Thursday, January 26, 2006

On the Job Training: Motherhood 10 - Mean Kids

I should be going to bed, but I need to sort this out.

Why are kids mean? You are 4 years old, 5 tops. What are you - 35lbs? 40 because you eat mac/cheese every night? Why do you have to burp in my daughter's face? Why do you have to push and tease? Why do you need to throw dirt in her hair?

She's talking to me slowly about things, and I want to make sure I keep the conversation flowing. My mom would jump to conclusions and act upon them, and we learned it was better to keep it to ourselves. It's too early for that.

She's missing her daddy who's travelling. So, I think that's one emotional sore spot. For the man who swears she's "Mommy's Girl" there's no denying Daddy is her man.

So, maybe she's more vulnerable and sensitive these days.

In my other blog about Finding Neverland, I said it's great because you're reliving your childhood through your children. On the other hand, you're reliving your childhood through your children.

When she told me Gianna punched her in the stomach, I was shocked. I've seen Gianna and she's very disobedient. Her mother was talking to the teacher and Gianna was touching decorations, knocking over things - all in 5 minutes. The mom tried to control her, but I don't know. I heard Gianna gets in trouble all the time.

So, I asked her "Do you punch her back?" And she said, "No, you're not allowed to hit."

Ok. Fine.

Now, my plan is for her to scream at the top of her lungs "GO AWAY!" or yell "NO" and not be afraid. I've given her the role model -- Kim Possible -- who always kicks Evil butt. She liked that idea. And, I've also told her not to cry because that's what they want to see (said the woman who cries during Campbell Soup commercials)

There's also an Indian boy in her class, Satyam. He's been a challenge too. I talked to the teacher about it back in November, and she agreed. He seems to like her and will be a little physical with her. The teacher said sometimes she's laughing and having fun. But, then he'll crossover and get too rough. Then, it's a big issue. So, the good thing is that the teachers are aware and try to keep them separate as much.

Great, so now she's met her first Indian guy who sending her mixed signals. (I'm sure there will be many more in her future.)

Girls definitely put an emphasis on the social aspect of going to school. She tells me "Janice told me to wear this shirt." (Excuse me? does Janice do the laundry around here? I don't think so)

Positive side: There is a new girl Jessie and the teacher said the two have become quite close. A was very friendly and inviting, and Jessie's mom mentioned it to me. (I had no idea who her child was, but it turns out she's a part timer). Seeing that A was the new kid 4 months ago, I know it's important.

Tomorrow's pajama day at school. And, we have jeans day at work. (I hope I can keep that straight and not show up in my pajamas to work!)

**** Addendum ****
I watched 20/20 last night with a box of tissues. They had a mother/daughter special with all types of interviews.

Deborah Tannen talked about communication between mothers/daughters. She said daughters will hide things from their mother when they know they'll disapprove. (Yep, I know I did that). So, I'm going to try to be nonjudgmental. And, it's funny how the moms said everything they do for their daughters is out of love for them, while the daughters just hear criticisms. I know that's the way it's been for my mother and me. God, I can't believe I had to be a mother to finally "get" my mother. I still don't agree with her and think she could've done things differently, but now I understand her motivations.

By the way, even if nothing in the world makes you cry, this certainly would - Erin Kramp's Story. As she was dying of cancer, she videotaped life lessons and stories for her daughter to view as she grew up. To know that your daughter will not have you there is unbearable.

Anyway, I got some poems out of watching the show - will post them later. There was a quote I once read - If there are no tears in the writer, there are no tears in the reader. So, be warned, there were lots of tears.


3 comments:

Sirensongs: Indologist At Large said...

Thanks IndigoB!
Thanks for viewing and your kind comments. Now running to catch the bus to the bus to the train to Madras. More later!

Lisa said...

thanks so much for coming to my blog and leaving your comments. It sounds like we have been sharing a lot of the same emotions lately. Being a mom can be so gut wrenching, can't it??

Janeofalltrades said...

"Great, so now she's met her first Indian guy who sending her mixed signals. (I'm sure there will be many more in her future.)"

It's good to have a mom who understands that and is prepared for it :-) My mother despite her lack of training in the "confused desi boys" department does a fairly good job of understanding that it can be rough out there.