

Lone young man takes a seat.
And by the rhythm of the rails, reading all his mother's mail from a city boy in a jungle town postmarked Saigon.

He'll go live his mother's dream, join the slowest parade he'll ever see. Her weight of sorrows carried long and carried far.

"Take these, Tommy, to The Wall."

Metro line to the Mall site with a tour of Japanese.

He's wandering and lost until a vet in worn fatigues takes him down to where they belong.

Near a soldier, an ex-Marine with a tattooed dagger and eagle trembling,

he bites his lip beside a widow breaking down.

She takes her Purple Heart, makes a fist, strikes The Wall.

All come to live a dream, to join the slowest parade they'll ever see.

Their weight of sorrows carried long and carried far, taken to The Wall.

It's 40 paces to the year that he was slain.

His hand's slipping down The Wall for it's slick with rain.

How would life have ever been the same if this wall had carved
in it one less name?

But for Christ's sake, he's been dead over 20 years.

He leaves the letters asking,

"Who caused my mother's tears, was it Washington or the Viet Cong?"

Slow deliberate steps are involved. He takes them away from the
black granite wall toward the other monuments so white and clean.

O, Potomac, what you've seen. Abraham had his war too, but an honest war.

Or so it's taught in school.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The most memorable line from this song is "How would life have ever been the same if this wall had carved in it one less name?"

One name has many names and faces and lives behind it. We are so connected to each other. We have a military loss in our family from almost 40 years ago, and the impact of the one death permeated the lives of family members. Critical events occurred that would not have had he survived.

We went to Washington DC last month to see the Cherry Blossom Festival. We walked towards Lincoln Memorial, passing through the World War II Memorial. We went to the Vietnam Memorial, which I've seen every time I've been there. And it's always shocking to see the sheer number of names present.

However, I got chills this time. What is the Iraqi War Memorial going to be? How many names are we going to see?

How great is eight!

What a difference a few months makes. Annika's "Mother" phase has long since ended. The speaking in monotone with minimum lip movement is quite common, as are the enthusiastic stories.

Skincare
So, she was looking in the mirror making faces, pulling her cheeks up and down. I told her, "Stop doing that."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because your face will get stuck that way?"
"No, because you'll stretch out your skin." (I don't like to lie and would rather teach good habits early)
"Oh, your skin will become droopy? Like yours?"
"We have a bus to catch! Let's go!"

Allergy
So, it's April, sun is shining, bees are busy, blossoms in bloom and pollen is thriving. Once year, I get a big allergy attack. My eyes get swollen, possible hives.. and other things that qualify as TMI. I made it through dinner, barely through homework and then just gave up. I took a wet napkin and put it on my eyes and lay on the couch in my agony.

Annika picked up the phone and went to the fridge. "Mommy's lying down. She needs cucumbers for her eyes. We don't have cucumbers. Mommy, do you want salad?"

When my husband came home, I forced myself to lie in my darkened bedroom. My little nurse came upstairs.

"Here's your phone. In case someone calls you from work." (Please, if someone calls me, I can't even open my eyes, let alone talk!)

"Here's a bowl of carrots. Carrots are good for your eyes." Excellent logic!

We still needed to practice violin, so she played it for me. Since I couldn't open my eyes, I let her play on. I could hear where she had missed notes, but I couldn't say anything. She struggled, but she kept at it. After the concert she said she really liked it because I didn't interrupt her.

Fashionista
My daughter has been a fashionista since she was 2. I remember buying stacks of purple clothes because that's all she wanted to wear when she was two and I was tired of arguing. I walked into her room when she was 3 and saw her with a pair of scissors and the bag of new summer clothes. She was cutting off the tags. Dressing for school has always been a struggle as we try to find middle ground on clothes. There have been tears, tantrums and explosions.. and sometimes she gets upset too.

There was a 50's day at school and she wanted a poodle skirt. I told her we can't get a poodle skirt, but fortunately we have enough poofy skirts and dresses (thanks to a steady supply from my mom and her sisters). She looked adorable with her hair in a scarfed ponytail and pink dress that had stiff petticoats underneath.

There was a Health Day at school with dentalcare presentation and she instructed me to pack a healthy lunch. First, she asked for a salad. I convinced her a turkey sandwich was equally healthy (when do 2nd graders eat salad only for lunch?) Then, she asked what should she wear for health day. Come again? I told her to wear green because it sounded like a "healthy" look. She liked that idea and wore a green top.

She's also my personal stylist. My sister always guided me on clothes. Then, my husband guided me on shoes. And, now I have my 4' child picking out my jewelery and outfits. I've seen other shoppers smile at us, when they hear this child announcing "Oh, this would go with your blue shirt." Sometimes she's right. She told me I dress drab and boring with my darks and neutrals. I need more pink and sparkle in my life.

Yes, I look at this girl and wonder where she came from at times. In one way, the less she can be like me the better - I love her surprising individuality and enthusiasm for everything.

Sing it, Ella

LAZY

Evry time
I see a puppy upon a summers day
A puppy dog at play
My heart is filled with envy
Thats because
My heart is yearning to pass the time away
Like that pup
cause Im all fed up
And tho its wrong to be
I long to be

Lazy
I want to be lazy
I want to be out in the sun
With no work to be done
Under that awning
They call the sky
Stretching and yawning
And let the world go drifting by
I want to peep
Through the deep
Tangled wildwood
Counting sheep
til I sleep
Like a child would
With a great big valise full
Of books to read where its peaceful
While I'm
Killing time
Being lazy

Life is short
And getting shorter with each day that goes by
And how the time does fly
Before you know, its over
Thats why I'm
In such a hurry to pack my things and fly
To a spot
Where its nice and hot
And hear the birdies sing
While Im being

Argument for Single-Tasking

In short, I stand with those Zen masters who, when asked how they achieved enlightenment, answered, "When I walk, I just walk. When I eat, I just eat."

How much do we need to multitask? At work a few weeks ago, I found myself with 3 phones in front of me. It's become the sad norm in my office to think we can IM someone who is on a conf call. If I booked your time to be on a call, be on the call with me.

Sure it seems like we do get a lot more done, but that's because we're expected to do more.

We are losing our ability to silently focus on tasks. We're disrespecting others, as well as ourselves. My personality changes the minute I read work/project related emails on my phone. The stress creeps in and surges through my veins. And, it spews through my words to my loved ones.

Spring Resolution - Unplug more often. Pursue delayed gratification - should be more delectable.

Comedy of Life

4:13- Finished up a meeting. Commented "What a beautiful Friday afternoon! We're done. This is great. I have a dress rehearsal at 5:40 so I can leave early, pick up my daughter."

4:16 - Listened to voice mail and had urgent message from my client about an error. Checked my email and saw VP was copied on the note. Jumped into action to fix it, needed to get a hold of people in TX & OR to alerted them.

5:15 - Finally, I fired off final email explanation to my VP. Shut down everything and run to the car.

5:16 - Run back into the office to pick up directions to the rehearsal off the printer.

5:25 - Got my Starbucks coffee & kid's hot chocolate with whipped cream.

5:30 - Got my child. Was told "I'll never believe you again when you say you're going to pick me up early." (heart breaks)

5:50 - was lost going to the school and ended up high school, not junior high. Had to ask a kid for directions who ended it with the standard, "You can't miss it!" But we did.

6:09 - walked in late to the rehearsal and my daughter's class JUST finished their dance.. but I threw her on stage to stand with her group for rest of play.Got looks from another mom for being late. Coordinator ignored me. (Note to self: improve networking skills with other moms)

6:22 - checked emails on my phone and got a note from VP thanking me for my responsiveness Client says they will deal with this on Monday. (deep breathe out)

6:25 - someone handed me the final brochure I spent last few weeks designing, and the color looks amazing, print came out well, advertisers and parents will be happy.

7:30 - bought daughter a Happy Meal. Even she knew it was a bad thing and said she felt like having carrots at home.

8:30 - had a rum and Diet Coke with lime; friend came over with his daughters so girls were playing.

9:00 - gave my husband an earful when he questioned me when I refilled my glass.

Shakespeare Day (II)

I previously blogged about my favorite Shakespeare memory of April 23rd and about Romeo & Juliet.

So, today, I was browing through my Shakespeare app on my iPhone and decided to read "Romeo & Juliet" (It was a long meeting, I figured I'd have time).


Act II, Capulet's Orchard

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!


The last line highlighted is one that I came across in Bartlett's Book of Quotations when I was in high school. It seemed so majestic and pure. I suppose at that age when all I could hope for was to secure a glance from a boy, it was thrilling. The proximity of a the glove on the hand that rests upon the cheek is enough.

The first highlighted phrase is something I noticed today and it grabbed me. Here we go again with Shakespeare. How often do we hear this verse, yet it creates a pause because there's something different.

To carry the moon image further, there's another reference to it.

ROMEO
Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--

JULIET
O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable

ROMEO
What shall I swear by?

JULIET
Do not swear at all;
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,
Which is the god of my idolatry,
And I'll believe thee.

To tie the references together, if Juliet is the Sun, then Romeo is Apollo.

Suzuki Lessons in Parenting

I've blogged previously about Annika and her Suzuki violin lessons. She started in kindergarten and we're still going strong two years later. She would rather chat than practice. She frustrates me with her fidgeting during the lessons. Her teacher comments how she somehow moves from one spot to another.

Inspite of all the scolding, she does "get" it. She hears a song and knows where she needs to be. She has a strong musical ear, but needs the body to work with it. Like anything, you have to practice.

So we were alternating between new song and an old song. Watching her learn the new song is tough. So, when she pauses between notes, I tell her the next note.

She says, "Mommy, don't tell me." However, I know she doesn't know this part, so I tell her.

"No, don't tell me!" she says emphatically. She places her bow on the string and tries a few notes on her own. But it's not right. She pauses.

"Ok, what is it?"

I start to tell her and she says, "No, no! I know it now."

But she still doesn't. So I show her the book and point it out since what I say is not valid. She acknowledges it and picks up her violin to try again.

She asked me not to tell her the notes, but to wait til the end of the song. However, I reminded her I need to stop her in the middle because she'll forget by the end of the song where she was.

She finally agreed to pause after ever measure and I would say aye or nay to it.

It was a frustrating lesson. My patience was short and her will was strong. We needed to come to that happy middle ground, but it took time to get there. We had further struggles with lesson as she tried to negotiate with me how much to play.

During this battle, I started thinking about the role of parent in life. I want to correct her, help her play the right "notes." On the other hand, she needs to exercise her own independence. By trying to remember the notes on her own, she'll improve her own skills and memory. However, I need to be there to catch her when she needs it. So, I had to really hold myself back and let her do it her way.

This is just a glimpse of the future, isn't it?

Streaming Podcasts

One of my new favorite apps on my iPhone is Stitcher. It's downloaded from Stitcher.com and it streams podcasts from so many different sites and categories.

My favorites:
The Moth is a storytelling organization and their podcasts are all types of people telling their stories. They make me laugh and have even brought me to tears because they're so heartfelt and open. If this is just the podcast, I can only imagine how riveting it must be live.

This American Life is one of my favorite NPR shows. I need to tell Ira Glass a funny, yet insignificant incident from my childhood and have it set to music as a narrative. On my local channel, it's on 10pm on Wednesdays and 12 pm Sundays (or is it 1pm?). Needless to say, I usual miss it. But now.. (Drum roll flourish).. it's on my phone! So, it's great to listen to it whenever I want.

Recently there was a great episode "Scenes from a Recession," where they spoke to real people behind the headlines - housing foreclosures, shutting down a bank and retail stores closing. I saw this episode was referenced in Newsweek as a great way to break down the financial situation into comprehensible terms.

Then, there's Meitte's Bedtime Stories. For the first two stories, I didn't absorb anything about the stories - I just listened to her speak. She's got an extremely sexy, soothing voice that embraces you as she beckons you to sit next to her as she reads short stories. I'm at work, but I'm so ready to be tucked into bed. Some of the writers are well known, while other may be new, but deserve to be read (or at least voiced with a kittenish English accent.)

Since streaming audio was banned by my office firewall, I feel as if I have a new world has opened up to me. Having this on my phone is great because I listen to these stories while I'm shopping, working outside or driving. Definitely have a new freedom to enjoy these since I'm not tied to a PC.

More Henry V

All things are ready, if our minds be so.


The night before the battle, Henry roams through the camp in disguise to talk to his men. He then prays.
O God of battles! steel my soldiers' hearts;Possess them not with fear; take from them nowThe sense of reckoning, if the opposed numbersPluck their hearts from them. Not to-day, O Lord,O, not to-day, think not upon the faultMy father made in compassing the crown!

After the English are declared the victors, Henry leads his men.
Come, go we in procession to the village.
And be it death proclaimed through our host
To boast of this or take the praise from God
Which is his only.

When Harry Became Henry

Kenneth Branagh's "Henry V" was playing at the student center at the best possible time. It was junior year, and I had switched to English as my major. I was in the obligatory Shakespeare course, focused on the tragedies and historicals. We had just finished our exams for Henry IV and Henry V where we had to identify text and write about it. So, watching this movie - we laughed loudly at the witty wordplay we now understood and quoted St Cripin's Day speech and other key parts along with the actors.

I've read and seen a number of his Shakespearean plays, but I love "Henry V" for its diverse content. When it begins, King Henry is just young Prince Harry who hangs out at the pub with the rowdy bunch, not interested in being King. His father's not sure what to make of him. He's sent to lead the English army into France. At the Battle of Agincourt, the English army is depleted and weary. Henry makes the most invigorating inspirational speech to strengthen the men's spirits. There's another act written in French between Katherine and her maid, who tries to teach her English. The final act is the most romantic scene ever as Henry woos her in clumsy French and English.

We watched this movie bring the war alive. This was 1989, and we hadn't really seen any actual blood and guts scenes on film like this before. Now we have "Braveheart", "Saving Private Ryan," and "Lord of the Rings" for comparison for battle scenes, and the slurpy sound of a sword plunging into a gut has become de rigeur for war films.

There are two absolutely memorable scene for me. The first is the St Crispin's Day speech. My God, a King comes down to his men right before a battle, and says that he who stands beside me will be my brother. Do you realize how huge that is? He says that we're all going to be legends, and and people will remember everyone's name. He refers to himself as "Harry the King," as if that's just a job to him. He reminds them of the importance of their mission and the value of their lives. He gives them hope that they will survive and grow to be old and talk about this day. (Do our leaders today do that?)

Branagh channels a truel leader as King Harry addressing his weak army; the way the music swells gives me chills to this day. Here's a site to watch the speech and read the full speech .

The second scene I love is the final scene between Katherine and Henry (Link1, Link2). He starts off being humble "Fair Katharine, and most fair, Will you vouchsafe to teach a soldier terms Such as will enter at a lady's ear And plead his love-suit to her gentle heart?" Then he starts referring to her as Kate, releasing any formality. He acknowledges the language barrier with his broken French.

I love his argument when she says no to his request for a kiss because it is not proper for a French lady. He reminds her "Dear Kate, you and I cannot be confined within the weak list of a country's fashion: we are the makers of manners, Kate." Had I dated royalty in college, would he have used this line?

This movie is sweaty, grimey, romantic, alive and explosive. And, it's Shakespeare on top of that!

Walking in Memphis

Last week I went to Memphis, TN for work. After a couple of days of meetings and conference calls, we did have the schedule open up in the afternoon. So we ran downtown. We have to see the mighty Mississippi!

First of all, I'm fascinated by the southern culture. I've been working with people from various parts of the country lately, and more are from the South. I find the South exotic. Waiters call me "sweetheart" when they refill my glass. An application developer replies to a client's questions with "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir." Baked beans and overcooked greens are side dishes. And, if something can be fried, it will be. Cows are sacred in India. Pigs are sacred in the South, but for different reasons. Their cute faces adorn many barbecue joints. The tighter and greasier the dive, the better the ribs (or so I've been told).

We had lunch at Morgan Freeman's restaurant and blues club, Ground Zero. I saw fried green tomatoes on the menu and I knew we had to go. I've never eaten anything like this before - crispy cornmeal rounds and the tomatoes just melt when you bite into them! They had "Mississippi Cavier," which was a salsa of black eyed peas.

We made our way to the Peabody Hotel. Yes, we saw the famous Peabody ducks floating in the fountain. The hotel itself was exquisite. In the days of cookie-cutter Marriots and Hiltons, it was refreshing to step into a building of classic architecture and luxury. However, let me warn you about the gift shops. What started as a simple hotel attraction with some stray ducks in the fountain has bloomed into a thriving business. Any item with a duck on it is sold in the hotel. For example, beautiful hand blown wine glasses with a colorful mallard on the stem retails for $90. So tempting, but not this time.

We stopped by the Cotton Museum and the curator had lots of stories to share about local culture and events; they filmed "The Firm" in this building. After realizing we weren't going to take the short tour of the museum, he suggested we hop on the Riverfront trolley and take a ride through Memphis.

Overall, we have a mixed impression of Memphis. FedEx seems to own the city with the huge convention center, airport, and highways. University of Memphis Pyramid Arena in the middle of the city certainly does make you say, "Hmm.." The city is certainly coming up with all the hotels being built as well as the gorgeous homes along the riverfront. The trolley took us past the National Civil Rights Museum, which was built on the site of Martin Luther King's assassination.

We crossed the river into Arkansas, just so we could say we did. We took the first exit and came back to Memphis.

We wanted to go to Graceland, but we didn't have time. Later, I learned my father felt very strongly about Graceland, and thought every American should see it because of the historical nature of it. My father also happened to witness the Peabody Ducks march.

Catching up on Movies

I've been delinquent in keeping up with my blog, so I appreciate my readers sticking with me.

Persepolis

What an intriguing and captivating movie. A few minutes into the movie, you forget that it's in French, you forget it's black and white, you've forgotten it's animated. All you know is Marjane and her world. It's so beautifully made and depicts the situation in Iran in 1980's so well - you feel as jolted as Marjane and her family when their lives changed.. slowly and purposefully. I was drawn to Marjane as we were similar ages, but then we were drawn to the parents who had to let go of their daughter so she may grow.

I was first apprehensive this was going to be dark and gloomy, and possibly graphic. It reveals just enough. This movie deserved all the awards and recognition it's received.

Two Days in Paris

Julie Delpy is such a force. She wrote, directed, produced and even sang on the closing credits. I loved her in "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset" with Ethan Hawke. Those movies did so well because the dialogue had a natural rhythm. She and Ethan Hawke both received credits as writers for the movie since they've definitely improvised or had input into their conversations.

This movie isn't a typical travelogue about two days in Paris. This movie is a complex dive into so much more. Adam Goldberg plays Jack, the American boyfriend who doesn't speak French. Julie is Marion who is fairly unstable - discussions she has with people tend to be bizarre and explosive. There's another great scene where her mother calls firemen, and Marion ends up flirting with them. Jack walks through Paris with the grace of a scruffy German Shepard among dancing spaniels who know all the steps. As if the situation with Marion didn't frustrate him enough, he gets kicked around Paris like a football. As a director, Julie tapped into the frustration one feels when thrown into another culture.

There's snappy and witty dialogue, snapshot of Parisian life and attitudes, cultural clashes as well as the clashes between men and women. This is like a French Woody Allen movie, with Paris taking the central stage where Woody had NYC.

8th Birthday Party Ideas

I'm recovering from Annika's 8th birthday party. It went really well and she said the whole day was perfect. For reference, I thought last year's party went well but she still talked about her disappointments from it (i.e., she got way too many Hannah Montana gifts and this girl N really stole the attention during the party from her - kids followed N's lead).This time, she got to be front and center, and the loudest and the most wired. (N was not here, whew!)

But, here's what we did and what worked.

Theme: Afternoon sleepover.
Guests were instructed to wear their PJ's, bring sleeping bag and stuffed animal. Annika wore a red & gold chinese silk outfit - perfect for the occasion (red and glam!). Had extra sleeping bags out just in case someone didn't have one, which happened. We had Miley Cyrus CD playing in the background. ("it's a girls night, it's alright..")

Food: popcorn, chips, cookies, pizza, cupcake tree (instead of one cake), ice cream sundaes in waffle cups. Cranberry gingerale was a hit as was the hot chocolate & apple juice. I kept a pitcher of it and the girls curled up in front of the fireplace (i.e., electric heater) and they still wanted hot chocolate with ice cream.

This is the Generation A (A for Allergy). We made everything totally peanut/nut free, chocolate is optional and alternatives for dairy (no ice cream, but fruit popsicles). Annika has peanut allergy and she wanted to make sure that everyone was treated equally, not segregated as she has been in the past.

Games: Stuffed animal search (all the animals in a pile, few more thrown in for confusion and girls were blindfolded and had to find), sleeping bag relay, story time (tucked in sleeping bags, one girl starts a story and the next one adds to it around the room. It was nice because it gave the quiet girls a chance to speak up), stuffed animal toss (if you get it in, you move on to next level)

Activities:
Decorate pillowcases - I got cases from Ross, fabric markers from Michael's. I got Fabric crayons to do iron ons, but that didn't work out so well - you have to press really hard and if you write words, you have to write them backwards! Tricky for 2nd graders!

Dress Stuffed Animals - I got these cute animals from Michael's, got baby socks, hair accessories and bear dresses from dollar store, and made some tutus at home with chiffon. Also gave them ribbons. I got these animals for them instead of a "goodie" bag filled with cheap toys. I did fill little Valentine boxes with M&M's

High School Musical II : we set the big screen projector and girls had pizza, cake, ice cream while singing along to "Fabulous"

Helper:
My friend's 13 yr old daughter helped me a lot with coordinating the games, serving the food, and overall noise control. You cannot do a party like this singlehandedly. Daddy was sent on a mission to get pizza for the kids & Starbucks for Mommy.

By the way, the first 10-15 minutes, the girls literally ran around in circles screaming. They would scream for no reason - just make high pitched squeals.

Annika loved all her gifts and there was a nice variety.

Mommy had 2 glasses of Italian red wine and pizza and went to bed at 9:30.

Inspirations for Work

My horoscope said the other day that for the last few months I've been throwing myself into my work and performing feats no other "ordinary" person could do. I totally believe that. I haven't thrown myself willingly. I've had a few inspirational quotes in the back of my mind, which have motivated and helped me stay focused through two major projects.

"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

These projects were enormous and at times, overwhelming. Thinking about the tasks was paralyzing. However, the only way we could get through it was one step at time. It's easier to look at what is on the plate and needs to be done immediately.

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."

This is a quote by Randy Pausch that really sunk in towards the end. There was a problem that caused me to work late on New Year's Eve and even pop in on New Year's Day to resolve it. Definitely not what I wanted. However, when we were at a critical point, and I had colleagues and clients waiting for my results, I knew exactly what I needed to do - I had the experience!

"No one trips over mountains. It's the pebbles in our way. Remove the pebbles, you can climb the mountain."

There are lots of problems and set backs that occur along the way. One can't turn around or give up because there are too many pebbles in the path. This is a bit like the first one mantra, where you have to take it one step at a time. Also, it's important not to focus on the pebbles - they are pebbles after all.

"Winners do what losers don't want to."

I have had this one taped to my monitor for a number of years. It really sinks in for me. Nobody wants to do anything. Everyone would rather sit and chill out and watch YouTube all day. But, the difference is that winners know they have to move whether they want to or not.

New Anthology Publication!

I just received a copy of the "Labor Pains and Birth Stories" (edited by Jessica Powers). My essay "On The Day You Were Born, The Angels Got Together" describes the events and emotions related to my daughter's birth. I've actually waited 7 years for this book to be published!

I had taken my journal to the hospital, and had written details post-delivery. I written and submitted this story a few years ago. It was accepted quite easily, but the editor had a lot of challenges over the last few years. She ended up establishing her own publishing company. I'm really grateful for her perservance and passion for this book.

I read my story this morning and I was quite surprised to read certain details that I had forgotten. The most substantial part are the "new parent" anxieties that seem so foreign to me now. But, I'm happy these are documented down.

I received $50 for this story, which is the highest amount I've received for my writing. (Fine, I still need my day job!).

The anthology has various birth stories and I'm dying to read them. The book is available on Amazon, so check it out if you can. This will definitely appeal to new parents, old parents, wannabe parents.

Ice skating in Bryant Park

Annika & I got a chance to skate in Bryant Park, NYC this weekend. She’s always wanted to skate in Rockefeller Center, but she conceded when she saw the lines and the crowd. When we stumbled onto the rink in Bryant Park, we decided to go for it. She’s skated a handful of times; I’ve thought about lessons for her, but it was hard to fit in our schedule.

I’m not a great skater after all these years (still not sure of how to stop without colliding into others). Now, attach 45 lbs on wobbly skates to my hip, and it’s a challenge. Because she was unsure I had to make sure I could hold her up. Remember in Superman where Lois Lane says to Superman “If you’ve got me, who’s got you?” Well, in this case, I’m no Superman or Kristi Yamaguchi and I have to hold onto the wall.

I’ve always thought the way a person learned to ice skate revealed their character. Years ago, my sister, cousin and I went to the rink. He’s an “engin-nerd” so he had his head down, analyzing how the skate moves, the degree and impact of each movement of the foot. My sister made her way right to the middle of the rink. She was unsteady, but she knew that’s where she had to go and would figure it out on the way. I stayed close to the wall. I don’t hug the wall, but skate away from it. However, I want to know I can fall back onto it if I need to. My husband is an excellent skater and goes for the speed around the rink, and you can't hold him back.

I loved Annika’s spirit – no fear, lots of enthusiasm. “Mommy, let’s get away from the wall. Let’s go to the middle. Step away from the wall, ok?” She fell a number of times, but I always had her hand. My right wrist was actually sore while we were skating because I had to hold her up so much. As much as I want to be there to support her, I can tell I'm holding her back where her spirit wants to go (even though her feet are going the other way).

After a few rounds, I was hot, exhausted and my feet hurt from the skates and right arm hurt from the extra 45 lbs. I sang along to the Tom Jones songs in the background, which I loved when I was her age. She said she was trying to glide to the music too.

However, I’m so happy we got to do this and she’ll remember it well.

P.S. I will look into the lessons this winter.

Opening Doors

At my office, there is a door separating the hallway and lunchroom. This door is security-enabled and a key card is required, which is not a big deal if you have one with you. This door has a fairly large portrait window so one can see who is on the other side up to the shoulder level.

I always have a cup of tea in the afternoon to give me a jolt through the last hour or so. I had my oversized mug of hot tea (Stash Chai Spice brewed with milk, filled to the top) and I was holding a notepad and pen in my other hand. I was walking towards the door, very steadily holding my cup in front of me. Two associates, “Jim” and “Mark,” appeared on the other side of the door. I waited a few steps away from the door, anticipating they would open the door for me. However, they were waiting for me to open the door so they could enter without using a key card. When I realized they were waiting, I decided I would go first. I managed to precariously open the door, keeping the mug in front of me, trying not to spill. They saw me with my hands full and said, “Oh!” Jim held the door open for me, allowing me to pass and we all said thanks to each other.

Ok, now you’ve read this far and are thinking, “Yeah, so what? You didn’t even spill the tea. What kind of blog is this?”

Stay with me on this one.

This incident reminded me of how we deal with others and our expectations. We can see each other through the window, but only half way. We can’t see the whole picture. They don’t know if I have a hot cup of tea in hand. I don’t know if they even have their key cards with them. Yet, we wait for the other person to make the first move, wanting them to accommodate our needs.

I could have stood there and refused to move with my hands full of my current responsibilities (i.e., hot tea, notepad), while Jim and Mark may not even have the capability to accommodate me (i.e., no key card). On the other side of the door, Jim and Mark probably are baffled by my slowness and it isn’t until I open the door do they see the whole picture on my side. If we all waited until the other moved, it would have led to frustration and unnecessary delays.

When dealing with others, we do have to make the first move sometimes. It isn’t until we open the door can we see exactly what the situation is on the other side.

- To N & R

Keeping up Pretenses

After 8 teeth, the Tooth Fairy is exhausted.

She's missed putting in the money, but Mr. Toothfairy stepped in with a nice dollar bill. But, he forgot to take the tooth, so Ms. Toothfairy came back with an extra dollar and a nice note. More recently, Ms. Toothfairy forgot again, but Mr. Toothfairy wasn't around. However, we determined the Toothfairy box was placed in a different spot, which confused her. So, the next night the box was placed in the correct spot, and two dollars appeared the next morning. Let's not talk about the time Ms.Toothfairy didn't have any singles in her wallet and had to dig around the house and car.

Ms. Toothfairy also has to hide the evidence of her contraband so there's a little tooth box to hold it. With 1-2, it was cute. Now, it's grisly.

When is the Ms. Toothfairy allowed to step down? She doesn't have to shell out for the molars too? Wisdom teeth?

I'm walking on eggshells around Santa. I think this may be the last year we have Santa. She's been asking too many questions. "Is Rudolf a real story? Did this really happen?" I almost blurted that it's not real, but then I caught myself. "Well, no one really knows what happened but this is what we think happens."

The challenge for me is that I want to give her straight answers. My husband is constantly teasing her. He will say one thing and she will turn and asks, "Is that true, Mommy?" And, I tell her the truth. Once we were in NYC when she was younger, and I made a comment about the rats in the subway. She asked if there were rats. Not wanting to cause concern, I said, "No, I was just kidding." She replied, "But you never kid." So, she's knows exactly when I'm kidding and when I'm giving her a correct answer.

Before I had a child, I thought the whole Santa experience was a terrible adult conspiracy against children, playing upon their innocence. Once I had a child, I jumped into the conspiracy whole-heartedly! I've always taken her to see Santa Claus at the mall, and she doesn't write letters because she figures she'll just tell him directly. After seeing "Polar Express", I found a jingle-bell on a string and I told her Santa left this. On Christmas morning, I actually knock over a few decorations to make it look like someone was there. I'll walk in, hands on my hips and say, "Can you believe it? Santa Claus made a mess!"

When she was three, she remarked on the wrapping paper. I quickly told her that Santa uses our wrapping paper, that seemed reasonable.

By the way, she and I decorated the house this year together and she was amazing. She came up with ideas that made sense and actually decorated the fireplace mantle by herself. I came back to straighten it, but it was great! A bow fell on the floor yesterday and my husband asked, "Where does this bow go?" and she replied, "On the bathroom door." We were amazed. My prediction is in less than 5 years I will not be decorating for Christmas, but she will. I was in wonder by the things she remembered about the ornaments and decorations - who gave it, I made it, did we always have it?

The excitement kids have about Santa and the Toothfairy is really amazing, and worth the effort. So, I guess I'll try to stay on my toes for just a little bit longer.

I do believe in Santa Clause and Fairies, I do, I do.

Motherhood Milestone

December 7, 2008 will be a day that lives on forever.

Annika ate peas - willingly!

I offered her a salad, and she dug into it. She avoided any lettuce with a hint of dressing, and started scooping up the "beans." She gobbled them up and went back to her pizza. She asked what kind of beans they were and I said "sweet peas." And, then she had a story about teachers planting sweet peas at her daycare years ago.

Here's the timeline of events:

0-7 years: cried, gagged (!), protested, negotiated and segregated green peas.

3 years: introduced her to raw sugar snap peas and that went well (sans dressing/dips).

5 years: introduced her to edamame with extra salt. I get the edamame in the pod and I steam/salt them. It's more rewarding to eat the bean after one has worked at it.

5-6 years: introduced frozen snap peas and it wasn't welcomed.

7 years: she ate the frozen snap peas without protest.

7 years: she ate the peas from my salad. These were frozen peas, which I microwaved for 1 minute and tossed in salad.

I'm really excited because it proves

1. You have to keep trying, even if it takes years.

2. Children eat what parents eat. Why should a child eat vegetables if parents do not?

3. Food marketing works. Two key words have been "sugar" and "sweet," which helped promote this vegetable.

Disney Hangover

So, my sister, daughter and I went to Disney over the Thanksgiving weekend. Our first trip was around my daughter's 3rd birthday and she loved it. She wore her princess t-shirts, chatted with all the princesses and cowered from the villians. She did have a wild breakdown during the fireworks and dark theaters, leaving both of us traumatized for years.

Now she's 7 and perfect for Disney experience. She definitely enjoyed the weekend.

My sister and I indulged her at the Bippidi Bobbidi Boutique. Yep, we splurged for the make up and the princess gown, and she worked it! She strolled and twirled through Disney in her red Belle dress. We figured this is a once in a lifetime experience. She was thrilled with the hair extensions they gave her. I haven't been too thrilled with the excess glitter that is still on her scalp, 4 shampoos later! (Note to others: If you do this, you can make a reservation, but they do accept people at the door, though you may need to wait. Also be sure to bring your own costumes. And, if you'd like an alternative experience, just do the hair, make up and glitter at your hotel and let the girl parade around all glammed up. I was really surprised how comfortable she was in that costume all day.)

Annika had a blast collecting autographs from "celebrities" like the Princesses, Mickey, Minnie, Stitch. She was thrilled out of her mind to bump into Aladdin and Jasmine in Epcot's Morocco exhibit. On the way out of the room, she went back up to Jasmine and told her "You're my favorite princess." The "princess" looked really touched and said "Aww! Thank you."

In the meantime, the whole Disney experience is overwhelming and surreal at times. People are genuinely nice, happy and polite. No one cuts in line for a ride or pushes to meet a character. Someone accidently bumped into me and my backpack, and he apologized profusely with a big smile on his face. I looked at him perplexed. Was he sincere? Why did he bump into my bag? Is this a scam?

One also has to step away for a minute and take a wide angle look at the Disney World. It seemed rather cultish at times with grown people walking around in mouse ears. And, it's not so much the mouse ears, but the way you can express yourself with the variety of mouse ears. One can be a princess, pirate, snowman, Goofy, Dumbo, whatever and still have ears.

It goes without saying everything is overpriced in the park. I couldn't find Annika a simple keychain under $6. (We reminded her that the costume/make over was her souvenir!) And, do not even get me started on the overpriced tickets! It's really sad that they've overpriced themselves out of the reach of average families. For a family of four, the non-resident, 3-day multi-park tickets would be over $1000. Have to ask if this is what Walt Disney anticipated?

So, it seems the Cult of Disney is "give us your money, we'll give you a tiara or ears." Anyway, we were ready to join the cult.

We enjoyed ourselves in Epcot's world countries by indulging in nachos in Mexico, Presseco and a rich red wine in Italy, and finishing off with a cafe au lait and pastries in France.

Couple of hints for future Disney recruits - skip a parade or the fireworks exhibit, and run to the rides. We jumped into "The Pirates of Carribean" with no lines! The best experience at Epcot was "Soarin", but the key is to get there early or grab a fast-pass for it. We waited 1 hour, but heard it can be up to 3 hours.

The Cinderella castle was absolutely breathtaking with the Christmas lights and decorations. I really felt as if I could stand there and just look at it all day. I've never seen anything like this before and it was incredible. There is something about this place that merges childhood fantasies and stories, allowing an escape into those corners of our minds and actually making them real.

While my daughter dreams of being a princess, I'm dreaming of a nice job at Disney. Running the "Small World" ride seems so much fun - just smile, wave to the people and say "Step out to the left. Step out to the left."