Monday, November 24, 2008

On Our Own

My husband is on an extended trip, a mix of business and personal. In the meantime, I'm in "single mom mode," holding down the fort. I start by alerting everyone at work that I'm leaving promptly every day, cannot come onsite over the weekend, etc. Family and friends extend warm invitations to come over and call if I need anything. However, she and I are better off with our daily straight forward routine.

After this weekend, I'm exhausted. People think that my chores and household duties must've lessened with my husband away. In fact, they haven't. I have my daughter's lessons and social calendar to attend to on weekends. Then, I try to sneak my errands in between her activities, since I've pretty much lost my lunch hour these days due to workload. So, now I'm driving all over town. I also have the usual managing the household activities, maintaining the same level of effort, if not more. Work is demanding as well, and I often need to work at night. Plus, we're leaving on vacation so I'm shopping, packing and booking.

I had a few thoughts about women who are truly single mothers, not a temporary state like myself. First of all, people should realize that women won't call for help - unless the house is truly or potentially on fire. When you're working towards being self-sufficient, you won't think to sway and you may not have time or want to impose. If someone else comes to you first, you may welcome it.

Having a support network would be the most important. On a day like today, I needed to be in two places at the same time. This would've been an instance where I would've asked my husband to do the drop off and I could do a pick up.

The key to managing on your own is managing your priorities and maintaining a routine. Once the routine is interrupted, it's difficult to get back on track.

I've been watching "Real Housewives of Atlanta," and I'm jelaous. No, not of the diamonds, the designer shoes, clothes and boobs. I'm jealous of the women with a house staff - personal chef, household managers! That's divine.


Anonymous said...

I wish I had a household staff too....and my husband didn't even take a trip somewhere.
Happy Thanksgiving and good luck with everything.

Anonymous said...

I am a "Real Single Mom" and that too and Indian living in the US. I am also a full-time student. And I don't have a life of my own. It revolves around my daughter, my school and my legal matters [I am in the middle of a messy divorce].

Count your blessings.....


Anonymous said...

Sagi -
I hope you have people who can support you through this period. Divorce is always messy and painful. It's ok to ask for help - you shouldn't have to manage everything alone. You'll find some people are ready and willing to help when you ask.

And, remember, bad times end just like good times!

Anonymous said...

thanks ashini for your kind words, but i don't have my parents or any family here [except one]. i miss them so much, and it is tough handling everything all alone. i don't miss my abusive husband at all, but i do miss my daughter not having a father around, especially when she sees all her other friends raving and ranting about their dads. i have been separated since so long, i have forgotten about what a 'complete family' is like. and to think of it, the only ambition/wish/dream i had in my life was to have a loving husband and a very happy married life.....
i am not writing this to generate any pity towards me, on the contrary, i m proud of myself to have had to courage to walk out of an abusive relationship.
but i do wish i had more family and more help in this situation....

the other thing i noticed is that i can talk more openly to the Americans than our own Indians here as they are not judgemental and more open to my condition than an Indian. divorce is still a 'taboo' in our culture. so, it is tough to ask for any sort of help from an indian friend.

and yes, i do believe that there is a light at the end of a tunnel.....

thanks once again,

Anonymous said...

Sagi -

You're right about the divorce being taboo and still a new thing for people to deal with. However, there are more and more people getting divorced in our community.

I do hope you still keep faith in yourself as well as others and know there are good people out there. It's very easy to turn bitter after this situation.

It's great that you are a student and your daughter will be seeing the results, as well as the decisions and actions you're taking in your own life.

(email me directly offline)