Indigo Bubbles - The Green Issue

Every single magazine I pick up has a "Green" issue (once you remove the plastic wrapping encasing the magazine). By the way, the plastic wrap is there due to the loose postcards and inserts. Advertisers find it effective and the Post Office finds it annoying, which leads us to the plastic wrap. (Think of how much plastic and money they would save if the magazine publishers didn't have to spend on the extra step prior to mailing. Someone should do a Cost Benefit Analysis on this against the profit raised by the fall out postcard.)

Anyway, I've become very cognizant of my carbon foot print. And, living my suburban yuppie lifestyle, I've tried to incorporate a few measures.

We have an issue without garbage pick up. Our waste management company offers recycling pick up, but they've never come. We believe it's the awkward location of our house. Sadly, we have not been recycling. However, I'm remedying that situation!

o Newspapers and magazines come with me to work. My company recycles huge quantities of paper, and there's an agreement with the recycling company where we receive a bit of kick back from them based on the quantities. We use those extra funds for pizza for the holiday party. So, now my garage is clean, my company gets a little extra and paper gets recycled! Win-win-win!

o I am carrying my canvas totes to the store. I'm trying to leave them in the car so I have them when I need them. I found these bags shoved in my closet since they are freebies from conferences. These are excellent for heavy items like juice and milk! As for the plastic bags, my grocery store has a recycling bin. So, I'm collecting those in the garage, too. When shopping at the mall, I refuse new bags if I can combine into one bag.

o With the change of seasons, my daughter's growth spurts (and my recent weight loss!), I'm removing a lot of old clothes from our closets. I save some as giveaways to friends/family, or else I drop them off at the clothing collection boxes in the area. My husband likes using my daughter's soft old cotton tees for polishing the car.

o At work, my water bottle is a Snapple bottle with a rubber cover. This is great because I have dropped the bottle on occasion so the cover protects it. Plus, it's better to use the glass bottle since it can be washed.

o Plastic containers, oh how we desi women love them! I've got yogurt and sour cream containers, and a whole line of matching containers from Gourmet Wok. Ideal for takeaways after a dinner party. When my kitchen drawer becomes too full, I move them to my basement. I usually share my store with my mother who somehow loses the best of her containers. I also use rectangular containers for drawer separator as well as for small toys.

There have been other daily things we've done for years that are considered "being green."

o Before Select-A-Size paper towels, we were tearing paper towels in half to use. Also, get double uses out of one towel - if a towel was used to wipe a glass, use the same towel to wipe the counter or floor since it's a little wet. I realized the impact of this action when we had a family member staying with us and I needed to replenish the paper towel roll more frequently.

o Turning off excess water when brushing teeth or washing dishes. I've been aware of this since I returned from India in college. I realized how fortunate we are to having running water and try to use it wisely.

o Reuse plastic utensils. This is another Indian thing, which makes sense now.

o Share the love at work. We're particularly conscious of throwing away food when so many people don't have it. So, I bring in extra packets of teas, soy sauce, cookies, or whatever that comes my way and leave it in the lunchroom. It'll be gone before noon.

o Adopt Feng Shui . We're Feng Shui enthusiasts, and one of the key factors is to remove clutter. We try not to bring in new stuff unless there's a place for it. And, there has to be right place.

o Share the love with friends. Just about all of Annika's baby equipment (crib, bassinet, strollers, entertainers, chairs) are distributed among friends. We joke about how many babies have slept in her bassinet, since the average use is 4-5 months. I share the children's books she has outgrown, too. Her shelf is cleaner and has more space for the new books. Plus, it helps her learn to give and share. She gets very excited about designating who gets which book.

o We've been using fluorescent bulbs for a few years now, since we found them at Ikea.

o Save on office supplies. Currently, I've been receiving FedEx packs with CD inside. The sender is putting the CD in a bubble envelope and not really sealed. So, I'm saving those envelopes and I can slap a label and tape it up.

Visit Earth911 for lots of ideas. You can also plug in your zip code for recycling centers and services. Check out How Can I Recycle This for creative solutions.

John Adams Series

We've been actively engaged in the HBO series, "John Adams." If you haven't seen this, catch it On-Demand or the DVD whenever it's out. It's filmed so vividly and realistically. Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney are sublime as John and Abigail Adams. They are true actors as they became these two real people - gave them a breath, a body and flaws. I'm not a history buff and I had to dig into my memory from freshman year in college in US history to remember who was who and how the Revolutionary War took place. My only complaint about the series is that a lot of events were crammed into the 7 part series. So, episodes leaped over years of events and it was hard to keep track.

I was struck by some essential themes of this series:
1. The marriage of John and Abigail was so strong. She voiced her opinions, and he listened to what she had to offer. There was a strong vein of mutual respect, yet the ability to criticize the other. When Abigail was on her deathbed, I felt John's pain. What would he do without her? How could he even survive since he leaned on her for everything? They were married over 50 years and at that point, every thought and movement is entwined with another person. To me, he seemed weaker without the strength of his wife. The common thought is a woman is weaker without her husband. Yet, I see otherwise.

2. I'm delighted this series has been shown in 2008. Of course, it would've been nicer if this was out in 2001. This country needs to be inspired by the fire and drive these "Founding Fathers" had. We can see the thought process, the debates and arguments for different points for the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, as well as their intentions for the role of the Executive Office. Early Americans suffered so much and aspired so deeply towards a country of liberties that the world could not even conjure in its imaginations. They knew they had to break away from imperialism. And, they were able to do it! It's infuriating that in 2008, the US government is promoting one rule for themselves, and different rules for the rest of the world.

The John Adams series is definitely worthwhile and inspiring on many levels. Liberties and declarations aside, one becomes extremely grateful for modern day dental hygeniene and anesthesia!

Clinton Rally

I heard someone on the radio say that if you're in Pennsylvania and you haven't seen a presidential candidate yet, you haven't been trying.

I learned late Thursday night that Bill Clinton was coming to the local high school. If it was Hillary, then I wanted my daughter to be there since she's a huge Hillary fan. She believes we need a "girl president, not the boy."

I'm extremely excited that PA is such a critical state in this election. I was a bit disgruntled in February when everyone was jumping up and down about Super Tuesday primaries. I figured PA primaries would just be a formality. Here we are -- at the most critical junction! So, it shows you that you don't have to be "first" to make a difference.

By the way, I haven't been to a political rally since Mike Dukakis came to campus back in 1988. (Robert Redford was with him and my roommate and I gushed all over RR, and posted pics of his younger days in our dorm)

My friends and I arrived fairly early, but some how got herded behind the press riser. It was annoying because we couldn't see and had to wait until a photographer moved a bit so we could peek through their legs or chair. Clinton came more than an hour late - we figured he stopped at Wawa for coffee. Their campaigners kept the energy up by giving cheers and keeping the crowd busy with the Wave. We were behind the risers and bit annoyed by the Rachel Ray-esque show.

Finally Bill came and spoke for an hour. It was such a great and honest speech. He talked about where the country was when he left office, where it is now and what Hillary is going to do. He was witty and sharp! I was really impressed with the proposals and plans that Hillary has in place for Education, Healthcare and international issues. He talked about the environment, renewable energy resources, such as the windmills (Go Gamesa!) as he drove through PA. He mentioned an electric car that gets 100 miles per gallon. He joked that he knows the younger people are fine, but older people question the validity of that statement. A senior man next to me chuckled. He pointed out that when he and Hillary were young and Kennedy talked about landing on the moon, they felt the same way. You have to aim as high as you can. As someone working in technology, I know that this country is not short on innovation or creativity. There are other barriers to making things happen.

Political pundits are saying Americans like to vote for people who live like they do (thus, we got Bush because they'd invite him to their barbecue). If that's the case, Hillary's the first candidate I truly identify with as working mother. She had to balance ballet lessons with her law practice and support her husband's gubernatorial career. Part of me feels "she's a mom" and she knows how to get to the source of problems, resolve them swiftly and multitask. Also, I work for an organization that has strong women in visible and key positions. Women of her generation are seriously tougher and don't shirk in confrontation.

We came back to our car to find Obama flyers under the windshield. Hmph. I'm not an Obama supporter, though I like him as a person.

Whether it is Hillary or Obama in the White House, it'll be like a breath of fresh air over the country and the world. The economy has brought people down, the price of gas is inching towards $4, and Americans and Iraqis are dying every day. We do need a good leader, someone with a vision and ability to motivate people. Under a good leader are good managers, so you need a secure team.

Assumptions of Frida

The Philadelphia Museum of Art has a great exhibit of Frida Kahlo until May. I wrote about Ms. Kahlo last September and it was extremely exciting to see her paintings in person. I had to refrain myself from caressing the canvas. Seeing her name, written sharply in the lower right corners just drew me in as much as the paintings themselves.

One interesting aspect I never knew about her work was the significance of painting the frames. She felt the subject of the painting was so powerful it could not be contained by a frame. For example, the frame for “A Few Small Nips” was stabbed with red paint and the clouds escaped from "Suicide of Dorothy Hale" onto the frame. The museum had displayed traditional Mexican spiritual and folk art, which were the inspiration for many of Kahlo’s works. She even adopted the Mexican tradition of oil on metal for many of her pieces.

I didn't know that she painted still life paintings (fruit, flower) in order to make money after her divorce. Obviously, her more painful and brutal paintings did not sell. This reminded me of the artists in Mumbai in front of Jehangir Art Gallery. They have bold, abstract and extraordinary pieces, which are their passion. However, they do Ganesha paintings because they know they can be sold.

As we walked out, my friend commented that it seemed like her life was so sad. Frida had painful recovery from an accident, miscarriages, a tumultuous marriage, and even isolation as she visited the US. I pointed out this is an assumption we make based on her paintings and other information. This was not Frida the person. After her husband had an affair with her sister, she did not paint for more than a year. When she did finally paint, of course it was going to be powerful exhibit of the jagged pills she swallowed.

When a life is rolled up into a 1-hour audio tour and gallery exhibit of photographs and paintings, one is intimate with just a part of the person. Kahlo paints self-portraits with her face unsmiling, doused with gravity. However, there were black and white photographs of Kahlo drinking from a bottle on a boat or simply seductive poses from experimental modeling. Her style of wearing traditional Mexican folk dresses and jewelry was more than a fashion statement, but a political one. It is hard to remember there was a lively, charming woman behind the flat paintings.

We all have assumptions in our own lives. When I was in college, I kept a journal. I didn’t have a lot of time to write, so usually wrote when I was emotionally charged (read: sad). After a few months, I browsed through old entries, reading them back to back. It was shocking! One would’ve thought I was depressed all the time! However, there were weeks and even months between entries. Obviously, those were happy moments, which didn’t call for me to write out my emotions.

This comes into play even when we communicate with people about our lives. We always hear stories from one side, not from the other people involved in an incident. We have to make assumptions to fill in the blanks.

Artists are fortunate of the lot. They leave their creative expressions behind, leaving bits of themselves immortal. Our lives are like pencil sketches, leaving others to fill in the colors for us and then view us the way they choose to see us.

"In The Heights" Musical

We had a fabulous weekend in New York City. We stayed in the theater district, ate at a great Thai restaurant on 9th (Chanpen) and got cool "designer" jewelry and sunglasses for $5 on the street.

We wandered into the Richard Rodgers Theater to see what the deal was with tickets for matinees. The play was "In the Heights" and we knew zip about it; I had done research on shows with big name actors or the off-Broadway plays. We asked about the "Lottery" seats and they said they were going to call those in five minutes at noon. We dropped our names into a bucket and they had 22 tickets available. About 30-40 people were gathered around as she called names. She called us and we were ecstatic -- we got front row tickets for $26 each!

I've sat in the front row before and it's a bit rough to see dance performances since it's tough to see everything, especially in ensemble dances. However, it's still front row.

"In the Heights" is an amazing musical focusing on an urban Latino community in Washington Heights, Manhattan. It's young, energetic and current. The dancing was fabulous with mix of Latin (salsa to mambo) and hip hop. There were the basic elements Broadway musicals always seem to have -- soloists gazing into the balcony as they sing about their dreams, the battling duets where two singers belt out their own songs, yet synchronized, lots of conversations with big smiles and random dancers that are part of the set design. The orchestra was surpremely talented as the music was so diverse and they were on the spot. What the hell -- these are some of the most talented performers and artists in the city.

As a poet, the lyrics of the show got me. I'm sitting there counting rhymes and the rhythm of the words, breaking at the right spot and conveying a precise message. Lin-Manuel Miranda is actor/lyricist and playwright of the show. We were thrilled to meet him by the stage exit and tell him how amazing the writing was; he actually recognized us from the first row! (Oh yeah!)

What struck a chord with us was the immigrant struggle. This story could easily be translated from the Latino theme to Desi theme (set in Jackson Heights, Queens, of course!). Instead of having a "carnivale" in the street, desis would strike up a garba or a bhangra! (Anyone out there want to write this with me??).

Love In the Time of Cholera

I read this book when I graduated from college and I loved it. I raved about the beautiful language and remembered the opening scene referring to the smell of cyanide and death to bitter almonds. I remember not understanding the title so much and taking it at face value. A few years ago, I read "One Hundred Years of Solitude" and became a true Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan. I was so relieved that Oprah had an interactive site for that book, explaining characters, symbolism and even a Q&A with a Marquez scholar. It was a difficult book and frustrating at times, but oh so worth it! Just beautiful.

When the LITC movie came out the end of last year, I decided to reread this book first. I'm thrilled I did because I got more out of this book today than I did 15 years ago. When I read the snapshot of Fermina and Juvenal's daily married life, I understood it so keenly. I looked at Florentino through his mother Transita's eyes and felt her heartbreak knowing his heart was broken. Also, I did find something annoying and alluring about Florentino himself. There are times you want to shake him and say "Wake up, man! Live your life!" But you know that's not how it is. This is his life.

I saw the movie on DVD and it moved exactly like the book. We are always the first to complain when the movie steers away from the book. However, when the movie is this close to a book, it becomes predictable and tiresome. My husband walked out the first 30 minutes, complaining Florentino was a schmuck for waiting 53 years for this man to die. I stayed with the movie until the end (albeit fast forwarding) and I did like the ending. I felt the relationship between Fermina and Florentino in the end was illustrated better in the book -- you could see it grow through the letters. Javier Bardem in this movie was.. well.. whew! I felt he brought the sadness and awkwardness of Florentino alive, and maintained it while the character aged. I wasn't impressed with Fermina as a character, even in the book because I felt she was complex, but never fully matured.

As for the title, the symptoms of love and cholera are similar, which leads to the confusion and the alliances. Yet, the beauty of is it is that to experience love in the time of cholera means that love will survive. Take the ending, when they feign cholera so they can be in love.

In short, read the book.

Building Grass Huts

I have a bit of writer's anxiety these days.

On one hand, I have one creative nonfiction and two poems that are due for publication in 2008 and early 2009. I've been through this before and until the book is in my hand, I won't believe it. So I will let everyone know.

On the other hand, I've received a few rejections last year. To make me feel better, the editors send me a complimentary copy of their journals. (Gee, thanks!). They send this to you so you can learn what they're looking for next time. When I see the work that's being written, it's not like mine at all. It's more structured. I feel like they're writing skyscrapers and I'm writing grass huts.

While grass huts have their charm, they lack durability. I'm not sure how much of my style I need to change. I send my work hoping editors will see me as a "fresh voice," free of the MFA commanded styles. One editor suggested I refine my endings a bit. I reworked a few points she had identified and I agree it's better; those points always bothered me, but I left them. I would love feedback on my work!

So, I'm willing to refine, but I can't change my voice. Poetry is so personal and I write as it comes to me. My confidence wobbles when I read the bios at the end of my complimentary journals and see the MFA and other academic credentials.

Poking around on poetry sites, I came across a letter from Ted Kooser, the poet laureate. He wrote the following correspondence:

Your statement: "So many writers I've talked to refer to office work as the enemy, as if it's impossible to be anything except poet and teacher at the same time" engages me.

Where, I wonder, or at what juncture in history, did we get the idea that work would be our friend? For many of us, it is essential that we be writing against something, rather than for it. The writers who are teaching and going to the AWP meeting, etc., are in this sense writing for, or writing in support of what they're doing. Their writing is an extension of their livelihood, teaching, and the writing supports the work. And if this follows, where among these writers is the writer who questions this way of life, who writes that we should not be teaching creative writing, that we should not be encouraging people to consider careers in support of the creative writing industry? Every year there are hundreds of jacket blurbs that suggest that this or that poet is "courageous," but where is the courage in working as a poet on a university campus? Where are the dangers in this? The fear of not getting tenure? OF getting assigned to teach a class in composition? (For that matter, I'll admit that a poet need not be courageous anywhere. It's far more courageous to work the night shift in a quick stop.)

I wrote about the poet laureate Ted Kooser and how he's inspired me as someone who kept a day job and sustained his poetry. From the same site, there is another great blurb from Kooser:

You asked what I'm working on . . . I never feel as if I'm working toward the next book. I just keep writing poems as I come upon them and eventually, after maybe sixty of them have been in magazines, I start looking to see if they'll make a book. My books are getting further and further between. The last one was nine years in the collecting. Things are hectic here at the office, so I'd better get back to work.

Thank you! I will hang in there and keep collecting the grass for my huts.

Airborne Lawsuit

Did I not call it in my Packing for India post?
"Airborne - some people swear by it, I'm not sure"

Cold Remedy Airborne Settles Lawsuit
Maker of Airborne Will Pay Refunds for Product That Was Marketed as a Cold Preventive

I read the label and the ingredients were all herbal. If you wanted to make sure you built your immunity, you should be taking this for weeks in advance. You can't just plop it into your drink on the plane and expect you'll be safe from a cold and other germs.

Linking In

I've been on Linked In for some time, and never really saw the benefits to it other than for job searches. I recently registered on Facebook and have been having fun connecting with people. Right off the bat, it searches your email address book so it pulled up classmate from graduate school to a former colleague and friend who moved away when she got married. I thought she still lived in Washington state, but she's in Hyderabad with a 3-year-old!

It's been exciting to reconnected with childhood friends and family members. I have a few cousins who are older than me in India and a slew of cousins here who were 10-18 years younger. I never paid too much attention to them growing up. They were just little kids, more annoying than anything. Well, now these "little" kids are in their 20's, in medical and law school and/or working professionally. Looking at their homepages, I get an inside peek into the really interesting adults they've become. And social! I don't know how my cousin at 22 has 400 "friends." Actually, he's the one with political aspirations, so he's on the right track.

I was thrilled to see that through the family network, my older cousins' daughters are also connected. I haven't seen them since they were 9-10 years old. Now, they're 18-19 years old, have their crazy pictures, honest statements and just about everything posted. It's fascinating because I see one niece is a spitting image of her mom! And, from her style sense I can see she's a fashionista like her mom and my sister!

Last November, another cousin and I connected through email. She lives in South Africa these days and we were trying to meet up in India, since our trips coincided. We did not meet due to other circumstances, but spoke on the phone after 22 years. She sent a photo of her 14 year-old son and he looks exactly like her, since my memories are of her at the same age.

Bringing people together is one of the strengths on an online community. However, it's one thing to meet another Jane Austen fan on a board to meeting your cousin or niece for the "first time." My family is close together in NJ, and the aunts and uncles meet regularly at each others' homes and social functions. However, the cousins are all spread apart, doing their own thing.

There's a book by Rona Jaffe, "The Cousins," which talks about the complicated relationship. They bond well in childhood because the parents are siblings. However, it's harder for the cousins to connect as they grow up because they choose different directions and lose the common bond. In one way, I feel like we missed the common bond in childhood, but we have the potential to establish it again.

One Fish Two Fish

The leap from Kindergarten to First Grade is amazing. Annika is such a stronger reader and writes extremely well. She still has her reversals (backward 5, p, 6) every now and then.

One way I encourage her to read is to have her read her homework assignment. She perches on a stool and asks me to sit afar. She'll read and then show me the pictures. Then the power of being a teacher gets into her head and she asks me to raise my hand before speaking!

Last night she read Dr. Seuss to me and it was great as I sat there and listened. I've read this book to her so many times since she was little. In fact, my brother gave me Dr. Seuss books for my baby shower. I used to do the characters in voices or accents to make it interesting. Even now, she wants me to read in a voice at times. I'm definitely not an actor and my accents fluctuate regions. But, it's ok because she enjoys it.

The best advice I had received before Annika was born was from my friend Karen. She said she read to her sons since they were infants. People thought she was nuts reading to a 2 month old. However, she found it was a soothing mechanism. Whenever he got upset, she pulled out a book and he was focused on that.

I did this with Annika and have a video of her at 4 months old, kicking her feet in delight over a book my mother is showing her. Before she was a year old, she had her favorite "dog" book. It was picture books of animals, but she called everything "dog."

We've always read during dinner, which was a way for me to get this picky girl to eat. It was a better distraction than TV. Plus, she knows that storytime is our time to bond and talk. She loves going to the library and always borrows books from the teacher's book basket. Everyone knows she's a reader and always receives books.

So, last night when she read this particular book to me, I was so excited because we really are at a new stage.

Adventures in India - Packing for Trip

Before I left for my trip, I was asking everyone what should I take with me. I checked online and I couldn't find a decent list. I got extreme answers - "Take everything" to "Don't worry, they have everything there!" It turns out both answers are correct. You can get what you need in India, but isn't it better if you already have it with you?

When I went to India when I was young, we were so happy my mom brought Tang. The food items are really there to make the kids feel more at home. We were surprised to see the variety in India now. There's definitely no shortage of pizza places. My inlaws brought chicken nuggets for my daughter and her eyes lit up! (This was the first time they cooked meat in their Brahmin kitchen!). My sister-in-law brought chocolate and berry muffins and soft buns from a local bakery for breakfast! However, I know this is mostly in large cities like Mumbai

Here are some tips:
Hygiene

• Flushable wipes - I took a big bag of these with smaller Zip loc bags. Always kept these in my purse or knapsacks. If they dry out, dampen with water. I can't tell you how handy these were in public restrooms, restaurants, and car rides.
• Wrapped hand wipes - I found individually wrapped packs at CVS in the drug section at the last minute, even though I was looking all over.Again, good to keep in purses.
• Sanitizing gels - I bought travel size ones, but never had it handy when I needed it. The wipes were better.
• Kleenex & Q-Tips - I felt I didn't bring enough of these. Again, available in India, but you need them when you need them.

Medical:

• Chewable Pepto Bismol for Children (I ended up popping a few of these to ease my stomatch too!)
• Chewable Dramamine tablets for Children for the plane ride
• Children's Benedryl, Advil and cough syrup
• Immodium AD (adults only)
• Hydrocortisone cream (for bug bites)
• Insect repellent - though I found a great gel in India, better than my spray
• Neosporine & Band-Aids for cuts
• Airborne - some people swear by it, I'm not sure
• Sunscreen
• Chapstick, moisturizers, hair conditioners and frizz control gels for the humid climate.

Food:

• pasta and parmesan cheese
• Jello pudding mix - easy snack to make
• snack packs of pretzels and cookies (the 100 calorie packs are a great size!)
• pancake mix - the kids had this for dinner one night
• granola/cereal bars
• cereals - I didn't take any, but wished I had
• sandwich crackers with cream cheese
• Halloween candy - we had so much left over, we brought it along with us to share. What kid doesn't love a gummy eyeball?

Kids Stuff

Obviously you bring your child's favorite toys. I went to a used book store and picked up 10 soft covered books for 50 cents. These were "new" to my daughter, easy to carry and I could leave them behind for someone else to enjoy.

The carryon for her was a roller knapsack. These are good for travelling with kids because an adult can strap it on their back as well. While the airlines have individual TV screens and everyone watches movies and shows, it's good to have other things to do. Her entertainment included crayons, books, Barbies and a handheld video game. I bought extra batteries as well.

We had ordered child's meal plan for her, which was nice. However, since she's a picky eater, I kept additional snacks in the backpack.

One thing I wanted to get for her and didn't was a personal digital camera. They have smaller ones now,which I know she would have enjoyed using.

If you have other suggestions for the list, please let me know.

A Valentine Letter

I wrote this letter 5 years ago when Annika was two. I received an email this morning about Valentine's Day and I was inspired to look for this. Reading this after 5 years, I was moved. (Hope you will be too!)

Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y

A Valentine Letter

Dear Annika,

You’ve changed the meaning of Valentine’s Day for us. I always hated Valentine’s Day. In college, I wore black to protest the ridiculous “holiday.” When I was single, the pretensions annoyed me. When I got married, I was still annoyed. We love each other and we express it throughout the year. Thanks, but no thanks, Hallmark. We’ll celebrate at our own time and when we know we can get dinner reservations. However, when the doctor said labor needed to be induced and the nurse asked me if I wanted to come Tuesday or Wednesday, I thought about it and said “Wednesday, Valentine’s Day.”

Now, every heart I see reminds me of you. I want to shower you with red roses and red poofy skirts like you love. I see you pounce into the room, and I see a fiercely independent little girl with wild curls. However, when you cry in your sleep or in those famous tantrums of a two-year-old, I see my little bird that I brought home. You were so tiny and delicate, and your mouth was constantly in an open wail, ready to be fed.

Who are you, little one? I wanted to ask you when the nurse brought you in the next morning. Are you really mine? I started crying because I couldn’t believe you were here. I embraced you and could not keep from staring. My little bird stared back at me with equal intensity. Normally, your black eyes darted around the room. When I held you, our gazes locked, each of us trying to memorize the new face. “So you were the one!” our eyes said.

Every story I read in my parenting magazines said the mother “knew” right away how perfect it was. I felt empty. I wasn’t sure if this was right. You had your father’s nose, but rosy cheeks and puffy eyes. I don’t have rosy cheeks or puffy eyes. You did not look like the baby I thought I would have. Your grandfather said he was nonchalant until he saw you and he fell in love. I felt confused.

When we went home on Friday, we played “The Carpenters Greatest Hits” for lullabies, and it was like magic. You fell asleep immediately. I felt Karen Carpenter was singing to us: “Look at the two of us, strangers in many ways. We have a lifetime to share...so much to say, and as we go from day to day, I feel you close to me, but time alone will tell.”

It was in the wee hours of the morning that I felt our true bonding experience occur. I was nursing in bed and caressing your sleek, dark hair. The house was quiet. I felt like the whole world was asleep, but the two of us. Since you looked like your father, I felt a wave recognition and love. You did belong to us. And, that was it.

That song seems foreign to me now. We are no longer strangers, but a family connected. You’ve wrapped yourself around your father’s heart and of course, he and I are both different people now. We know a new meaning of love on Valentine’s Day.

My heart, you are always in my thoughts,
Mommy

P.S. Please hold onto this letter. I know in ten years, I will be an embarrassment to you because you will already know everything. Humor me and hang onto to it for twenty when it may mean more.

Personal Notes on Global Climate Change

I've been told that Mahabaleshwar in Maharashtra, India has received snow, a normally pleasant vacation spot. There's been unbelievable amount of snow in China. The southern US states were rampaged by deadly tornados. The Northeast is experiencing a mild winter with 60 degree days in February. I blogged about this last year around this time.

My heart and hopes go to all those who are suffering due to this climate change. The daily lives of people are compromised by this change.

I'd like to have a selfish rant if I may.

The extended pleasant weather in the northeast has robbed me of my snow days. I do love them for what they bring - family under one roof. It slows us down. No one has to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone. Malls and restaurants are closed. There are travel advisories to stay off the roads unless it's an emergency.

I always take advantage of the time to organize my closets or do some projects that have been put off for various reasons. I remember one snow day when my mom, sister and I made pani puris at home. We had the time to roll and fry all those little puris. We had a great time together. With my family now, I would always save one of Annika's birthday gifts to pull out on snow days to entertain her. It'll be a toy that we can set up or play together.

Instead, we have great weather and a hundred excuses to run around. My husband and his friends are avid golfers. Back in Oct and Nov, they pleaded "This is the last golf day of the season. We have to go!" All of us were understanding and supportive of their interest, so we said, "Of course! Enjoy!" thinking we'll have them to ourselves during the winter.

Well, there is no such thing as "last golf day of the season" when they can still golf on the morning of the Super Bowl (Feb 3rd). They layered themselves with sweatshirts and windbreakers, grabbed their water bottles and went off to enjoy a beautiful, crisp day.

Living in the northeast, we're used to seasons. Every season has its purpose to us. You enjoy the long days of summer, honeysuckles and fireflies. Winter brings you mugs of hot chocolate and quiet snow flakes. You kick dried leaves and inhale the smell of autumn as you go for walks in the parks. In spring, you relish the sunshine and green grass as if you've never seen such vibrant beauty.

Women on Top

The media is absolutely going nuts with Hillary Clinton and campaign to be the first female president of the US.

Woman, Female, Gender, Oh my...
Woman, Female, Gender, Oh my!
Woman, Female, Gender, Oh my!

I wish they would leave the gender and race out of the political discussions because to me, it is irrelevant to a person's capabilities. I heard a woman on the radio say she wasn't going to support Clinton because she didn't whether other countries would respect her as President. Americans need to look beyond what the media tells them.

Let's backtrack here.

Currently there are 19 women in national leadership position. Of the monarchies, 3 Queens in Denmark, Netherlands and UK. There are 6 female Presidents in Argentina, Chile, Finland, India, Ireland, Liberia and The Phillipines. There are 6 Prime Ministers in Germany, New Zealand, Mozambique, The Netherlands Antilles, Ukrain and the Aland Islands. There are 3 Governor-Generals, who serve as heads of state for Antigua and Barbuda, Canada and Saint Lucia.

Of course, this is not to say all is balanced in the world. Here's a list of countries that do not have enough women in leadership. Even though India has a female President, there are less than 10% in the cabinet.

Here are the stats for women in the US Cabinet positions:
George W. Bush: 15%
Bill Clinton: 37%
George Bush: 24%
Ronald Reagan: 10%
Jimmy Carter: 15%
Gerald Ford: 6%
Richard Nixon: 4%
While there may not have been a woman running the West Wing, it is important to note women like Madeline Albright as the first Secretary of State (and Condoleeza Rice is the current one), which is the 4th in the hierarchy for Presidency. Now Nancy Pelosi is the Speaker of the House, which is behind Dick Cheney in succession.

While Ms. Clinton's campaign and fervor is definitely historic, we have to see that women in politics has come a long way globally.

Dear God,

Please protect my family and all my loved ones near and far.

And, I have a special prayer for two girls. One is named Miley Ray Cyrus and the other is Raven Simone.

Please let Miley stay a good Christian family-oriented girl. Let her father guide her through the ups and downs of show business as only the man behind Achy Breaky Heart can.

Please let the blessings of Bill Cosby keep Raven on her path to success. (She really has the talent to become this generation's Lucille Ball).

Please do not let them get pregnant, caught drunk driving, or become anorexic or have a drug related "incident". Keep them out of jail!

Make sure they have undies on every time they wear a designer dress on the red carpet.

Please keep video cameras out of their bedrooms. (Yes, I've seen Miley's sleepover pics and they're nothing.. whew!).

Please do not let them have a reality TV show after they get married, so their marriages have the potential to endure.

Please let them become spokes models for products, not celebrity rehab centers.

I wish for them all the strength and success as the eyes of America's girls are on them and we moms do not want to explain any of the above to them.

Adventures in India 9 - Spiritual Awakenings

I just finished “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert, her memoir tracking her journey of self discovery in three countries. Part of her adventure was learning about devotion and spirituality in India. Even I was inspired to go live in an ashram in India.

This trip to India didn’t leave much time for any spiritual connections for me. However, I was surprised to see my daughter received quite a spiritual awakening.

I always thought my daughter was a little bhakti (devotee). When she was 2, we had videotaped a Teletubbies episode where they showed Indian kids dressed up for Diwali and going to the temple. Annika used to sit there glued to the TV while the kids did their aarti. My mom handed her a thali and she started waving the plate around as the kids did.

She goes to an Indian Sunday school, which offers language, culture and religion classes for children. We never had anything like this when I was growing up, so I’m really happy we can take advantage of a great program in our community. This has really given her a level of confidence that my generation never had about being Indian and Hindu.

In India, she became a big fan of the religious cartoons such as Bal Hanuman, Bal Ganesh and Krishna. The shows are offered in Hindi and English, which was good for her. I was impressed when she said she watched one movie in Hindi with English subtitles. So, she was always willing to watch one of these animated shows. Our 4-year-old nephew talks about being Hanuman and Ganesh like other kids talk about Spiderman and Batman. He has stickers, a dhanushya (bow) and a plastic mace like Hanuman. He even dons the plastic masks and dhoti.

I was happy to find two books on Hindu Gods and Indian historical figures, which she loved. It's always been a challenge finding age-appropriate reading material for her. Some of the books have too much graphic violence or too much text and lofty materials.

Oftentimes, she would curl up with these books even if no one was available to read the stories to her. This pleasantly surprised me to see my daughter read something that did not have a princess or a mermaid in it.

******************************************************************************

The books I bought were by Nita Mehta Publications and titled "Historical Tales of India" and "Tell Me About Hindu Gods and Goddesses." These seem to be available only in India, but can be bought online. Another publisher that has been recommended to me is Tulika, whose books are available online.

Adventures in India 8 - Coming Home to Zuzu's Petals

We've been home more than a week and for seven of those days, I was sick with the flu. I returned healthy, but the first Monday I went to work, I got sick. Coincidence? I think not.

When we arrived home, I felt like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life." Remember the scene when he comes back to life and is thrilled to see his town and his house intact? He runs around saying "Hello you old Bailey Building & Loan" and comes home to "Hello you drafty old house" and broken stairs, etc. He finds Zuzu's petals in his pocket and knows he's home and alive.

That was me that night. When we entered, we went around the house checking for any problems. I went into the basement to check it was dry, and it was perfect. I just jumped on my big red couch. I wanted to touch everything, which made me realize I was home.

Truth be told, I was homesick before I left. I knew I was going to miss the comforts of my house. You don't realize how much you really care for something until it's not there. The difference between India and the US is quite substantial. When I had gone to India when I was in college, I returned to the US with culture shock. Everything seemed too perfect and surreal. I was angered by the wastefulness of Americans. It wasn't fair or real.

This time, I felt more relief to be home. Watching mindless reality TV shows is a bit of a shock. People are stressing about the most inconsequential things, while there are people struggling with basic necessities of life.

Anyway, we all miss the family in India. My daughter longs to call her grandmother every day and we have to explain that there's a time difference. We hope we're able to go again in another two years.

Adventures in India 7 - Traffic Guidelines

Here are some observations

1. Traffic signals are suggestions, not requirements. If you're in a rush, you're allowed to go.

2. Headlights are optional. There's plenty of light on the streets, you don't need it.

3. When driving, if a pedestrian is crossing, go around him.

4. When walking across a street and a car is coming, try to beat it.

5. If a car or truck is reversing, by all means continue on your path and go around the car. The driver in reverse will remain in that position. If he hits you, as you go intentionally and recklessly behind him, it will be his fault.

6. Cows, camels, horses, dogs and cats always get the right of way.

Adventures in India 6 - Homeward Bound

"Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
don't know when i'll be back again
oh babe I hate to go "

We're leaving at the crack of dawn tomorrow. We've been homesick this week. My daughter's had a fever on and off, my husband is frantically finishing his to-do list and I'm missing the comfort of my own bed and sofa.

We're going to miss the family the most and it'll be hard for them as well.. the small apartments will suddenly feel spacious and lonely.

This morning I looked out of the window and realized I'm going to miss Mumbai, goddammit. The city that frustrated me to no end is now going to go away and I'm going to miss it. All the people, all the lives and stories behind each face. The noise outside my window now is incredibly loud -- horns, engines revving up, incessant crows cawing. It'll be gone.

Now I understand what people mean.

Adventures in India 5 - Life in India

We’re nearing the end of our vacation and I’ve seen some changes. My daughter’s picked up an Indian accent when talking to cousins. I'm wondering how I can bring the nanny and dhobi with me and how Elco Restaurant can deliver dahi sev puri to me (these are bite-sized crispy puris filled with crunchies, chutney, and drenched in yogurt -- it's like an explosion of flavors in your mouth!)

The best part of the trip is definitely being able to see family and friends. I spent two days with my family in Gujarat and loved every moment. It was exciting to meet after 10 years and be in different places in our lives. I was worried about a younger cousin back then, but I see her now and see how her life is totally together.

We know we’re different, but we know we’re the same though. There’s such a sense of comfort with them. I understand Gujarati perfectly, but my accent is a little rough. Sometimes, I fall back into English. I understand colloquial Marathi quite well, and can say short phrases, usually in the wrong tense/gender. With my cousins, I didn’t feel any judgment when I spoke in Gujarati. They just listened quietly and helped me if I stumbled. But, they understood.

They were quite curious about my life and choices I have made. The simple fact that I’ve kept my maiden name as my middle name and my daughter has her own middle name stumped them. We have broken an ancient naming tradition of the husband's name being the middle name for all of us. I explained my reasoning and at that moment, it didn't make sense to me either. I tried to explain we have different issues with names since we live in the US.

My friends in the US told me to relax and get pampered. Actually, in India, you don't have to go to a spa to get pampered. It happens at home. Laundry "magically" appears folded on your bed. Beds are made in the morning, set up for the afternoon nap, made up afterwards and then set for night. Afternoon naps are just lovely, especially after an Indian meal; I usually have veggie burger or a salad so roti, two veggies, dal, raita, etc is massive for me. This nap routine is a way of life given to those with flexible schedules. Close the window shades, turn on the ceiling fan, and grab a light blanket and pillow. Everyone wishes you a pleasant sleep. You awake, and it's chai or coffee time. My sister-in-law serves chai made with fresh lemongrass. Or, there's freshly brewed coffee on the coffeemaker my mother-in-law secured just for me. When I visited one cousin in Gujarat, we took naptime as an opportunity to lie in bed and just chat and catch up.

When I visited my cousins, on a lark he counted how many different services they get at home. Milk delivered daily..fruits and vegetables delivered.. tailor can pick up and delivery..newspaper delivery (hey! I got that!)..massage at home. Whoa. Massage at home? "Yes, the maleeshvalli comes every day." Whoa. I've been here one day and could've had a massage?

Next morning, I'm trying to get my daughter to brush her teeth and sneak in a bath as soon as the water is hot. The maleeshvali bai is there. Apparently, she knows the family and everyone addresses her as "masi" (aunt). She said one of my cousins, who is known for her high-maintenanced attitude, always asks for 2 massages a day when she comes.

The olive oil massage was absolutely great and my skin stayed soft all day, which surprised me. I also had a bruise on my arm from the massage, but that's ok. It wasn't the lush massage I've gotten at the spas on those massage tables and scented candles and lime/cucumber water to cool off. This was on the cool tiled floor on top of a black sheet in my neice's bedroom. I thanked her and quickly jumped in to take my bucket-bath, which was ready.

I also went for a facial and manicure/pedicure at a salon run by an acquaintance. The service and results were great. However, the experience was quite different than what I'm used to in terms of comfort (and hygiene).

One can definitely find whatever one needs in India. How you get it will be very different than in the US. My father asked for an out-of-print book. We went to a local bookstall, which had Visual C++ books in stock. The owner took our information, made a call from his pay telephone and said he'd get back to us. Today, we received word he did have the book! I was amazed at the one-day turnaround!

On the other hand, if you're like my BIL and need a copy of your birth certificate, you may end up going to 3 different municipalities and filling out umpteen forms and finding out the birth certificate doesn't even have your name spelled out on it and you need to have an affadavit from someone testifying you are who you say you are.

Adventures in India 4 - Art in India

My husband and I both enjoy art and have always tried to pick up artwork when we travel. We’ve decorated our house with special pieces from local art fairs, Asia, Europe and South America. We're not looking to make investments or anything. We just appreciate art and support emerging artists.

Recently on NPR, there was a program about the booming art market in India . It’s exciting that Indian artists are gaining recognition for their work. I particularly love the way contemporary artists meld India into abstract movements. For example, you’ll find landscapes, which will be complete with a distinctive Indian villager in the background. There’s a need for expression of a world and history that is evident as it comes out in bold forms.

We enjoyed walking through Art Plaza in front Jehangir Gallery and did pick up a piece from a local artist. We have two exquisite pieces that were bought on the last trip and knew that’s where we could find something. We also purchased 3 abstract Ganesha canvas paintings from a local shop, which we’re very excited about. (Stay tuned to this blog for updates with pictures!)

When we walked into the Jehangir Gallery, we were unaware of the artist on exhibit. There were words splashed on huge canvases. Specific words were bolded and highlighted and emotion felt. My first thought, “This is a writer. Who’s the poet.” Then we saw the exhibit was by the editor Pritish Nandy. Since the paintings were in hundred thousand dollars range, I desperately wished these were compiled into a book.

We browsed through one room, and then stepped into another. The vibrant colors and lines gripped us. The yet soft. They were city scapes of Mumbai - hard lines, soft bodies. Someone pointed us to the artist at the table and we had a delightful chat with him.

Request from an Artist
His name is Vigyan Vrat and he’s asked us to help him launch a gallery exhibit in the US. He is quite an accomplished artist and writer, and can secure his own travel papers. He simply needs to be able to have a show

If any of my readers can assist with this, please contact me directly.

Adventures in India 3 - The City That Never Sleeps (and Doesn't Let Me Either!)

Mumbai is definitely an city of contradictions. Suketu Mehta was right to dub it the Maximum City. Everything is maximized - the wealth, the poverty, the newness, the ancient, the noise and pollution.

Beggars sit on the pavement outside the secure gates of the palatial JW Marriott hotel. I have moments of disorientation as I am in a clean, air-conditioned store buying candles and artwork, and then jolted back to reality as I step outside to the filth and noise that makes Mumbai.

Annika is a bit overwhelmed by the city. We went to Gateway of India and first stopped at the Taj Hotel. Then, we left and walked around Colaba and shopped at the street vendors. We snatched up some good deals right there, but beggar children target the tourists. We had to scold our kids to stay close and not to wander off in a crowd. We all had to dodge traffic and crazy drivers.

We returned to Taj to use the restrooms. Annika commented, "We started here. We went to the other world and now we're back here." It is a different world.

Annika and I found some comfort food - Mumbai McDonald's. I had a paneer salsa wrap, which was great and she had Chicken Maharaja, which had chutney and onions. That did not fly with chicken nugget girl. I munched on a french fry and sipped my Diet Coke, as a Billy Joel song played in the background. I needed to recharge.

The other day she lost it after a long car ride in the city and we've decided to limit her excursions. She'll be spending more time with family instead.

I'm not a city girl. I've worked in New York, but always slept in New Jersey. These days, it's quite cool here in the evenings (60-70 degrees?). So, I find the fan unnecessary and we get quite cold.

I open the windows and there are trucks backing up, car alarms going off, people talking and shouting, horns honking. I just don't get it -- where is everyone going all the time?

There are a few hours of silence - my guess is between 3 and 5 am. Then, at 5:30 or so, the birds wake up. My daughter was amazed the first time she heard the koyil and it's unique birdcall so early. In addition, there are crows and pigeons fluttering about the windows - perching for a moment inside the windowsills. Then, there's a distant sing-song call of the roaming vendor announcing his vegetables for the day. These are the sounds that make the city and India so unique.

In the morning, there's also a burning sensation in my eyes from wood fire stoves outside. Another reason to keep the windows closed.

Today is New Year's and there are crowds making a pilgrimage to the SiddhiVinayak Temple. It is said one should walk barefoot from home to the temple.

Annika and I will be leaving for short visit to Gujarat to take a much needed break from the city.

Adventures in India 2 - Servants

Just about every family has a servant at some level. A person comes to cook, clean, wash or anything. This is common in a lot of developing countries, since it provides jobs to the lower classes. Behind every worker is a family that is supported by this income. It's not deemed a "luxury" as it is in the US, but a necessity, part of the economic structure.

Then, there's the American in me. When I was 11 and had visited India, I was amazed at this. I had lost my socks and was looking all over the room for it. The servant saw me looking and he started to help. He got down to look under the bed for me. I was surprised because in my eyes, here's a grown man helping me look for something I should be responsible for. In the US, you can't find your sock, you're out of luck.

I hear a lot of my Indian friends now talk about the maids and the help you get in the house. Again, as an American, I'm used to loading my own laundry, sweeping, cleaning.. heck, we finished our own basement from spackling to painting. So, I always felt people who talked about the servants in India were too elitist for me and not practical enough. You're in the US, you do have to work hard. Get over it.

Now, I've been here 2 days and I'm thinking of moving just because of the availability of help. My first surprise was when the kids went to play in the backyard and the nanny would be with them and I didn't have to go. I could, in fact, enjoy lunch with the other adults. The nanny (Nandini) looks about 16 years old and she speaks Marathi with a little English. She gets some downtime, but helps with the light housework (washing dishes, making tea). I was surprised when I made some rice for Annika that I just prepared it and then Nandini watched the stove, while I played with the kids.

Women can cook like Martha Stewart (er..Madhu Jaffrey) because someone else chops and preps. I know some friends at home who have complained because their MILs cook as if they were still in India -- expecting someone else to clean and prep.

I suppose since my harrowing adventures from last week, I realize how much time housework was taking away from other things I could be doing. Weekdays are stressful when I come home because Annika wants me to spend time with her. However, I need to cook dinner. So, she always complains when I cook and I compromise by chopping vegetables while reading to her. If food was ready when I got home, then I could focus on her directly.

Yesterday the dhobi was at the door and I gave clothes that were crushed in the suitcases (for my American readers: the dhobi washes/irons your clothes and delivers. Most people do not even have irons in their homes because the cost is nominal). My sister-in-law asked me to put all my clothes to wash by the washing machine and Nandini would wash and fold them.

Flashback to US: I separate whites and darks, load in the morning, toss in the dryer before I leave for work, and fold as I watch TV at night, then nag my husband to carry the basket upstairs for me so I can put them in drawers. For dry cleaning, we discuss whether we should drive extra ten minutes to the $1.50 cleaner or go next door to the $2.00+ and then try to remember who has the receipt and when to pick up.

I know friends of ours have a cleaning service that comes every two weeks but we've always prided ourselves on our spic-and-span house, done the way we prefer it done. For us, housekeeping is a work in progress and it can't be held until one day a week. We're always washing, sweeping, cleaning. We yell to our guests "We'll be right with you!" as we quickly put away leftovers and load dishwashers.

I suppose this what travelling and living outside of your own comfort-zone does. It makes you challenge and rethink your own judgments about other lives.

Adventures in India 1

“We are in India. Wow!” she said beaming. Her eyes are sparkling and her smile is alike a half moon. She said this at the end of her first day here.

I can’t tell you how excited I am for my daughter to wake up to India. She’s a pampered princess from the suburbs. She has a bottle of hand sanitizer in her desk at school. She’s been strapped into a carseat and driven around from birth. We have a private home that offers us seclusion and tranquility.

Her first words were “It’s hot.” Yes, that’s the standard reaction when you land in Mumbai. My first thoughts were “There’s that India smell.” It’s a mix of musty and spicy. The air feels as old as India.

Annika sat at the window seat all morning watching the activity outside of the Mumbai apartment building.
“I saw a man riding a motorcycle without a helmet!”
“I saw a green bird and blue bird and white bird and black bird.”

One of my friends would always tell the kids, “If you don’t eat your food, the crow is going to come and eat it.” This is one of those sayings that Indian mothers say and one just spews it automatically. I told her that our American kids don’t even know what a crow is. Now, I was excited to show her a black crow was sitting on the grate outside of the kitchen window. Annika stood at a window pretending to be Princess from “Enchanted” and sang to beckon the birds to her! She announced she had magic powers because she yelled “Ikday-ye kabutar!” and the pigeon appeared. (Side note: her Marathi skills do not really go beyond this. I’m sure she’ll pick up more with her cousin. However, she’s speaking English with an Indian accent to him – a skill unique to ABD’s)

She’s yelling outside the window with her little cousin. I love it. Yell. Be noisy. There’s a sense of freedom and casualness in India that does not exist in the prisitine air of the US.

I’ve also indulged her outside of my best interests. She and I sat in the front seat together, strapped into the seatbelt. I don’t care that carseats are not required, one has to be buckled. We’re not pulling a Britney here with driving with the kid in the lap. But, I figured she should sit shotgun once.

She’s delighted to see her cousin, uncles and aunt, and not to mention grandparents. We’ve got boiled water bottled, and controlling her food intake. Her pediatrician (who is Indian) had given her a mantra: Cook it, Peel it, Boil it, Forget it! He was specific about the ice cream and lassis. Other friends had warned me about juices, which may have impure water mixed into it.

It’s hard to deny her ice cream and cold dairy treats. And, her grandfather is bringing home lots of fresh snacks – methi dhokla, saffron jelebi fried in ghee and golf-ball sized modak. So, while he means well and gives with passion, we must refuse and look for alternatives for Annika, such as the fresh steamed idlis.

Speaking of food, she was confused with breakfast. She was offered milk and plain tea biscuits. “Why am I getting snacks for breakfast?” Then, we had bata-poha (potatoes cooked with rice flakes and spices). She looked a bit confused. “Is this lunch or breakfast?” She’s used to milk and muffins.

Another unusual aspect of Indian lifestyle for Annika is the bedtime. She’s always slept at 8-9 pm. Actually, she’s had to stay on a schedule to get adequate sleep; if she went to bed late, she would be overstimulated, cranky and wake up every few hours. Until she was four, she couldn’t sleep late. Anyway, this is unheard of in India where toddlers are wide-awake and partying at 11 p.m. Folks are eating dinner at 10 p.m. So, obviously, Annika’s loving staying past her bedtime. We’re on vacation and schedules are out the window!

Here’s two more funny observations from Annika. She told me she saw a girl about her age with a nose ring! She was amazed. Up until now, she’s only seen the teen and coed childcare attendants and dance teachers with facial piercings. I could see she was excited. I remember when I was 11, my grandfather suggested I have my nose-pierced and I was horrified! No way could I return to school with a freaking nose ring. My mom has a nosering and I've seen the questioning she's received; she's proud of it and doesn't care. Now, my little girl is sitting here contemplating how old she needs to be to have it done.

Then, when we were in the car, she noticed another girl in an adjacent car who sitting in the front seat. “There’s another little girl there. She’s looking at me.” Yep, get used to it. People keep staring at you for no reason. I don’t get that. Actually, I noticed this staring business among desis started on the plane itself.

We went to the Atria mall in Mumbai and I’m so embarrassed of our local mall. This one has neon lights, skylights and large windows and funky elevators. Granted, this is the high-end mall with a Rolls-Royce showroom and designer stores. However, the food court is to die for mix of Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Pizza and Pasta. You can get nachos as well as fried potato skin chaat. I had paneer rolled in toasted bread (khati roll). OK – I will take more pictures of the food.

Birds are waking up as is the city. (I've been awake since 5:30).

Are We There Yet?

Technically, I’ve been on vacation since Friday Dec 21st at 12:45pm. However, my true vacation started Thursday Dec 27th at 2:45 a.m. Since then, my vacation has included:
- Returning to the office to troubleshoot a problem that didn’t exist a month ago when everything was fine. We applied a band-aid to something that requires a biopsy.
- Facing airport congestion at night to pick up my sister on Dec 21st , also known as the busiest travel day of 2007.
- An overflowed toilet in between a day of hectic Christmas shopping and a party
- A leaky ceiling in my living room and dining room and a drenched area rug, courtesy of the clogged toilet
- Spending Monday waiting for the plumber and forcing schedule to control mine. By the way, I had a leaky garbage disposal on Monday and had a quite a time finding a good plumber. Thankfully, now I have one.
- Annika ingesting a bit of Christmas candy, which I had thought was a Crunch. Unfortunately it was a Butterfinger and she had an allergic reaction. We were to leave for the airport at 4:30 and this was at 4 pm. I ran to CVS and bought full bottle of Benedryl, Pepto-Bismo, Dramamine, sanitized wipes and ginger ale. She ended up vomiting, which was very good – her body needs to release the toxicity. The fact that it was in the car on the way to the airport had us freaked out. How will she do on a 17-hour flight?

- Have I mentioned that my husband has been in India all this week and I’ve been in “single mom mode”?

Now the Good News
At a friend’s Christmas party, I was relaying my woes to friends. One of them assured me that I had the “network” like on those Verizon commercials. There is a whole group of people behind me and I just need to tap into it. And, that is so true.

This week, I’ve relied on friends from helping me to negotiate with plumbers to supporting me on the phone to helping me select clothes and pack my bags. Even if they didn’t do anything but simply offered to drive to the airport or had Annika over for a playdate while I ran errands, it meant a lot to me.

Most of all, my family has been fabulous.. that’s not even the word I want. Supercalifragalisticexpialidocious is better. (Lots of “Mary Poppins” on ABC Family this week)

Having my sister around this weekend really helped me in so many ways as she stayed calm while I was frantic, which was unusual given our personalities. My father came when he heard about the ceiling and advised me on the toilet/plumber. I know he wanted to yell at me for not calling him earlier, but he stayed very calm and spoke nicely. Mom was there in the car aiding Annika during her reaction. And, my brother was ready to help out any way he could, especially at the airport. We were a tag team with a game plan and roles – we moved quite quickly and efficiently.

By the way, Annika’s health was perfect on the plane. As soon as we sat down, her appetite returned and she was back to normal.

I think my greatest lesson from this week has been that I can’t do it alone. When all conditions are steady, it’s not a problem. My husband has traveled a lot over the years and it hasn’t been an issue. However, when you throw in preparing for Christmas and India trip, it becomes more stressful. Then, add a leaky house and child with allergic reactions, it is downright insane to do it alone.

I’ve been called “supermom” by a lot of my friends, and I don’t like it. We can’t be supermom. I just read a quote from a psychiatrist that people are like ducks – seem calm and serene as they’re floating on the water, but underneath, they’re paddling like hell to stay afloat. This is exactly how I felt.

So my lesson this week is that part of being strong is asking for help.

The biggest, warmest, heartfelt gratitude to everyone who was there this week!

Christmas, Cultures, Quilting and Other Alliterations

My radio is always tuned to NPR and I woke up gently to the program "Living on Earth," which featured a Christmas special with Carribbean storytellers. It's always a delight to hear a writer speak because many at heart are such colorful storytellers. Every word from Yvette Brandy is lyrical, but she starts singing about the island Christmas: "For me Christmas is—you wake in the morning to scratch bands singing and dancing and they're singing, 'Good morning, good morning, I come from a guava berry! Good morning, good morning, put it on the table.'"

I've enjoyed Esmeralda Santiago stories about being a Puerto Rican immigrant. When I heard Santiago's memory of writing letters to the Three Kings who bring gifts for the children, I was touched. Santiago told it from the child's point of view, but it reached you from the parent's perspective.

The last storyteller was Ken Corsbie, who described ways to eat a mango. His style reminded me of my father's storytelling technique - anecdotal humor with a punch. (Side note: my father is quote known and respected in the Gujarati literary community.. we are working on his blog site for next year!)

Aside from the delightful stories, I enjoyed the diversity of it. We're so used to the Christmases of Paula "add more butter and bacon, y'all" Dean and Martha Stewart, where everything is proper and perfectly tied together in a satin bow from "my own collection available on my website". The majority of the world's population doesn't know what a cranberry is. Santiago talked about fresh oregano, rosemary, and herbs that grow wild on the islands. Brandy talked about dancing and revelling in carnival celebrations. Generally speaking, people living in warm or hot climates have a more laid back attitude on life. I suppose those that have to prepare and survive cold winters have to be more focused.

A comment I heard the other day about Martha Stewart (on NPR, of course) resonated with me this morning. She was raised in Polish-American family in Nutley, NJ. Somehow, she's been able to create herself into the ultimate CT Yankee. There's something to be said about identity. This is a country of immigrants, and everyone is extremely proud of their heritage. I remember my cousin visiting from India was struck how people called themselves Italian and German, yet they've lived in US for generations and never went to Italy or Germany.

However, is that part of the American fabric -- we come in with different colors, but we weave ourselves into one? Martha's makeover is similar to Louisiana Governor-elect Bobby Jindal. Indian-Americans are proud of one of their own making it, yet with resentment. They see his conversion from Hinduism to Catholicism as an abandonment. For every Martha Stewart and Bobby, there are lots more Martha Kostyras and Piyush Jindals. Shouldn't the American fabric really be a colorful quilt instead?

I'm extremely excited to see how comfortable my daughter is with her Indian and American identities. She lacks the embarrassment I did at her age. I wouldn't talk about the food I ate at home because it was too complicated to explain. My daughter proudly lists "laddoo" as her favorite food (her teacher had emailed me kindly asking for more information about it). She talks about going to her Balvihar classes for culture and religion, just as freely as Rachel does about her Hebrew classes.

Listening to these stories this morning made me realize how important it is for immigrants to keep memories of the "islands" and their own homelands alive.

Closer to India & Anthony Bourdain

My India trip is nearing and I wanted to follow up on my previous posts and my readers' comments.

We recently went to see Anthony Bourdain speak in Philadelphia and got a signed copy of his book, "No Reservations. " This book is a collection of photographs and commentary of his global travels. Here is an excerpt of his thoughts on India, which I think are quite accurate:

"There are two types of visitors to India: There are those who quickly find themselves frustrated, irritated, frightened of the food and water, intimated by the great masses of humanity, overwhelmed by the all-too-evident poverty, ground down by the heat and the crowds, perplexed by the behavior of Indians..."

"Others, like me, are charmed... You have to redefine words like 'beautiful,' 'magnificent,' and 'gorgeous' when you travel through India... I love India. I just don't know whether I can handle India. Whether I can wrap my tiny brain around its past, its present or its future. "

By the way, Bourdain's speech and question/answer session was such a blast. We had awesome seats in 2nd row and felt very close to him. He's exactly the same in person - open, politically incorrect, easy going, and friendly, though he spent a bit of time bashing vegetarians and Rachel Ray. At the time, I could not think of a question to ask him. Later in the day, I had my "esprit d'escalier" - French phrase for the witty afterthought that hits you on the staircase. My comments for him were regarding vegetarians. He feels they are rude because they refuse to eat certain foods and it can be disrespectful in cultures where a poor family proudly gives you the only pork or rodent they have. You can't refuse. I can respect that. However, I don't think that should be targeted to vegetarians only, but to any closed-minded person. I know people who would happily eat a whole pig on a stick, but a plate of hummus freaks them out.

The coolest part of Bourdain is that he does all the stuff typical Western travel show hosts do not do. In India, he's sitting on top of a bus with all the common folks.. he and his camera crew indulged in bhang. He wears his sense of freedom on his sleeve.

Motherhood - On the Job Training: Dis-Enchanted

I wanted to keep this post separate from my review of the movie "Enchanted"

When Annika and I went to buy our tickets, I gave the attendant 2 free movie passes we had. The attendant looked at Annika and asked, "How old is she? Is she four years old?"

I said, "Uh, yeah she is." She is a bit smaller than most American kids. The attendant looked 16 years old and would've believed me if I said she was 3.

"Ok, then." and he gave me one movie pass BACK and the two tickets for the show. How cool is that!

We went inside and I led Annika to the concession stand since I had promised her popcorn. We waited in line for half a second before she started.

"Mommy, why did you LIE to the man? You LIED and said I was 4. It's not good to LIE. Why did you LIE?"

I bent down and whispered, "I'll tell you later."

"But you're not supposed to LIE, but you did." She seemed to get louder.

I whispered a bit more fiercely, "Annika, keep quiet and I'll tell you later. You want the kid's size popcorn, right?" I changed the topic, and it worked.

Sigh.

All the cliches are true. Kids watch your every move and at this age, they'll call you on it. Also, I've always been quite (ridiculously) honest and used to question my parents all the time. My mom used to say, "We have Gandhi living in our house or what??"

So, it comes full circle, doesn't it?

I don't feel I compromised my morals or cheated the million dollar movie industry; in fact, I paid $5 for 1.5 cup of popcorn, 5 oz drink and a "fun size" bag of Skittles!

On Monday, I approached a colleague, who has raised 3 children, for advice. Her suggestion was that I need to redeem myself in Annika's eyes. So, the next time I receive an extra dime in change or something, I should make it a big production as I return it. She pointed out her 20-something son recently questioned her actions when she scolded him on the same point.

Newsflash -- it doesn't end.

I've worked so hard to be the one Annika relies on for straight forward answers. I'd like to help her guide her moral compass. At this age, kids need black and white answers. It's hard to discuss those areas of grey.

She also caught me complaining about a Christmas card (a preprinted business type card without personalization). I said, "That's it?" or something to that effect.

She said, "How can you say that? [This person] worked hard to send the card."

I told her, "You're right. I was just teasing."

"You were?"

"Yes, and if they were here, I would tease them and say the same thing!" Whew.. caught my balance back quickly then.

Anyway, I'm loving this little person in my life. I think I'm just the pitcher, but she's throwing curveballs right back at me!

Movie Review: Enchanted

My daughter and I went to see "Enchanted" yesterday and we had such a blast. As a "princess mom", I'm intimately acquainted with many of the Disney stories. If there's a feminine character with a tiara in it, even with a fishtail or as an ogre, we've got it. For my own Princess, she recognized a lot of similarities and had fun with it.

I loved the tongue-in-cheek approach the movie took toward Princess stories. Annika and I both laughed a lot, and she did a loud "eeeyyouuu" at one kissing scene.

Patrick Dempsey is always delightful to watch, so no complaints here, but I think his role could've been better. The character for Nancy was not as developed as it should've been and threw away actress Idina Menzel; she played Maureen in "Rent". Even Annika commented on that.

Amy Adams was really good because she captured the wide-eyed innocence and she transformed from an animated character to a human. Kinda sucks to be James Marsden because he got jilted at the alter in "The Notebook" too!

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Nods to other Princess movies (Spoilers!)

Sleeping Beauty: Living in the round house in the woods. Singing with the animals. Transforming objects into a human form. The evil queen turns herself into a dragon at the end. Magical swords. Magic kiss to break the spell. Prince Edward is pretty much modeled after Prince Philip, who doesn't do much but sing and talk about true love at first sight (or first hearing as it is).
Cinderella: Giselle calls upon the animals to help her clean, scrub the floors and get dressed (tie bows). Lost shoes.
Snow White: poison apples, evil queen, dwarf references, Magic kiss to break the spell.
Beauty & The Beast: I was dying with laughter when Giselle was singing in Central Park, just like Belle. And, the final ballroom scene is just like B & B where the camera swirls around the couple exactly the same way! Plus, Robert is donning a blue suit just the Beast. The last scene on top of the building is similar to the B&B as well. In the Central Park dance scene there's someone dressed in belly dancer outfit with a candelabra on her head (oh, Lumiere, wherefore art thou for an elaborate dance sequence!)
The Little Mermaid: While surfing for photos, I learned that Jodi Benson who was the voice of Ariel played the secretary and if you listened carefully, "Part of Your World" is playing in the background. The whole fish tank thing is a tribute to Little Mermaid.
Aladdin: The only similarity I could see besides the belly dancing candelabra, was Giselle brushing her hair in front of a mirror. Jasmine tends to do that often ; really, what else can she do all locked up in the palace?
Shrek: Big, green, booger-faced ogre muttering "true love"
The Princess Diaries: Julie Andrews is the narrator. Of course.

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If you've seen the movie and know of anymore let me know. It is inevitable that we will be buying the DVD for this. It's just sweet and charming, and it's great to see a movie with Annika. I think 6 is a perfect age for this movie. Any younger, then some of the irony would've gone over their heads.

Anyway, here's a parting shot of Patrick .. never hurts a blog.

Chak De India!

Just a few more weeks until we are in India!

This is exciting for me because it seems my destiny for trips to India are on a 10 year cycle. Once I left in 1971, I've returned 1980, 1987, 1997, and now 2007! My husband had gone 3 times without me because of the circumstances; I was pregnant, daughter was too young or his trip was last minute and I couldn't schedule it.

I really love going to India, and I know a lot of Indians are skeptical of my claims. When I landed last time, I felt like I was home. People thought I was full of it. I could see their thoughts: Please, you're an ABCD. NJ is home for you.

India has an undeniable power.

When we went to India when I was 11, we stayed for 5 months. We lived like regular Indian kids -- running around the streets of my father's small town, playing with goats (no donkeys, though - you stay away from the donkeys!), drinking and eating everything that was handed to us -- sherbets of all colors of the rainbow. We roamed the neighborhoods of Ahmedabad with our cousins and went for ice cream at every occasion. We saw lots of Hindi films and ate popcorn and masala chips.

We returned to the US very tan, sick, emaciated and malaria-ridden and had trouble adjusting in school after being out so long. Lovely.

What I enjoyed the most about India is the unabashedly open reception. I learned what family really meant that first summer. There are no formalities about who you are to them. (I wrote a little about this experience in My Own Elizabethtown.) There are downsides to that though, such as lack of privacy and how people think you're entitled to heed their comments about your life or your body. I know we've all been made quite miserable at some point or another.

At 6, my daughter is at an excellent age for this trip. My sister made her first trip around the same time and her memories are very strong. However, I'm a bit nervous about my daughter's first trip there. She's a pampered princess from the suburbs. She cringed when we went to Chinatown in NYC and was overwhelmed by the people.

My friends and family in Mumbai live the cosmopolitan life, so I know we'll be comfortable and quite sanitized there. Yet, everything in India is open - especially the poverty. My sister and I have cried in the car from the airport upon seeing the poverty. I'm worried about myself. I've always been close to children and wanted to help every one there. Now, as a mother, how will I be able to react to children knocking on the car window or tugging on my skirt for alms? I'm taking deep breaths now.

I was greatly inspired on my last visit by my cousin and her husband. We were at a temple, and when the children came to beg, they took them to the dining area and made sure they were fed. We all had pulled over to eat at the side of the road, and a poor man was walking. They quickly prepared a plate for him. By the way, I was aghast that after a whole group finished eating on paper plates, they dumped the trash on the side of the road!! (Two points for Humanity, minus one point for the Environment)

Like all my India trips, I know this will be just as exciting. By the way, we're looking to get internet hook up at home, so hopefully I'll be able to post while I'm gone for three weeks. Also,I haven't had a three week vacation since I started this job 6 years ago! So, just the aspect of not being at work for 3 weeks is very exciting as well!

Now, if anyone has any favorite Mumbai spots, please let me know:
- shopping (not looking for Bollywood glam..reasonably priced with classic styles)
- restaurants/clubs (yes, looking for Bollywood glam! Finding John Abraham would be the best!)
- spas and salons
- any other must-see

We're hoping to hit Ahmedabad and Goa, as well.

Also, if you've traveled with children before and have any caveats, I'd like to know too. Yes, we will be staying away from rainbow-colored sherbets and have our sunscreen and malaria prescriptions!

Feel free to email me directly with any of the above.