As I near my birthday, I realize another year has gone by and I
become wistful..
pensive..
exasperated..
frustrated..
depressed.
I start
realizing my own mortality and how the years have escaped me. And, the
road ahead seems shorter than it used to look when I was 30. Where's my
legacy, my notable career achievements, my great novel, or at least a
considerable following for my blog. (
While I love having 8 followers of
my blog.. it's just 8. I've seen really lame blogs have hundreds of
followers.. what am I doing wrong, aside from not posting enough?). I
was supposed to have the svelte figure, Michelle Obama arms, and the ability to run a
half marathon (
it seems everyone is doing that on Facebook. I didn't
even know some of these people owned sneakers let alone could hold their
own in a race!) So, recently I've been wallowing in my despair and
allowing these dreams to fall like deflated balloons. It feels like the
road ahead is a lot shorter than the road behind me. Yeah even if you live to
100, but you're not really doing too much at that point. Physically your body craps out and you can't do anything but worry about your hip and not falling down.
Then Nora Ephron died this week. They've been playing her interviews and
she was speaking on NPR:
"You do get to a certain point in life where you have to realistically, I
think, understand that the days are getting shorter, and you can't put
things off thinking you'll get to them someday," she says. "If you
really want to do them, you better do them. There are simply too many
people getting sick, and sooner or later you will. So I'm very much a
believer in knowing what it is that you love doing so you can do a great
deal of it."
For Ephron, there was a moment that helped bring that realization
vividly home. She was with friends, playing a round of "What would your
last meal be?" (Her pick, by the way: a Nate & Al's hot dog.)
"But
(my friend) Judy was dying of throat cancer, and she said, 'I can't
even have my last meal.' And that's what you have to know is, if you're
serious about it, have it now," Ephron says. "Have it tonight, have it
all the time, so that when you're lying on your deathbed you're not
thinking, 'Oh I should have had more Nate & Al's hot dogs.'"
NPR
calls these "driveway moments." This is when you sit in the car and
can't get out because you're engrossed with the radio story. So you sit
in the driveway until the story is completed. I had my "parking lot
moment" with Ephron. Yes, I need to do it now. There's no more waiting until tomorrow or next week or next month. I need to move the clutter in my
life and do the things I love. (Hence, the blog post at midnight)
My
second epiphany came during my art class on Wednesdays. I've been
taking art class since Sept (shoot, I haven't even blogged about it and
it's been life changing for me! I owe a blog about that one!). So, Jenn
is my instructor and she said 2 ladies from her senior citizens
class would attend the evening class this summer. So, I've met two lovely
ladies named Helen. I remembered them from Jenn's story about the two Helen's painting
each others work because it was signed "Helen". These two ladies are
full of stories, opinions and light-hearted banter.
Helen #1 is early 70's, thick, light brown hair
cut short and a ready smile. She's elegant and has a face full of soft wrinkles, but a
strong body. Since the art class uses on of the dance studios, Helen
went to the ballet barre and showed us the 5 positions and included a
plie. Then she swung her leg over the barre! Helen #2 teased her by
calling her a 'show off'. Helen keeps extremely busy - she's active as a
Township Supervisor, a number of quilting and arts group, has her
swimming club and will be leaving for Okinowa to see her granddaughter have a baby in few weeks. She offered to buy her grandson a
ticket provided he join her, and they plan to stay in hostels and eat
local food.She's also going to be riding in a car for the July 4th parade
representing the township.
In
those soft lines on her face, I see so much enthusiasm for life. Aging
gracefully doesn't mean you don't have lines on your face. It means you
accept the life you're leading and continue looking for new adventures.
Helen
#2 is probably the same age and is a larger African American woman.
She's a retired nurse and her husband died and he was in police force, I
believe. She's got white hair cropped short and an animated facial expressions. Her arms and bosom are big and you know those are the best kind for hugging grandbabies! (yes, I've seen pictures and the little girl
has her nose). Physically, she has trouble moving but she's busy with
her senior groups and cooking for potlucks. (Helen #1 said she was
bringing a 5 cheese lasagna and then confessed it was Stauffers'. Hey,
you don't have to do it ALL!.)
She's a perfectionist in her art and gets frustrated so
easily. She showed us her album of artwork she's done and I was stunned.
Painting after painting was done beautifully. There must have been over
10 paintings in her album, and I'm sure there have been more that
weren't in there. My one acrylic 10x8 takes me 4 classes to finish. These are large canvas paintings that must take hours. I thought "wow, she had time to
work on these and make them so perfect." That's when I saw how many
years ahead I had, and saw that Helen was taking advantage of what years
she did have.
All
my panic about running out of time faded. The Helens reminded me there is a lot that can be
done in the time that remains. But I need to do it and not dwell on it.
And like Nora reminded me, you need to enjoy every day because life is
so short. 
