Monday, July 04, 2011

Forgive and Forget.. what are other options?

I've had to face a situation with someone who hurt me and a number of loved ones. After that painful period, I vowed never to see this person, and it's been fine for about 6 years or so. I never forgave this person, as I chose to forget them. This makes it much easier for all to move on with our lives. Just cut the tree branch that keeps poking you in the face.

However, a situation came up recently where this person had to be acknowledged, not because of their own merit but due to family connections. Not only did this person need to be acknowledged, but I had to interact with them on a personal level. I objected to this and was becoming emotional as anger that was buried was rising to the surface. All of my arguments were shot down - "Be the bigger person." "It's family..we have to." I was bitter and hard all the way to the front door, remembering more reasons why to distrust this person. I wanted to be as disrespectful as I could because they didn't deserve it. "Be the bigger person." Fine. If I can't forgive.. and I can't forget.. all I can do is fake it. I'll be so big and generous that they'll be shocked.

Anyone who knows me that I am horrible at being fake. My emotions fly to my face before my mind even registers it, and then I'm left to reign in the situation with my words. Therefore, I knew the "faking" part was going to be tough.

Yet we survived the situation and faking it was not needed. This person was nervous as well, but respectful of my guards that I kept.

This was one of the those situations in life one must face with the right attitude. As I mentioned earlier, this was out of family obligation because one person really wanted this to happen. And, someone else loves this person, which was the biggest push for me. I realized that love for multiple people is greater than the hurt and anger I feel for this one person. And, it was that love and desire to please those important people that made me "bigger" and the anger become smaller.

It's still not perfect revelation.I have still not forgiven this person because I don't believe there's any recognition or remorse for the wrong doing. I have not forgotten the person or the pain, which needs to shrivel into a raisin.I won't need to meet this person again in the near future, though I can see situations that may call for interaction eventually.  

No comments: